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The sketchiest/dumpiest bar you've ever been to.

Parliament

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Marfa Low Crown

Marfa Low Crown 2548

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Although not particularly sketchy, Charlie's Attic on Airport in Austin deserves some love here. Notorious for not carding, I can't be the only surly poster who waded through the
peanut shells there and drank underage. 

The most sketchy goes to a bar in Nuevo Laredo we stumbled into in high school called La Faena. My buddy went to take a leak after we'd been there for a while and one of the locals forcibly intercepted him and made him use the restroom upstairs. Came to find out there was a guy waiting in the downstairs bathroom who was going to stab the first one of us that walked in. We got the fuck outta there 

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Loco

Loco 3754

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2 hours ago, LaunchPad said:

Loved Compleat Angler, drank a few too many Kalik Gold Extra Strengths there.  Didn’t bode well for going off shore at 6am the next day.

Hard to describe how cool that place was.  You could also opt for the full octane German Heinekens.  That whole place has really changed with the large development on the North End.  Last time I was there I almost got run over by drunk ass tourist in a golf cart.  Also 6am???  Why so late?  Need to have your spread set just before sunrise.

 

Another little detail from that illegal bar...  I remember when we came in the lights were very bright and a non trivial number of people were in the corner watching Jeopardy at like 3:30am.  I think it was on VHS.  EVERYONE else was watching us.

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Fudge Nuggets

Fudge Nuggets 19224

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Posted (edited)
21 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

Cheers Bar, Port Harcourt, Nigeria.  Met a nice friendly girl there named Grace.  You know, Amazing Grace.

Been there, done her.  Wait, never did Grace; it was Precious and her “cousin” Patience that rocked my world.

But Cheers bar in PH isn’t even close to the nastiest bar I’ve been in.  Hell, I can’t even think of the worst one and that’s probably a good thing.

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Parliament

Parliament 14296

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7 minutes ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

Been there, done her.  Wait, never did Grace; it was Precious and her “cousin” Patience that rocked my world.

But Cheers bar in PH isn’t even close to the nastiest bar I’ve been in.  Hell, I can’t even think of the worst one and that’s probably a good thing.

Wait, woah.  You guys boinked east-African women.  Brave, you are.  Die, you might.

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Vic Mackey

Vic Mackey 47151

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13 hours ago, Rougarou said:

Anybody ever been to Tradewinds in Dallas?

Yes sir! Right on Davis in between Hampton and Westmoreland. The parking lot (if you call it that) is nothing but gravel and fits maybe a handful of cars. Went on a few dates there after someone I knew who lived in Oak Cliff recommended it. You have to know where exactly it is because you will pass it. When we went, we sat in the front area by the bar. It was just us 2 there. There was pool tables up the steps past the bar. They have karaoke in there on Thursdays. 

Fireplace Lounge in East Dallas on Samuell/Dolphin is pretty much like Tradewinds. My grandparents were good friends with the owner. They were one night when a car drove straight through the establishment. It was pretty bad but no one was hurt. There is also a very small mexican club on Samuell going further down towards East Grand and Winslow area. I can't remember the name of it but it is sketchy as fuck. @Zepol87 probably knows what I am talking about.

In terms of strip clubs, Tiger's Cabaret in East Dallas with the Malibu bar right next to it is about as sketchy as it gets. Constantly fights. Murders have happened in the parking lot and other shootings. Very small and a dump. But right up my alley (although not as much anymore). 

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11683

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8 minutes ago, Parliament said:

Wait, woah.  You guys boinked east-African women.  Brave, you are.  Die, you might.

If this is legit I am really starting to think I have led a sheltered life.

Craziest stuff I have ever been around is weekend leave with a 29 palms Marine buddy of mine and his friends in Tijuana.  They were a filthy pack of animals who loved one upping each other for public bar sex acts with nastiest Tijuana hooker they could find.

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justhookit

justhookit 4191

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15 hours ago, burntorangebongos said:

The old Antone's on Guadalupe was kind of a shithole but it was never dangerous. Same with Liberty Lunch. Dirty as fuck but pretty safe. The horseshoe lounge had some racist regulars that didn't like drinking with mexicans and would say things but the bar tenders always threw them out  in favor of me. I guess the regulars were gonna come back anyway....no way to change their rut. Only happened maybe 2 times in the dozen that I went there. Usually everybody just minded their own business or yakked it up with a new face.

