DOGE, in a stunning move, is reversing its normal pare-government -to-the-bone course by establishing a new federal Department of Prayer Entitlement (DOPE)
The new DOPE department seeks to hire pastors from cowboy churches and prosperity ministries to offer thoughts and prayers for victims of mass shootings and other families needing prayer in lieu of government funding. “Fully 10% of the pastors will be assigned to pray for citizens who have lost health insurance, prescription benefits, pensions, homes, employment - and educational benefits for their special needs children - - which is far more pastors than Biden ever employed”, said the new DOPE Director, Paula White, prior to adjusting her push-up bra and then engaging in a 25 minute speaking in tongues episode.
President Trump released a statement this morning saying, “ I’m excited to have these DOPE pastors working for me as head of the executive branch. A lot of people are saying that this makes me the lead pastor…like a Pope…which means I don’t have to pay taxes anymore. Trust me, we will offer the best prayers, the biggest prayers…. Prayers Jesus wishes that he had invented, his being nowhere near as effective as the ones my administration will pray. This also means that anyone sending me money will be able to deduct that from their income taxes as a charitable deduction. Which I believe is the prophecy they talk about in Fourth Corinthians.”