Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[ulukinatme 1,764]

10 hours ago, justhookit said:

There’s a lot to unravel here. Age of kids? How often do you take the trash out? Pics of wife? Maybe you should take the trash out more often. Maybe she’s hot.

 

Kids are 7 and under, but one is Autistic and still in diapers.  Makes for a lot of trash daily, so we average about one bag of trash a day.  Trash goes out often as a result.  Wife is from Ohio, that's all I'll say, so I'll spare you the pics.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,907]

Damn that’s cold

[TrashMaster G 17,558]

5 hours ago, Llogg said:

Fucked means paying the taxes you actually owe? Being forced to account for civic responsibility is totally fucked.

You seem fun.

[WhatTheBuck 28,783]

On August 8, 2019 at 2:44 PM, ulukinatme said:

I've owned 4 cell phones over the last 20 years, all of them still operational and in good condition when they were shut off.  My wife goes through one or more cell phones a year, usually breaking them or some feature magically fails on the device like the mic stops working.  Last night she decided to lose her phone while shopping in Wal-Mart late at night for school supplies.  She comes home defeated after spending about half an hour walking around with a manager while she's calling my wife's number trying to find it. 

She wants to take my phone back to the store to try and continue the search, to which I say "Hell no" because I need my phone for work and can't have her losing or destroying mine too (Wised up and started getting protective cases for her phones, but I don't use one).  I decide to go back and search the Back to School aisles myself.  It's midnight, and I've got mud and drywall dust on me as I was patching holes in the walls before bed, but fuck it...gonna find that phone if it hasn't been stolen.  I spend close to an hour in the store between asking employees if they've seen the phone and searching aisles.  Makes it really tough to hear a ringer because the floor waxer is in operation for quite awhile.  I eventually give up because I need the sleep, so I offer the manager a $50 reward if anyone finds it because at this point I'm probably just going to buy a $100 used phone for her on Ebay.  She's only had this phone for 3 months and I'm not buying her a new one.  I finally get to sleep about 2am when all is said and done.

Fast forward 4 hours later and I get a call from the manager, they found the phone on a folding table in women's clothes.  "Oh yeah, I was looking at tank tops after I looked at the school supplies," my wife says.  She offers to drive down and get the phone, but I decide to be nice and do it myself.  Get back to the store and pickup the phone, manager refuses to take the $50 reward after several attempts because of company policy.  I promise to leave a good word for her GM in the morning.  I get back home and get another hour of sleep before I have to be up for work.  Wife wakes up later to take care of the kids, not even a fucking thank you for going to get her phone.

Pics of manager?

[mulletpelini 5,211]

 

21 hours ago, justhookit said:

There’s a lot to unravel here. Age of kids? How often do you take the trash out? Pics of wife? Maybe you should take the trash out more often. Maybe she’s hot.

 

Well I was going to assume blazing until he said shes from Ohio.  Maybe shes a couch.

[Dennis Taylor 18,829]

16 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Pics of manager?

Not sure if you have ever been to a Wal-Mart,  but careful what you wish for 

[Walden Ponderer 12,639]

We close on our house at 9:00 am, Monday, August 12th, Year of Our Lord 2019.

This timeframe is pretty thoroughly etched on our family's collective consciousness for a wide variety of reasons.

Now, to understand the kinds of last minute details that are unique to our particular circumstances, you have to remember that we are not just hippies, we are also minimalists. 

My wife, in fact, is a professional minimalist. She's been getting paid to do the Marie Kondo thing since even before Kondo published her first book. People give her gobs of cash to teach them how to organize their lives.

Meanwhile, we are moving to a tiny home. 364 square feet. We just do not have a lot of stuff. Everything we own will fit in a 4' x 8' U-Haul, which conveniently enough, is the largest trailer our Rav4 can pull.

Enter the reason this story is in this thread: College Station being the shithole it is, installation of the correct trailer hitch for our car dragged on until finally, I got fed up waiting on the U-Haul guys, bought the equipment, and since I was working on Saturday, asked my wife to take it to our regular mechanic to install.

She got it there early Saturday morning, assured me it would be done before I got off work, and went about her day.

Her day included taking our daughter to the Tarantino flick in the middle of the afternoon. It's a three hour flick. The mechanic shop closes at 4:00 pm.

Yeah, fortunately, they open at 7:00 tomorrow. I rented a truck for the night to get our stuff out of the house, and we'll swap out into the trailer bright and early. Hell, we might even make it to our closing on time.

But somebody's gonna have to bribe me to keep me from blabbing to her clients, that's for damn sure.

[After irth 1,243]

I hate when my otherwise reasonable wife makes this thread...

