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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8727

Posted
Posted
21 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Ever try to explain that the DVR didn't record the whole show you wanted to record because the game that was on before it ran way over?

 

(Narrator- she doesn't get it)

 

 

 

The flip side is my wife that schedules four hour to record 60 minutes because of games.  

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15356

Posted
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32 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

I don't know how the hell those with wives that don't work do it but my wife has called me at a minimum 476 times to telling me something "exciting" that happened to her on her day off.....

She discovered the bean after all these years???

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52600

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So my wife needs to be in Germany for the Frankfurt book fair, and has been strongly encouraged to stop by dornach, Switzerland for a couple of days to meet some people. 

We are making it a family trip because why not, me and the boys can find things to do that are educational. 

But even though she is the one working, and she is the one that knows what days she needs to be where, she keeps asking me what dates to book the flights. And then when I ask her things like can you do your things on sat/sun she says she doesn’t know and acts all frazzled.  

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8821

Posted
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So my wife needs to be in Germany for the Frankfurt book fair, and has been strongly encouraged to stop by dornach, Switzerland for a couple of days to meet some people. 
We are making it a family trip because why not, me and the boys can find things to do that are educational. 
But even though she is the one working, and she is the one that knows what days she needs to be where, she keeps asking me what dates to book the flights. And then when I ask her things like can you do your things on sat/sun she says she doesn’t know and acts all frazzled.  
Sounds super important.
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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11823

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On 8/24/2019 at 8:43 AM, deadshank said:

(Cross posted from Amazon wildfires thread)

My wife was in a panic over this.  

Seems she ordered some dog chew toys from Amazon and then saw the news crawl stating the Amazon was burning and she desperately states she hoped the chew toys shipped out prior to Amazon catching on fire.  

True story.  

This reminds me of the story from Shaggy from one of the Posters from Tennessee in 2008. I think he was a lawyer.   Hopefully I retell the story correctly.

Shaggy poster comes to work the day after Russia "encouraged" Georgia to let North Ossetia be its own country by flat out invading Georgia and destroyed their military.

His secretary is sitting at her desk, highly upset and crying.

He asks whats wrong, and she says that she just saw on the news that Russia had invaded Georgia and they were killing people left and right, and that because Tennessee bordered Georgia, Tennesses was probably next, and that they were all about to be killed by the Russians.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

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13 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So my wife needs to be in Germany for the Frankfurt book fair, and has been strongly encouraged to stop by dornach, Switzerland for a couple of days to meet some people. 

We are making it a family trip because why not, me and the boys can find things to do that are educational. 

But even though she is the one working, and she is the one that knows what days she needs to be where, she keeps asking me what dates to book the flights. And then when I ask her things like can you do your things on sat/sun she says she doesn’t know and acts all frazzled.  

Congrats on being married to a woman.

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Mudcat35

Mudcat35 196

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Mrs. Mudcat is at it again.  We're in the process of selling her mom's house in Houston, so she goes down there frequently.  She always, and I mean ALWAYS, forgets something.  As she was leaving this time, I followed her out to the car.  Dog?  Check.  Paperwork?  Check.  Leash?  Check.  Phone?  Check.  Ipad?  Check.  Charger?  Check.  Suitcase?  Check.

I'm thinking she's good to go.  I'm wrong.

 

She forgot the keys to the house.  $120 later, she's in.

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6066

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8 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

This reminds me of the story from Shaggy from one of the Posters from Tennessee in 2008. I think he was a lawyer.   Hopefully I retell the story correctly.

Shaggy poster comes to work the day after Russia "encouraged" Georgia to let North Ossetia be its own country by flat out invading Georgia and destroyed their military.

His secretary is sitting at her desk, highly upset and crying.

He asks whats wrong, and she says that she just saw on the news that Russia had invaded Georgia and they were killing people left and right, and that because Tennessee bordered Georgia, Tennesses was probably next, and that they were all about to be killed by the Russians.

