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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28779

Posted
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7 minutes ago, txhorns said:

I was gone all day yesterday.  Got home at 10:05.  Pulled up and my wife's SUV was in the driveway instead of the garage.  The driver's door was open as was the back door.  Wife's wallet and keys were sitting on driver's seat.  Went inside and wife was asleep, 3 year old was still awake, 2 lights on and all doors unlocked.

Sorry about that. We got a little carried away. And "all day" doesn't mean you're coming home at 10:05. Give us a courtesy call a half hour in advance next time and we'll tie up all the loose ends. 

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txhorns

txhorns 2409

Posted
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41 minutes ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Sorry about that. We got a little carried away. And "all day" doesn't mean you're coming home at 10:05. Give us a courtesy call a half hour in advance next time and we'll tie up all the loose ends. 

No wonder she said her day was underwhelming and over before it really started.

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11669

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On 4/16/2019 at 7:19 PM, Judge Roybeanbag said:

My wife did her own research and decided on a minimum frills top loader similar to the 25 year old kenmore we have at our old house.  I was proud of her.  #team top loader.  

This kind of wife practicality has no place in this thread.

Shame! Shame!

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Tyler Durden

Tyler Durden 132

Posted
Posted
I was gone all day yesterday.  Got home at 10:05.  Pulled up and my wife's SUV was in the driveway instead of the garage.  The driver's door was open as was the back door.  Wife's wallet and keys were sitting on driver's seat.  Went inside and wife was asleep, 3 year old was still awake, 2 lights on and all doors unlocked.

We need the story on the dumbfuckery. It’s okay to post a picture if she’s hit. We will understand and assume she Fucking someone else.
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Thatguy

Thatguy 8692

Posted
Posted (edited)
17 hours ago, txhorns said:

I was gone all day yesterday.  Got home at 10:05.  Pulled up and my wife's SUV was in the driveway instead of the garage.  The driver's door was open as was the back door.  Wife's wallet and keys were sitting on driver's seat.  Went inside and wife was asleep, 3 year old was still awake, 2 lights on and all doors unlocked.

    Came home late last night as well. One of the garage doors was wide open. I asked the wife to have our 10 year old daughter bring the garbage can in when I Ieft earlier that day. Of course she assumed the 10 year old closed the garage door. Meanwhile I have a drag car, my old supercharged mustang, and all the spare parts for both cars and tools laying around the garage. Lucky we live in a great area.

Edited by Thatguy
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Js1

Js1 85321

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, txhorns said:

I was gone all day yesterday.  Got home at 10:05.  Pulled up and my wife's SUV was in the driveway instead of the garage.  The driver's door was open as was the back door.  Wife's wallet and keys were sitting on driver's seat.  Went inside and wife was asleep, 3 year old was still awake, 2 lights on and all doors unlocked.

She was carjacked.  But he returned her after a cool 45 minutes or so.  Probably. 

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G650

G650 14254

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, txhorns said:

I was gone all day yesterday.  Got home at 10:05.  Pulled up and my wife's SUV was in the driveway instead of the garage.  The driver's door was open as was the back door.  Wife's wallet and keys were sitting on driver's seat.  Went inside and wife was asleep, 3 year old was still awake, 2 lights on and all doors unlocked.

Dude. This is insane.

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JSB

JSB 677

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Posted

Kids opened their Easter candy this weekend to find it all had melted. Turns out, my wife stopped to pick it up before going to run errands for a few hours. She thought it would be fine in the car since it was only in the 70s that day, and no, she did not crack a window. 

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txhorns

txhorns 2409

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8 minutes ago, G650 said:

@txhorns just left us hanging.

Lol sorry I've been busy melting down over the damn baseball team.  Looks like some clarification is needed.  The back door to the car, not the house, was open although all house doors were unlocked.  Kid was playing in his room.  Wife had not been drinking.  Wife was exhausted from watching the kid's all day and taking them all over the place.  They went to 1 Easter egg hunt and her parent's house.

Funny how when she was gone for the weekend a month ago both kids were passed out while I watched sports by 7:30 at night.

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

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Posted
Lol sorry I've been busy melting down over the damn baseball team.  Looks like some clarification is needed.  The back door to the car, not the house, was open although all house doors were unlocked.  Kid was playing in his room.  Wife had not been drinking.  Wife was exhausted from watching the kid's all day and taking them all over the place.  They went to 1 Easter egg hunt and her parent's house.
Funny how when she was gone for the weekend a month ago both kids were passed out while I watched sports by 7:30 at night.

