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Budkudzu

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Everything posted by Budkudzu

  1. Budkudzu
    Soulmate: Look at that plane up there! Where do you think it's going? Me: To an airport. Soulmate: Asshole.
  2. Budkudzu
    Soul Mate: Go run down to the basement and bring up the step stool. Me: (sprints to the basement) Soul Mate: Asshole
  3. Budkudzu
    Soul Mate: I've turned the thermostat down to 68 Bud: Why? Soul Mate: It's going to be real hot today and I want to make sure the house stays cool Bud: Just keep it where it's set and the AC will just turn on more often, but it will stay just as cool any other day Soul Mate: You don't understand. It's going to be real hot today
  4. Budkudzu
    Little survey here - 52 open Chrome tabs on her cellphone this morn. What's the most you've seen on your soul mate's phone?
  5. Budkudzu
    I'm just trying to get my soul mate to close the fucking windows when the AC kicks in.
  6. Budkudzu
    Yep, the two metal boxes in the laundry closet must match. Maybe I'll get a Maytag sticker and put it on the current dryer.
  7. Budkudzu
    I had a business trip from hell this week (stolen wallet, lost luggage, flight delays, useless meetings, etc). Mrs. K calls yesterday while I'm cooling my heels in the airport to tell me that piece of shit Samsung washing machine she overpaid for less than 2 years ago is busted and the repair guy said it would cost more to fix than replace. No surprise, so I agree we needed to buy a new one. I get home and see an order for a new washer AND drier. I ask what was wrong with the drier. She says they have to match. FML
  8. Budkudzu
    You deserve a medal
  9. Budkudzu
    debris - Dee-bris I also thought "soup du jour" was some sort of French soup.
  10. Budkudzu
    Purses? We're talking about fucking purses? I had to check to make sure I hadn't logged in to the Surly cross dressing thread.
  11. Budkudzu
  12. Budkudzu
    Reminds me of Mrs K's recycling efforts
  13. Budkudzu
    She's done that, too.
  14. Budkudzu
    Last night, Mrs. K once again demonstrated her lack understanding of how a thermostat works: She: It's going to be in the 20's tonight. I'm going to turn up the thermostat Me: It's not going to get any colder in the house than any other night because we always have it set at 63 She: But it's going to be in the 20's tonight. I don't want the house to get cold. Gotta pick your battles, boys.
  15. Budkudzu
    Several years ago, I come home and see that the ex bought Dr. Phil's Diet book Me: "Is he also coming out with a hair restoration book?" She: "Asshole" Another time I came home and she said ,"Oprah said our marriage is in trouble." Me: "I wish you had told me she was coming over. I'd like to have met her" She: "Asshole"
  16. Budkudzu
    We went to the local Home Show yesterday so she could get some more ideas on how to spend money. She went to a booth selling walk-in tubs. She asked the salesperson: How does this work? Do you get in, close the door and fill it up Me: I guess you could fill it up and then open the door, but that would be a little messy She: Asshole
  17. Budkudzu
    I like to go to IHOP and order in German. After all, it is the International House of Pancakes.
  18. Budkudzu
    my dog thinks cat turds are doggy treats
  19. Budkudzu
    Back on track, Hulla. I take Lipitor every day to keep my cholesterol down. It's a lot easier to take a pill than watch your diet and exercise. The other day I threw away an empty Lipitor bottle. Mrs. B reached into the trash can pulled out the bottle and and said "you need to remove the label or else somebody could go through the trash and refill it in your name." Me: "Yeah they can get a lot on the black market for Lipitor." Mrs. B: tone
  20. Budkudzu
    Try this: He: What's the difference between a Big Mac and a blow job? She: I don't know He: What are you doing for lunch?
  21. Budkudzu
    .
  22. Budkudzu
    She will remind you constantly that your are nowhere near perfect and then proceeds with listing your greatest fuck-ups. Over and over.
  23. Budkudzu
    I came home to kids and a slurring paranoid bitch still in her PJs, draining her daily Black Box of merlot. Every evening was a fresh new hell. She still got half my shit when we split.
  24. Budkudzu
    I also have to put it on pause every time she watches Sister Wives videos on her phone.
  25. Budkudzu
    One of our cats shit on the basement stairs last night. Guess who's fault it was?

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