Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Brew 3,049]

16 hours ago, elfenix said:

Wawa is Philly/New Jersey. Decent cheap sandwiches in their stores too.

They are all over Florida too, expanded for where there clientele spends the winters. Just for the record I have seen people backed up like that when the pumps are full and someone on one of the front ones is hanging over too much so you can’t quite get to it. Not saying that’s the case here though since there is a female involved.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2,738]

We are replacing the appliances in a rental we are selling. Wife posted pics on Facetron and had been doing all the communication.

She set up for the fridge to be picked up today and casually asks me to bring my 9 mm. Who the hell have you been talking to?

[SHOOTER12 8,819]

5 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

We are replacing the appliances in a rental we are selling. Wife posted pics on Facetron and had been doing all the communication.

She set up for the fridge to be picked up today and casually asks me to bring my 9 mm. Who the hell have you been talking to?

Confused fridge and Ruby ridge?

[markstanco 12,586]

14 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Does Maryland have a no front license plate law?

A law stating you cant have a front license plate sounds like overreach to me. 

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]

6 minutes ago, markstanco said:

A law stating you cant have a front license plate sounds like overreach to me. 

 

I support this law. Ban these fuckers.

 

 

[SHOOTER12 8,819]

Just now, Cheeseweasel said:

 

I support this law. Ban these fuckers.

 

 

Where aggy is concerned, it's not so much overreach as it is a reaçh around.

[luke duke 6,413]

Who's wife is this?

Whose

[4th and 5 4,915]

9 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

We are replacing the appliances in a rental we are selling. Wife posted pics on Facetron and had been doing all the communication.

She set up for the fridge to be picked up today and casually asks me to bring my 9 mm. Who the hell have you been talking to?

She's been talking to me, must have got us confused cuz she always asks me to bring my 9

[MissingInAction 25,143]

9 inch dildo?

[MissingInAction 25,143]

I do NOT remember our 9 inch dildo conversation. Was it that time on the patio of a strip club?

[tx 3 putt 77,272]

wawa used to make a decent sandwich

[Kennythetiger 9,418]

And then she got married.

[fuggled 576]

On Thursday my wife tried to mow our backyard ( A for effort). She got halfway through and said the mower stopped. As a fix, she added oil to it. "Why?" I asked. "I dunno." She still couldn't start it.

Fast forward to today (Saturday). I pull the mower out and check the oil. It's several inches above the fill line. I show her.

Her: Oh, I get it. Sorry. By the way, that small red jug next to the big gas tank is the oil that's supposed to go in the mower, right?
Me: That's the gas for the leaf blower...FML.
Her: Well, maybe you should label it.
Me (showing the small red gas tank to my 8 year old daughter: What's that say, sweetie?
Daughter: gas-o-line

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

27 minutes ago, fuggled said:

On Thursday my wife tried to mow our backyard ( A for effort). She got halfway through and said the mower stopped. As a fix, she added oil to it. "Why?" I asked. "I dunno." She still couldn't start it.

Fast forward to today (Saturday). I pull the mower out and check the oil. It's several inches above the fill line. I show her.

Her: Oh, I get it. Sorry. By the way, that small red jug next to the big gas tank is the oil that's supposed to go in the mower, right?
Me: That's the gas for the leaf blower...FML.
Her: Well, maybe you should label it.
Me (showing the small red gas tank to my 8 year old daughter: What's that say, sweetie?
Daughter: gas-o-line

[retread 2,951]

Congrats on the hot wife.

[Pato del Muerto 52,550]

1 hour ago, retread said:

Congrats on the hot wife.

Hot wives don’t mow back yards. 

They might mow a front yard if there’s enough traffic or sexy neighbors to see them in short shorts and a sports bra. 

[Buffsoldier 1,895]

Pics of wifes backyard?

[Anastasis 23,481]

I feel bad for wasting all my daily allotment of rep already. 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,913]

3 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Hot wives don’t mow back yards. 

They might mow a front yard if there’s enough traffic or sexy neighbors to see them in short shorts and a sports bra. 

When I first started living with the 2nd ex she would always mow the yard in a bikini.  The neighbor man told that it really pissed off his wife, but he didn't mind.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

When I first started living with the 2nd ex she would always mow the yard in a bikini.  The neighbor man told that it really pissed off his wife, but he didn't mind.

Always wondered... did you marry back to back strippers?

[mulletpelini 5,214]

did she get the gas/oil mix ratio correct?

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

 

21 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

did she get the gas/oil mix ratio correct?

I'm guessing no.

[markstanco 12,586]

When I first started living with the 2nd ex she would always mow the yard in a bikini.  The neighbor man told that it really pissed off his wife, but he didn't mind.

My wife likes to mow a small section in the front yard with the push mower, tank top and no bra.

