Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[elfenix 34254]

On 7/31/2019 at 1:49 PM, DCA_HORN said:

What was the generic beer they sold at heb for like $4 a 12 pack? Sportz?

the worst thing i've ever drank.  tasted like an ash tray.  opened that one fresh, not like someone had put out their cigarette in it.

Edited August 5, 2019 by elfenix

[Goofyboy 3293]

the worst thing i've ever drank.  tasted like an ash tray.  opened that one fresh, not like someone had put out their cigarette in it.

We bought it one day. 12 pack. $3.89. The liquid was separated from the hops. You could almost chew it. So, so bad and we were day drunk at a pool.

[Modessit 5603]

A friend who is notoriously cheap showed up at my house one 4th of July with some beer cake called Flats or something he got at Walgreens or CVS or something for like $2 per six pack.

 

 

[Trey3216 15346]

3 hours ago, Modessit said:

A friend who is notoriously cheap showed up at my house one 4th of July with some beer cake called Flats or something he got at Walgreens or CVS or something for like $2 per six pack.

 

 

Big Flats.   It was at Walgreen’s for $2.99 (and yes I tried it because why the hell not).  Not good, but I’ve had worse.  

[BearMace 2206]

2 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

Big Flats.   It was at Walgreen’s for $2.99 (and yes I tried it because why the hell not).  Not good, but I’ve had worse.  

I haven't. I tried to once and couldn't even finish it. Truly vile shit. 

[Sam Lin 3559]

13 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Just saw 3 airplane wings on the interstate all within a mile of each other.

 

[SHOOTER12 8810]

17 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Just saw 3 airplane wings on the interstate all within a mile of each other.

Had to have been very close to the crash site.  Did she see any bodies?

[Pig Bellmont 8719]

19 hours ago, Druggist said:

We went camping with another family and my friend’s wife loaded their new Yeti with food and drinks.  When we got there, she discovered that she should have added ice if she wanted everything cold.  She thought the cold was included in the price.

Always always double check the cooler. That’s on the husband 

[You don't know me 1161]

2 hours ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Always always double check the cooler. That’s on the husband 

But it keeps hot stuff hot, cold stuff cold.  Should have been able to put a gallon of ice cream and a pot of coffee in there.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Had to have been very close to the crash site.  Did she see any bodies?

No crash,bodies or wife...just driving the other way on the interstate.

[Sandman 3403]

40 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

But it keeps hot stuff hot, cold stuff cold.  Should have been able to put a gallon of ice cream and a pot of coffee in there.

 

Edited August 6, 2019 by Sandman

[davidg 4038]

2 hours ago, Pig Bellmont said:

Always always double check the cooler. That’s on the husband 

I'm in this camp.  Who the fuck lets their wife near a cooler, especially one that might contain the steaks or even worse, the beer.  Jeez

[Pato del Muerto 52504]

1 hour ago, You don't know me said:

But it keeps hot stuff hot, cold stuff cold.  Should have been able to put a gallon of ice cream and a pot of coffee in there.

1980s tech 

[elfenix 34254]

a longhorn and an aggy are on the same train into town. 

"what's that thing you're drinking out of?" asks the aggy. 

"a thermos," replies the horn, "it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." 

next day the aggy proudly shows the horn his new thermos.

"what have you got in there?" asks the horn.

the aggy replies, "a coffee and a milkshake."

[Kennythetiger 9388]

In the Aggie’s defense, a scoop of freezer burned vanilla ice cream in my coffee beats throwing it out. 

[General Specific 3262]

I'm in this camp.  Who the fuck lets their wife near a cooler, especially one that might contain the steaks or even worse, the beer.  Jeez

This!

Husbands and the stupid things they say/do thread is ——->>>>>>

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4976]

16 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

In the Aggie’s defense, a scoop of freezer burned vanilla ice cream in my coffee beats throwing it out. 

Yeah, gonna have to try a scoop of ice cream in my coffee now.

[Sandman 3403]

My wife was talking about her co-worker that was feeling frustrated, "I told her she needs to just let the punches roll down her back.". 

