Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

your wife is a moron. she gets to take it on all of the walks, clean up all of the poop, run home to put it outside etc.

[Stoogey 219]

Name the pooch after your wife.

"STOP PEEING ON THE FLOOR, STANKOETTE!" "STOP DRINKING OUT OF THE TOILET, STANKOETTE!" "DAMN IT, STANKOETTE! STOP CHEWING ON THE FURNITURE!"

Probably more effective if you and the next door neighbors live in tents.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

Response should have been i’m eating BBQ  you can get whatever you want.

[markstanco 12577]

45 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

your wife is a moron. she gets to take it on all of the walks, clean up all of the poop, run home to put it outside etc.

Discussed and agreed on. Plus she works from home and I'm 30 miles away. 

[Druggist 303]

3 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Discussed and agreed on. Plus she works from home and I'm 30 miles away. 

My wife and I discussed and agreed that she would do most of the laundry, etc if she quit work to stay home with the kids.  Eight years later, she has not gotten a job and guess who washes his own shit most of the time.  Good luck with your agreement.

[markstanco 12577]

Yea, not driving 60 miles round trip to take the dog out and walk him and fill the water bowl. 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Im just goin to put PETA on speed dial so they can do a wellness check on this dog in a couple weeks

[Beau Vine 54230]

39 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Yea, not driving 60 miles round trip to take the dog out and walk him and fill the water bowl. 

Yeah, you will.

[mulletpelini 5211]

On 4/25/2018 at 8:12 AM, JimmyHoffa said:

Women are braindead

Edited May 3, 2018 by mulletpelini
I don't know what you're gonna do about the dog, but my dad would have left the gate open.

[Sawbonz 27565]

4 hours ago, HenryJames said:

Twenty five to life for killing her.

Not if there was one husband on the jury

[Brew 3049]

2 hours ago, Druggist said:

My wife and I discussed and agreed that she would do most of the laundry, etc if she quit work to stay home with the kids.  Eight years later, she has not gotten a job and guess who washes his own shit most of the time.  Good luck with your agreement.

I’m batting o-fer on these type of deals. Put in pool, she keeps it clean. Nope. Quit work, she gets rid of housekeeper and cleans and cooks. Nope. I could keep going but it doesn’t look favorably upon me and my negotiating skills so I’ll stop.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

Solution is easy.  Keep the pool service, housekeeper, cook, and nanny.  Get rid of the wife.

Edited May 3, 2018 by NeverMarryAStripper

[Brew 3049]

After alimony and child support and giving up half my shit, I wouldn’t be able to afford any of those people. Plus, unlike a number of people on this board I actually like my wife and have it pretty easy. I just pay extra for outside services that she could logically take care of.

[ImissWallyPryor 9046]

2 hours ago, markstanco said:

Yea, not driving 60 miles round trip to take the dog out and walk him and fill the water bowl. 

That's nothing to cheer about.

[EE2B 1565]

I’ll be sure and take pictures and post them when I see Stanco out walking around the neighborhood with his new dog. 

[WhatTheBuck 28783]

He's gonna fall in love with that dog. 

[markstanco 12577]

^^^actually I may try to do some training for birds.  We will see. 

Have shock collar, will use. 

[PvilleStang 2911]

34 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Have shock collar, will use. 

On the dog or the wife?

[markstanco 12577]

Well yea, the dog too. 

[WhatTheBuck 28783]

I've never heard of a golden doodle but if it's part golden retriever and part poodle then it should be pretty easy to train. 

[Beau Vine 54230]

14 hours ago, markstanco said:

Wife bought a golden doodle MUTT without asking. $1000. Not happy at all, kinda. Trying to figure out what to do to offset it. May go to Argentina to dove hunt ot buy a really really nice over/under. 

No way would I simply buy an additional family member without consultation. 

 

I'll fess up -- I did that once.  I bought a Bassett Hound puppy while wife and daughter were out of town.  Not smart.  Puppy was even dumber.

 

And I'd love to have golden doodle.  

[Beau Vine 54230]

???

 

[DaysOff 7951]

These chips are ice cold. It's a fancy restaurant dad. 

[PvilleStang 2911]

I told your wife I wanted some ice chips for later, she clearly misunderstood...

[Sandman 3403]

15 hours ago, Druggist said:

My wife and I discussed and agreed that she would do most of the laundry, etc if she quit work to stay home with the kids.  Eight years later, she has not gotten a job and guess who washes his own shit most of the time.  Good luck with your agreement.

