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Do you have a parent or child that you don’t like?

XYZ

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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

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If step parents count then yeah.  The step mother is a pathological bitch, who emotionally abused my little brother, was and is a complete bitch to my dad to this day, makes us feel as welcome as a rectal exam when we do anything with them, and he continues to stay with her.

He doesn't get why we don't like to come to his river house (which otherwise we would).  The brother and I are actually formulating a plan of attack to explain to him why we haven't been more involved in his life.  This has dicey written all over it.

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Wally Fairway

Wally Fairway 5569

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There have been times when I don't like each of my kids, and each of them have been my favorite at times - but I love them all the time regardless of if they are being assholes or outstanding people.
My oldest son was the worst for a long time, I had a running thread on another board that I used to chronicle it (that board has since gone defunct) but he had run ins with the law, dropped out of HS, drug issue (mainly weed), pulled a knife on me a couple of times, took (stole) our car a couple of times before he had his license. His pre-teen years right up to 17 were a real challenge but he got his GED from an alternative school (military slant - Michigan National Guard supported) and he eventually found boot camp, the National Guard and he is looking at upping for full-time this fall. That little fucker has turned out better than I ever would have thought possible. 
 

No issues with my parents or FIL, MIL passed before I met tWife so no problems there. FIL's 2nd wife was a class A bitch, I could pretty much ignore her shit; tried to protect my kids from it and finally he gave her the boot. 

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XYZ

XYZ 2154

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58 minutes ago, Wally Fairway said:

There have been times when I don't like each of my kids, and each of them have been my favorite at times - but I love them all the time regardless of if they are being assholes or outstanding people.
My oldest son was the worst for a long time, I had a running thread on another board that I used to chronicle it (that board has since gone defunct) but he had run ins with the law, dropped out of HS, drug issue (mainly weed), pulled a knife on me a couple of times, took (stole) our car a couple of times before he had his license. His pre-teen years right up to 17 were a real challenge but he got his GED from an alternative school (military slant - Michigan National Guard supported) and he eventually found boot camp, the National Guard and he is looking at upping for full-time this fall. That little fucker has turned out better than I ever would have thought possible. 
 

No issues with my parents or FIL, MIL passed before I met tWife so no problems there. FIL's 2nd wife was a class A bitch, I could pretty much ignore her shit; tried to protect my kids from it and finally he gave her the boot. 

So during the whole process of your kid getting in trouble with the law, quitting school, pulling a knife on you, etc, was he living under your roof the whole time? Did it cross your mind to say “pack your shit and leave”?

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Wally Fairway

Wally Fairway 5569

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2 minutes ago, XYZ said:

So during the whole process of your kid getting in trouble with the law, quitting school, pulling a knife on you, etc, was he living under your roof the whole time? Did it cross your mind to say “pack your shit and leave”?

Yeah - but he was a minor and legally it is difficult to kick them out, and our counselor/psychologist pointed out that he would likely slip further into the morass he was in and that it is really a long game in trying to keep them out of the deep shit until they start to mature.

Parenting is a challenge, and depending on the kids it is not for the faint of heart. There were times that it was tearing our marriage apart, and other times it made us much closer. We can laugh at most of it now.

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pearlandhorn

pearlandhorn 3274

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Do siblings count?  My brother is probably the most narcissistic person I've ever encountered in my life.  Haven't spoken to him in 9 years nor have my parents.  He doesn't know I'm married, have a kid, that my grandparents died, nothing.  He cut all contact with us in 2010.  We all tried to find out what's up but stopped attempting after a few years.  He's alive and well in California teaching at a university.  He just doesn't want anything to do with us.  I guess we're fucked up or something.

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Js1

Js1 85447

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2 hours ago, XYZ said:

Do you have a parent that you hope to see or hear from as seldom as possible? Or what about a child that when he/she turned 18, you were like GTFO of my house? Tell your story.

My mother.

We're 45 minutes apart and I can count on one hand the amount of time I've both seen and talked to her in 2019 so far.  It's been glorious. 

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12472

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If step parents count, then Jesus Christ, yes.  My mom's husband was the catalyst for folks divorce (obviously my mother acquiesced, and it has been a source of tension between her and I) , and he's proceeded to basically light her large-enough-to-retire-on divorce settlement in order to try and play farmer the last decade or so.  He's extremely judgmental of pretty much anyone and seems completely clueless to the fact that the only reason he has anything is because he was a professional gold digger.  He's a complete piece of shit on many levels (was a serial adulterer in his first marriage, probably still is but I have no proof or good rumors regarding current habits), and he'll likely have them dead broke in the next few years.  My mom should be retired at this point, but she's going back to school to get her master's to squeeze another 10 years of work out to try and support his reckless spending.  My mom did this to herself, but I still don't like seeing it as she has some really good qualities and other than the way she fucked my dad over, was a good parent while I was growing up (I was 21 when they split) and generally good person.