[SilasCoade 2622]

7 minutes ago, Sandman said:

My wife was talking about her co-worker that was feeling frustrated, "I told her she needs to just let the punches roll down her back.". 

Like she should go get a vigorous massage?

 

Edited August 7, 2019 by Llogg

[Sandman 3403]

12 minutes ago, Llogg said:

Like she should go get a vigorous massage?

 

I wanted to tell her that her friend needs a donkey punch and I'd help her out. She's got them RATs. I'm too smart to fall for that trap, though.

[mulletpelini 5211]

you speak of RATS but provide no evidence sir.  I believe thee a liar.

[Anastasis 23473]

Wife goes down to SA to catch up with one of her friends for a few day and do a little resort spa thing.

I get a call this morning.

W: Um, just wanted to let you know that I got rear ended yesterday on one of those weird exit ramps with the yield signs.

A: That sucks, those ramps exiting onto a two way access road are stupid.  Everything OK?  Why did you wait till now to tell me?

W: Doesn't look bad, minor damage to the bumper. I'm getting ready to go into the spa, and I didn't want you to stress me out about it when I told you later after I was de-stressed.

A: LOL, whatever.  Did you get a police report?

W: No.

A: OK, picture of their insurance card?

W: Yes.

A: Picture of their drivers license?

W: No, but I got their name and telephone number?

A: OK. Picture of the license plate?

W: Yes.

A: Picture of the damage?

W: Yes.

A: Picture of the accident scene?

W: No. That would have probably been a good idea.

A: Yeah no shit. You should have gotten a pic of the license, and the accident scene, at a minimum. You should have already called in the claim, but send me all the info and I will deal with it.

W: Well thanks for asking if I was alright. I am fine dear. 

 

So I get the photo of the insurance information.  Expiration date: 05/05/2019. 

 

Edited August 8, 2019 by Anastasis

[Pato del Muerto 52504]

Is it actually expired, or did they just offer up an old page?

[Anastasis 23473]

8 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Is it actually expired, or did they just offer up an old page?

Not sure.  When I called in the claim, they would not confirm the coverage.  Said they would only do it for the policy holder.  Will have to wait for the adjuster.  

[ulukinatme 1764]

I've owned 4 cell phones over the last 20 years, all of them still operational and in good condition when they were shut off.  My wife goes through one or more cell phones a year, usually breaking them or some feature magically fails on the device like the mic stops working.  Last night she decided to lose her phone while shopping in Wal-Mart late at night for school supplies.  She comes home defeated after spending about half an hour walking around with a manager while she's calling my wife's number trying to find it. 

She wants to take my phone back to the store to try and continue the search, to which I say "Hell no" because I need my phone for work and can't have her losing or destroying mine too (Wised up and started getting protective cases for her phones, but I don't use one).  I decide to go back and search the Back to School aisles myself.  It's midnight, and I've got mud and drywall dust on me as I was patching holes in the walls before bed, but fuck it...gonna find that phone if it hasn't been stolen.  I spend close to an hour in the store between asking employees if they've seen the phone and searching aisles.  Makes it really tough to hear a ringer because the floor waxer is in operation for quite awhile.  I eventually give up because I need the sleep, so I offer the manager a $50 reward if anyone finds it because at this point I'm probably just going to buy a $100 used phone for her on Ebay.  She's only had this phone for 3 months and I'm not buying her a new one.  I finally get to sleep about 2am when all is said and done.

Fast forward 4 hours later and I get a call from the manager, they found the phone on a folding table in women's clothes.  "Oh yeah, I was looking at tank tops after I looked at the school supplies," my wife says.  She offers to drive down and get the phone, but I decide to be nice and do it myself.  Get back to the store and pickup the phone, manager refuses to take the $50 reward after several attempts because of company policy.  I promise to leave a good word for her GM in the morning.  I get back home and get another hour of sleep before I have to be up for work.  Wife wakes up later to take care of the kids, not even a fucking thank you for going to get her phone.

 

[PilotsError 2287]

Sounds like a great partner.