I do all of the laundry because if I don't, it won't get done. Her track record on doing the dishes is more than enough evidence.

[After irth 1243]

Had some kickass Chinese takeout the other night.  I totally pigged out.  Wife didn't eat all hers.  I'm usually polite with eating someone's specific leftovers, at least for the first few days.  My wife had mentioned, "Help yourself to the Chinese leftovers if you want them."

Screwing around the house this morn, getting us ready to take off for a long weekend.  Been thinkin' about that Chinese, man.  Gonna crack a cold one and grub out for lunch with my feet up.  Will be awesome.

Grab a plate, go to the fridge, pull out the container, open it up.  Has two bites in it.  Two bites!  What the hell?

Ate the two bites while I tried to figure out what to have for lunch now...

[After irth 1243]

6 minutes ago, Sandman said:

I do all of the laundry because if I don't, it won't get done. Her track record on doing the dishes is more than enough evidence.

Pos rep for the universal truths you speak...and also for your Starchild avatar.  Rock on, brother!

[NorthLoop 14208]

11 minutes ago, After irth said:

Had some kickass Chinese takeout the other night.  I totally pigged out.  Wife didn't eat all hers.  I'm usually polite with eating someone's specific leftovers, at least for the first few days.  My wife had mentioned, "Help yourself to the Chinese leftovers if you want them."

Screwing around the house this morn, getting us ready to take off for a long weekend.  Been thinkin' about that Chinese, man.  Gonna crack a cold one and grub out for lunch with my feet up.  Will be awesome.

Grab a plate, go to the fridge, pull out the container, open it up.  Has two bites in it.  Two bites!  What the hell?

Ate the two bites while I tried to figure out what to have for lunch now...

You're mad because your wife ate her own leftovers? 

[Ojo Rojo 1965]

20 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

You're mad because your wife ate her own leftovers? 

No.  He's mad because she only left two bites.  It's the same as the last swallow of orange juice deal.

[NorthLoop 14208]

Meh. If I leave 2 bites of my own leftovers in the fridge, I don't wanna hear any shit about it from anyone else. 

[Catpfish 618]

 

[BurntOrangeCrush 1011]

It's taken a while but I have paid off all of our debt. Wife and I both have debit cards and we agreed to spend what we have according to our budget since I have 2 kiddos in college. Today I noticed our account was down about $150.

Me: I thought we were going to watch our spending? Why did you go to Kohl's?

Her: They had a sale and I needed new running shoes

Me: for $150?

Her: Well I also got some workout clothes to match the shoes. They were 10% off. AND I got you a new dress shirt that was a 20% discount

Me: I don't need a new shirt

Her: It was too good a deal to pass up. If you add up all the discounts, I saved us $37.

 

[BearMace 2206]

She knows the script of this thread.

[Modessit 5603]

Re: @BurntOrangeCrush

I have more than once had to explain to my wife that she doesn't need to use the "Save $1.00 when you buy 3" coupon at HEB when not only is the brand more expensive than the one we normally get (by much more than the 33 cents/per savings) but we don't even need one of that item right now let alone three. 

[workswithseed 2110]

16 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

 

I'll fess up -- I did that once.  I bought a Bassett Hound puppy while wife and daughter were out of town.  Not smart.  Puppy was even dumber.

 

And I'd love to have golden doodle.  

Fuck, I want a basset hound. 

[miguelito 11266]

"You're gonna wear that shirt?"

[Sawbonz 27565]

On 5/2/2018 at 11:39 PM, Brew said:

After alimony and child support and giving up half my shit, I wouldn’t be able to afford any of those people. Plus, unlike a number of people on this board I actually like my wife and have it pretty easy. I just pay extra for outside services that she could logically take care of.

She should be ok with hookers then right?

[EastTexan 662]

20 hours ago, Sandman said:

I do all of the laundry because if I don't, it won't get done. Her track record on doing the dishes is more than enough evidence.

 

I have been doing my own laundry for many years. Ever since I bitched about how she folded my jeans. 

[EastTexan 662]

8 hours ago, BurntOrangeCrush said:

It's taken a while but I have paid off all of our debt. Wife and I both have debit cards and we agreed to spend what we have according to our budget since I have 2 kiddos in college. Today I noticed our account was down about $150.

Me: I thought we were going to watch our spending? Why did you go to Kohl's?

Her: They had a sale and I needed new running shoes

Me: for $150?

