gasman

A lot of your drinking history mimics my own. I didn't drink every day. I didn't typically black out out or puke (although that certainly happened from time to time). I didn't go through withdrawals if I didn't drink for a few days. However, whenever I did drink, I struggled with the off button. I always had at least one more than I intended at the beginning. I had a lot of mornings that I regretted the previous days events and formulated a million different ways to either quit on my own or at least successfully moderate my drinking the next time around. Most of the time, I ended up right back where I was before hating myself in the morning and wondering how I could end up in the exact same place again. I didn't drink every day/all day. I still had a job, a family and I didn't fit in my mind what I thought an "alcoholic" was. The alcoholics thread at the old site was my way of dipping my toe into eventually accepting my powerlessness over alcohol. My problem wasn't the last drink of the night, it was having the first one. I ended up downloading a copy of the AA Big Book and found that I could relate to a lot of the stuff in there. Not everything, but there were more similarities than differences. That was a huge wake up call for me personally. You don't need to be religious. You don't need to commit to anything. Being open to the idea that you may have a problem is a good start. If you are able to get things under control, that's great. If not, you have a great space here full of useful experience.

I have pages of journal entries that have this exact same theme. The details are different, but the underlying emotion is exactly the same. It was right as I was hitting my bottom in 2017. I totally get it ztejas, but when I read those pages of rationalization now, they just sound so freaking exhausting. Trying to control, enjoy and hide my drinking consumed so much of my day. For me, sobriety ended up being the easier softer way. Like others, I won’t try and give you any advice, but there is a much better option available to you if you want it. I know that you “know” that, but it could be time to take some honest action and actually experience it.

I was never in a haze for days. I had plenty of days where I did not drink at all. I probably drank a lot less than others here or some non-alcoholic heavy drinkers. A lot of people may simply consider me a problem or heavy drinker. My career was fine. My health was fine. Etc. What makes me an alcoholic is that once I had that first drink, most times I lost the ability to control how much I would consume after that. Not every time, but usually. I would enter plenty of evenings planning on one or two and invariably end up drunk. I didn't intend to, but somehow, there I was again. I may be one of those who the Big Book refers to as feeling the first nip of the wringer, but I have no doubt that things were not going to improve. My list of "I haven't done that yet" was getting smaller and smaller. Sitting here with almost 4 years of sobriety (moment of extreme gratitude....) I still can't even imagine having just one drink. There is simply no way for me to be able to successfully moderate once I have one.

They count. They all count.

A little article on dopamine surges associated with sugary food consumption and how it relates to alcohol. https://wellnessretreatrecovery.com/sugar-and-dopamine-link-sweets-addiction/

First, let me say kudos to being willing to do an honest self evaluation. It took me a lot longer (and more negative consequences) to get to that point. Carbs (or lack there of), cerebral neurotransmitters and receptors (dopamine and seratonin) get altered with long term drinking. It can take while for you body to readjust to not receiving the stimulus is was before. My first 30 days were a blur of highs and lows. Totally normal. Or, it could be leukemia. Glad you are feeling better.

I'm not in Austin, but there is an app called Meeting Guide. It will geolocate all meetings close to your phone (address, time etc). The meetings up here have a line though them if they are closed right now and no line means they are open and meeting during COVID-19. I don't know if Austin is the same, but worth a try. As an aside, it's a great app for travel and finding a meeting close by. Tap the meeting and you can pull up directions to the room.

https://aa-intergroup.org At the top is a link to get help now, online meetings (Zoom and Skype meetings at all hours of the day and night), if you don't have a copy of the BigBook you can download one to any kindle or iPad.

Step 3: p 38 of the 12 and 12: When World War II broke out, this spiritual principle had its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take the discipline, stand up under fire, and endure the monotony and misery of war? Would the kind of dependence they had learned in A.A. carry them through? Well, it did. Great time to reach out to your sponsor and or sponsees everyone.

Fantastic news Diablo. Nice going ocugolf, keep it up.

That really sucks Troph. I'm sorry you lost your friend.

There has always been a debate about the fairness of the 6 month sobriety rule. While available livers are a limited resource, many alcoholics will die from liver failure before they can hit the 6 month window. It is viewed in some transplant circles that it is inhumane to deny someone an available organ for an arbitrary period of sobriety. Recent studies also indicate that the relapse rate is the same for liver transplant recipients with or without 6 months of sobriety before a transplant. Thankfully, even though a significant number of the people relapsed after transplant, almost all were sober at the end of the study. Hopefully, your friend gets a new lease on life and can take advantage of it going forward.

I was a craft beer connoisseur, you heathens. Never mind that fact that every beer I "liked" just happened to have the highest ABV percentage. I never spun that bottle around and picked the one with the higher number. Nope. Never. Well, maybe a time or two.

I would buy 2 4 packs of double IPA's. Drink one in my car in the garage. Leave 2 more in the garage. Let my wife see me drink one in the house. Go do some "chores" in the garage for a beer or 2... Then come back and let my wife see me drink another. Just 2 beers Honey.... Just thinking about the planning and the hiding now is so exhausting.

I've got the 3rd week. It's tomorrow. Time to figure this shit out.