I have reported on this topic before for the exact same situation. 

Her:  “i think it’s time for a new pillow.”  

Me:  “There’s one in your closet.”

Her:  “Where?”

Me:  “Look up.”

Her:  “How long has that been there?”

Me:  “Does it matter?  You say you need a new pillow, it is there. Knock yourself out. 

Her:  “Well, I don’t always look up.”

<a few weeks go by>

Her:  “I think it’s time for a new pillow.”  

I look up. Still there. 

[tbone_ 14,127]

Meanwhile, we are moving to a tiny home. 364 square feet.

Username checks out alright.

[mulletpelini 5,211]

She likes to re-arrange the plants in the back yard.  She'll dig one up, put it in a planter and then......just leave it to die for some odd reason.  When I expel a decent amount of energy doing something, I'm sure as hell not gonna stop there, I'll see it thru til the end.  Nope, not her.  Dead plants in dead pots, one right after another.  Away to the compost pile once again.

Not this time.  Window over sink in kitchen faces into back yard.  I hung the plant from a hook in the covered patio, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THAT WINDOW.  She looks out that window into her beautifully manicured back yard daily.

There's no possible way she will not remember to water it right?

[Walden Ponderer 12,639]

5 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

There's no possible way she will not remember to water it right?

So are you going to water it, or will it end up on the compost pile? 

[mulletpelini 5,211]

My work is done.

Edited August 12, 2019 by mulletpelini
til it's dead and I throw it in the compost pile

[Hate 20,108]

Until you put it on the compost pile.

[After irth 1,243]

38 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

She likes to re-arrange the plants in the back yard.  She'll dig one up, put it in a planter and then......just leave it to die for some odd reason.  When I expel a decent amount of energy doing something, I'm sure as hell not gonna stop there, I'll see it thru til the end.  Nope, not her.  Dead plants in dead pots, one right after another.  Away to the compost pile once again.

Not this time.  Window over sink in kitchen faces into back yard.  I hung the plant from a hook in the covered patio, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THAT WINDOW.  She looks out that window into her beautifully manicured back yard daily.

There's no possible way she will not remember to water it right?

Needs a copy editor. 

[HornPhD 1,368]

Wife (looking at a Bob Melvin Manager of the Year commemorative pin): That’s not very impressive.

Me: Why do you say that?

Wife: A team only has one manager. 

Me: There’s more than one team. 

Wife (light turning on): Don’t say anything 

 

[Dennis Taylor 18,829]

13 hours ago, After irth said:

I hate when my otherwise reasonable wife makes this thread...

I have reported on this topic before for the exact same situation. 

Her:  “i think it’s time for a new pillow.”  

Me:  “There’s one in your closet.”

Her:  “Where?”

Me:  “Look up.”

Her:  “How long has that been there?”

Me:  “Does it matter?  You say you need a new pillow, it is there. Knock yourself out. 

Her:  “Well, I don’t always look up.”

<a few weeks go by>

Her:  “I think it’s time for a new pillow.”  

I look up. Still there. 

if she already had it then it is not new, whether it has been used or not. lord knows there are tons of fucking clothes and shoes in the closet with tags on them that have already been replaced by something else of indeterminable difference from the shit that is already there.  but the shit with tags on it still cannot be considered new any more if they have been there for a month or more    

Edited August 12, 2019 by Dennis Taylor

[AM Wood 335]

15 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

We close on our house at 9:00 am, Monday, August 12th, Year of Our Lord 2019.

This timeframe is pretty thoroughly etched on our family's collective consciousness for a wide variety of reasons.

Now, to understand the kinds of last minute details that are unique to our particular circumstances, you have to remember that we are not just hippies, we are also minimalists. 

My wife, in fact, is a professional minimalist. She's been getting paid to do the Marie Kondo thing since even before Kondo published her first book. People give her gobs of cash to teach them how to organize their lives.

Meanwhile, we are moving to a tiny home. 364 square feet. We just do not have a lot of stuff. Everything we own will fit in a 4' x 8' U-Haul, which conveniently enough, is the largest trailer our Rav4 can pull.

Enter the reason this story is in this thread: College Station being the shithole it is, installation of the correct trailer hitch for our car dragged on until finally, I got fed up waiting on the U-Haul guys, bought the equipment, and since I was working on Saturday, asked my wife to take it to our regular mechanic to install.

She got it there early Saturday morning, assured me it would be done before I got off work, and went about her day.

Her day included taking our daughter to the Tarantino flick in the middle of the afternoon. It's a three hour flick. The mechanic shop closes at 4:00 pm.

