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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12461

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Having a wife that compulsively cleans sounds awesome in theory, but be careful what you wish for.

It becomes a weapon that is used against you.  It quickly becomes something that she's "doing for you" even if you don't give a fuck that the shelf was dusted for the third time this week.  In reality it's just some kind of neuroses coming to the surface that you're expected to be super excited about whether you give a shit or not.

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hundredTT

hundredTT 578

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7 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Having a wife that compulsively cleans sounds awesome in theory, but be careful what you wish for.

It becomes a weapon that is used against you.  It quickly becomes something that she's "doing for you" even if you don't give a fuck that the shelf was dusted for the third time this week.  In reality it's just some kind of neuroses coming to the surface that you're expected to be super excited about whether you give a shit or not.

This man gets it. Noticed I said cleaning like a lunatic. I'm working from home, and getting last min errands done before we leave. I'm getting that  passive aggressive cleaning treatment where she is extra loud, acting like I'm not doing shit. I know this game very well, but I let her know before hand I have a lot do do before we head out. Cleaning is not a priority,  and the house is not even remotely dirty. She will be scrambling packing last minute now, all because the she took time to dust the guest room top shelf, and reorganize the entire decor on the shelves...

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Buffsoldier

Buffsoldier 1895

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5 hours ago, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

I am slightly disappoint.

I fully expected, "I left my key in the house."

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Nolacycling

Nolacycling 893

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6 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

This man gets it. Noticed I said cleaning like a lunatic. I'm working from home, and getting last min errands done before we leave. I'm getting that  passive aggressive cleaning treatment where she is extra loud, acting like I'm not doing shit. I know this game very well, but I let her know before hand I have a lot do do before we head out. Cleaning is not a priority,  and the house is not even remotely dirty. She will be scrambling packing last minute now, all because the she took time to dust the guest room top shelf, and reorganize the entire decor on the shelves...

You forgot to mention that she volunteered to go with elementary class to the museum the day before you travel. 

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12461

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6 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

This man gets it. Noticed I said cleaning like a lunatic. I'm working from home, and getting last min errands done before we leave. I'm getting that  passive aggressive cleaning treatment where she is extra loud, acting like I'm not doing shit. I know this game very well, but I let her know before hand I have a lot do do before we head out. Cleaning is not a priority,  and the house is not even remotely dirty. She will be scrambling packing last minute now, all because the she took time to dust the guest room top shelf, and reorganize the entire decor on the shelves...

We don't have kids yet, so our house (other than the bedroom, because I hate putting clothes in dressers) never gets all that dirty or cluttered.  She cleans some part of the house nearly every day.  It's not usually done in a passive-aggressive fashion, but sometimes it is.  In reality, it's more of a constant fear of someone coming into our house and finding it imperfect.  Mostly because her mom takes shots at anything that isn't perfect when she's at our place.

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txhorns

txhorns 2409

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My wife has steam cleaned the carpets in our house 4 times in the last month.  But she still smells something funky so she will probsbly do it again this week.  Last night I put an old grill out on the curb hoping someone would take it.  She got mad at me and started passive aggressively cleaning the house because "what if the person who takes the grill comes into the house?".

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15346

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14 minutes ago, txhorns said:

My wife has steam cleaned the carpets in our house 4 times in the last month.  But she still smells something funky so she will probsbly do it again this week.  Last night I put an old grill out on the curb hoping someone would take it.  She got mad at me and started passive aggressively cleaning the house because "what if the person who takes the grill comes into the house?".

They get shot...

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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3868

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20 minutes ago, txhorns said:

My wife has steam cleaned the carpets in our house 4 times in the last month.  But she still smells something funky so she will probsbly do it again this week.  Last night I put an old grill out on the curb hoping someone would take it.  She got mad at me and started passive aggressively cleaning the house because "what if the person who takes the grill comes into the house?".

Mold from staying wet?

Beware she is laying the ground work for replacing the carpet with wood floors.