[Anastasis 23473]

find my phone app?

[ulukinatme 1764]

3 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

find my phone app?

Yeah, I installed it as soon as I got home.  Google's "Find My Device."  Losing it usually isn't an issue for her, it's usually breaking it.  Guess she felt like changing it up.

Edited August 8, 2019 by ulukinatme

[crimsonlonghorn 2306]

Our country property has a barn with attached living space. Mrs CL uses it as a remote office about 1-2 days a week. The previous owner and his wife lived there. We don't. We lease the pasture out and have an ag exemption on the property taxes. 

A couple of months ago Mrs CL offhandedly mentioned that someone from the appraisal district had stopped by and asked to look around and take some pictures. I got pretty upset with her and said that was a bad idea to ever let them onto the property and I was promptly told to "Quit being so paranoid. We have nothing to hide."

Got this in the mail today:

 

 

They are (properly) reducing our ag exemption by 1 acre to account for the "existing homestead" that has been there for 17 years and isn't visible from the highway in front. My guess is that the former owner built it that way on purpose and never told them about it and never offered to let them inside. 

I'm thinking that it ultimately doesn't cost us a lot of money, but that is offset by the fact that it was completely avoidable. 

 

 

Edited August 8, 2019 by crimsonlonghorn

[Nivek 16934]

The other day I brought the trash cans in from the curb but left them in front of the gate (as I was preparing to leave with the littles in the car). I forgot when I came home to move them inside the gate.

This morning I take the trash out and notice a trash bag on top of the trash can.

And she says I am passive aggressive.

[Dennis Taylor 18829]

2 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

I've owned 4 cell phones over the last 20 years, all of them still operational and in good condition when they were shut off.  My wife goes through one or more cell phones a year, usually breaking them or some feature magically fails on the device like the mic stops working.  Last night she decided to lose her phone while shopping in Wal-Mart late at night for school supplies.  She comes home defeated after spending about half an hour walking around with a manager while she's calling my wife's number trying to find it. 

She wants to take my phone back to the store to try and continue the search, to which I say "Hell no" because I need my phone for work and can't have her losing or destroying mine too (Wised up and started getting protective cases for her phones, but I don't use one).  I decide to go back and search the Back to School aisles myself.  It's midnight, and I've got mud and drywall dust on me as I was patching holes in the walls before bed, but fuck it...gonna find that phone if it hasn't been stolen.  I spend close to an hour in the store between asking employees if they've seen the phone and searching aisles.  Makes it really tough to hear a ringer because the floor waxer is in operation for quite awhile.  I eventually give up because I need the sleep, so I offer the manager a $50 reward if anyone finds it because at this point I'm probably just going to buy a $100 used phone for her on Ebay.  She's only had this phone for 3 months and I'm not buying her a new one.  I finally get to sleep about 2am when all is said and done.

Fast forward 4 hours later and I get a call from the manager, they found the phone on a folding table in women's clothes.  "Oh yeah, I was looking at tank tops after I looked at the school supplies," my wife says.  She offers to drive down and get the phone, but I decide to be nice and do it myself.  Get back to the store and pickup the phone, manager refuses to take the $50 reward after several attempts because of company policy.  I promise to leave a good word for her GM in the morning.  I get back home and get another hour of sleep before I have to be up for work.  Wife wakes up later to take care of the kids, not even a fucking thank you for going to get her phone.

 

she wanted a new phone you insensitive bastard. the playbook says she will probably counter with car problems next 

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

Wife goes down to SA to catch up with one of her friends for a few day and do a little resort spa thing.
I get a call this morning.
W: Um, just wanted to let you know that I got rear ended yesterday on one of those weird exit ramps with the yield signs.
A: That sucks, those ramps exiting onto a two way access road are stupid.  Everything OK?  Why did you wait till now to tell me?
W: Doesn't look bad, minor damage to the bumper. I'm getting ready to go into the spa, and I didn't want you to stress me out about it when I told you later after I was de-stressed.
A: LOL, whatever.  Did you get a police report?
W: No.
A: OK, picture of their insurance card?
W: Yes.
A: Picture of their drivers license?
W: No, but I got their name and telephone number?
A: OK. Picture of the license plate?
W: Yes.
A: Picture of the damage?
W: Yes.
A: Picture of the accident scene?
W: No. That would have probably been a good idea.
A: Yeah no shit. You should have gotten a pic of the license, and the accident scene, at a minimum. You should have already called in the claim, but send me all the info and I will deal with it.
W: Well thanks for asking if I was alright. I am fine dear. 
 
