Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[BearSchlong 8083]

You put the car in reverse and the 360 degree camera system shows all the way around the car.

"When you put it in reverse a satellite looks down on the car and shows where the other cars are."

[Buzzrock 14902]

Just watched someone else’s wife back out of the driveway and straight into a car parked on the opposite curb. She hopped out and exclaimed, “Dammit! Second time this month!”

Her husband is kind of an asshole, so I chuckled.

[Buzzrock 14902]

You put the car in reverse and the 360 degree camera system shows all the way around the car.

"When you put it in reverse a satellite looks down on the car and shows where the other cars are."

You didn’t correct her did you?

[Pato del Muerto 52485]

22 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Just watched someone else’s wife back out of the driveway and straight into a car parked on the opposite curb. She hopped out and exclaimed, “Dammit! Second time this month!”

Her husband is kind of an asshole, so I chuckled.

You know she’s mad that people keep parking in her back up area, and not at all aware that she is in the wrong. 

[WhatTheBuck 28775]

6 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

You know she’s mad that people keep parking in her back up area, and not at all aware that she is in the wrong. 

But that's also why I never park directly opposite someone's driveway. 

[Johnny Sack 8397]

Just almost got smoked driving with my son through River Oaks by some dumb bitch in a huge Mercedes SUV. I’m sure it had a backup camera but she didn’t pay attention. I’m at a stop sign and can’t move. She backs up at about 20 mph out of her driveway with ZFG. I lay on the horn and she gives me a pissy face. 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

3 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

But that's also why I never park directly opposite someone's driveway. 

True dat. It’s a bit of a dick move

[Buzzrock 14902]

You know she’s mad that people keep parking in her back up area, and not at all aware that she is in the wrong. 

But that's also why I never park directly opposite someone's driveway. 

 

My wife absolutely got into an affirmation text conversation with the other mom about how people shouldn’t park opposite a driveway.

 

This incident happened at a kids birthday party. There were cars coming and going constantly. But ok, let’s blame the parked car.

 

Edit: almost forgot my favorite part...she left a nice imprint of her backup sensor in the fender of the other car.

[Buzzrock 14902]

Next subject:

You would think that someone would appreciate it if you warned them that you are in a foul mood that has nothing to do with them, and now might not be the best time to talk.

But nooooooo...

[WhatTheBuck 28775]

38 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:

My wife absolutely got into an affirmation text conversation with the other mom about how people shouldn’t park opposite a driveway.

This incident happened at a kids birthday party. There were cars coming and going constantly. But ok, let’s blame the parked car. 

Edit: almost forgot my favorite part...she left a nice imprint of her backup sensor in the fender of the other car.

I don't do it to be courteous. I do it because people are idiots and I don't trust them not to back into my car. 

[Knoxtnhorn 5971]

On the way to Austin for the Spring Game, my wife went for futile attempt #456 in trying to compare her alma mater (UTenn) to mine.  She goes,

”Well Texas May be better at a lot of things but I’m pretty sure we’ve got a better library.”

Me, “You’ve got a Presidential library with an original Gutenberg Bible?”

tone.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Just almost got smoked driving with my son through River Oaks by some dumb bitch in a huge Mercedes SUV. I’m sure it had a backup camera but she didn’t pay attention. I’m at a stop sign and can’t move. She backs up at about 20 mph out of her driveway with ZFG. I lay on the horn and she gives me a pissy face. 

Was she hot?

[You don't know me 1161]

On 4/20/2018 at 2:11 PM, Angry Gorilla said:

Last text as they are getting boat ready to take out...

"Do I take the plastic thing off the thing?"

Weekend hen gathering is complete, right?  Have you called your insurance company yet?  We need an update.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

8 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

On the way to Austin for the Spring Game, my wife went for futile attempt #456 in trying to compare her alma mater (UTenn) to mine.  She goes,

”Well Texas May be better at a lot of things but I’m pretty sure we’ve got a better library.”

Me, “You’ve got a Presidential library with an original Gutenberg Bible?”

tone.

SEC? SEC?

[Angry Gorilla 1766]

2 hours ago, You don't know me said:

Weekend hen gathering is complete, right?  Have you called your insurance company yet?  We need an update.

It's done any supposedly the boat is safe and on the lift, though I have my doubts.  Wasn't planning on going out next weekend, but probably will to take inventory of the damage.

She did send a pic that they somehow scratched the back of the boat but don't know how.  Sounds like bullshit to me, there was no scratch before.

I also had to endure numerous drunken calls on Saturday as I had to walk them through putting the boat up in the slip, lowering the tower, lifting the list, etc.  That may have been the greatest test of patience I have ever gone through.