Edited by ShaggyBevo RIP
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Nivek

Nivek 16923

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My wife has steam cleaned the carpets in our house 4 times in the last month.  But she still smells something funky so she will probsbly do it again this week.  Last night I put an old grill out on the curb hoping someone would take it.  She got mad at me and started passive aggressively cleaning the house because "what if the person who takes the grill comes into the house?".

She’s fucking craigslist hobos.
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52-80

52-80 19151

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1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Having a wife that compulsively cleans sounds awesome in theory, but be careful what you wish for.

It becomes a weapon that is used against you.  It quickly becomes something that she's "doing for you" even if you don't give a fuck that the shelf was dusted for the third time this week.  In reality it's just some kind of neuroses coming to the surface that you're expected to be super excited about whether you give a shit or not.

Absofuckinglutely.  She also told me once that she *enjoys* cleaning - it's relaxing and therapeutic.

 

Of course, when she's in a bad mood and cleaning, it magically becomes a burden and chore.

 

Also, while she's very very clean, she's not very very neat.  I'm the opposite.  If the stove splatters WHILE I'm cooking a steak, it's a problem.  If I mention her pile of mail and paper that's collected on the dining table for 3 weeks - "why do you bring that up, I don't have time, I've been so busy cleaning the floor....."

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12461

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4 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

Absofuckinglutely.  She also told me once that she *enjoys* cleaning - it's relaxing and therapeutic.

 

Of course, when she's in a bad mood and cleaning, it magically becomes a burden and chore.

 

Also, while she's very very clean, she's not very very neat.  I'm the opposite.  If the stove splatters WHILE I'm cooking a steak, it's a problem.  If I mention her pile of mail and paper that's collected on the dining table for 3 weeks - "why do you bring that up, I don't have time, I've been so busy cleaning the floor....."

Are you, uh, married to my wife too?

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tbone_

tbone_ 14118

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Or the old paint.

 

Then the drapes won’t work anymore. And because there is something odd about your window size you will need custom drapes that are 1.5 inches longer than off the shelf drapes and 10x the cost of off the shelf drapes. Because god forbid the length looks weird.

 

 

 

 

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ChickenSandwich

ChickenSandwich 9834

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5 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Having a wife that compulsively cleans sounds awesome in theory, but be careful what you wish for.

It becomes a weapon that is used against you.  It quickly becomes something that she's "doing for you" even if you don't give a fuck that the shelf was dusted for the third time this week.  In reality it's just some kind of neuroses coming to the surface that you're expected to be super excited about whether you give a shit or not.

Hire a maid every other week and then point out how the maid does it better. 

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DCA_HORN

DCA_HORN 725

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Common but cleans before the maid comes.

Has a ten year old car with 50k miles but in very good condition. Slight rattle in the front end? I need a new car. Flat tire after a month of the tire pressure light on? I need a new car.

Travel for a few weeks to Europe or Asia only packs a backpack. A weekend to NYC vegas or la? Two suitcases.

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Asithappens

Asithappens 974

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18 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Having a wife that compulsively cleans sounds awesome in theory, but be careful what you wish for.

It becomes a weapon that is used against you.  It quickly becomes something that she's "doing for you" even if you don't give a fuck that the shelf was dusted for the third time this week.  In reality it's just some kind of neuroses coming to the surface that you're expected to be super excited about whether you give a shit or not.

Not to go Dr. Phil here, but the problem here isn't the cleaning. It's something else and the cleaning is merely the manifestation of the problem. 

 

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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12461

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Not to go Dr. Phil here, but the problem here isn't the cleaning. It's something else and the cleaning is merely the manifestation of the problem. 
 


Read my next post in the thread. I’m pretty sure it’s rooted in an insecurity that results from my MIL constantly criticizing our home (which has happened anywhere my wife has lived).
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ABSR

ABSR 5310

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16 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Once you've done that it really doesn't make sense to keep the old furniture. 