I think I remember that.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17599

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1 hour ago, Mudcat35 said:

Mrs. Mudcat is at it again.  We're in the process of selling her mom's house in Houston, so she goes down there frequently.  She always, and I mean ALWAYS, forgets something.  As she was leaving this time, I followed her out to the car.  Dog?  Check.  Paperwork?  Check.  Leash?  Check.  Phone?  Check.  Ipad?  Check.  Charger?  Check.  Suitcase?  Check.

I'm thinking she's good to go.  I'm wrong.

 

She forgot the keys to the house.  $120 later, she's in.

3177527.gif

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

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22 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So my wife needs to be in Germany for the Frankfurt book fair, and has been strongly encouraged to stop by dornach, Switzerland for a couple of days to meet some people. 

We are making it a family trip because why not, me and the boys can find things to do that are educational. 

But even though she is the one working, and she is the one that knows what days she needs to be where, she keeps asking me what dates to book the flights. And then when I ask her things like can you do your things on sat/sun she says she doesn’t know and acts all frazzled.  

She doesn't want to admit that she doesn't know the days of the week in Germany. 

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5216

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11 hours ago, AUS-97HORN said:

This reminds me of the story from Shaggy from one of the Posters from Tennessee in 2008. I think he was a lawyer.   Hopefully I retell the story correctly.

Shaggy poster comes to work the day after Russia "encouraged" Georgia to let North Ossetia be its own country by flat out invading Georgia and destroyed their military.

His secretary is sitting at her desk, highly upset and crying.

He asks whats wrong, and she says that she just saw on the news that Russia had invaded Georgia and they were killing people left and right, and that because Tennessee bordered Georgia, Tennesses was probably next, and that they were all about to be killed by the Russians.

It's just too bad the internet wasn't around to check things like this back in 2008.  Poor millennials

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

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(Cross posted from Amazon wildfires thread)
My wife was in a panic over this.  
Seems she ordered some dog chew toys from Amazon and then saw the news crawl stating the Amazon was burning and she desperately states she hoped the chew toys shipped out prior to Amazon catching on fire.  
True story.  
I work a gig job for Amazon and my wife asked me the other day if the fire was going to affect my hours.
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miguelito

miguelito 11311

Posted
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11 hours ago, Modessit said:
On 8/24/2019 at 8:43 AM, deadshank said:
(Cross posted from Amazon wildfires thread)
My wife was in a panic over this.  
Seems she ordered some dog chew toys from Amazon and then saw the news crawl stating the Amazon was burning and she desperately states she hoped the chew toys shipped out prior to Amazon catching on fire.  
True story.  

I work a gig job for Amazon and my wife asked me the other day if the fire was going to affect my hours.

Tell her yes, you'll have to work more hours, then go to the bar for those hours. 

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G650

G650 14277

Posted
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On 8/24/2019 at 5:28 PM, elfenix said:

i regularly keep like 50 tabs open between chrome and firefox and don't experience these computer slowdowns.  browsers and operating systems automatically unload unused tabs from main memory when the memory gets needed by something.  y'all probably just have slow computers.

Precisely

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BearCountry11

BearCountry11 1234

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This has been discussed already but I cant fucking stand the whole "guess what" bullshit.  My wife and I are expecting a baby boy in the next few weeks and she had a doctors appointment today where they got the baby's estimated weight.  I get this text message:

Her:  OMG GUESS WHAT???

Me:  What?

…..30 minutes pass....

Me:  ???

...15 minutes pass...

Me (calls her):  What is going on?  Everything ok?

Her:  Sorry I was on the phone with my sister.  The baby weighs over 7 lbs!

 

Drives me crazy.  Just tell me that initially - don't make me guess then not respond.  

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

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This has been discussed already but I cant fucking stand the whole "guess what" bullshit.  My wife and I are expecting a baby boy in the next few weeks and she had a doctors appointment today where they got the baby's estimated weight.  I get this text message:
Her:  OMG GUESS WHAT???
Me:  What?
…..30 minutes pass....
Me:  ???
...15 minutes pass...
Me (calls her):  What is going on?  Everything ok?
Her:  Sorry I was on the phone with my sister.  The baby weighs over 7 lbs!
 
