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I've noticed that nobody in Texas is calling for tree trimmers to be back to their home countries in the wake of this storm. We're pulling some guys from our Mueller area project and taking them to Houston later this month to do what can be done over a weekend to help clear limbs. Plus some trucks with some supplies from Aldi. Not a game-changer, but thousands of folks doing stuff like this is what turns the tide. Not government. Meanwhile, look after your neighbor, help is on the way even if the helper looks different (or is fucking insane like me).

From me and Dr. Ronnie Johnson doing blow in the West Wing bathroom at 3am awhile back. You should hear our other conspiracy theories. I mean, when they send those vessels down to the depths of the ocean and film those weird marine-life can live under all that water pressure? Why don't they just grab one with like a hook thing and bring it up here to examine instead of just stare at?

For probably 40 years, I had it in my head there was one guy who was on the losing side of a WS but still got the MVP and I thought it was somebody from of those 70's Dodgers teams that lost like 4WS. A couple years ago, on our Seinfeld thread, we built out the all-time baseball roster from Bronx Bombers mentioned on the show. Biff, some others, and I filled in all 8 positions but couldn't remember a 3B. One brief mention of Clete Boyer, a great Yankee 3b of the 1960's (didn't play great in the post season, but got two rings). So he fills out our Seinfeld/Yankee diamond. Clete's double-play duo partner was Bobby Richardson at 2B. Bobby and Clete are all mustard in the field that series. Bobby smokes the Pirates at the plate, Yanks lose, but Bobby takes home the MVP. I'm 90% sure they tag-teamed the same broad that evening. If only I get find a way to use my completely worthless trivial knowledge of Seinfeld and baseball, I could do some good in this world.

A rote version of it was sent to every Republican Chief of Staff of both the Senate and House members, by Heritage Foundation/Mandate for Leadership. When Heritage mail is sent, it is opened first since donations aren't handled in office. The exact copy was also sent to a number of legislative affairs directors at dozens of federal agencies, departments, federal benches, and embassies. As a warning shot across the bow, they even sent one here to to the Consulate General of Mexico in Austin. Because it has been disseminated to publicly elected officials and our foreign delegation guests, you could FOIA it. Or you could just the fucking website they proudly posted it on.

So much stupid in that platform...we can hash it out between now and the convention. #13? Totally agree with that. Our status as reserve currency is wildly under-appreciated and as such, completely misunderstood by most Americans. But you back out of NATO? That's just the excuse they need to change paper. Historically, the strongest Navy gets to be the bearer or the global reserve currency. We still have the strongest Navy but if nobody feels it can be called upon to protect our allies...they'll stop giving a shit. #7? I like how every "As a student of the Constitution" rant pretty much ends with 2A. Every once in awhile, you'll get a 5A or 6A from a guy in Oakleys half in the bag. I don't think most of these dipshits, even on Capitol Hill, there's more to it. It reminds me of an old officemate I had at an investment bank. We shared space for about two years, helluva nice guy. So we'd go in on Saturdays. And the previous night, it turned out we both made the mistake of watching that movie "Pearl Harbor." I lamented watching the whole fucking movie for three hours. And he was saying he really liked it and thought it was actually too short. Well, turns out his Blockbuster version didn't have the second DVD in it. There's a second half to the Bill of Rights just like there's an annoying fucking second half of 'Pearl Harbor.' You don't have to like it, but you're gonna have to sit through it and learn it. And spoiler alert, at the end of the film credits--------there's 17 more fucking amendments. You don't have to know them all by rote, or even like some of them, but there's not just the fucking first 2. You are not Josh Hartnett, but you are just as stupid.

I've seen a lot of clips of Proud Bois marches. And while the Corps of Cadets have decent uniforms, And say what you want about the Proud Bois silly chinos and masked disguises...the Proud Bois actually do play their instruments as they march. So that's something...