Her: "Does the canopy on the tower need to be sticking up before you lower it?"

Me: "Yes, it needs to be up before you lower it"

Her: "No it doesn't"

[You don't know me 1161]

5 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

It's done any supposedly the boat is safe and on the lift, though I have my doubts.  Wasn't planning on going out next weekend, but probably will to take inventory of the damage.

She did send a pic that they somehow scratched the back of the boat but don't know how.  Sounds like bullshit to me, there was no scratch before.

I also had to endure numerous drunken calls on Saturday as I had to walk them through putting the boat up in the slip, lowering the tower, lifting the list, etc.  That may have been the greatest test of patience I have ever gone through.

Her: "Does the canopy on the tower need to be sticking up before you lower it?"

Me: "Yes, it needs to be up before you lower it"

Her: "No it doesn't"

Holy hell.  I hate the question, followed by my answer, followed by her assertion that I'm a complete idiot and wrong.

Edited April 23, 2018 by You don't know me
Grammar and such

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

Looks like you got off light. 

Pics of the drunken orgy?

[lateshow 1304]

3 hours ago, You don't know me said:

Weekend hen gathering is complete, right?  Have you called your insurance company yet?  We need an update.

As an insurance agent, all you'd have to do is call me and say "My wife and her friends took the boat out this weekend."

Me: "I got you, fam."

[TrashMaster G 17547]

14 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Next subject:

You would think that someone would appreciate it if you warned them that you are in a foul mood that has nothing to do with them, and now might not be the best time to talk.

But nooooooo...

[Female] Challenge accepted! [/Mind]

[PhillyD 1257]

2 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

It's done any supposedly the boat is safe and on the lift, though I have my doubts.  Wasn't planning on going out next weekend, but probably will to take inventory of the damage.

She did send a pic that they somehow scratched the back of the boat but don't know how.  Sounds like bullshit to me, there was no scratch before.

 

Is it just me or is that quite a bit more than a scratch?  Hard to tell how big it is without context.

I have a feeling you might find just a little bit of "normal wear and tear" on the rest of the property.

[Angry Gorilla 1766]

I can't wait to see the inevitable damage to the dock from the multiple attempts at pulling into the slip.

[retread 2951]

It's going to be a regular thing now that they've done it once.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

1 minute ago, retread said:

It's going to be a regular thing now that they've done it once.

Time to up your insurance policy (both on boat and wife)

[Beau Vine 54207]

17 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Next subject:

You would think that someone would appreciate it if you warned them that you are in a foul mood that has nothing to do with them, and now might not be the best time to talk.

But nooooooo...

 

Preaching to the choir.  Another on the greatest hits album:

"I had a bad day at work.  I don't want to talk about it."

"What happened?"

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!?!??!"

Tone.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

This is why every single woman driving a car home from work is on the phone. 

"OMG, you won't believe what happened at work today!!!"

 

[TrashMaster G 17547]

46 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

 

Preaching to the choir.  Another on the greatest hits album:

"I had a bad day at work.  I don't want to talk about it."

"What happened?"

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY?!?!??!"

Tone.

Missed opportunity, man.

[WithoutAClue 15341]

20 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

On the way to Austin for the Spring Game, my wife went for futile attempt #456 in trying to compare her alma mater (UTenn) to mine.  She goes,

”Well Texas May be better at a lot of things but I’m pretty sure we’ve got a better library.”

Me, “You’ve got a Presidential library with an original Gutenberg Bible?”

tone.

i hate to break it to you but neither does UT. the Gutenburg Bible is in the Harry Ransom Center.

[TKthunder2 4985]

1 hour ago, WithoutAClue said:

i hate to break it to you but neither does UT. the Gutenburg Bible is in the Harry Ransom Center.

The Harry Ransom Center is an archive, library and museum at the University of Texas at Austin, USA

[Knoxtnhorn 5971]

Fine then.  LBJ Library and Harry Ransom Center = two libraries better than that in Knoxville.

[BearSchlong 8083]

It's obvious that angry gorillas wife is an ideal life partner, an incredible mother, a nymphomaniac, smoking hot, and heiress to a large fortune.

 

I mean, he let her take the boat out for chrissakes.

[Sawbonz 27540]

On 4/20/2018 at 7:39 PM, BearSchlong said:

And we are not comingling funds in our marriage. 

At least not until the divorce 

[hornbri 1396]

1 hour ago, TKthunder2 said:

The Harry Ransom Center is an archive, library and museum at the University of Texas at Austin, USA

Yes but not a Presidential Library, it is a technicality but they are different places and about as far apart as possible but still being on the same campus. (still both better then anything Tenn has). 