Edited by Al_4_ISU
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Huckleberry

Huckleberry 33039

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I liked both my parents, still like my dad but mom's death kind of put a dent in our relationship.

As for my kids, I like them all, but I absolutely have a favorite. I argue with my wife about this sometimes. I told her if you take any three people in the world that you know, you will like one of them more than the other two. That's just how it works, but somehow that's magically not supposed to apply to my kids?

For the record, my kids know my theory on this, but I just tell each of them they're my favorite when they ask who it is. And Alexa has been programmed to respond with one of our dog's names when she's asked who my favorite kid is.

Edited by Huckleberry
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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54296

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Mom is a big-mouthed overly zealous Christian who doesn't respect others' opinions and has never wanted to listen or learn anything new. 

Dad is also overly zealous but doesn't have those other problems. 

MIL is the queen of control through passive agression.  She still treats my wife and her brother like they're 12, and they not only don't recognize that, they don't mind her doing that.  It's the fucking Ozzie and Harriet family, and no one is allowed to upset anyone else or get upset (except her), which means I don't fit in at all.

FIL is pretty great, with the exception of allowing her to be like that. 

Sister is a racist, married aggy, stupid as hell (made a 750 on the SAT), lazy (hasn't actually had a job in forever, husband was successful PE), I haven't spoken directly to her in 20 years, since we visited right after my wedding and she and her husband and young child were dropping n-bombs every 10th word, and she was at my wedding and saw that my best man was black. 

I get along with my brother better than anyone, even though he's further left than Bad Teammate.  I was telling him how much I'd like to see a Warren/Pete ticket, and he hated that, because he's completely Bernie or bust. 

Huck's right about a favorite child.  We literally only had one child because she has always been so impossibly perfect.  I couldn't imagine having another kid that didn't measure up to her.

I have awesome dogs.

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Doc Holliday

Doc Holliday 199

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Tldr: 

He's (the man who knocked up my mom) an asshole and gets to sleep in the bed he made. 

Only took me 34/35ish years of various degrees of emotional/mental abuse from him to get to this point. 

Officially ended contact with my move to Denver via text message. 

 

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RDCanecutter

RDCanecutter 26455

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4 hours ago, XYZ said:

Do you have a parent that you hope to see or hear from as seldom as possible? Or what about a child that when he/she turned 18, you were like GTFO of my house? Tell your story.

Everybody I ever had a problem with is dead now. The rest of them are real polite.

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 25122

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Sounds like my folks, BV. They both treat me and my sisters like we are children still. To point of coming into a bathroom at a public place if they think I am taking too long.

It is impossible to have an adult conversation of any kind. They still have that authoritative fucking tone at all times, and will flat out lie to our faces and expect us to beleive it.

Fucking insufferable.

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54296

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23 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

Sounds like my folks, BV. They both treat me and my sisters like we are children still. To point of coming into a bathroom at a public place if they think I am taking too long.

It is impossible to have an adult conversation of any kind. They still have that authoritative fucking tone at all times, and will flat out lie to our faces and expect us to beleive it.

Fucking insufferable.

My mom was like that, too.  Difference is that I nipped that in the bud.  We'd go out to eat when I was in college and she'd try to read the menu to me.  "Christ mom, I'm not a baby, I can read the fucking menu!  Try remembering that I'm an adult!"  Wife and her brother would sit quietly while their mom does that, and then probably thank her for her help.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8811

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5 hours ago, Wally Fairway said:

There have been times when I don't like each of my kids, and each of them have been my favorite at times - but I love them all the time regardless of if they are being assholes or outstanding people.
My oldest son was the worst for a long time, I had a running thread on another board that I used to chronicle it (that board has since gone defunct) but he had run ins with the law, dropped out of HS, drug issue (mainly weed), pulled a knife on me a couple of times, took (stole) our car a couple of times before he had his license. His pre-teen years right up to 17 were a real challenge but he got his GED from an alternative school (military slant - Michigan National Guard supported) and he eventually found boot camp, the National Guard and he is looking at upping for full-time this fall. That little fucker has turned out better than I ever would have thought possible. 
 