When my kids were little and my wife was away, my goal was to wear them out as quickly as possible as well.
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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17554

Posted
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20 minutes ago, txhorns said:

Lol sorry I've been busy melting down over the damn baseball team.  Looks like some clarification is needed.  The back door to the car, not the house, was open although all house doors were unlocked.  Kid was playing in his room.  Wife had not been drinking.  Wife was exhausted from watching the kid's all day and taking them all over the place.  They went to 1 Easter egg hunt and her parent's house.

Funny how when she was gone for the weekend a month ago both kids were passed out while I watched sports by 7:30 at night.

Watching the kid's what?

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txhorns

txhorns 2409

Posted
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12 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:


When my kids were little and my wife was away, my goal was to wear them out as quickly as possible as well.

It's the easiest way to parent.  Tired kids are good kids and easy to watch.  The Saturday my wife was gone we went to Urban Air for 2 hours, Chick Fil A, Home Depot, Academy, the park for an hour, took the dog for a walk and I taught my 3 year old son how to grill hot dogs (I had a steak).  The kid actually asked to go to bed just after 7 and slept in the next day.  When my wife is home it's a battle to get them in bed by 8:30.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

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Lol sorry I've been busy melting down over the damn baseball team.  Looks like some clarification is needed.  The back door to the car, not the house, was open although all house doors were unlocked.  Kid was playing in his room.  Wife had not been drinking.  Wife was exhausted from watching the kid's all day and taking them all over the place.  They went to 1 Easter egg hunt and her parent's house.
Funny how when she was gone for the weekend a month ago both kids were passed out while I watched sports by 7:30 at night.
Such a hard day. So stressful
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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

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1 hour ago, JSB said:

Kids opened their Easter candy this weekend to find it all had melted. Turns out, my wife stopped to pick it up before going to run errands for a few hours. She thought it would be fine in the car since it was only in the 70s that day, and no, she did not crack a window. 

Don't ever let her take your dog.

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JSB

JSB 677

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What if he doesn't like the dog?


I love my dog, but she will not get into the car willingly which makes it just about impossible for my wife to take her anywhere on her own. My kids on the other hand have me a bit concerned.
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ulukinatme

ulukinatme 1763

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 4/21/2019 at 2:24 PM, txhorns said:

I was gone all day yesterday.  Got home at 10:05.  Pulled up and my wife's SUV was in the driveway instead of the garage.  The driver's door was open as was the back door.  Wife's wallet and keys were sitting on driver's seat.  Went inside and wife was asleep, 3 year old was still awake, 2 lights on and all doors unlocked.

Damn, thought it was bad when my wife leaves the keys in the lock of the front door.  This is on a whole 'nother level though.

3 hours ago, JSB said:

Kids opened their Easter candy this weekend to find it all had melted. Turns out, my wife stopped to pick it up before going to run errands for a few hours. She thought it would be fine in the car since it was only in the 70s that day, and no, she did not crack a window. 

This reminded me of Easter Sunday.  The wife was getting the kids dressed up while I was getting ready to meet my parents for church.  She was taking them to an Easter egg hunt at her parent's place while I'm at church.  She decided not to put the candy up after getting their outfits on, knowing full well that my 3 year old and my 7 year old (Autistic) make a mess with candy.  Melted chocolate on the youngest's shirt, and chocolate all over the oldest's pants.  She's losing it, but I just laugh to my myself and said "Gotta go, I'm late."

Edited by ulukinatme
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ABSR

ABSR 5311

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, JSB said:

Kids opened their Easter candy this weekend to find it all had melted. Turns out, my wife stopped to pick it up before going to run errands for a few hours. She thought it would be fine in the car since it was only in the 70s that day, and no, she did not crack a window. 

Did she at least give it a bowl of water?

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5211

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7 hours ago, txhorns said:

It's the easiest way to parent.  Tired kids are good kids and easy to watch.  The Saturday my wife was gone we went to Urban Air for 2 hours, Chick Fil A, Home Depot, Academy, the park for an hour, took the dog for a walk and I taught my 3 year old son how to grill hot dogs (I had a steak).  The kid actually asked to go to bed just after 7 and slept in the next day.  When my wife is home it's a battle to get them in bed by 8:30.

It's hard to wear down kids when you're busy seeing how your friends are passing you by on facebook!

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hookem48

hookem48 4687

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Stopped by Kroger on the way home today and walked out just in time to see a tornado go by (Bryan Tx, 4:45pm). Called the wife who was still at work and told her I just watched a tornado from Kroger parking lot and it's heading toward our house, wife responds "did you get my coffee mate?" 

This video was from right down the road.

Our house is a few miles east of town and the tornado petered out before it got there and no I didn't get her damn coffee mate.

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