Reporting back as ordered...
As per the recommendations, I got the classic double double. Since we were in New Mexico, grilled chiles made the most sense.
The folks with me got fries so I went with rings. Gave the Mex Hot Chocolate shake a try.
And now the review...
Fries/rings were OK. Not undercooked as I'd feared, but not outstanding. Just good.
I liked the spicy ketchup, although I was a little bit disappointed. I was expecting something similar to siraracha ketchup or one of the habenero varieties I've had... This one really didn't have a kick that I noticed. It was good, and certainly better than the "fancy" regular version, tho.
The milkshake was good as well... Didn't really taste the chocolate as much as the cinnamon. I agree with the person who said that it tasted more like egg nog.
As for the burger...
Look... I love me a good burger. And I always try to consider apples to apples- none of this $.75 slider comparing to a $13 Five Guys bacon cheeseburger. I'll also admit to being a big fan of In-N-Out (living in SoCal for about 12 years).
With that in mind: This may have been the best chain burger I've ever had, and definitely the top at this price point. Super juicy beef, and it was still a little medium on the inside (not gray like most overcooked fast food offerings). Relatedly, this led to my only critique of the experience... The WB napkins are the worst, and I'm thankful to have needed a whole tree worth of them to deal with the glorious mess.
While I would have preferred a different cheese than American, the peppers added a perfect texture and taste to every bite... Looking forward to grilled jalapeños and bacon on the next one.
In summary... Really appreciate the Surly hivemind helping me out, but now I hate not having a store anywhere near where I live. Staying with a theme...