Her: Well I also got some workout clothes to match the shoes. They were 10% off. AND I got you a new dress shirt that was a 20% discount

Me: I don't need a new shirt

Her: It was too good a deal to pass up. If you add up all the discounts, I saved us $37.

 

 

Naw, she made $37.

[GSU&UT 1798]

1 hour ago, EastTexan said:

 

I have been doing my own laundry for many years. Ever since I bitched about how she folded my jeans. 

Sounds like she's the smart one.

[EastTexan 662]

33 minutes ago, GSU&UT said:

Sounds like she's the smart one.

 

Lost that round for sure, but my jeans are now folded like I lik'em.

[Ojo Rojo 1965]

2 hours ago, EastTexan said:

 

I have been doing my own laundry for many years. Ever since I bitched about how she folded my jeans. 

One of the best things about this thread is that it makes me feel no so alone.  Almost exact thing here, except my wife put a pair of my expensive technical board shorts in the dryer with the drawstring hanging out of the door.  Twisted it up all to fuck.  I bitched about it and evermore I have done all my own laundry.

[PvilleStang 2911]

1 hour ago, Ojo Rojo said:

One of the best things about this thread is that it makes me feel no so alone.  Almost exact thing here, except my wife put a pair of my expensive technical board shorts in the dryer with the drawstring hanging out of the door.  Twisted it up all to fuck.  I bitched about it and evermore I have done all my own laundry.

Is that a fancy way of saying you have cargo shorts with draw strings on them?

[Macanudo 12979]

On 5/3/2018 at 12:32 PM, After irth said:

Had some kickass Chinese takeout the other night.  I totally pigged out.  Wife didn't eat all hers.  I'm usually polite with eating someone's specific leftovers, at least for the first few days.  My wife had mentioned, "Help yourself to the Chinese leftovers if you want them."

Screwing around the house this morn, getting us ready to take off for a long weekend.  Been thinkin' about that Chinese, man.  Gonna crack a cold one and grub out for lunch with my feet up.  Will be awesome.

Grab a plate, go to the fridge, pull out the container, open it up.  Has two bites in it.  Two bites!  What the hell?

Ate the two bites while I tried to figure out what to have for lunch now...

I don't care who's freaking leftovers they are.  Either eat a full portion or don't touch it.   I can't count the number of times I have grabbed a leftover container from the fridge to take for lunch only to discover that was a meal portion when it was put away is now 1/2 or more eaten.  

[Equinox 95]

12 hours ago, BurntOrangeCrush said:

It's taken a while but I have paid off all of our debt. Wife and I both have debit cards and we agreed to spend what we have according to our budget since I have 2 kiddos in college. Today I noticed our account was down about $150.

Me: I thought we were going to watch our spending? Why did you go to Kohl's?

Her: They had a sale and I needed new running shoes

Me: for $150?

Her: Well I also got some workout clothes to match the shoes. They were 10% off. AND I got you a new dress shirt that was a 20% discount

Me: I don't need a new shirt

Her: It was too good a deal to pass up. If you add up all the discounts, I saved us $37.

 

That's the kind of logic I use when I buy another guitar.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

12 hours ago, BurntOrangeCrush said:

It's taken a while but I have paid off all of our debt. Wife and I both have debit cards and we agreed to spend what we have according to our budget since I have 2 kiddos in college. Today I noticed our account was down about $150.

Me: I thought we were going to watch our spending? Why did you go to Kohl's?

Her: They had a sale and I needed new running shoes

Me: for $150?

Her: Well I also got some workout clothes to match the shoes. They were 10% off. AND I got you a new dress shirt that was a 20% discount

Me: I don't need a new shirt

Her: It was too good a deal to pass up. If you add up all the discounts, I saved us $37.

 

Pic of wife in workout clothes?

[mb111 18]

40 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Pic of wife in workout clothes?

 

40 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Pic of wife in workout clothes?

 

[WhatTheBuck 28783]

30 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

So you're saying you fuck hookers. Nice plan.

What else is he supposed to do with them? Start a book club?

[Modessit 5603]

So you're saying you fuck hookers. Nice plan.

What else is he supposed to do with them? Start a book club?

[Brew 3049]

1 hour ago, BurntEyes said:

So you're saying you fuck hookers. Nice plan.

See my earlier post about my shitty negotiating skills. Plus 20 years in she’s still taking care of her duties in that department. Not working can be beneficial.