So the Democratic Party could very well split into two giant factions (Biden and Somebody Else). The Republican Party could split into two giant factions (MAGA and traditional GOP). And the last time we had four, robust (not 2% L or Green) political parties was around the time of the Civil War? Yeah, this should be fun. I remember thinking around 2018 when it was apparent the Country Club/Chamber of Commerce Republicans weren't gonna reign in MAGA-nation, and thought---maybe this is how a split occurs. We haven't had one in over a century. But now we're gonna do fucking all four in one summer? And by the way both Democrats and Republicans, who the fuck schedules a national implosion with just a few months to go until election day? I have August passes to Sea World you assholes!

To be fair to the F350 guy, he was gonna buy some supplies to help out those in need but got distracted at the intersection flipping up his Oakleys on the most overcast day in Houston history to post a TikTok video about why the water was brown. We're trying to get some trucks from our Austin terminal out to y'all with supplies, but it's gonna take a few days to work out the supply chain. A lot changed in the last 48 hours, and even if the floodwaters/bayous are favorable, we wanna help but don't wanna get in the way. It's a lot of Aldi products. But we're deferring to HEB since they can do this shit in their sleep. One our domicile logistics higher-ups waited all day to speak with the State of Texas, but apparently they were busy partying overseas or some shit. There isn't much this state can't fuck up from energy to preparedness, but it's always good to see regular Texans marshaling resources to help one another out. All of humanity does it, actually. But we got some really slick looking tractor-trailers ready to roll.

For 150+ years, there have been people of color who've related to conservative principles whether it was social, economic, or foreign relations. Totally understandable. No one color fits into any one box. But voting for Confederate Statues? WTF? Is this just a pissing match to impress MAGA and debase yourself? I mean talk about lowering taxes, revamping criminal justice, removing red tape to help people of color start businesses with annoying government officials. But fucking Civil War monuments? What? I'll berate the point again. When we dissolve governments, we don't immediately turn around and go after the 'foreigners' First we come for the people inside our borders we find of lower worth. The differently colored, women, religious minorities, disabled, LGBTQ, et. al. Even if you've been a loyalist, you'll be given up by somebody else seen as "cleaner." It works almost every time we try it. When I get people in one country to turn one another in for the sake of making our nation great, I can get them to do almost anything else. When the Female, Black, Gay, and Elderly MAGA loyalists lose their freedoms and rights and checks. We've always done it this way. They have no idea what they're doing and how much danger they are in. Purification starts with the ones who think it's a test of honor. When in fact, it's a test of evacuation.

So a dozen lights and a few cameras for a couple thousand bucks? Nah, fuck it. But we'll have a fleet of college-educated, advanced-trained medical personnel driving around go-carts dodging drunks on scooters, dispensing BBQ advice while there's a serial killer on the loose? (checks notes) Yeah, we're totally not a simulation. I got a CRE buddy asking me for some help in connecting him with some capital planning folks and APD that I used to work with on a possible deal to move much of the HQ and horse stables to Barton Oaks plaza and the Property Management team would make a T.I. to get some of the land horse-friendly. And I laughed and thought of Kramer driving Rusty on the Handsome Cab and telling the customers that Joe Pepitone that they created this park so the Union Army (or APD) could practice fighting on grass. And he actually thought I was serious when I said it out loud. And this guy controls like 10% of the office space on South MoPac. When I'm the sane one in any of this shit, you know we gotta serious problem. Hallelujah, holy shit, where's the BBQ sauce?

The Chair recognizes, Representative Jimmy Dickskin.