Yeah, fortunately, they open at 7:00 tomorrow. I rented a truck for the night to get our stuff out of the house, and we'll swap out into the trailer bright and early. Hell, we might even make it to our closing on time.

But somebody's gonna have to bribe me to keep me from blabbing to her clients, that's for damn sure.

to be fair, closing at 4:00 pm is bull shit.

[Brew 3,049]

7 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

to be fair, closing at 4:00 pm is bull shit.

364 square feet is the bullshit part. I’m one of those people that actually like my wife, but confine us to the size of our living room going forward and that would likely change quickly.

[EE2B 1,565]

to be fair, closing at 4:00 pm is bull shit.

On a Saturday? I’m impressed they were open past noon.

[AM Wood 335]

1 minute ago, EE2B said:

On a Saturday? I’m impressed they were open past noon.

i missed that part. i was speed reading.

[Sandman 3,403]

2 hours ago, Brew said:

364 square feet is the bullshit part. I’m one of those people that actually like my wife, but confine us to the size of our living room going forward and that would likely change quickly.

I'd be ok with it if we were having sex constantly but this is a wife we're talking about, so.....

[Brothahorn 10,087]

I hate when my otherwise reasonable wife makes this thread...
I have reported on this topic before for the exact same situation. 
Her:  “i think it’s time for a new pillow.”  
Me:  “There’s one in your closet.”
Her:  “Where?”
Me:  “Look up.”
Her:  “How long has that been there?”
Me:  “Does it matter?  You say you need a new pillow, it is there. Knock yourself out. 
Her:  “Well, I don’t always look up.”

Her:  “I think it’s time for a new pillow.”  
I look up. Still there. 

Mine bought $75 worth of pillows last week. And I can’t sleep on any of them. Too damn soft.

[mulletpelini 5,211]

1 day down.  Probably getting rain tonight though.  Just delaying the inevitable.

[Mrs Whiggins 13,050]

22 hours ago, Walden Ponderer said:

We close on our house at 9:00 am, Monday, August 12th, Year of Our Lord 2019.

This timeframe is pretty thoroughly etched on our family's collective consciousness for a wide variety of reasons.

Now, to understand the kinds of last minute details that are unique to our particular circumstances, you have to remember that we are not just hippies, we are also minimalists. 

My wife, in fact, is a professional minimalist. She's been getting paid to do the Marie Kondo thing since even before Kondo published her first book. People give her gobs of cash to teach them how to organize their lives.

Meanwhile, we are moving to a tiny home. 364 square feet. We just do not have a lot of stuff. Everything we own will fit in a 4' x 8' U-Haul, which conveniently enough, is the largest trailer our Rav4 can pull.

Enter the reason this story is in this thread: College Station being the shithole it is, installation of the correct trailer hitch for our car dragged on until finally, I got fed up waiting on the U-Haul guys, bought the equipment, and since I was working on Saturday, asked my wife to take it to our regular mechanic to install.

She got it there early Saturday morning, assured me it would be done before I got off work, and went about her day.

Her day included taking our daughter to the Tarantino flick in the middle of the afternoon. It's a three hour flick. The mechanic shop closes at 4:00 pm.

Yeah, fortunately, they open at 7:00 tomorrow. I rented a truck for the night to get our stuff out of the house, and we'll swap out into the trailer bright and early. Hell, we might even make it to our closing on time.

But somebody's gonna have to bribe me to keep me from blabbing to her clients, that's for damn sure.

Have you posted about the tiny house in the Hobbies thread? I enjoy reading about those. I've been following the fellow that is building a schoolbus into a home. Also, the UHaul on Texas across from Walmart does not have the best service, so yeah, the mechanic was your best shot anyway.

Crimsonlonghorn-the only option you have now to rectify the tax situation is obvious: you have to burn down the barn.

 

Okay, maybe burning down the barn isn't a good plan, but anyone who has ever watched a World War II movie knows you have to hide the living quarters behind a sham wall.

Edited August 13, 2019 by Mrs Whiggins
grammar fail

[Brothahorn 10,087]

364 square feet is the bullshit part. I’m one of those people that actually like my wife, but confine us to the size of our living room going forward and that would likely change quickly.

Amen

[Anastasis 23,474]

Spent a few days before school starts at JW Marriott in SA. 

Boy coughed a few times during the night.

"You need to google secondary drowning."

[markstanco 12,577]

This shit pisses me off.

Dishwasher is leaking. Of course wife blames the builder, which she helped choose but it was a distant friend. Yea, may be a plumber issue but it was built 5 years ago.

She is pissed because I told her to call a plumber, she says "you never do these things!!!"