No issues with my parents or FIL, MIL passed before I met tWife so no problems there. FIL's 2nd wife was a class A bitch, I could pretty much ignore her shit; tried to protect my kids from it and finally he gave her the boot. 

The part about your oldest son officially qualifies you for sainthood, and I will be speaking to God about that shortly.

It may be a shortcoming of mine, but he would have been taking a dirt nap long before he made his about face.  While I am glad to hear things worked out, I sincerely hope he realizes and is grateful for how damned lucky he is to have had you for a father.

There's not many like you...salud.

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8811

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2 hours ago, MissingInAction said:

I love my little sister, but zero fucks given about anyone else in the fam. I have my reasons. None of which I will go into here. 

Oh hell no Mia, you don't get to just dangle that crap out there and walk away. Spill it man, spill it.

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Helobious

Helobious 9464

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Always got along with my mom and sister. Didn't like my dad much at all growing up. Now that he's no longer constantly critiquing my pitching motion, yard work quality, overall work ethic, and life choices we get along fine. I got older and now I'm actually glad he did some of the stuff I used to hate him for. Weird how that works.  

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MissingInAction

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3 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

My mom was like that, too.  Difference is that I nipped that in the bud.  We'd go out to eat when I was in college and she'd try to read the menu to me.  "Christ mom, I'm not a baby, I can read the fucking menu!  Try remembering that I'm an adult!"  Wife and her brother would sit quietly while their mom does that, and then probably thank her for her help.

Dude.. they.. do... not .. listen.

I have fucking lost it on several occasions and their response was telling me, "Youd better watch it , mister."

I shit you fucking not. 

Even showed her my ID once and asked what the birth date read, and she acted like nothing was happening. 

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ernest_t_bass

ernest_t_bass 1196

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I have two daughters.  My oldest is a clone of her mother, and my youngest is a lot more like me.  I love them both dearly, but I understand what others say when mentioning "favorites."  I don't want to have a favorite; I don't try to have a favorite... it unfortunately almost comes natural.  

Parents - I love mine, and my wife always finds shit to nit-pick about them.  Drives me nuts, b/c I am an extremely loving and easy going person, and I could never imagine in a million years finding reasons to not be around her family.

My brother used to be quite the asshole, but has since grown up.  Throughout our life we have said various things to each other that have made it hard to have a normal relationship.  We're just fine when we are together, but we each live our separate lives.  If I were to do it all over again, I would have done everything I could to have him as a best friend.

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I cannot comprehend hating one of my kids.  I cannot comprehend my mom hating one of her 3 sons.

I did hate my dad growing up and for much of my early adulthood, but have since forgiven him for leaving our family when I was 9. I don’t ever want a relationship with him going forward, but I don’t hate him either.  He earned the distrust.

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1 minute ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Favoring one is not synonymous with hating one.

Agreed.  Wasn't intending to directly reply to your post, but there are a couple upstream in the thread that drove my response.

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Gooby

Gooby 640

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I'm spending less time with my mother after she re-married at age 75 a couple years back  Dude us a Fox News-addled loon, and everything you say...about anything...is going to get contested.  Plus, they fucking bicker and argue like no one I've ever seen before.  I'd just prefer to spare myself the negativity and give him fewer opportunities for him to piss me off.

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pearlandhorn

pearlandhorn 3274

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I have no issues with my parents.  They finally realized I'm an adult when I had a kid 3 years ago.  Finally realizing that I can take care of myself and my family without their help.  Prior to having a child and just being married, they would give unsolicited advice about literally everything.  I know they meant well but it was pretty insufferable.

My inlaws are a different story.  Those who have followed by stories on the holiday thread at TOS and here know what I mean.  My MIL is a passive aggressive bitch who treats my wife like she's 4 years old, does not confront people face-to-face when she has an issue, but sends a 4000 word e-mail describing how their actions made her feel bad.  My wife finally told her to go kick rocks and they have a very superficial relationship.  My sister-in-laws are worthless pieces of shit: one hasn't worked since she was 27 (she's 35 now) and her husband has literally never been employed by anyone (both have degrees and freeload off husband's parents) and the other SIL is a fucking worthless cunt who is shacking up and mooching off a retired 57 year old (she's 40) - she hasn't held a job for more than a year and has totaled about 6 cars since I met my wife in 2007.  My inlaws often gift both SILs money at christmas time and send them on vacations and then proceed to try and guilt trip my wife and I for not going.  Motherfucker, I work full time for a living, have a kid (their only grandchild), wife has freelance responsibilities.  I am literally the only person in my ENTIRE family that has a fucking job with a full-time employer.  MIL never wants to see their grandson.  Whatever, they can go fuck off, the lot of them.

