Gentleman, and ladies, we are not just lining up this week against sheep-fucking, jizz jarring, weirdo male cheerleadering insufferable wackos.
And we are not just representing our fine institution of higher learning and superiority amongst both academic, athletic and social activities.
We are, in fact, representing our entire state, its proud citizens and those well beyond our borders. Much, much further.
We are fighting for those harmed by aggy oppression in homes — and kitchens — around the world.
I am here to say fuck aggy now and forever. To remind us all of their recent crimes against humanity.
And crimes against culinary science.
This is our moment.
Our moment of vengeance.
It is our moment to say "enough is enough!" and to honor the memory of our beloved friend who met its demise far too soon due to the arrogance, callousness and incompetence of aggys.
I'm talking, of course, about the jalapeño pepper.
Vengeance is ours.
Remember the jalapeño.
https://www.dmagazine.com/food-drink/2023/05/why-jalapeno-peppers-less-spicy-blame-aggies/
This aggression will not stand, man.