I went to a bar in Denver that was by my hotel and it ended up being a gay bar. A real dive but I was probably the safest person in there.

Antone’s and Liberty Lunch??? GTFO. Pretty sure places frequented by plenty of fraternity/sorority types don’t really fit in this thread. And both places had great music.

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justhookit

justhookit 4191

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Posted (edited)
15 hours ago, burntorangebongos said:

The old Antone's on Guadalupe was kind of a shithole but it was never dangerous. Same with Liberty Lunch. Dirty as fuck but pretty safe. The horseshoe lounge had some racist regulars that didn't like drinking with mexicans and would say things but the bar tenders always threw them out  in favor of me. I guess the regulars were gonna come back anyway....no way to change their rut. Only happened maybe 2 times in the dozen that I went there. Usually everybody just minded their own business or yakked it up with a new face.

I went to a bar in Denver that was by my hotel and it ended up being a gay bar. A real dive but I was probably the safest person in there.

Double 

whoever mentioned that strip club outside Aransas Pass on the way to Port A has the right idea. Pretty sure that place was just a straight up whorehouse filled with methheads

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Hook1997

Hook1997 5401

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1 hour ago, justhookit said:

Double 

whoever mentioned that strip club outside Aransas Pass on the way to Port A has the right idea. Pretty sure that place was just a straight up whorehouse filled with methheads

Yes the carpet was a outline of strippers on a pole.  Me and this girl and my buddy and his wife went in there one night, I still have a picture of me drunkenly swinging around the pole.  They only had like two girls working and they were not attractive.  

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The Ace of Aces

The Ace of Aces 5194

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Two come to mind. 

My favorite was from back in college, 2002ish. A trailer on Highway 21 halfway between Nacogdoches and Chireno. I thiiiiiink the name was Starlights but I can’t recall.

We had hammered beers at Flashbacks in Nac and my buddy said he heard about a decent strip joint so down 21 we went into the deep East Texas unknown.

This trailer was on concrete blocks and at least 1/4 of the roof was gone. Hence the name I guess.  The one dancer looked to be 9 months pregnant, was smoking an unfiltered cigarette and I’m pretty sure had a pile of coke on the edge of the stage. The place had free beer in a bathtub out back but that didn’t entice us to stick around or long.

The other was a literal hole in a wall in some alley in Panama City (the real one, not the Florida imposter). We were with my friends’ dad, a drunk hippie ex-pat, and he says they served cold beer and great jerk chicken. The guy on the front curb had no teeth, no left foot and was grilling chicken inside a metal trash can. This place didn’t have an entrance because the front wall was gone - not artistically but it had collapsed and they failed to pick up debris. It was supposedly safe but I didn’t touch anything while the dad downed chicken and some beer poured into a coffee can.

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Mach 1

Mach 1 1677

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Great thread.

I thought I'd been to some sketchy places,  but apparently not, bravo for surviving, gentlemen. 

Lest you think SoCal is only fake tits and blonde hair I add:

Carlito's Way in Van Nuys

2807178267_5eef08406f_n.jpg

Notice the tenant mix.  I have relatives within walking distance, and we planned on going in for a pop a couple months ago until someone was murdered in the parking lot (not the first).

And SB Bruin will surely know - Jumbo's Clown Room

rhbUmdWb.jpg

Not too bad, just a hole in the wall strip club in east Hollywood with fat chicks in bikinis - no nudity with alcohol in LA, bizarre.  

And last, the wife and kids were out of town awhile back, so I went to a recommended strip club called Sam's Hofbrau in DT LA.

6841551767_7990eacb7c_b.jpg

 

Nope.  The only thing I know about cartels or gangs is from Breaking Bad, and goddamn if I didn't think I was in ABQ with Tuco looking at me from a corner table.  Inhaled my drink, paid a double tip, and GTFO.

 

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Tailgate

Tailgate 3023

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Boomerz in South Austin. Rolled in @ 12am one night after leaving downtown. 

Some dude comes up to me and my buddy and says “see all those people over there.” It looked like some preppy college kids had come to visit. “They’re all on heroin. This is where they come for it.”

WTF GTFO

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cactusflinthead

cactusflinthead 27602

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On 7/26/2019 at 1:17 PM, Trey3216 said:

87 Ice Box in Fredericksburg, TX on Washington Ave.   Absolute lovely little dump.   

 

Every bar in Malone, TX

most every bar in Mingus, TX 

 

Bleacher’s Sports Bar in Garland/Richardson    Used to go there when I was 18 after our softball games when I was playing on my uncle’s team    

 

Even my most outlaw kin in Abilene told me to stay out of Mingus.