[Nivek 16923]

1 hour ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Fine then.  LBJ Library and Harry Ransom Center = two libraries better than that in Knoxville.

Tennessee’s main library also has a centaur skeleton.  Having been to both schools, No fucks given about a library, but I liked that old blind man who served food to me and he loved Texans.  

[Stunns38 3460]

Tennessee’s main library also has a centaur skeleton.  Having been to both schools, No fucks given about a library, but I liked that old blind man who served food to me and he loved Texans.  

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[KaiserSoze 998]

For what it's worth, knoxtnhorn and his brother are a fucking abomination when it comes down to the fact that they're educators. If I'm a representative of the University of Texas during the time they were awarded degrees I should be fucking fired. Neither of them can spell or complete a sentence worth a shit past a 5th-grade education. It's god damn embarrassing.

 

 

[cactusflinthead 27598]

what the hell is this shit? focus. 

 

[El Moco 45]

My wife is always getting on my case about me farting, and without a gall bladder, they’re pretty bad.  She keeps on me to go to the bathroom if I have to fart.  So, I went to the bathroom when one came up and she started to bitch at me because she walked in on it.  Go figure.

[HenryJames 66038]

lol wut

[Mitch Cumsteen 18547]

Library talk not going away....

Last night, my son had a strings performance in the basketball gym at Blossom Athletic Center in San Antonio. Right next to the gym is the football stadium where all the teams from the Northeast Independent School District play. I explain all of this to my wife and tell her about how I used to go to the football games there when I was in high school and also tell her about how the Spurs used to hold training camp in the basketball gym where we were sitting. About midway through the performance, while sitting inside the basketball gym, she turns to me and says, "They play football games in here?"

[HenryJames 66038]

I went to Spurs baskeball camp there as a kid so this hits close to home or something.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

4 minutes ago, HenryJames said:

I went to Spurs baskeball camp there as a kid so this hits close to home or something.

You played football?

[High Plains Drifter 11031]

Couple of nights ago I'm up late working at the dining room table. Its quiet, kids are asleep, wife is asleep. Wife wakes up, comes into dining room, we exchange pleasantries. She goes to bathroom, gets some water from the kitchen, sits on the couch for five minutes while she looks at her phone, goes back to bed.

I get up and turn off the kitchen light, bathroom light, and two lamps in the living room that she turned on and left on.

[Knoxtnhorn 5971]

12 hours ago, KaiserSoze said:

For what it's worth, knoxtnhorn and his brother are a fucking abomination when it comes down to the fact that they're educators. If I'm a representative of the University of Texas during the time they were awarded degrees I should be fucking fired. Neither of them can spell or complete a sentence worth a shit past a 5th-grade education. It's god damn embarrassing.

 

 

I have no idea what you’re talking about or why you’ve decided to personally attack me (and JamesLaw).  I’m a damn fine teacher, and JamesLaw does quite well with his own company.  

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

He's Surly.

[tbone_ 14111]

Library smack is pretty intense.

[Leeroy Jenkins 2402]

On the way to Austin for the Spring Game, my wife went for futile attempt #456 in trying to compare her alma mater (UTenn) to mine.  She goes,
”Well Texas May be better at a lot of things but I’m pretty sure we’ve got a better library.”
Me, “You’ve got a Presidential library with an original Gutenberg Bible?”
tone.

They have a better basketball coach. (Runs and hides)

[Knoxtnhorn 5971]

It is.  I’m not quite sure what happened.  I don’t do politics so it’s not as if we have a history.  I’m also under the impression that my spelling and grammar is up to code save for the occasional mistake(s) made when in a hurry.

[HOOKEM4 5036]

14 hours ago, KaiserSoze said:

For what it's worth, knoxtnhorn and his brother are a fucking abomination when it comes down to the fact that they're educators. If I'm a representative of the University of Texas during the time they were awarded degrees I should be fucking fired. Neither of them can spell or complete a sentence worth a shit past a 5th-grade education. It's god damn embarrassing.

 

 

Chill, knoxtnhorn isn't the only dude fucking your wife. No need to send all the rage his way. Spread it out.

[Jameslaw121 4448]

15 hours ago, KaiserSoze said:

For what it's worth, knoxtnhorn and his brother are a fucking abomination when it comes down to the fact that they're educators. If I'm a representative of the University of Texas during the time they were awarded degrees I should be fucking fired. Neither of them can spell or complete a sentence worth a shit past a 5th-grade education. It's god damn embarrassing.

 

 

You seem like a dick. Did I fuck your wife or something? 

 

Also, I'm not an educator nor have I ever claimed to be. Knox and his wife are and the shit they've done for their students is pretty fucking amazing. 

[Beau Vine 54207]

Team KnoxJameslaw.