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NeverMarryAStripper

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Everything posted by NeverMarryAStripper

  1. NeverMarryAStripper
    My dog Sebastian had an ear infection, and he did not fucking like me putting the drops in his ears. He weights 70+ and it took both me and my teenage son to hold him down while my daughter put the drops in. After the first couple of times, he would see me get the drops, and then we would have to chase him around the house, and then all pile on top of him.
  2. NeverMarryAStripper
    All of the loan agreements stated that any offspring were China's property
  3. NeverMarryAStripper
    It makes sense that they would do that, but having Arkansas instead would have been nice. I don't really get all fired up about playing OU in baseball.
  4. NeverMarryAStripper
    I guess it makes sense for us to be paired with OU, but I would have preferred maybe Arkansas
  5. NeverMarryAStripper
    So much better than the movie version
  6. NeverMarryAStripper
    You can say that again
  7. NeverMarryAStripper
    Incontiental? If you're going to try and make a humorous post based on wordplay you should at least get your words correct
  8. NeverMarryAStripper
    I'm no lawyer, but they're trying to make the expert witness look like a whore to the jury who will say anything the client wants him to for $500 per hour.
  9. NeverMarryAStripper
    What good are smoke detectors when your first thought when they go off is not, "damn, I need to get the kids and dogs and get the fuck out of here", but rather "fuck that chirping mother fucker".
  10. NeverMarryAStripper
    This is not the bridge that you’re looking for
  11. NeverMarryAStripper
    I can still hear my range instructor from middle school summer camp in my head yelling “police your brass”
  12. NeverMarryAStripper
    I've never seen a pig that smoked (well, one that wasn't in a smoker anyhow). On the other hand, lots of fat human slobs smoke.
  13. NeverMarryAStripper
    Diverticulitis sucks a big fat donkey dick. When I had it, they sent me right from the CT Scan to the hospital check-in. I was told the size of the abscess would probably require surgery. Fortunately, it managed to heal without surgery.
  14. NeverMarryAStripper
    It seems like if you’re not there then she is the one that has no internet
  15. NeverMarryAStripper
    Get rid of the chair and the cat, probably should get rid of the wife too just to be safe
  16. NeverMarryAStripper
  17. NeverMarryAStripper
    He was probably fired and sued by the shoplifter
  18. NeverMarryAStripper
    I don’t know about the rest of you, but I can cook for myself.
  19. NeverMarryAStripper
    We are going to crush these fuckers. Fuck all you doubters
  20. NeverMarryAStripper
    There was about ten minutes late in the fourth quarter where they completely stopped blasting the music. It was glorious, and almost like being at a real college football game with a band you could hear and everything. I’m assuming it was a technical glitch with godzillatron and not intentional.
  21. NeverMarryAStripper
    Hey Lance, how’s it hanging?
  22. NeverMarryAStripper
    You haven’t lived until your daughter makes you taker her to a KPop concert. I have to say my ears might have been bleeding, but those chicks in Itzy are damn hot
  23. NeverMarryAStripper
    Yeah, but the most yards passing that UT has ever given up is only 533 (UH in 92). Advantage UT (by 3 yards)
  24. NeverMarryAStripper
    Not if you’re the judge
  25. NeverMarryAStripper
    I think there were quite a few tweets about our bullpen catcher when got caught drinking on the job

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