 

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RiceOwl

RiceOwl 74

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On 7/26/2019 at 1:17 PM, Trey3216 said:

87 Ice Box in Fredericksburg, TX on Washington Ave.   Absolute lovely little dump.   

 

Every bar in Malone, TX

most every bar in Mingus, TX 

 

Bleacher’s Sports Bar in Garland/Richardson    Used to go there when I was 18 after our softball games when I was playing on my uncle’s team    

 

Some of my family is from... SE Hill County... I’ve been to the Whiskey River in Malone several times.

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 105334

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Saw some roadside bar kinda off in the trees between espanola and Taos NM. It was just a trailer. After a day fishing, my buddy and I decided we needed a beer. We sat there and drank cheap beer with a dude who said he used to be a roadie for Willie. He was surely full of shit - the bartender said he was - but his stories were good.

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Zepol87

Zepol87 9191

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14 hours ago, Vic Mackey said:

Yes sir! Right on Davis in between Hampton and Westmoreland. The parking lot (if you call it that) is nothing but gravel and fits maybe a handful of cars. Went on a few dates there after someone I knew who lived in Oak Cliff recommended it. You have to know where exactly it is because you will pass it. When we went, we sat in the front area by the bar. It was just us 2 there. There was pool tables up the steps past the bar. They have karaoke in there on Thursdays. 

Fireplace Lounge in East Dallas on Samuell/Dolphin is pretty much like Tradewinds. My grandparents were good friends with the owner. They were one night when a car drove straight through the establishment. It was pretty bad but no one was hurt. There is also a very small mexican club on Samuell going further down towards East Grand and Winslow area. I can't remember the name of it but it is sketchy as fuck. @Zepol87 probably knows what I am talking about.

In terms of strip clubs, Tiger's Cabaret in East Dallas with the Malibu bar right next to it is about as sketchy as it gets. Constantly fights. Murders have happened in the parking lot and other shootings. Very small and a dump. But right up my alley (although not as much anymore). 

You talking about Az de Oro? That place will take the cake on shitty. I don't even go anymore 

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Doc Sam Beckett

Doc Sam Beckett 5797

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11 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:

Two come to mind. 

My favorite was from back in college, 2002ish. A trailer on Highway 21 halfway between Nacogdoches and Chireno. I thiiiiiink the name was Starlights but I can’t recall.

We had hammered beers at Flashbacks in Nac and my buddy said he heard about a decent strip joint so down 21 we went into the deep East Texas unknown.

This trailer was on concrete blocks and at least 1/4 of the roof was gone. Hence the name I guess.  The one dancer looked to be 9 months pregnant, was smoking an unfiltered cigarette and I’m pretty sure had a pile of coke on the edge of the stage. The place had free beer in a bathtub out back but that didn’t entice us to stick around or long.

 

This sounds fucking amazing. Take me with you! 

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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3868

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On 7/26/2019 at 7:55 PM, deadshank said:

Was at the end of the street I lived on during my hitch at UT.  Spent many a night there.  Classy joint. 

Lived directly behind it on Robinson.  Was woken a few times by some crazy cat fights at 3-4am.  

Cleaning up bottles and can thrown into the backyard before mowing was a must. 

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP
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GhostOfTomJoad

GhostOfTomJoad 9351

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In the mid '90s I'd go out bar hopping with my (now ex-) wife's uncle in NE San Antonio. One of his favorite dives was The Shady Lady off of Seguin in Kirby. Situated between the choice locations of a trailer park, a rail yard, and an industrial district it was pretty rough cut. But beers were cheap. And he lived just up the road.

We made it our last stop there one night after cruising around in his '66 Corvette (convertible) that he'd taken out for the classic car night at that burger place off 410 (not Chester's....the name escapes me). We plopped down at the bar & order a couple beers. Place was dead. The band sucked. A fat old bar whore was jerking off a guy beneath the table in a corner spot. That's when I told my buddy it was time to go. As we headed out into the parking lot we were hit by a horrible stench. A sewer line between the bar & trailer park had backed up. The entire parking lot was covered in shit which we had to walk through to get to his 'vette. 