So I get the photo of the insurance information.  Expiration date: 05/05/2019. 
 

I didn’t get past the part where your wife decided to go down on one of her friends in SA

[davidg 4038]

The other day I brought the trash cans in from the curb but left them in front of the gate (as I was preparing to leave with the littles in the car). I forgot when I came home to move them inside the gate.

This morning I take the trash out and notice a trash bag on top of the trash can.

And she says I am passive aggressive.

Consider yourself lucky it made it all the way to the trashcan outside. She could have just left it by the door or even worse, just continued to play trash Jenga with the can in the kitchen.

[davidg 4038]

Our country property has a barn with attached living space. Mrs CL uses it as a remote office about 1-2 days a week. The previous owner and his wife lived there. We don't. We lease the pasture out and have an ag exemption on the property taxes. 
A couple of months ago Mrs CL offhandedly mentioned that someone from the appraisal district had stopped by and asked to look around and take some pictures. I got pretty upset with her and said that was a bad idea to ever let them onto the property and I was promptly told to "Quit being so paranoid. We have nothing to hide."
Got this in the mail today:
 

 
They are (properly) reducing our ag exemption by 1 acre to account for the "existing homestead" that has been there for 17 years and isn't visible from the highway in front. My guess is that the former owner built it that way on purpose and never told them about it and never offered to let them inside. 
I'm thinking that it ultimately doesn't cost us a lot of money, but that is offset by the fact that it was completely avoidable. 
 
 

Next letter will be for back taxes for 5 years to catch up what you should have owed.

[mulletpelini 5211]

rabble rabble rabble yada yada yada and that's why she's in charge of the cell phone bill

[Flg8rfan 201]

 

Consider yourself lucky it made it all the way to the trashcan outside. She could have just left it by the door or even worse, just continued to play trash Jenga with the can in the kitchen.

I hate trash Jenga with a passion. Sometimes I play it but at the end of the day, I work from home and get tired of looking at it.

 

Sometimes is makes it to the can if she takes it out, most of the time it’s in the garage, in the corner, 2 feet from where the can is outside. Yes, we have a garage door opener (humblebrag)

[Beau Vine 54233]

8 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Is it actually expired, or did they just offer up an old page?

What part of "San Antonio" did you not understand?

[Beau Vine 54233]

3 hours ago, davidg said:

 

Next letter will be for back taxes for 5 years to catch up what you should have owed.

 

Is it 5?  I thought it was 2 or 3?  But yeah, this is going to get worse.

[ulukinatme 1764]

7 hours ago, davidg said:

 

Consider yourself lucky it made it all the way to the trashcan outside. She could have just left it by the door or even worse, just continued to play trash Jenga with the can in the kitchen.

 

My wife will play Jenga for a bit, then pull the trash bag out of the can and leave it by the can tied up.  She then doesn't replace the bag, which prompts the kids to start throwing trash directly into the can.  Drives me fuckin' crazy.

[justhookit 4191]

1 hour ago, ulukinatme said:

My wife will play Jenga for a bit, then pull the trash bag out of the can and leave it by the can tied up.  She then doesn't replace the bag, which prompts the kids to start throwing trash directly into the can.  Drives me fuckin' crazy.

There’s a lot to unravel here. Age of kids? How often do you take the trash out? Pics of wife? Maybe you should take the trash out more often. Maybe she’s hot.

 

[bluto 4929]

Is it 5?  I thought it was 2 or 3?  But yeah, this is going to get worse.

