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Eskimohorn

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Everything posted by Eskimohorn

  1. To pile on: Imagine if Kevin’s family was polite and well-mannered. How the hell is the audience supposed to believe everyone slept in, forgot Kevin, and didnt realize it until they were over the Atlantic Ocean? In 2022 the movie would be called “Home Alone 4” as in by himself for 4 minutes before the family retrieved him then left for an international flight 4 hours before departure.
  2. Movies like Home Alone and Sixteen Candles, are morality tales, not blueprints. You’re not supposed to pattern yourself after the brother that is crude or the parents who forgot their children. They’re the environment that the protagonist has to overcome. Something to scorn and mock. See Kevin’s brother’s girlfriend? Woof! And mother’s storyline was interesting because all she did in an attempt to redeem herself. She f’d up. Realized her mistake. And did everything she could to get back. Its called good storytelling. Home Alone is rated PG as in Parental Guidance recommended. You need to understand the movie before you show it to kids. You need to be able to articulate what it’s trying to do. Dont think you do, even if you are father of the year. With that being said, kids were more functional in the 80’s and 90’s than they are now, especially boys. And its not even close. Kevin was a boss, overcame the dysfunction of his family (very typical of large families), demonstrated intelligence and bravery.
  3. A 2022 movie in a 2002-2020 list probably wouldnt deserve a mention except that it was thrilling to see a movie like that in a crowded theater. Now that theater is closed (Arbor).
  4. I liked the Wolf if Wall Street, but it was overly long. You could probably cut 30 minutes and not miss a beat. Not as fat as the Irishman.
  5. I got Layer Cake as comedish more than thriller. The sequences where he’s about to get laid by the smokin Sienna Miller only to be abducted, the annoying girlfriend, Daniel Craig’s crackin jokes throughout, lots of dry humor, lots of elements of a thriller but misdirection.
  6. In what could be the last golden age of films, screened in theaters where strangers sit together and immerse themselves in stories, I’ve outlined this past era’s best works of art. This era is sandwiched between 9/11 and COVID. Unless something changes, this past era will be the last where movies are enjoyed primarily in public. Probably left off a bunch, especially in some of the niche categories and international movies. It's indicative that I've watched them multiple times. If you disagree, make your own damn list. I've obviously had a bunch of time to kill. Technical Marvels In the age of lazy CGI, these movies spent extra time to film live action to great effect. Their diligence paid off as these movies will stand the test of time. Good to see craft captured on screen. You’ll see less and less of this, since it costs a lot of time and effort when compared with CGI. And less and less viewers care. Master & Commander (2003)* Mad Max: Fury Road (2015) Honorable Mention – 1917, Dunkirk, The Revenant, King Kong, Birdman, LOTR Two Towers All-Time Villains These movies were dominated by outstanding villains, all-time assholes, who you loved to see on-screen and even agreed with some of the time. Now, if you overlooked the other 66%, then you’re also a sociopath. Gangs of New York (2002) The Departed (2006) There Will Be Blood (2007) No Country for Old Men (2007) Whiplash (2014) Christopher Nolan Category The Prestige (2006) The Dark Knight (2008) Inception (2010) Honorable Mention: Interstellar (Didn’t stick the landing) Comedy-ish Straight-up comedies are rare. This era is dominated by genre-busters. Notice not a lot of recent additions. Adaptation (2002) Elf (2003) Layer Cake (2004) Tropic Thunder (2008) Inglourious Basterds (2009) Honorable Mention: The Nice Guys, Jojo Rabbit, Game Night, The Big Short, Hot Fuzz, The Hangover, Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, Superbad, Scott Pilgrim vs the World, Thank You for Smoking, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, Anchorman, 40-Year Old Virgin Sci-Fi Children of Men (2006)* Honorable Mention: Blade Runner 2049, Edge of Tomorrow, District 9, Serenity Thriller-ish / Immersion Very strong category. Some unbelievable movies here. The Pianist (2002)* The Aviator (2004) Munich (2005) Zodiac (2007) 127 Hours (2010) Tinker, Tailor, Solider, Spy (2011) The Martian (2015) Honorable Mention: Captain Phillips, Sicario, History of Violence, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, American Gangster, Gone Baby Gone, Collateral, Zero Dark Thirty Comics Well, none I’d say are masterpieces, but some are close. They’re beating a dead horse now, but these are interesting or at least before they've been mass produced over and over again. Honorable Mention: Deadpool & Deadpool 2, Iron Man, Thor: Ragnorak, X-Men: Days of Future Past, Watchmen, 300 Monsters Another strong category. Some impressive movies here, that also bend genres. 