I work 30 miles away, she works from home but doesnt understand that if I call a plumber, I have to call her for a good time for him to come, then call him back to say okay or counter offer another time and go through these phone call gymnastics again.

Rage rage rage

[mulletpelini 5,211]

8 minutes ago, markstanco said:

I have to call her for a good time for him to come

[SilasCoade 2,622]

33 minutes ago, markstanco said:

This shit pisses me off.

Dishwasher is leaking. Of course wife blames the builder, which she helped choose but it was a distant friend. Yea, may be a plumber issue but it was built 5 years ago.

She is pissed because I told her to call a plumber, she says "you never do these things!!!"

I work 30 miles away, she works from home but doesnt understand that if I call a plumber, I have to call her for a good time for him to come, then call him back to say okay or counter offer another time and go through these phone call gymnastics again.

Rage rage rage

You're not wrong and I'm with you, but the other option is that you call the guy, schedule a time, then take off work to meet him at that time to make sure he doesn't fuck your wife.

[ernest_t_bass 1,196]

6 hours ago, markstanco said:

This shit pisses me off.

Dishwasher is leaking. Of course wife blames the builder, which she helped choose but it was a distant friend. Yea, may be a plumber issue but it was built 5 years ago.

She is pissed because I told her to call a plumber, she says "you never do these things!!!"

I work 30 miles away, she works from home but doesnt understand that if I call a plumber, I have to call her for a good time for him to come, then call him back to say okay or counter offer another time and go through these phone call gymnastics again.

Rage rage rage

JFC, I hate this.  My wife works from home.  Constantly doing shit with the animals, getting on FB, busy not doing laundry, etc.  She can pick up the phone and make a phone call during about 95% of her day, while I can do it maybe 10%.  "WHY CAN'T YOU CALL!!??"  is what I get.  FTS.

[After irth 1,243]

8 hours ago, markstanco said:

This shit pisses me off.

Dishwasher is leaking. Of course wife blames the builder, which she helped choose but it was a distant friend. Yea, may be a plumber issue but it was built 5 years ago.

She is pissed because I told her to call a plumber, she says "you never do these things!!!"

I work 30 miles away, she works from home but doesnt understand that if I call a plumber, I have to call her for a good time for him to come, then call him back to say okay or counter offer another time and go through these phone call gymnastics again.

Rage rage rage

If it's so inconvenient for her, tell her she can wash the dishes herself for the next week or two while you put it on your to-do list.  Bet she'll get motivated to let that plumber "come" then...

[After irth 1,243]

9 hours ago, Anastasis said:

Spent a few days before school starts at JW Marriott in SA. 

Boy coughed a few times during the night.

"You need to google secondary drowning."

Beware, it's probably that new strain of cancerized ebola AIDS.  Those JWs are toxic death traps.  Shoulda sprung for a better hotel.

[HOOKEM4 5,037]

2 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

JFC, I hate this.  My wife works from home.  Constantly doing shit with the animals, getting on FB, busy not doing laundry, etc.  She can pick up the phone and make a phone call during about 95% of her day, while I can do it maybe 10%.  "WHY CAN'T YOU CALL!!??"  is what I get.  FTS.

I am honestly surprised you are still married.

[Buffsoldier 1,895]

1 hour ago, HOOKEM4 said:

I am honestly surprised you are still married.

[BHMCruiser 1,814]

23 minutes ago, Buffsoldier said:

 

The inflated cost of the magazine for Canadians is the best part.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,907]

3 hours ago, After irth said:

Beware, it's probably that new strain of cancerized ebola AIDS.  Those JWs are toxic death traps.  Shoulda sprung for a better hotel.

Sounds like Legionnaires to me.

[MissingInAction 25,103]

23 hours ago, Brew said:

364 square feet is the bullshit part. I’m one of those people that actually like my wife, but confine us to the size of our living room going forward and that would likely change quickly.

Shit, I had to leave a 500 sqft place I shared with a dog because it was too crowded.

Good luck not murdering each other.

[thunderlounge 7,850]

There once was a man from Boston, who bought a little Austin.
Room for his ass and a gallon of gas, his nuts hung out and he lost them.

 

[Mitch Cumsteen 18,550]

On 8/13/2019 at 7:57 AM, After irth said:

Beware, it's probably that new strain of cancerized ebola AIDS.  Those JWs are toxic death traps.  Shoulda sprung for a better hotel.

We almost died from flesh eating bacteria last week in South Padre you insensitive bastard!

[El Diablo 4,232]

1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

We almost died from flesh eating bacteria last week in South Padre you insensitive bastard!

Better that than typhoid.