We trudged through the shit, put our butts in the seats, took off our shoes & left them there in the parking lot. He only lived a couple miles up the road at Woodlake. We were hosing down the tires & undercarriage  in his driveway at 2AM, trying to get the turds off. From there on the Shady Lady was forever known as the Shitty Lady.

I had to go look it up to see if it was still there. It's now known as Who Know's Lounge (you be you, San Antonio). Looking at the photos it doesn't appear anything's changed in 25 years.

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workswithseed

workswithseed 2111

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On 7/27/2019 at 7:51 AM, Marfa Low Crown said:

Although not particularly sketchy, Charlie's Attic on Airport in Austin deserves some love here. Notorious for not carding, I can't be the only surly poster who waded through the
peanut shells there and drank underage. 

The most sketchy goes to a bar in Nuevo Laredo we stumbled into in high school called La Faena. My buddy went to take a leak after we'd been there for a while and one of the locals forcibly intercepted him and made him use the restroom upstairs. Came to find out there was a guy waiting in the downstairs bathroom who was going to stab the first one of us that walked in. We got the fuck outta there 

But why?

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dcbc

dcbc 14509

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On 7/26/2019 at 3:13 PM, markstanco said:

I told the story on TOS, but for those that didnt read/recall it:

The Uncertain Tavern in Uncertain, TX (Caddo Lake).  Bunch of buddies went down there to fish and drink beer (not in that order) and went to the tavern that evening.  We were all playing pool and this guy with no shoes walks up and puts quarters on the table.  We tell him we are playing in our group, he says "nope Im next.  You didnt have your quarters down"  So I tell him "lsiten, we are playing for $100 a game.  Show me the money and you got next".

He thinks about it, then says "I dont have $100, but I can show you a meth lab and a $300 alligator if I lose."

Still to this day I have no idea what a $300 alligator is. 

Man, I've been to that place once when a friend was having a bachelor party at a nearby house.  Later that night, I ended up participating in a high stakes (for the observers) 40 yard footrace with some dude who couldn't stop talking about his high school football glory days.  He was wearing boots.  I was wearing shoes with some rubber in the soles.  Someone yells go and I'm hustling for the finish line, head down.  I take a peak back and old boy is sprawled out on the slick blacktop. 

 

Friend whose bachelor party it was went back about a year later and showed up to work the next Monday with a hell of a black eye. 

I don't do bars on Caddo if I can help it, but I like hearing stories about the old Buwanna Disco on 43.

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Errestaurants

Errestaurants 2570

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On 7/26/2019 at 1:00 PM, Chad Fuck said:

I was in a bar in Gun Barrel City, Texas once that had chicken wire in front of the stage and a sign that read:  "No spitting, No loud cussing, no nudity."

 

every "Private Club" in Gun Barrel and Seven Points should be on this list especially 10-15 years ago when Meth was really out of control around the lake area. The WalMart in Gun Barrel is a site to behold. I ranch in Kemp and Trinidad, love my peoples.

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Chad Fuck

Chad Fuck 17773

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every "Private Club" in Gun Barrel and Seven Points should be on this list especially 10-15 years ago when Meth was really out of control around the lake area. The WalMart in Gun Barrel is a site to behold. I ranch in Kemp and Trinidad, love my peoples.


This was about 20 years ago. It was the summer before I went to law school and a couple fast friends of mine took me on a bar tour of Seven Points and GBC. I was used to partying in the country north of town in my pre legal age days, but had never been back to drink when I was legal, so they remedied that.

One of my buddies and went to jail that night and the other, in a separate incident where we got pulled over by the Van Zandt county sheriff after he’d broken up a pasture party we were headed to (“Where you boys headed?””Party””Party’s over boys. - he legit said that) narrowly prevented us from going to jail by pouring out all his beer and weed. That was a great distraction from the brick of some illicit substance he had under the driver’s seat. It was an interesting evening and not one I’m likely ever to repeat.

I recall going to three or four bars that night, maybe more.

I can’t recall that the name of the one I reference but the building is still there on the north side of the highway immediately on the east side of the lake, if you’re on the bridge driving east from Seven Points.
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Yarbr

Yarbr 123

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On 7/26/2019 at 3:12 PM, Zwylde said:

Anyone from Houston remember Gunny's Shack on the corner Louetta and Holzwarth?  Growing up in the area we thought it was a death wish to venture in there but actually started going in over the Summer's during college ('90-'92ish).  $.75 MIller Lite's and a badass jukebox full of Country Gold, a couple of domino tables and pool table.  Wasn't really rough at all but then again we never really stayed there late, just late afternoons and early evenings.  