If it’s just ag rollback, as in the cad just lazily calls it ‘change of use’, I believe the legislature knocked it down do 3 years now and cut the interest some. With the land ‘never’ being in ag at all, I’m not sure if they have a different remedy. My guess is they’ll just go standard rollback and hit it with difference in taxes owed plus interest.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[crimsonlonghorn 2306]

15 hours ago, davidg said:

 

Next letter will be for back taxes for 5 years to catch up what you should have owed.

 

Yes. Forgot to mention the 5 year rollback. That was there. 

This letter showed the 5 year value rollback from the appraisal district. We will hear separately from the two taxing entities what the actual taxes are. 

I'm not a real estate expert or lawyer but I think we could get some of that from the previous owner depending on the wording in the contract. 

Explained to my wife last night that it's not "paranoid" if you know there are only two outcomes and one of those results in costing you more money and neither involves you owing less money. They're never going to ask to look around so they can try and reduce our bill, so why ever let them look around? 

As usual, tone. 

Edited August 9, 2019 by crimsonlonghorn

[Dennis Taylor 18829]

47 minutes ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Yes. Forgot to mention the 5 year rollback. That was there. 

This letter showed the 5 year value rollback from the appraisal district. We will hear separately from the two taxing entities what the actual taxes are. 

I'm not a real estate expert or lawyer but I think we could get some of that from the previous owner depending on the wording in the contract. 

Explained to my wife last night that it's not "paranoid" if you know there are only two outcomes and one of those results in costing you more money and neither involves you owing less money. They're never going to ask to look around so they can try and reduce our bill, so why ever let them look around? 

As usual, tone. 

narrator-He's fucked

[ztejas 43455]

15 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

Yes, we have a garage door opener (humblebrag)

It's not the 1950s - not sure that's a humblebrag. 

Do you also own a microwave oven and color TV set?

[bluto 4929]

Lulz just pulled up the new leg rollback rule... it takes effect sept 1 so you’re boned under the old rules. 5 yrs instead of 3 and 7% interest on amt due instead 5%.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Flg8rfan 201]

It's not the 1950s - not sure that's a humblebrag. 
Do you also own a microwave oven and color TV set?

Sorry, forgot the sarcasm emoji

[lateshow 1304]

9 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

My wife will play Jenga for a bit, then pull the trash bag out of the can and leave it by the can tied up.  She then doesn't replace the bag, which prompts the kids to start throwing trash directly into the can.  Drives me fuckin' crazy.

You're married to my wife?

[SilasCoade 2622]

1 hour ago, Dennis Taylor said:

narrator-He's fucked

Fucked means paying the taxes you actually owe? Being forced to account for civic responsibility is totally fucked.

[Catpfish 618]

2 hours ago, crimsonlonghorn said:

Yes. Forgot to mention the 5 year rollback. That was there. 

This letter showed the 5 year value rollback from the appraisal district. We will hear separately from the two taxing entities what the actual taxes are. 

I'm not a real estate expert or lawyer but I think we could get some of that from the previous owner depending on the wording in the contract. 

Explained to my wife last night that it's not "paranoid" if you know there are only two outcomes and one of those results in costing you more money and neither involves you owing less money. They're never going to ask to look around so they can try and reduce our bill, so why ever let them look around? 

As usual, tone. 

I probably  missed it, but where are you?  In the standard TREC contract, rollback taxes are the responsibility of whomever changes the use of the land.  Even though the previous owners changed the use, it wasn't caught until you owned the property and it sounds like you bought a while back.  It'd be hard to go back on sellers from years ago.  Sounds like it could require lawyers and not sure it would be worth it in the end.

Edited August 9, 2019 by Catpfish

[shakahorn 1645]

Not sure.  When I called in the claim, they would not confirm the coverage.  Said they would only do it for the policy holder.  Will have to wait for the adjuster.  

Found myself in a similar situation a couple years ago and it was pretty easy to trick the insurance dude into giving me all the information on the policy by just claiming to be the insured and providing some basic info which it sounds like you already have. I mean...if you’re not smarter than the first level person who takes the call at the insurance company, you’ve got bigger problems.