And the wall color doesn’t work so it needs to be repainted.  She will start randomly painting different colors on the wall around the room.  After you collect a rainbow she will decide none of those are good and start with a new batch of color options.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52490

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1 hour ago, ABSR said:

And the wall color doesn’t work so it needs to be repainted.  She will start randomly painting different colors on the wall around the room.  After you collect a rainbow she will decide none of those are good and start with a new batch of color options.

Once you’ve redone the floors and walls, and updated the furniture , there will suddenly never be a better time to list the house for sale. It’ll never look better than it does right now!

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Asithappens

Asithappens 974

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11 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

 


Read my next post in the thread. I’m pretty sure it’s rooted in an insecurity that results from my MIL constantly criticizing our home (which has happened anywhere my wife has lived).

 

Is your wife getting mad at her mom or at you?

Think about it.

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 5974

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LOL.  Had the extended family over last night.  One of the semi-adopted kids of my younger brother and his wife stated that he wasn't very smart.  My wife and I - both teachers - went in on the, "Everyone has a gift" speech.  Then my wife put her foot in her put in her mouth...

Wife:  When I was growing up, there was a girl in my school that was so smart, she ended up in GT (Gifted and Talented) AND was able to skip a grade.  Unfortunately, she threw it all away and ended up becoming a bus driver.

Brother and his wife at the same time:  Hey!  We're truck drivers!!

Thing is, my wife is the least elitist person I've ever met but.... phrasing.

Edited by Knoxtnhorn
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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

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On 4/5/2019 at 6:12 PM, tbone_ said:

Or the old paint.

 

Then the drapes won’t work anymore. And because there is something odd about your window size you will need custom drapes that are 1.5 inches longer than off the shelf drapes and 10x the cost of off the shelf drapes. Because god forbid the length looks weird.

 

 

 

 

Exactly how getting new shower fittings turned into a $30k bathroom remodel.  

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18548

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Wife goes over to her sister's house yesterday and the place is filthy. I mean, she lives like a pig and I refuse to go over there or send my kids over there. It's a borderline health hazard.

Wife wakes up this morning and talks to her sister who reports that she has pink eye and so does one of her kids. My wife starts to freak, "Oh my God, when I woke up this morning I couldn't open my eyes. They are itching like crazy. It feels like I have spray net in them. I just know I have pink eye too and I caught it at their house because it's so filthy and disgusting. I was out sick last week and I can't afford to miss any more work. You have to do something."

So I call the number on the insurance where you can talk to the doctor and if it's something simple, they will write you a script. My wife has no idea this feature exists and is about to go to the doc in the box. But no problem, in about 2 minutes the guy gets me a prescription for some drops, I go to CVS and get them for her. 

I put the drops in for her every two hours all day long. Wife is complaining about her eyes burning  off and on. She's also making me and the kids wash our hands every five minutes. About 5 o'clock or so, she talks to her sister again who tells her, "No, false alarm on the pink eye. I don't have it. I'm fine."

Amazingly, my wife's eye started feeling better but  now she's pissed off at her sister for making her take eye drops unnecessarily all day long.

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Modessit

Modessit 5600

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Came to bed last night to find the wife asleep and the bathroom light on. Turned it off and the hallway nightlight (for the kids to use the bathroom in the middle of the night) is shining into the room so I shut the door partway. This morning she complains that she didn't sleep well because the light from my phone kept her awake.

 

 

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SHOOTER12

SHOOTER12 8805

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On 4/5/2019 at 7:59 AM, SquishMitten said:

Background: Installed an smart lock on our front door. It opens automatically when you get home if it makes a Bluetooth connection with your phone. If that fails, you can open the app and unlock it. You can also still use your key like a poor person.

Wife comes home the other day, and it doesn’t unlock. She calls me, but I miss the call. I eventually call her back and she’s pissed that she’s locked out and stuck on the porch.

Her: I guess my phone isn’t working because the door won’t unlock.

Me: I think your phone IS working since you called me. Did you try the app?

Her: No. That won’t work because my phone isn’t working.

Me: Again. Your phone is working. But why not use your key?

Her: Shit. *Click

New leader in the clubhouse... Poor mrs. Squish

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