Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[WhatTheBuck 28793]

3 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

And then bitches about having to take care of the dog.

And the dog dies. 

[WhatTheBuck 28793]

On May 22, 2019 at 6:48 PM, Anastasis said:

What kind of a fucking communist do you have to be to cut an onion like this.

The kind that wants to quickly dice a little onion?

On May 22, 2019 at 10:12 PM, mulletpelini said:

I actually cut my onions that way, I prefer rings myself.

If you want rings then you should be cutting cross sections. 

[thunderlounge 7889]

[Incredulity 11679]

Just got notice mother-in-law is coming to town for holiday weekend.

 

guess I will work Monday.

[Thatguy 8761]

6 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

"So we all joke about how a simple fridge purchase can end up costing you a lot of money........."

 

Dude I am not watching a 14 minute long video. Get out of here with that bullshit

You don't have to watch all 14 mins. Also, dude is a comedian so..........

[Pato del Muerto 52532]

23 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Just got notice mother-in-law is coming to town for holiday weekend.

 

guess I will work Monday.

 

3 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

 

 

[Incredulity 11679]

1 minute ago, Pato del Muerto said:

 

 

Exactly.

 

she has known for weeks but just told me 2hrs before arrival.

almost through my second double bourbon.  Two more and this will get interesting.

[Pato del Muerto 52532]

Just now, Incredulity said:

Exactly.

 

she has known for weeks but just told me 2hrs before arrival.

almost through my second double bourbon.  Two more and this will get interesting.

That’s complete bullshit. 

[Incredulity 11679]

3 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

That’s complete bullshit. 

Yes.

MIL is pretty much the sole source of disagreement in our marriage.

fucking sucks

[retread 2951]

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

And the dog dies. 

Poor gal thought she was going to have a whole weekend of quiet to recover from surgery.

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

1 hour ago, BurntEyes said:

My ex was black.

What is she now?

[Clintonaldo 2576]

1 hour ago, BurntEyes said:

On women and time.. I'll submit the following but a refresher for those that don't recall from TOS. My ex was black. Now, she was not hood at all as opposed to me and she often pointed out that reality. I was the hoodrat in the relationship.

I preface all that because some of you might know there is white people time, Latin people time, and there there is black people. They do not have a time, at least the females I've know sure as shit don't 

Anyway, in order to arrive on time, for ANYTHING, I had to collaborate with her friends and the deception. In fact, it was their idea. Also, we almost always did shit with her friends.

If we were to be a place for drinks at 6, we would tell her that folks were getting together at 3.

This was back in my drinking days, so, to help push the deception along I would leave our house for cocktails at the local bar at 2. 

That would allow me 4 hours of relaxation time prior to meeting her friends at 6.

I fucking hate black time ( no racist). My wife’s sister has a child with a black dude and the yearly birthday party is a shit show. You have 20 pissed off white people starving because they showed up 30 minutes early for a party and end up waiting 3 hours for the first guest on his side to arrive with something that needs to be put in the oven for a spell. 

 

I just sit back and nail a beer and watch the awkwardness. 

[HenryJames 66134]

6 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Any guesses on how this ends? 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21912]

I fucking hate black time ( no racist). My wife’s sister has a child with a black dude and the yearly birthday party is a shit show. You have 20 pissed off white people starving because they showed up 30 minutes early for a party and end up waiting 3 hours for the first guest on his side to arrive with something that needs to be put in the oven for a spell. 
 
I just sit back and nail a beer and watch the awkwardness. 

And you should treat them just like tardy wives. If they don’t care enough to show up on time then they shouldn’t care when the party is over by the time they get there.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

1 hour ago, Incredulity said:

Exactly.

 

she has known for weeks but just told me 2hrs before arrival.

almost through my second double bourbon.  Two more and this will get interesting.

how you holding up? remember, we're here for you

[Incredulity 11679]

1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

how you holding up? remember, we're here for you

Cigar and more bourbon alone with itunes in the backyard.  Getting up early tomorrow to “get some stuff for the yard”.  Set up golf on Monday with a buddy, but telling the wife I am going to work. Any luck I will have 6 or so hours of facetime with the MIL over the next  72hrs.

If I play this right I probably get some favors next week too.  So I am calming down.

[Pato del Muerto 52532]

You won’t get favors. But you might swing a quiet Father’s Day of nothing but watching golf while drinking. I’d shoot for that. 

[Knoxtnhorn 6064]

I just want to say, "Thanks for the laughs" on this page.  I'm up at 1AM, cracking up like a psycho.  Carry on.

[Thatguy 8761]

It's 6:24am. My wife and daughter are up to go to a track meet. This should be fucking fantastic.

[HenryJames 66134]

Have they left yet?

[Thatguy 8761]

Have they left yet?

We got here only an hour late. Not that bad at my house. It's usually much much worse.