[Armybrat 40,850]

Iswydt

[After irth 1,243]

7 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

We almost died from flesh eating bacteria last week in South Padre you insensitive bastard!

But...did you die?

[hundredTT 578]

Finally convinced the lady to watch Game of Thrones. We both thought it was dumb first few episodes, then got hooked. I’m all excited to start the later episodes in season one and see her reading wiki on her phone about the show. I knew what she was doing but it was too late. She wiki’d the entire ending and all the spoilers. She did this shit with Breaking Bad. I’m like what’s the damn point of watching the show now?? She says she still wants to watch even though she knows every fucking thing that will happen. 🤦‍♂️

Edited August 15, 2019 by hundredTT

[Modessit 5,603]

Finally convinced the lady to watch Game of Thrones. We both thought it was dumb first few episodes, then got hooked. I’m all excited to start the later episodes in season one and see her reading wiki on her phone about the show. I knew what she was doing but it was too late. She wiki’d the entire ending and all the spoilers. She did this shit with Breaking Bad. I’m like what’s the damn point of watching the show now?? She says she still wants to watch even though she knows every fucking thing that will happen. 🤦‍♂️

I have a friend who does that before going to the theater to see a movie. I'll ask him if he's want to see (whatever) and he said he already read the Wiki plot and knows how it ends. I told him he was a dumbass.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8,817]

Finally convinced the lady to watch Game of Thrones. We both thought it was dumb first few episodes, then got hooked. I’m all excited to start the later episodes in season one and see her reading wiki on her phone about the show. I knew what she was doing but it was too late. She wiki’d the entire ending and all the spoilers. She did this shit with Breaking Bad. I’m like what’s the damn point of watching the show now?? She says she still wants to watch even though she knows every fucking thing that will happen.

Probably a smart thing to at least wiki through thrones. I caught on about season 4 or 5 and still have no idea whos who and what really happened

[hundredTT 578]

9 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

1 hour ago, hundredTT said:

Finally convinced the lady to watch Game of Thrones. We both thought it was dumb first few episodes, then got hooked. I’m all excited to start the later episodes in season one and see her reading wiki on her phone about the show. I knew what she was doing but it was too late. She wiki’d the entire ending and all the spoilers. She did this shit with Breaking Bad. I’m like what’s the damn point of watching the show now?? She says she still wants to watch even though she knows every fucking thing that will happen.

Read more  

Probably a smart thing to at least wiki through thrones. I caught on about season 4 or 5 and still have no idea whos who and what really happened

Hahah my brotha. I feel like I’ll be the same way because we were confused as fuck and aren’t good with names and usually just go with it lol. But the principal stands that she googles everything beforehand, inpatient ass ha. Happened with Stranger Things as well, try not to be bitch  about it and luckily I’m not a nerd enough to really let it affect me. But shit is still is annoying haha. I know some people lose their shit over spoilers haha. My nephew came home opening night of avengers end game and told me all about it, I was like wtf, than gave myself 10 seconds to not be a total  loser hahah. Watching it now actually haha. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

. 

. 

Edited August 15, 2019 by hundredTT

[Grade of D as in David 13,253]

13 minutes ago, hundredTT said:

Hahah my brotha. I feel like I’ll be the same way because we were confused as fuck and aren’t good with names and usually just go with it lol. But the principal stands that she googles everything beforehand, inpatient ass ha. Happened with Stranger Things as well, try not to be bitch  about it and luckily I’m not a nerd enough to really let it affect me. But shit is still is annoying haha. I know some people lose their shit over spoilers haha. My nephew came home opening night of avengers end game and told me all about it, I was like wtf, than gave myself 10 seconds to not be a total  loser hahah. Watching it now actually haha. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

. 

. 

[hundredTT 578]

Good take bro, good take. And Endgame is muy bien 😎 

[Incredulity 11,675]

6 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

7 hours ago, hundredTT said:

Finally convinced the lady to watch Game of Thrones. We both thought it was dumb first few episodes, then got hooked. I’m all excited to start the later episodes in season one and see her reading wiki on her phone about the show. I knew what she was doing but it was too late. She wiki’d the entire ending and all the spoilers. She did this shit with Breaking Bad. I’m like what’s the damn point of watching the show now?? She says she still wants to watch even though she knows every fucking thing that will happen.

Read more  

Probably a smart thing to at least wiki through thrones. I caught on about season 4 or 5 and still have no idea whos who and what really happened

Especially helpful when the screen is pitch black for an entire episode.

[Armybrat 40,850]

Never have seen it. I missed Deadwood too. Saw a few Vikings episodes though - thought Ragnar dude was pretty badass.