28 Days Later…(2002) Shawn of the Dead (2004) Zombieland (2009) What We Do in the Shadows (2014) Honorable Mention: Dawn of the Dead, A Quiet Place Westerns Probably missed some. I’m not a huge fan of the genre. Outside of The Searchers and Spaghetti Westerns, I don’t care for ones made before Unforgiven. Since then, we’ve had some interesting looks. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford (2007) Honorable Mention: Open Range, True Grit Sports Also, probably missed some gimmes. And, these tend to illicit strong emotions. Sorry. Seabiscuit (2003)* Moneyball (2011) Honorable Mention: Friday Night Lights, Cinderella Man Toons Pixel has changed the game. Probably missed tons here. The Incredibles (2004) Honorable Mention: Team America: World Police, Coco*, Fantastic Mr. Fox, The Lego Movie Talkies/Romcoms/Dramas/Misc Tried to avoid Oscar-bait films here. These might need some seasoning before getting into Classic category. All could be iffy. Lost in Translation (2003) Love Actually (2003) Pride & Prejudice (2005) Walk the Line (2005) Frost/Nixon (2008) The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008)* Milk (2008) The Social Network (2010) Midnight in Paris (2011) Lincoln (2012) Inside Llewyn Davis (2013) Brooklyn (2015) Phantom Thread (2017) Sound of Metal (2019) * Triggers allergies
  7. We spend like 100 trill on defense over the years and the Olive Garden crowd is allowed to storm the Capitol. It undermines the whole purpose of Defense. It was like the 2021 Texas defense allowing 10 yd cushions on 4th and 1 and allowing off tackle runs for 10 yds a pop. It’s like have you seen our defensive tackles? They’re the strength of the team. Let them do some damage!!!
  8. The Dems gave the world a stimulus package to cause global inflation? The Dems sided with big business to consolidate global markets, gut antitrust law, and mitigate consumer choice and transparency? Thus, allowing big business to retain inflationary pricing without consequences.
  9. France was putrid most of the game and their scores mostly came from PK’s. It was a dull game up until 2-1. Great game. Yes. Top 3? M’eh
  10. The Thomas J Henry True Detective ones are weird
  11. Take it to CR
  12. Ref with a good call
  13. mbappe!!!!!!
  14. You have to flop with this stupid ref
  15. Really weak officiating. Has no idea whats going on out there
  16. Charmin soft penalties. This ref is a sucker
  17. France looks terible
  18. Family Holiday Classic? If you remove the adult storylines of Laura Linney, “Collin”, Martin Freeman (porn double), and Bill Nighy, you’d still get sexual harassment, infidelity with smokin’ hot assistant, and jealous Rick Grimes. And a bunch of other adult themes. Its an quirky, R-rated, British RomCom. Leave it be and dont show it to kids or grandma. I’d even argue the innocent porn doubles totally belong.
  19. Twitter becoming a scat site is a catastrophe. While Hoopleheads definitely roam as consumers and disseminators of bs, it has featured all of the best journalism, meshed influential opinions, brought people together, and is used heavily to organize activists. It is loathed by authoritarians and large corporations because it democratizes communications and exposes hypocrisy. Its influence ranges from Wall Street stock trending to reporting Mopac traffic patterns. Its loss will not be easy to overcome and its downfall seems inevitable. That it is an American company that will fail is another dick punch.
  20. Excrement. That's what I think of Mr. J. Evans Pritchard. We're not laying pipe, we're talking about boobies. I mean, how can you describe breasts like American Bandstand? I like Jennifer Love Hewitt’s rack, I give them a 42, but I can't dance to it.
  21. Joggers on Town Lake arent gonna grope themselves. They tend to bite if they dont have pepper spray or mace.
  22. I use the J Evans Pritchard scale when comparing the greatness of boobies.
  23. Tom Penders is orange, rested, and ready
  24. Hopefully thats just guff. Twitter turning into a scat site is a disaster similar to the scattering and destruction of the local print press
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