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General Colt

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Posts posted by General Colt

  1. 3 hours ago, BurntOrange&White said:

    The Dallas Cowboys are essentially a theme park?

    Why not? That fits Jerry's carnival barker persona. He should build a new Aquarena Springs at Frisco, turn the DCC cheerleaders into mermaids, and bring back Ralph the swimming pig. "Wooo Pig Sooie" Jerry would be in hog heaven.

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  2. 38 minutes ago, DFW Horn said:

    You've forgotten 1939, sir.

    And what a glorious year it was. Aggy beat the 'sips, won their only title, and singlehandedly defeated Hitler before Bonfire. To celebrate, they burned an outhouse with swastikas painted on it and masturbated into jars of rancid sauerkraut. Whoop!

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  3. 2 hours ago, Jkwellborn said:


    Well, he should have gotten it in NYC originally anyway. Then we wouldn’t be talking about Reggie bush and his dumb ass.

    Vince definitely should have won the Heisman Trophy. Same with Colt and Cedric Benson. What's up with HT voters?

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  4. 21 hours ago, 'stache said:

    Mahomes would not have made any real difference to this organization. It stinks to its very core, starting at the top, and the coaches he hires. Jason Fucking Garrett probably would have tried to change Mahomes' entire playing style and ruined his career. Or Jerry would insist he play cornerback or something. I 100% believe that to be true.

    Dallas would have squandered Mahomes' talent and hindered his development as a player. The Cowboys are a totally dysfunctional organization, and Jerry is at the root of the rot. Like BO&W said, the Cowboys choose brand over substance. Jerry would like to win a Super Bowl, but only if he can take all the credit for it. He still gets paid either way. We're doomed as long as the Jones clan owns the team.

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  5. On 2/17/2024 at 11:37 AM, Duane Moore said:

    Let’s get our taxonomy of the various peoples indigenous to SEC Country straight.
     

    Hillbillies are known as such because they live in the hills, mountains, and hollers of Appalachia or the Ozarks. These are primarily the fans of Tennessee and Kentucky, as well as some portions of the Arkansas and Missouri nations.

    Rednecks got their name from working in the fields of the coastal plains or Deep South, where the backs of their necks would become sunburned. These are your South Carolina, Georgia, Alabama/Auburn, and Mississippi school fans. 
     

    Crackers are mostly located in Florida, and are a vanishing breed with all the in-migration to the state since the advent of air conditioning, but still can be seen in Gainesville on game days in their jort-wearing  glory. 
     

    LSU fans are traditionally known as “coon-asses,” or more recently “corn-dogs” due to their pervasive odor. 

    At least UT's arrival will demonstrate that not all Texans are like aggy. They give our beloved state a bad reputation with their peckerwood autism, institutional cultism, and social retardation.

  6. 3 hours ago, markstanco said:


    My grandma said nigra. Yes it was actually considered polite half a century ago.

    Mine said nigra too. She was extremely redneck, but I don't think it was meant as a pejorative. It was just a cracker way of saying negro. But yeah, that shit definitely wouldn't fly nowadays.

  7. 55 minutes ago, South Austin said:

    No way, man.  Shit, we blew a gasket over the notion of hiring someone with the last name Stoops as a position coach.  We were happy to get Patterson on staff, but there's no way in hell Texas would have ever hired Barry fucking Switzer.  

    Only Jerry Jones is that tone deaf. Exhibit A:

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  8. 3 hours ago, Dewey said:

    Jerry and his comfort hires. First he recycled through Jimmy's staff, then he kept the wrong Parcels disciple and now he requires a guy to have 30 years in the league with moderate success. Bienemy has some years to go before Jerry gives him a look. Still too young, but his resume is lining up for Jerry's liking.  

    He is so stubborn and has only an inkling of what to do with roster and staff. 

    We all know how the Zimmerman hire will go, good regular season, shitty postseason, ends up the head coach when fat boy is canned. 

    Meanwhile, after that shit show playoff loss, Jerruh extended this guy's contract:

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    We're George.

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  9. On 1/24/2024 at 9:46 PM, Hate said:

    After the great big middle finger JJ gave every single Cowboys fan when he announced McCarthy will be back, I am officially done with this team.  I was already apathetic, but now I genuinely dislike this team.  The only player I really give a shit about is Micah and I mostly feel sorry for him...he's DeMarcus Ware 2.0.  A HOF caliber player that will have to leave to win a title after trying for most of his career in Dallas.  Romo is Dak 2.0. Same as it ever was.  I'm officially out until JJ is under ground.  I fucking HATE what he has done to the Cowboys.

    That's where I'm with this joke of a football team. Thank God Texas seems to be back on the right track, because the Cowcunts are hopeless. Just die, Jerry. You suck.

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  10. On 12/11/2023 at 9:17 PM, TreatyOak said:

    If I were the AD, I would immediately sign him to a contract extension that pays him $78M if we fire him. The number could decrease somewhat each year but still be much higher than any other buyout. However, I would make sure the extension allows him to leave for any other job. I know this seems like poor financial management, and is unprecedented, but it demonstrates our commitment to our success. 

    Edit: I’ve been hesitant to share this, but it’s really been bugging me that we didn’t present him w a future championship trophy at his opening press conference. We could have left the date blank. It would have been a beautiful gesture that would have been really respected by all the other schools. 

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  11. 10 hours ago, Tex Long said:

    And don't run the game clock, either. If the ball is ready for play, get the fuck out of the way, ref, and let the game play. If it's not ready then stop all the clocks.

    And if you're going to allow the defense to "respond" then why don't you let the offense respond to the defense's response? The only real problem for you, ref, is making sure that anyone who comes in, stays in for at least one play. That isn't too much for you, is it? But then, we'd have to let the D rerespond, and so on. Actors, reactors, rereactors, rereactors rereacting to the preactors.

    Maybe limit substitutions? If the O sends out three new guys, let the D send out up to three. Wait, though, the D shouldn't have an advantage, so if the D "over-substitutes" by sending in more players, then the O should be allowed to add players, that would be only fair, right? 

    Or signal "ready". Yeah, there we go: let the HC on each sideline wave a flag, or maybe a large, colorful foam hand, when his (or her) team has reached a point of readiness, and then start the clocks. When one guy signals, the other guy has five seconds to respond and play may start.

    In fairness to all involved, the HC shall designate a designated Signal Flag Handler, from a group including the HC him (or her) self, the official team Mascot, Band Major, or any sufficiently rude Yell Cheer Leader.

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