I do, but I'm only 40 so didn't drink there.  My dad would stop when he and I were running errands and drink a beer while i ate jerky. Weird mix, bikers, country and yuppies like us.

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Errestaurants

Errestaurants 2570

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6 minutes ago, Chad Fuck said:

 


This was about 20 years ago. It was the summer before I went to law school and a couple fast friends of mine took me on a bar tour of Seven Points and GBC. I was used to partying in the country north of town in my pre legal age days, but had never been back to drink when I was legal, so they remedied that.

One of my buddies and went to jail that night and the other, in a separate incident where we got pulled over by the Van Zandt county sheriff after he’d broken up a pasture party we were headed to (“Where you boys headed?””Party””Party’s over boys. - he legit said that) narrowly prevented us from going to jail by pouring out all his beer and weed. That was a great distraction from the brick of some illicit substance he had under the driver’s seat. It was an interesting evening and not one I’m likely ever to repeat.

I recall going to three or four bars that night, maybe more.

I can’t recall that the name of the one I reference but the building is still there on the north side of the highway immediately on the east side of the lake, if you’re on the bridge driving east from Seven Points.

 

Walkers landing is right there on the north side of the bridge as you are entering Gun Barrel from Seven Points. it can easily make this list today. Also Rita's Private Club is worth a visit.

 

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Chad Fuck

Chad Fuck 17773

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Walkers landing is right there on the north side of the bridge as you are entering Gun Barrel from Seven Points. it can easily make this list today. Also Rita's Private Club is worth a visit.
 


That may’ve been it. I recall on the South side was Big Chief Landing. But tis no more.

I’ve played half a dozen gigs at Rita’s. Have the T-shirt to prove it.
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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54428

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On 7/27/2019 at 9:43 PM, Tailgate said:

Boomerz in South Austin. Rolled in @ 12am one night after leaving downtown. 

Some dude comes up to me and my buddy and says “see all those people over there.” It looked like some preppy college kids had come to visit. “They’re all on heroin. This is where they come for it.”

WTF GTFO

No fucking way.  A friend of mine's band used to play there.  There was nothing wrong with that place.

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Tailgate

Tailgate 3023

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6 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

No fucking way.  A friend of mine's band used to play there.  There was nothing wrong with that place.

Yep. This was about five years ago. Was at another place and overheard a bartender talking about Boomerz...she was saying the same thing and this was a few weeks ago.

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18575

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 7/27/2019 at 9:51 AM, Marfa Low Crown said:

Although not particularly sketchy, Charlie's Attic on Airport in Austin deserves some love here. Notorious for not carding, I can't be the only surly poster who waded through the
peanut shells there and drank underage. 

Holy shit, I haven't thought about that place in years. I think I was mug #13. 

They had karaoke, but no machine. Karaoke night was the jukebox and a microphone. Nobody could ever remember all the lyrics and it was generally the worst / best karaoke ever. People would just quit halfway through the song.

On the occasions that they had a band, Charlie would make them play Long Black Veil and he insisted on getting up on stage and singing with them. The bands were always gawd awful to begin with, but he made it 1000x worse with the most tone deaf version of Johnny Cash ever. It was painful.  

When Charlie wasn't working the bar, Willie was. I think he was Charlie's brother in law or nephew or something. He had a terrible speech impediment. You couldn't ever understand what the fuck he was saying, "Shy bah? Shy bah?" Yes, Willie, I will have another Shiner Bock. Somebody in our group drunkenly asked him for a Shy Bah once and he got  pissed and started yelling "Ugk fu! Ugk fu!" Willie to English translation: fuck you.

One time this drunk biker bet his other drunk biker friend that he couldn't light his zippo off his forehead. The guy just starts grinding this thing off his forehead -- like 8, 9, 10 times. Blood starts running down his face. The other friend is laughing hysterically. He turns around to us, who are all watching from the next table over and he's laughing so hard he can barely get the words out, "It... doesn't.... have... any... fluid... in it."

There was also one night where we got in a fight that ended up with somebody trying to run us over in the parking lot and everybody running like hell and dodging some asshole in a silver Camaro. Good times!

Edited by Mitch Cumsteen
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