Sent from my SM-N950U using Tapatalk

[Teddyballgame 441]

Wife is wanting a new car.  So, we were talking about what she wanted and I asked her what color she preferred .. her response was “I don’t know, what color do I have now?”

 

[RoundRobin 828]

That’s awesome. 

[52-80 19204]

My wife can't come to terms with the fact that our car has dual-zone climate control.  This is how she interfaces with it:

 

"Honey it's too hot/cold, can you turn on the ac/heating?"

 

5 minutes later: *slams all her vents shut*

 

Nevermind there's a rotary knob right there where you dial an exact temperature.....

 

 

[deadshank 24653]

1 hour ago, Teddyballgame said:

Wife is wanting a new car.  So, we were talking about what she wanted and I asked her what color she preferred .. her response was “I don’t know, what color do I have now?”

 

Are you married to Helen Keller?

[Teddyballgame 441]

59 minutes ago, deadshank said:

Are you married to Helen Keller?

Maybe so, she was sitting at a window and the car was no more than 25 ft away when she asked

[deadshank 24653]

15 minutes ago, Teddyballgame said:

Maybe so, she was sitting at a window and the car was no more than 25 ft away when she asked

Giver her a break.  She was probably distracted by something shiny. 

[HenryJames 66134]

2 hours ago, Teddyballgame said:

Wife is wanting a new car.  So, we were talking about what she wanted and I asked her what color she preferred .. her response was “I don’t know, what color do I have now?”

 

Last night she thought I was black.

[Trey3216 15349]

34 minutes ago, HenryJames said:

Last night she thought I was black.

[deadshank 24653]

2 hours ago, HenryJames said:

Last night she thought I was black.

You didn't tip?

[Modessit 5603]

My wife can't come to terms with the fact that our car has dual-zone climate control.  This is how she interfaces with it:
 
"Honey it's too hot/cold, can you turn on the ac/heating?"
 
5 minutes later: *slams all her vents shut*
 
Nevermind there's a rotary knob right there where you dial an exact temperature.....
 
 

I hate it when she has to drive my car for any reason and she moves all the air vents instead of just turning the AC fan control down.



And she's driving my car because I have to pick up the kids or take them somewhere. It's easier than moving car seats.

[Trey3216 15349]

1 hour ago, deadshank said:

You didn't tip?

Full barrel 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

6 hours ago, Teddyballgame said:

Wife is wanting a new car.  So, we were talking about what she wanted and I asked her what color she preferred .. her response was “I don’t know, what color do I have now?”

 

Probably could've just stopped after the bold sentence. 

 

just for shits, what color does she have right now?

[Incredulity 11679]

4 hours ago, deadshank said:

Giver her a break.  She was probably distracted by pinterest.”

FIFY

[Teddyballgame 441]

32 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Probably could've just stopped after the bold sentence. 

 

just for shits, what color does she have right now?

Silver.  But now it’s cashmere white or some such shit after I we got the new one today.   She said she didn’t need anything fancy, but it needed to have leather and seat heaters.  I explained to her that these items generally  throw any vehicle into the top level trim of most cars. She was unaware of this.  And what’s the deal with women and seat heaters inTexas where it’s 90+ 9 months of the year. 

[ztejas 43519]

2 hours ago, deadshank said:

You didn't tip?

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

21 minutes ago, Teddyballgame said:

Silver.  But now it’s cashmere white or some such shit after I we got the new one today.   She said she didn’t need anything fancy, but it needed to have leather and seat heaters.  I explained to her that these items generally  throw any vehicle into the top level trim of most cars. She was unaware of this.  And what’s the deal with women and seat heaters inTexas where it’s 90+ 9 months of the year. 

hahaha.

 

 

damn. stupid things husbands do. at least youll get laid tonight unless the new car smell activates the dreaded headache 

[ztejas 43519]

Does my mom count as she's been twice divorced now? 

In fort worth with family this weekend. I live in Dallas and don't have a car right now, and my lil bro is staying with me, so last night after dinner in FW I drove my moms car back to my place and me and my bro played some xbox then crashed. Which was fucking exhausting after a few glasses of red and a full day at work. 

Today, drove back to fort worth for dinner again, and before leaving ran it by my mom and lil bro to just crash with family in fort worth instead of driving back to Dallas again tonight, then back to Fort Worth in the morning to get my mom her car.

We get to my family's place this afternoon, lil bro chimes in "hey mom, Zach said we might spend the night here tonight".

She goes, "Maybe. What would your vote be?"

I reply "He's not the one driving"

She goes "Well I'm just talking to Michael"

Uh yeah, I get that, and he doesn't have a fucking vote because again, he isnt the one making 5 50 minute trips back and forth over the weekend. 

[gecko 1104]

[G650 14270]

21 hours ago, 52-80 said:

My wife can't come to terms with the fact that our car has dual-zone climate control.  This is how she interfaces with it:

 

"Honey it's too hot/cold, can you turn on the ac/heating?"

