His only problem at school is he's a shit-tastic speller. He's really quite smart. He's goes to math class with the grade above him, and he's reading a grade level ahead. He doesn't have any anger or self-esteem issues at school, at least none that he shows and he wears his emotions on his sleeve. In fact, the teacher talks about what a good leader he is because he helps other kids who are struggling at things and is inclusive of all the kids in the class.
We have probed the whole "is he getting bullied" angle, but we're confident that's not happening. And he's a mid-level TaeKwonDo belt and I've explained that he has the green light to use his skills if he, his brothers, or his friends are getting picked on.
The real problem is he takes any failure, and i mean any (from not playing well in sports to the slightest reprimand at home) as a personal insult that he is no good. He told me yesterday he thinks he's a bad kid because he gets in trouble so much. He doesn't get in trouble much, but when he does it hurts him so deeply and profoundly. And sometimes he'll flip the fuck out at the slightest bit of punishment, like yesterday. Not like "Chill out and stop being a brat". More like "holy shit who is this kid he's not making any sense".
We've talked to him countless times about how great he is, we show him every day, we spend time with him, etc, etc. He has a good home life and lots of friends. My wife and I have talked for a while about how worried we are about his mental trajectory, and the incident yesterday made it clear we need professional help.
Sorry for the novel. I appreciate the suggestions