This is outstanding.
Thanks all. Not sure where this little funk came from. I think it's mostly from a new job I started 2 months ago. I'd been out of work for a while and I felt like it would be a big void filler and make everything right when I started full time work again. I was super pumped to get the job and start working, no matter what it was, then some sort of arrogance or ungratefulness took over after I started and then started realizing how much more I have to offer and dwelling on that lost opportunity.
I don't mean money as much as being at a place where I actually enjoy what I do. I know that's simple and perhaps unrealistic, but I really don't know what I like to do and it's frustrating. I never have had much interest in anything, but it didn't matter when I had booze. Or of course it did, booze just numbed me.
I need to just take a step back and not try to fix everything at once, maybe. Or think that any one thing can fix all the other things.