Drives me crazy.  Just tell me that initially - don't make me guess then not respond.  
Just tell her those estimated baby weights are never right.
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ABSR

ABSR 5324

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31 minutes ago, Modessit said:
2 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:
This has been discussed already but I cant fucking stand the whole "guess what" bullshit.  My wife and I are expecting a baby boy in the next few weeks and she had a doctors appointment today where they got the baby's estimated weight.  I get this text message:
Her:  OMG GUESS WHAT???
Me:  What?
…..30 minutes pass....
Me:  ???
...15 minutes pass...
Me (calls her):  What is going on?  Everything ok?
Her:  Sorry I was on the phone with my sister.  The baby weighs over 7 lbs!
 
Drives me crazy.  Just tell me that initially - don't make me guess then not respond.  

Read more  

Just tell her those estimated baby weights are never right.

Better yet,  tell her that seven pounds seems light as she has gained a LOT more weight than that!   

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Spartan52

Spartan52 151

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10 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

This has been discussed already but I cant fucking stand the whole "guess what" bullshit.  My wife and I are expecting a baby boy in the next few weeks and she had a doctors appointment today where they got the baby's estimated weight.  I get this text message:

Her:  OMG GUESS WHAT???

Me:  What?

…..30 minutes pass....

Me:  ???

...15 minutes pass...

Me (calls her):  What is going on?  Everything ok?

Her:  Sorry I was on the phone with my sister.  The baby weighs over 7 lbs!

 

Drives me crazy.  Just tell me that initially - don't make me guess then not respond.  

Should have replied 'I'm not the Father?'

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8821

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Buddy’s wife trying to make him feel better about the current Clemson - GT beat down:

 

“Well they are the number one team and it’s a preseason game, so don’t worry about it.”

What was your buddy expecting preseason or regular season? Lolol that game was over the second Clemson got out of their buses

 

 

His wife sounds hot tho

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Mudcat35

Mudcat35 196

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This one takes the fur-lined jockey cap. 

Wife had gone to Houston to work on cleaning out her mom's house and took the dog with her.  While there, she scheduled a dinner for last night with our kids and another family.  We're supposed to meet at the restaurant in Austin at 8:00.  Her plan is to leave Houston early enough to get home, change clothes, and ride with us to the restaurant.  I knew without a doubt this was not going to happen.

As is typical, she's late.  I get a text that she'll be in Austin at 7:30 and will meet us at the restaurant at 8:00.  I know that's not going to happen, either.

Kids and I go to the restaurant.  We're there at 8:00.  I get a call at 8:30 with wife totally freaked out.  She got home and has lost the dog.  Swears the dog got out of the back yard.  She's driving around the neighborhood looking for the dog, knocking on neighbor's doors, etc.  She can't find the dog anywhere and tells me she's not coming to the restaurant.  OK, cool.

I then get the most amazing phone call of my life.  Seriously.  She pulls up in the driveway after not being able to find the little dog.  She's crushed.  Anytime we pull up in the driveway, the little dog starts yapping, happy we're home I guess.  Guess what happens this time?  Yep, you got it - little dog starts yapping.  From inside the house.

DOG HAD BEEN INSIDE THE HOUSE THE WHOLE TIME.

WIfe comes to restaurant, and being a good husband, I have a plate of food and a giant margarita waiting for her.

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8727

Posted
Posted
10 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I've got a few questions...


So was it a day trip and she flat out forgot the dog in austin?

Or she remembered the dog (to and from houston) and upon being late she went home...brought the dog inside and then proceeded to lose it?

Or the dog "escaped" and ran into the house she never checked?


I need closure

It's kinda like Mudcat's wife wrote the story for him.

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Pig Bellmont

Pig Bellmont 8738

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15 hours ago, Buzzrock said:

Buddy’s wife trying to make him feel better about the current Clemson - GT beat down:

“Well they are the number one team and it’s a preseason game, so don’t worry about it.”

Silver lining: She knows what a preseason is and it has something to do with football 

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