But wouldn't it be a weird adjustment if the WNBA played on lower goals when HS and College women's hoops play on 10' rims? My daughter's league is just getting serious enough where some of the girls are trying to make lay-ups (not successful, but takes a couple of years-NWWT). But some of them are getting good on the 9' rims at gauging the angles. Nobody's putting it away from downtown like Caitlin obviously, but some of the girls are starting to read the backboard and understand how much mustard on it and where to put to get it into the goal. Not sure if it'll translate in a few years to 10' rims, but let's just be fine with the WNBA will play on 10' rims. Caitlin is bringing attention to the sport. And we're just gonna see a lot of in-game dunking. That's fine. My daughter watches it on TV because of the passing and the measured shooting. Maybe one day, she can watch it for the teamwork lessons as well, but that seems to be a work in progress. We let her do google after dinner as we're literally over her shoulder with all the limits set and us watching every keystroke. And she's looking up Simone Biles (the qualifiers had just happened-like two weeks ago) and then Caitlin Clark. And the first page on both was just vitriolic bile about how Simone shouldn't be sent to Paris because she quit on her country back in Tokyo and how Caitlin isn't welcomed in Women's pro hoops. And my wife changed the search words and found more pleasant stories. And all I thought was don't worry about Simon's mental health or Caitlin's lack of dunking ability. Worry that a huge portion of America are fucking assholes.

Few years ago at Thanksgiving, my cousin has FoxNews on (as per usual). And my mom and sister are visiting from Chicago. My sister is fairly high-functioning person with Down's Syndrome, she was probably top quartile for much of her life. But in her mid 50's, she's likely just above the median, second quartile. But doing okay and I thank the Lord for that. And outta the blue, she asks if remember her high school graduation? She was always very proud of not getting one of those Adult Transition Services certificates (NTTAWWT), but actually walked the stage. Now it took her six years, and we're not naive---they watered it down a lot for her. But only part of her Special Needs class got diplomas, most of them just got these "certificates of completion." She had to do basic multiplication, division, reading comprehension, etc. Probably better than the bottom 5-10% of the "regular kids." As she's waxing nostalgic about her graduation and party, Boebert comes on to talk some shit on Biden. And I'm laughing, my extra-chromosome sister beat Boebert to a high school diploma by 14 years. And my cousin's daughter, who like me, does not bring up politics in front of her parents because it never goes well. She comes in with her laptop and says, "I found that Chicago Thanksgiving movie you're always talking about" (Planes, Trains, Automobiles). She's tech savvy so I'm sure she found some pirate version of it, and she opens it up and it's the scene with the redneck dude making the pregnant wife get out of the shitty pickup truck. And I'm listening to my sister, and to Boebert, and literally a scene about a woman who may give birth at any minute in the front of a pickup truck. Later that night, my mom tamped down a cowlick in my hair, which is getting grayer by the day. And she reminded me that my late father looked so much like Steve Martin, especially the hair and dry mannerisms. And my sister chimes in with her version of "two wild and crazy guys!" And for a moment, I saw straight into the heart of humanity. Then I went back to the living room for dessert and they had turned it back on FoxNews during whatever halftime football it was. And I thought, "Moment's over. We're fucked." /csb

There is no panacea. No utopia. No dystopia. No 1984. No idealistic world. No reality. The tower enacted punitive rules on pro-Palestinian rallies last week only to try to encourage them now next when Biden is town on BoR orders. We finally get literate and have open access to all the information of humanity. And we’re just spinning in circles, surrounded by people chanting how stupid they are. We will not be saved by anyone. Something has to turn us off and turn on again. 85 years of relative global peace is about to up in smoke. See y’all on the dark side of the moon.

Because, every once in awhile---they need to be reminded of what it's like to have no Seoul. (I'll see myself out)

Look man, I ain't gonna let no goddamn government-issued warning keep me from Chili's and SportClips! Hope y'all are doing okay. Good lord, these streams of photos of downed trees. I knew it'd be bad, but some of that shit could easily take out a house/car/person. It's cold comfort, but in a few days/a week...you can prune oaks safely which you usually shouldn't do later in the hurricane season. Not much wilt this time year despite being a way-too-fucking early hurricane. We're going to look at a multi-family upgrade we're doing in Houston later this month. I'm gonna bring a chainsaw and a few extra guys and just have 'em work on the units for a day and then we'll just make trouble chopping up limbs the other half of the weekend at same pay rate. This has been a weird storm to say the least. God bless.

