This is about 15 years ago… me and the girlfriend take a trip to Los Angeles to visit her family. I had never been on an airplane before. I was warned that travel constipation is a real thing. Didn’t think much of it at the time. So we touch down and we are doing the whole Hollywood tour, walking around, eat at Roscoe’s. Then the sensation begins to tingle. This is not going to be a liquid explosion but it’s a log jam pressure on my asshole. What nobody tells you ( or I didn’t care to ask) is that Hollywood is an absolute shit hole. Homeless, druggies, filth, just disgusting. So obviously…. No public restrooms. After about 30 minutes of asking every open store for a restroom I am turned away. My asshole is on the verge of splitting open. Finally we reach the McDonalds…. I am greeted by a sign that reads “no public restrooms” but this is my last chance before I’m shitting next to the bums in an alley. I talk to the cashier and absolutely beg for a key to the restroom. Finally i am granted the key. I run in, sit down, and begin pushing out a massive log. As I’m prairie dogging someone runs into the restroom and begins banging on the door! Hurry up man I gotta go! Hurry the fuck up I gotta go! I yell back I’m trying dude give me a fucking second! He waits by the door. I finish up wipe my ass and flush. As I look down into the toilet the water is draining but my foot long turd is stretched across the bowl. It is so long and stiff that it is sitting literally sideways above the water level. Unless I had a sharpshooter that turd was not going down that hole. I say fuck it. Walk out the stall and I am immediately passed by the fellow bathroom goer. I make no eye contact and rush out, but as I walk out and the door closes behind me all I can hear is a loud scream from the top of his lungs! “WHAT THE FUCK”!!!! I grab my girlfriend and we disappear into the next gift shop. Good times.