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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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4th and 5

4th and 5 4914

Posted
Posted
13 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

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tbone_

tbone_ 14121

Posted
Posted
I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 
Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 
It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

Bro, lighten up get the massage. They’re awesome. Plus, let the wife feel like she did something good. Big fat girls with strong arms are the best. Dudes are a no go though.
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Pig Bellmont

Pig Bellmont 8717

Posted
Posted
28 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

Just reschedule. I’ve never heard of a spa or massage place that just keeps the money for a missed appointment - it’s like a gift card for a specific service. Or don’t let your wife try and do something nice for you. It’s your marriage 

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28779

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

She's cheating on you. 

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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

You're clearly gay. NTTAWWT.

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Thatguy

Thatguy 8698

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

   Yeah, I don't like massages either. Waste of money if you ask me. I told the wife a long time ago that she can do just about anything for me, but don't buy me a massage. She hasn't, though she revisits it with the same ole line of questioning.

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Sandman

Sandman 3403

Posted
Posted

I'm anti-massage as well, can't stand the thought of someone touching me. It's a no-win situation, regardless. Either it'll wind up being a dude giving the massage, which is a definite no, or it'll be a chick and I'll for sure get a hard-on and then I'll be "that guy". Why even put myself in that situation? 

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54220

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

I need a ruling here from the marshalls. 

Wife decides to purchase a massage for me, even though I don’t want one and never had one and don’t like people touching me. 

It was for like 5 days after she told me. I forget the appointment. I tell her I missed it, she gets mad at me for wasting money. 

So no happy ending?

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G650

G650 14255

Posted
Posted

I honestly was super anit-massage for eons, but I had to start getting sports massage on my legs for recovery during my heavy training blocks for cycling. I have to admit I'm hooked now. Still not huge on upper body stuff, but got damn the leg action is sweet.

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, Sandman said:

I'm anti-massage as well, can't stand the thought of someone touching me. It's a no-win situation, regardless. Either it'll wind up being a dude giving the massage, which is a definite no, or it'll be a chick and I'll for sure get a hard-on and then I'll be "that guy". Why even put myself in that situation? 

 

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, Js1 said:

Men: I don't like random strangers touching me

Also men: Here, you strange whore, dance on me while I throw dollar bills at you

 

Exactly. I had never had a massage before until about 5 years ago when my wife bought me one with the girl she uses. It was life changing (not in the Robert Kraft way). She found knots I never knew were there and I now go at least once every few months. The funniest thing about someone worrying about getting a guy you get to choose who you want in most cases.

 

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Js1

Js1 85325

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

Exactly. I had never had a massage before until about 5 years ago when my wife bought me one with the girl she uses. It was life changing (not in the Robert Kraft way). She found knots I never knew were there and I now go at least once every few months. The funniest thing about someone worrying about getting a guy you get to choose who you want in most cases. 

 

I've been a massage proponent for years.

And for the "oh noes I might get a man and it would break my fragile masculinity" - pro athletes get massages from men all the time.  A sports massage from a highly trained and qualified man/person is one of the greatest things you can get for all the Surly manly gym bros.  

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Js1

Js1 85325

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Two weeks in China changed my mind. For about 5 bucks, you could get a kick ass foot/neck/shoulder massage that would make you feel like you could walk thru walls.

Same in Thailand.  About $10 USD with tip.  I didn't know my body stretched like that. 

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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3868

Posted
Posted
On 4/17/2019 at 6:00 AM, mulletpelini said:

I keep trying to imagine a man saying this but it's just doesn't seem possible.

It is like making sure you drive the wife's car on a beer run every 6 weeks or so to listen to how it is running, scroll thru the maintenance screens, and check for any warning lights.

I also jinxed myself, the heating element shit the bed on our 12 year old dryer this morning.  

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

Posted
Posted
On ‎4‎/‎17‎/‎2019 at 1:36 PM, WhatTheBuck said:

She's cheating on you. 

Yep. She's trying to spread the guilt around. She figures if some gal is rubbing you down with oil then her dalliances are no worse so all's well. File first and get the jump on this situation but look on the bright side, you're going to have lots of free time soon.

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lateshow

lateshow 1304

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Js1 said:

I've been a massage proponent for years.

And for the "oh noes I might get a man and it would break my fragile masculinity" - pro athletes get massages from men all the time.  A sports massage from a highly trained and qualified man/person is one of the greatest things you can get for all the Surly manly gym bros.  

They're afraid they'll catch the gay.

Also, massages kick ass. That's really all I've got.

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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

Posted
Posted

There are two massage therapists our family uses, and one of them is a gayer than hell male nurse. Doesn't matter to me in the slightest. He's completely professional, really good at what he does, and charges reasonable rates. He shares office space with his sister, and she's every bit as good, though she tends to talk too much.

Tl:dr, massages rock.

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

Posted
Posted
 
Exactly. I had never had a massage before until about 5 years ago when my wife bought me one with the girl she uses. It was life changing (not in the Robert Kraft way). She found knots I never knew were there and I now go at least once every few months. The funniest thing about someone worrying about getting a guy you get to choose who you want in most cases.
 

My wife went through a horrible period with migraines. Tried new eyeglasses, meds, you name it. The Dr had upped her meds to the point where she almost couldn’t function. Her boss sent her to his massage guy. Immediate relief.

We were able to wean her back off all the meds except for her daily dose she had already been on before all of this happened. She goes every couple of months and no migraines.

She sent me. I cussed up a storm for an hour and was sore for two weeks afterward. Hadn’t felt that good in a while.
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