 

5 minutes later: *slams all her vents shut*

 

Nevermind there's a rotary knob right there where you dial an exact temperature.....

 

 

This is my life.

[Loco 3753]

21 hours ago, 52-80 said:

My wife can't come to terms with the fact that our car has dual-zone climate control.  This is how she interfaces with it:

 

"Honey it's too hot/cold, can you turn on the ac/heating?"

 

5 minutes later: *slams all her vents shut*

 

Nevermind there's a rotary knob right there where you dial an exact temperature.....

 

 

Does she ever say it's too hot?   Because if so you are one lucky SOB.  My wife is always too cold...  I have been informed that we should only consider vacations (or god forbid moving to) any place on the planet that is HOTTER than where we live now.   Spoiler we live in S. Florida, where 10 months out of 12, it's surface of the fucking sun hot.  Tuscany in late July was too chilly.

She gets in the car in the middle of the day and does not roll down the windows or turn on the AC.  It feels nice for 30 secs and then I'm Arnold Toht 

[Enchubben 5510]

It’s not just the changing of it but how.  It’s as if they are unaware that the a/c or heat does not need to be at max strength.  They get a little chilly, and they turn the a/c completely off. A little hot, and they turn the max ac on to 60 degrees. Instead of just setting the temperature to a comfortable steady level they constantly adjust it.

They're idiots.

[52-80 19204]

5 minutes ago, Enchubben said:

It’s not just the changing of it but how.  It’s as if they are unaware that the a/c or heat does not need to be at max strength.  They get a little chilly, and they turn the a/c completely off. A little hot, and they turn the max ac on to 60 degrees. Instead of just setting the temperature to a comfortable steady level they constantly adjust it.

They're idiots.

My mom also does this at home, so you're onto something.

 

I bought her a smart thermostat a few Christmases ago, so it could be controlled with phone, learn their habits, etc etc.  

 

It's literally still in the box in their attic

 

[Incredulity 11679]

50 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

My mom also does this at home, so you're onto something.

 

I bought her a smart thermostat a few Christmases ago, so it could be controlled with phone, learn their habits, etc etc.  

 

It's literally still in the box in their attic

 

On to something?

How much more evidence do you need than the 135 pages of this thread?

 

[Beau Vine 54297]

On 5/25/2019 at 12:13 AM, Incredulity said:

 

If I play this right I probably get some favors next week too.  

[Sandman 3405]

1 hour ago, Enchubben said:

It’s not just the changing of it but how.  It’s as if they are unaware that the a/c or heat does not need to be at max strength.  They get a little chilly, and they turn the a/c completely off. A little hot, and they turn the max ac on to 60 degrees. Instead of just setting the temperature to a comfortable steady level they constantly adjust it.

They're idiots.

My ex-wife would do this. Winter day, get into the cold car, turn the heater on full blast. Once it got to swealtering, turn it completely off until you start to freeze again. I tried to explain how you could gradually get to a comfortable temp but she acted like I was speaking Greek. 

[Lone Star Horn 2018]

3 hours ago, Loco said:

Does she ever say it's too hot?   Because if so you are one lucky SOB.  My wife is always too cold...  I have been informed that we should only consider vacations (or god forbid moving to) any place on the planet that is HOTTER than where we live now.   Spoiler we live in S. Florida, where 10 months out of 12, it's surface of the fucking sun hot.  Tuscany in late July was too chilly.

She gets in the car in the middle of the day and does not roll down the windows or turn on the AC.  It feels nice for 30 secs and then I'm Arnold Toht 

HA enjoy the warmth while you can. Once she gets older, and menopause hits (now I have no idea if it's possible for a woman to be opposite this, but this is my limited experience). It will all be too hot, she'll want to move to a cooler area, maybe San Diego, where's it's nice. The home AC will be running at 72, if you're lucky, all day and night. As soon as you get in the car, she'll start whining about it not getting cold enough, fast enough, you need to get the car AC fixed, because dammit, it's not cooling fast enough on a 90+ degree day.

 

[Reagan1k 3024]

Truth-  when they start throwing off the blankets in the middle of the night and then jerking them back to recover every 5 minutes it tends to make for a restless night. 

[LW Goatman 1124]

On 5/24/2019 at 3:02 PM, AUS-97HORN said:

i mean, thats on you.

if you need to leave by 11, you should know that you need to tell the females that you are leaving at 9 or 930.  that way when you leave by noon, its not as frustrating.

 

because we all know there is zero chance you are ever leaving ontime.

I’ve been married close to 15 years, the 11 was an example. I’d never tell her the real time, but point well made for those new to this.

[LW Goatman 1124]

Wife is out furniture shopping now. I didn’t have it in me, told her to take the truck. I’m sure she’ll get the protection plan and undercarriage coating options.