I like my FIL though.  He's good at working with his hands, showing me home improvement stuff, BBQ help, hunting, fishing, and loves spending time with his grandson.  His grandson adores him as well as he's outside for 8+ hours a day.  My kid probably likes him more than my wife and I haha.

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Samson's Wig

Samson's Wig 3193

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I get along great with my folks, and my in-laws are great.  I lucked out there.  My little sister more than makes up for it.  Diagnosed bi-polar, a sociopath, and god knows what else that goes undiagnosed.  This stuff isn't her fault, of course, but her complete lack of willingness to do anything about it certainly is. No medication, no therapy, no treatment whatsoever.  For years.  Of course, any trouble is always someone else's fault. 

She's destroyed my parent's lives and they just keep letting her do it.  I can't imagine how hard it would be to just drop your child from your life, but she's a grown woman in her 40s (with her own kids - god help them) and the folks are already well beyond the point they should have retired.  They keep working to support her and put up with her nonsense as she uses their grandkids as leverage (threatens that they won't see her daughters if they don't do what she wants).  It's an ugly mess and the best thing they could do is walk away, but I understand why they can't (kind of).  Selfishly, I just hope my kids don't turn out like her but the thought that they might keeps me up some nights.  Otherwise, I'm just counting the days until they can no longer make their own decisions and I get to step in legally and put an end to all the craziness.  For now, they're of sound mind and there's not much I can do to change it. 

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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

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7 minutes ago, pearlandhorn said:

 I like my FIL though.  He's good at working with his hands, showing me home improvement stuff, BBQ help, hunting, fishing, and loves spending time with his grandson.  His grandson adores him as well as he's outside for 8+ hours a day.  My kid probably likes him more than my wife and I haha.

As he should. Sounds like gramps is doing it right. If your kids like you it probably means you're doing it wrong (LOL).  

Our golden rule was if the kids liked us we were doing something wrong (exaggerating, but we did not want to be friends with our kids till they were adults). I travel a few times a year with the son as a friend now, and only give fatherly advice when it's really warranted.  Which, if you've done your job as a parent correctly, should be seldom.

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Onboard 2.0

Onboard 2.0 9083

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1 minute ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

Which sentence do you doubt?

Neither... I'm toooootally agreeing with you... let's not get upset, stay calm.. h-h-have a seat, here on the couch.....

 

Truth be told the sanity part.. You're posting here, and claiming sanity...

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South Austin

South Austin 52523

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As a serious response with respect to my kids, I can't say that I have a favorite.  I feel a closer connection to my almost 13-year-old daughter, as she's a lot like me in so many ways.  Hell, she looks like a carbon copy of me in the face.  My 8-year-old son has always been a mamma's boy and clings to her like a leach.  But I have a lot of great moments with him, and as my girl is getting into her moody, sometimes petulant adolescent years, I can see those relationships changing, and I may get closer to my son.  I anticipate a constant evolution of the connections with my two kids, but I love them both dearly and would do anything for them.

Same with my parents.  I grew up favoring my mom, mostly because she was the one around, as my Marine father was constantly gone, either working long hours or deployed for several months.  And although my dad was a loveable guy at times, he could also be an asshole, and as a 6'4" Marine Colonel, he was intimidating.  That changed once I left home, went to college, and became a man, husband and father, and how he's one of my best friends and my constant companion at Longhorn football games. 

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Asithappens

Asithappens 974

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3 minutes ago, South Austin said:

As a serious response with respect to my kids, I can't say that I have a favorite.  I feel a closer connection to my almost 13-year-old daughter, as she's a lot like me in so many ways.  Hell, she looks like a carbon copy of me in the face.  My 8-year-old son has always been a mamma's boy and clings to her like a leach.  But I have a lot of great moments with him, and as my girl is getting into her moody, sometimes petulant adolescent years, I can see those relationships changing, and I may get closer to my son.  I anticipate a constant evolution of the connections with my two kids, but I love them both dearly and would do anything for them.

Same with my parents.  I grew up favoring my mom, mostly because she was the one around, as my Marine father was constantly gone, either working long hours or deployed for several months.  And although my dad was a loveable guy at times, he could also be an asshole, and as a 6'4" Marine Colonel, he was intimidating.  That changed once I left home, went to college, and became a man, husband and father, and how he's one of my best friends and my constant companion at Longhorn football games. 

You sound like a good parent and a well-adjusted person.

 

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