gasman

A lot of your drinking history mimics my own. I didn't drink every day. I didn't typically black out out or puke (although that certainly happened from time to time). I didn't go through withdrawals if I didn't drink for a few days. However, whenever I did drink, I struggled with the off button. I always had at least one more than I intended at the beginning. I had a lot of mornings that I regretted the previous days events and formulated a million different ways to either quit on my own or at least successfully moderate my drinking the next time around. Most of the time, I ended up right back where I was before hating myself in the morning and wondering how I could end up in the exact same place again. I didn't drink every day/all day. I still had a job, a family and I didn't fit in my mind what I thought an "alcoholic" was. The alcoholics thread at the old site was my way of dipping my toe into eventually accepting my powerlessness over alcohol. My problem wasn't the last drink of the night, it was having the first one. I ended up downloading a copy of the AA Big Book and found that I could relate to a lot of the stuff in there. Not everything, but there were more similarities than differences. That was a huge wake up call for me personally. You don't need to be religious. You don't need to commit to anything. Being open to the idea that you may have a problem is a good start. If you are able to get things under control, that's great. If not, you have a great space here full of useful experience.

I have pages of journal entries that have this exact same theme. The details are different, but the underlying emotion is exactly the same. It was right as I was hitting my bottom in 2017. I totally get it ztejas, but when I read those pages of rationalization now, they just sound so freaking exhausting. Trying to control, enjoy and hide my drinking consumed so much of my day. For me, sobriety ended up being the easier softer way. Like others, I won’t try and give you any advice, but there is a much better option available to you if you want it. I know that you “know” that, but it could be time to take some honest action and actually experience it.

I was never in a haze for days. I had plenty of days where I did not drink at all. I probably drank a lot less than others here or some non-alcoholic heavy drinkers. A lot of people may simply consider me a problem or heavy drinker. My career was fine. My health was fine. Etc. What makes me an alcoholic is that once I had that first drink, most times I lost the ability to control how much I would consume after that. Not every time, but usually. I would enter plenty of evenings planning on one or two and invariably end up drunk. I didn't intend to, but somehow, there I was again. I may be one of those who the Big Book refers to as feeling the first nip of the wringer, but I have no doubt that things were not going to improve. My list of "I haven't done that yet" was getting smaller and smaller. Sitting here with almost 4 years of sobriety (moment of extreme gratitude....) I still can't even imagine having just one drink. There is simply no way for me to be able to successfully moderate once I have one.

They count. They all count.

A little article on dopamine surges associated with sugary food consumption and how it relates to alcohol. https://wellnessretreatrecovery.com/sugar-and-dopamine-link-sweets-addiction/

First, let me say kudos to being willing to do an honest self evaluation. It took me a lot longer (and more negative consequences) to get to that point. Carbs (or lack there of), cerebral neurotransmitters and receptors (dopamine and seratonin) get altered with long term drinking. It can take while for you body to readjust to not receiving the stimulus is was before. My first 30 days were a blur of highs and lows. Totally normal. Or, it could be leukemia. Glad you are feeling better.

I'm not in Austin, but there is an app called Meeting Guide. It will geolocate all meetings close to your phone (address, time etc). The meetings up here have a line though them if they are closed right now and no line means they are open and meeting during COVID-19. I don't know if Austin is the same, but worth a try. As an aside, it's a great app for travel and finding a meeting close by. Tap the meeting and you can pull up directions to the room.

https://aa-intergroup.org At the top is a link to get help now, online meetings (Zoom and Skype meetings at all hours of the day and night), if you don't have a copy of the BigBook you can download one to any kindle or iPad.

Step 3: p 38 of the 12 and 12: When World War II broke out, this spiritual principle had its first major test. A.A.'s entered the services and were scattered all over the world. Would they be able to take the discipline, stand up under fire, and endure the monotony and misery of war? Would the kind of dependence they had learned in A.A. carry them through? Well, it did. Great time to reach out to your sponsor and or sponsees everyone.

Fantastic news Diablo. Nice going ocugolf, keep it up.

That really sucks Troph. I'm sorry you lost your friend.

