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troph

Certifiably Surly
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Everything posted by troph

  1. troph

    LBGTQ

    People who quote him need to be put in time out too. Myself included on the rare instance I’ve done so.
  2. troph

    LBGTQ

    my ex and i used to joke about bowling shoes, she said you wanna get kinky let's go, but no bowling shoes in bed, mkay? I was like... yes ma'am... let's go!
  3. troph

    LBGTQ

    yeah but she's got the trans on her mind so I win.
  4. troph

    LBGTQ

    I would wife her in a NY minute.
  5. troph

    LBGTQ

    [obi won] troph is not the queer woman you are looking for [/obi won]
  6. troph

    LBGTQ

    You don’t have to put aside empathy for those who are suffering to fight back, you fight back because of the empathy toward those who are suffering.
  7. troph

    LBGTQ

    thank you and I really want to underscore that what is truly non-negotiable here for anyone one close to this issue - not just me, not just a trans kid, not just a questioning kid who isn't trans, and not just the parents or ex-husbands, ex-wives, the parents of adult trans folk and the kiddos of trans folk - but all of us - is that empathy, compassion and open-mindedness, a willingness to listen and understand it deeply needed. This shit is fucking painful (mostly because of the lack of those things). I'll be brutally honest, I'm having a really hard time with the way the political climate has changed society the last 8-9 years. It's taking its toll. Every fucking day hurts. Please remember that is not unique to me, that is what everyone who is truly close to this issue deals with right now. (and lest I be seen as narrowly focused on my own lot in this life, the same goes for POC, I cannot imagine the pain, suffering and fear of those who are in the bullseye of the immigration terror)
  8. troph

    LBGTQ

    I have a hard time with that intent as well. having parents as gatekeepers is an imperfect construct, but its better than absolute bans and in many, many cases its better than kids having complete control over their lives at such a young age. maybe that's my historical conservative leanings, but if we could design an optimal scenario, it's no bans and parents, doctors, mental health professionals and the child (patient) making informed decisions about what's best for them in an intimate, careful, thoughtful and knowledgeable way. and of all the weak points we can uncover in all the various ways this can play out - red state bans, blue state exclusions of parents, or parents having a voice and say in the process, the inclusion of parents to the exclusion of the state in all respects is the closest to the ideal that I can come up with, so the risk of misinformed and bad parenting is a risk I think we have to accept.
  9. troph

    LBGTQ

    all of the shit that crosses into what evangelicals and catholics think are biblical issues are completely fucked up - abortion, gender affirming care, assisted suicide, right to die, death penalty, I'm sure there is more, but EVERY SINGLE ONE of these issues is FUBAR'd politically. That is 100% the root cause of the problem here. I have tremendous empathy for anyone ground up in these issues - in any way - because of this reality.
  10. troph

    LBGTQ

    I have no question about your stance. I also believe parents are a key stakeholder in the process and I do not support excluding them. I think the red states have messed this up, but I wouldn't be surprised if the blue states have too, the opposite direction. when parents are a key stakeholder, it is true some kids will suffer, but if we take politics out of it, turn to science and trust experts who took an oath to do no harm, we can get through this. I think excluding parents is simply a mistake, really a grave one, but it does leave us vulnerable to those who are close minded and unable to deal. Unfortunately, the world is what it is, kids are raised by adults, you sometimes win that lottery, you sometimes lose. I fucking lost that lottery in a bigly way. but until evolution changes the way humans mature, there's really not much we can do about the parents that suck except hope the resiliency of humanity carries us through (as it did for me).
  11. troph

    LBGTQ

    I will forever live with a heavy, heavy, heavy heart knowing how much pain my condition caused me and many others. I once thought I could out run it, I could distract myself from it or even earlier on, absolve myself completely of it. Now I know that constant pain and suffering is my lot in life, not so much in who I am, but in the circumstances that dictate how I dealt with it and how I show up in the world. Honestly, there is not a day that goes by that I am not acutely aware of my difference, as I hide in plain sight, knowing that I do not belong in this world and that my very existence has hurt so many I love and is despised by so many who have no interest in knowing me. There is another side to the experience, and people in my life have rebuilt and recovered, and for that I am happy and also full of grief. My ex seems really happy, her career has taken off. My kids are doing extremely well, beyond thriving they are at the top of their peer group just killing it. Their mental health is strong, their values in tact and their trajectory is full of blue skies and fair winds. My wife and I are stable, calm and easing through middle age. BUT, the past is still there and it is full of destruction. In the end, I think that's what "they" want - and for me, I just have to try my best to live in the moment where I'm not at risk for harming others due to a mismatch that either drives me to death or drives me to constant sorrow and a constant wake of pain for others, and enjoy the current state of recovery for everyone. It is, however, a daily challenge, and this pain is something I will carry until my natural life runs its course. It doesn't have to be this way.
  12. troph