I expect EE2B to drive by every 15 minutes each Saturday.

[52-80 19,214]

Wife can't deal with work emails like normal human beings, even completely innocuous ones; they require the perfect time and headspace to be dealt with.

 

Like if something pops up on her phone and we gotta go somewhere -- "ohhhhh we can't leave for another 30 minutes I have to reply to this email"

"why, what's it about?"

"someone asked if I'm available for a meeting on Wednesday...."

 

Uhh...your answer to that is either Yes, No, or propose another time.  Why does it take 30 fucking minutes to think through?

 

 

[Kennythetiger 9,418]

Less from your wife, more from Stanko’s wife. 

[EE2B 1,565]

My wife likes to mow a small section in the front yard with the push mower, tank top and no bra.

I expect EE2B to drive by every 15 minutes each Saturday.

I won’t have to drive by. I’ll just hack your cameras the way I did your Netflix account.

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Wife can't deal with work emails like normal human beings, even completely innocuous ones; they require the perfect time and headspace to be dealt with.

 

Like if something pops up on her phone and we gotta go somewhere -- "ohhhhh we can't leave for another 30 minutes I have to reply to this email"

"why, what's it about?"

"someone asked if I'm available for a meeting on Wednesday...."

 

Uhh...your answer to that is either Yes, No, or propose another time.  Why does it take 30 fucking minutes to think through?

 

 

On days your wife gets 10 or more work emails.^

[Pato del Muerto 52,550]

She came home yesterday with two 5 gallon redbud trees that we weren’t looking for and don’t need, because they were marked down to $10. They require afternoon shade, which we can’t really give them, so they likely will die within a year. 

Im about to go out and dig 2 holes for the trees but maybe if I also dig a grave sized hole her decision making may become more conservative. 

[KaiserSoze 998]

Do you have a fireplace? 

[Coyote 269]

A man has to pee doesn’t he?

[Pato del Muerto 52,550]

55 minutes ago, Coyote said:

A man has to pee doesn’t he?

Wasn’t the fireplace peer tropheus?

because if so, new shit has come to light. 

[El Diablo 4,232]

19 hours ago, markstanco said:

My wife likes to mow a small section in the front yard with the push mower, tank top and no bra.

I expect EE2B to drive by every 15 minutes each Saturday.

You're telling us she uses a razor to shave her pubes in a landing strip, aren't you?

[markstanco 12,586]

Use your imagination. She's the hottest 47 year old you know. Still can sport a 2 piece like she is 28.

[Upgrayedd 5,818]

2 minutes ago, markstanco said:

Use your imagination. She's the hottest 47 year old you know. Still can sport a 2 piece like she is 28.

I can fap to this. 

[Brew 3,049]

1 hour ago, markstanco said:

Use your imagination. She's the hottest 47 year old you know. Still can sport a 2 piece like she is 28.

Since you apparently suck at this, maybe EE2B will remember his camera next time.

[markstanco 12,586]

Maybe. He's seen her. He knows.

 

 

[Dennis Taylor 18,849]

My former next-door neighbor's now ex-wife used to Rollerblade around our section in her Daisy Dukes. She did not skip leg day. it was uncanny how many front yard chores needed to be done at those times 

[Fudbelty 2,789]

Storm comes through and knock power out. My wife asks,”Will the toilets still work?”

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,913]

Not if your water comes from a well

[mulletpelini 5,214]

10 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

She came home yesterday with two 5 gallon redbud trees that we weren’t looking for and don’t need, because they were marked down to $10. They require afternoon shade, which we can’t really give them, so they likely will die within a year. 

Im about to go out and dig 2 holes for the trees but maybe if I also dig a grave sized hole her decision making may become more conservative. 

Sam's amirite

[Pato del Muerto 52,550]

10 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

Sam's amirite

Walmart but same same

[mulletpelini 5,214]

planted em yesterday.  We're gonna have apples and pears in about 10 years WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOO

[gecko 1,104]

Uhhhh...

[troph 24,901]

A man has to pee doesn’t he?

Anywhere is allowed, I took it on the chin for you guys on this one. Yes I’m a trailblazer ... go ahead, pee on that fire, you know you want to.

[Steel Shank 9,430]

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

Well... she carries into prison a 1-0 record in chicken.

[Steel Shank 9,430]

11 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

31 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

Read more  

Well... she carries into prison a 1-0 record in chicken.

I see that you're a "glass is half-full" kinda guy. I dig that outlook!

[ABSR 5,321]

28 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

48 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

Read more  

Well... she carries into prison a 1-0 record in chicken.

Actually 1 and 2.

[gyroprotagonist 2,594]

57 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

[HenryJames 66,140]

57 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

More like Lexus Drag amirite.