Yeah, but the police or investigators find that skull, which will not decompose for a long while, even the worst APD detective can tell it's been crushed by blunt force. Plus pigs still shit out all kinda remnants that are pretty damn easy to identify as human body parts/DNA. By the time you raise a pig farm and this aeration tank logistics and remove all these bones 'n shit. Just spend 1/10th the effort learning what a person ingests as far as food/drink/medicine. And have them OD on something. Coroner takes care of the body for you. Only downside, is sometimes there's collateral damage.

I get that prominent political leaders have to travel out of state/out of country for high stakes meetings on behalf of their economies. But a lot of us have done business with Taiwan, South Korea, and Japan. Their culture is such that if you are in the head of disaster relief as a massive hurricane barrels down on the most populated part of your state---their culture dictates that they reshuffle agendas to accommodate you. I've had business calls with folks there moved around because my child wasn't feeling well, and they were happy to do it. Pretty sure 2mm without power and under massive flood warnings, this Asian delegation would have gladly said, "We can do it later in the month when the people you lead are safer." I mean, at least Ted turned around and came back right away. Abbott's instagramming a fucking Fodor's update.

I know that’s decades old. I use it as a metonym/macro placeholder for “get out younger voters.” I berate points, I get it. We all forget as very politically engaged folks with that luxury that most 20-something’s didn’t engage when we were in our 20’s and they still don’t. They haven’t had a significant impact since Vietnam. Plus “Rock the Vote” went downhill after they refused to let Frank Stallone headline. Now here’s a pickle to chew on. Got an email this morning notifying me of heightened security at Biden’s appearance at LBJ in a week’s time. They are anticipating lots of protestors so do this, park here, don’t do that, etc. Five minutes later, story released across multiple outlets that Abbott and Eltife ordering UT to clamp down further on pro-Palestinian rallies/protests. I’m thinking those two set this all into motion before the White House revealed Biden’s visit. You’d think they’d wanna have more protests during Biden’s visit to make him look bad. This fucking simulation…

We're going to get Vice President Kari Lake, the Democratic Party keeps punting this shit closer to the Convention.

I am genuinely surprised that Dripping Springs isn't a deeper shade of red than that. I guess there's more and more college educated folks moving out there and enduring the commute. But holy shit, in 2016...anecdotal and all...but that entire area was psychotically draped in MAGA schwag. We have family out there and it was fucking insane with the MAGA shit. Got a little quieter lately but...I dunno.

But did Alexander Hamilton not sign the Declaration? THey made a movie about it and everything. You grow up, and even attending college with friends who go on to be staffers, that a Congressperson's team is made up of sharp and bright people. Then you realize most offices are by "Dwayne and Linda" from the Gym down the street.

I once had a BM so violent whilst waiting for a connecting flight at Denver that everybody left the restroom and I washed my hands and walked out. And there was a EMT cart and they asked if I needed medical attention. I was just so glad it didnt happen up In the air. three Starbucks before leaving beaver creek. Some kinda expired omelette at the little airport there and then pounded about 5 carbonated cocktails at the DEN terminal. The volume wasn’t plunge-worthy but in hindsight the smell was worse than the jet fuel on the jetway. Always makes me think of thst Seinfeld bit about how to awkwardly tell people how much to jiggle the handle so it doesn’t clog. Always ends up with you showing them where you keep the plunger. We could invent a flushable plunger for discretion outta the wreath fund.

Well he can’t afford the locksmith unless you send him $100 today to keep the brown people out and reveal God’s true plan to make you 5X as much money! I would live the simulation if that grifting asshat died in a hurricane. But in our current timeline, he takes the stupids money and gets outta the way of the hurricane for a vacation home because the humid wind would disrupt his lustrous pompadour.

You’ll Roux the day, Trebeck! /connery