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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Landomatic

Landomatic 3813

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On 5/4/2018 at 9:28 AM, EastTexan said:

 

I have been doing my own laundry for many years. Ever since I bitched about how she folded my jeans. 

Yep.  About 12 years ago, when we first started dating, still in the courting stage, my now-wife thought she’d be nice and do my laundry for me while I was at work one day.

One load of whites with a pack of orange gum in it and me bitching about it later...aaaaaand I’ve done my own laundry ever since.

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5824

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So the Avatar's little shit-assed bark machine has to wear the Donut of Shame due to a recent procedure.  He's a complete pussy anyway, but his inability to lick the affected area turned him into a nighttime bark machine.  Normally I'd throw the training collar on him as he responds to the beeping (have only had to deliver voltage on a couple of rare occasions); however, can't do that with the Donut of Shame.

So I take the collar, buckle it up, and secure it with a carabiner to the kennel door.  Just before bed, the Avatar asks "You aren't going to shock him, are you?"  "Good thing you have nice tits babe."

 

Set-up worked like a champ FWIW.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52877

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54 minutes ago, HornOnTheBayou said:

My wife successfully used cardinal directions today when talking about what soccer field our kid was playing on. "It's the field north of the one he played on yesterday" and she was right. I don't know what is going on. 

1 in 4 chance hits from time to time

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NotActuallyALonghorn

NotActuallyALonghorn 4980

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My wife apparently cannot get the concept of a moonrise and Monet. She said something along the lines of "I love it when the moon is out during the day, but of course it's always out so..." I tried asking her how people on the other side of the world can see the moon if it's always out on our side of the world, but I guess that was too much for her to take in.

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next2naus

next2naus 439

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My wife and I discussed and agreed that she would do most of the laundry, etc if she quit work to stay home with the kids.  Eight years later, she has not gotten a job and guess who washes his own shit most of the time.  Good luck with your agreement.

I must have it good because the wife works and she does the laundry. I send a lot of my items to wash and fold but she washes, drys and folds all my t-shirts so they on't shrink or fade. She wants to do it. I don't even have to fake attempting to help

Edited by next2naus
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G650

G650 14301

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12 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Proposed to her a flight serviced by a 747 so we can sit at the nose.

"No, no way, if it crashes we're dying first"

 

Uh....if an airplane crashes, everybody's fucking dying.

Yeah, but later. Like .023 seconds more living brah.

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mb111

mb111 18

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23 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

It never fails. Spend the day doing yardwork? The most logical time for my wife to mope is apparently right as I'm finishing up so she can yell at me for tracking in dirt.

FIFY

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markstanco

markstanco 12653

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It never fails. Spend the day doing yardwork? The most logical time for my wife to mop is apparently right as I'm finishing up so she can yell at me for tracking in dirt.
I take my shoes off at the door when I work in the yard.

If I have dirt on my clothes I make certain I don't do my usual somersaults in the kitchen like I do every other day.
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