There has always been a debate about the fairness of the 6 month sobriety rule. While available livers are a limited resource, many alcoholics will die from liver failure before they can hit the 6 month window. It is viewed in some transplant circles that it is inhumane to deny someone an available organ for an arbitrary period of sobriety. Recent studies also indicate that the relapse rate is the same for liver transplant recipients with or without 6 months of sobriety before a transplant. Thankfully, even though a significant number of the people relapsed after transplant, almost all were sober at the end of the study. Hopefully, your friend gets a new lease on life and can take advantage of it going forward.

I was a craft beer connoisseur, you heathens. Never mind that fact that every beer I "liked" just happened to have the highest ABV percentage. I never spun that bottle around and picked the one with the higher number. Nope. Never. Well, maybe a time or two.

I would buy 2 4 packs of double IPA's. Drink one in my car in the garage. Leave 2 more in the garage. Let my wife see me drink one in the house. Go do some "chores" in the garage for a beer or 2... Then come back and let my wife see me drink another. Just 2 beers Honey.... Just thinking about the planning and the hiding now is so exhausting.

I've got the 3rd week. It's tomorrow. Time to figure this shit out.

I’ll echo the comments above. Call your company HR department today. Tell them you are an alcoholic and need to get into detox. They will take it from there. You will be surprised how many people are willing and able to extend a hand if you just set your pride aside enough to ask for help.

Diablo, I hate that you are going through this. I wish I had something to offer besides my prayers. However, you will be in them as I discuss you with my Higher Power. My sponsor also has progressive vision loss. I am not sure he would have any suggestions, but I am willing to reach out to him if you would like. PM me if you are interested.

There is another option if you decide you want it. I know that sounds stupidly obvious, but 2.5 years ago, if you told me that I would not have believed you. I knew I couldn't drink anymore but I didn't really believe that I was capable of not drinking. I wanted off the ride, but couldn't find a way on my own. After one more round of quitting (and honestly meaning it) followed by a morning of regret and self loathing from the inevitable relapse, I drug my scared ass into an AA meeting on a Saturday morning. I sat in the parking lot for 20 minutes working up the courage to go in. I hid in the back corner of the room trying to go unnoticed. What I found inside was a group of people that were understanding and welcomed me. They all drank like I did and were somehow not drinking and not going crazy doing it. I didn't know what they had, but I knew wanted it. I followed a few simple suggestions and came back the next day. I'm sorry for your loss hundredTT.

It was flat out amazing. Most fun race I have ever ran. Things got real above A-Frame. I could mimic incline training to a degree on the treadmill, but not the altitude. Unfortunately, I ended up behind a single file row of people. Passing was a challenge if not impossible in several sections. I gave up on a time goal and just decided to enjoy the experience. I stopped and took pictures along the way, every turn had an even better view than the one before. That was a great decision. I ran pressure free, quit looking at my watch and looked enjoyed the day on the mountain. I agree the trail was really challenging in several spots. Between the altitude and the rocks, the last mile took me 29 minutes. I never had an issue with altitude sickness, but any extra effort above tree line was met with an exponential increase in my HR. If any of you ever have a chance to run this, do it. Oh, and hrmaddie kicked my ass.

This right here. I lost track of the number of times I "quit". Started feeling better and thought, that maybe wasn't so bad. I bet I could try again and moderate this way......

Contact Roush and see if they will throw a Nitemare package at it. Your wife will love it. https://www.autoblog.com/2019/07/12/roush-f150-nitemare-claims-quickest-pickup-ever/

The Platinum tuning requires 93 octane vs 87 for the Limited if fuel cost is any concern. I believe the manual states 87 but then the fine print says for maximum HP/Torque 93 is required. Here is the tiny print. 2018 Expedition | ford.com Platinum. Blue. Available equipment. 1Horsepower and torque ratings achieved with 93-octane fuel.

Pretty sure it was just Black, "Coke", "Pepsi", and "Root Beer" on the two tone for the 16710. I think the Batman was introduced as the first two colored bezel in the ceramic era after Rolex initially said it couldn't be done with ceramic.

I would wake up feeling absolutely horrible, vow that I was done with alcohol (and sincerely mean it). By lunch, I was feeling ok, by 5pm I felt fine and would hit the liquor store thinking this time it would be different and I would moderate my intake better. After the first drink, I was off and running, wake up feeling horrible. Rinse. Wash. Repeat.

Streetside Classics consignments has a ton. No clue as to condition or buying experience. I just like to walk around the warehouse.