    LBGTQ

    The fundamental issue is the god damn politicalization of trans-ness. You’ve got one side saying it’s “ideology” which leaves the other side entrenched. Kids want to rebel and want attention so they try things. In the end, if we could just stop with the politicalization, we could identify trans kids and folk, treat them and move on. I get the reason why people want to ban and the reason why people scream protect trans kids and don’t want to question those who identify as trans. The fundamental problem here, is the politicalization of the issue. stop that, a ton of the ancillary problems go away and all that’s left is treating those who really are trans. And that quite frankly should be the only goal, identity those who really are trans and get them help. Nothing more, nothing less.
  13. Food supply in this country is already shit. Several industries should not be singularly profit motivated - healthcare, utilities, war and defense, prisons, and farming.
  14. troph

    LBGTQ

    I’m really sorry for your distress and the pain your family is going through. As the resident trans person, I can say I’ve never advocated for quick transition or irreversible treatment until to the best of everyone’s abilities it’s confirmed the trans identity is stable and not changing back. I’ve talked to dozens and dozens of parents and supported their cautious approach. In our kids school some have tried on trans identities, others gay identities only to change back pretty quickly. The thing about the old days is you knew to keep this shit hidden and deep, but in the end if we can’t transition early enough we have to destroy the lives of many people to transition later. That’s no good either for those of us who knew early. Now it’s more accepting so we have folks trying it on and it’s not permanent. I get it. Honestly I don’t think legal bans are good, but I don’t think quick transitions are good either. What I will say is this, after 38 years of knowing and dealing with this shit (since I was 11), suffering my own despair for years then turning my life and the lives of others upside down, I can tell you there is one universal truth about being trans or struggling with gender identity issues - pain and suffering - but there can be a beautiful ending. In the end I think it’s an acute version of what it means to be human and a lot of the time it sucks donkey ass. I’m sorry for the pain you’re going through. Love your kiddo, love your wife. No harsh words coming from me to another parent who is trying their best to love them, no way.
  15. troph

    LBGTQ

    SLC is an odd city. it's "both-and" not just one or the other. and the Mormon church has a fairly visible conflict over LGBTQ issues and has had some policy changes moving in the right direction. It's a very interesting story and dynamic.
  16. no one that is deep into the GOP messaging is changing their vote. only thing to read from it is turnout. if dems do organize and turn out the vote then that matters and could translate.
  17. That’s a very cool thing to say, thank you. But I ain’t headed to DS to try… so who knows. These are so low turn out elections you absolutely can make a difference. my next goal is to expand the electorate with a series of pool parties and backyard picnics focusing not on insiders but on the folks who hate what’s going on but haven’t internalized the obligation to give and vote. I think it’s imperative we get to a point where we (1) know each other, and (2) we text and call and make sure we all vote. Basically make voting in local elections cool again. it won’t do much for mid terms and presidential elections but it absolutely can move the needle in local elections.
  18. there’s still a very strong progressive community there to build on and I would expect enough in the middle to overcome at least local elections but my view is biased and only through their lens. So I certainly could be wrong.
  19. 800 gallons of water trickled into our tank, about 1/3 of an inch so far today. would be perfect if we weren't in a fucking mega drought.
  20. Funny side bar, my wife’s women’s tennis team is called “Tennis takes Balls”.
  21. No balls in girls sports and make LT schools great again were the leads for the conservative PAC in LT.
  22. I saw that. Someone there needs to start building community more aggressively. Need new voters and new donors to step up. We have some momentum in LT and it’s growing. Doesn’t have to be that way.
  23. The libs of Lake Travis ISD won in a sweep 2-0, and now control the school board 4-3. First time in over a decade. I posted more about my experience in that fight in the Texas a failed state thread. we had significant increase in turnout which was still abysmal. But over 8000 votes which is 1000 more than last election when there was also city council on the ballot (this was just school board and some props). winning local school board elections is a good sign, I don’t think it means Dems are winning state wide but it does help and could point to less of a defeat in district races.
  24. agreed the actual names of texas conservative billionaire won't resonate with anyone.
  25. we as a society have turned into an us vs. them society, I think you lean into it. yes you can talk about tangibles but when you do, the otherside talks about gay commies and george soros and other enemies and riles them up. I think there is something to identifying the villain.
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