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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Mudcat35

Mudcat35 196

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I've got a few questions...


So was it a day trip and she flat out forgot the dog in austin?

Or she remembered the dog (to and from houston) and upon being late she went home...brought the dog inside and then proceeded to lose it?

Or the dog "escaped" and ran into the house she never checked?


I need closure

Let me see if I can help...

 

She was in Houston for two days.  Successfully took the dog with her.

She came back to Austin and successfully let the dog in the house.  Let the other dog outside.  Went to the bathroom.  Let the other dog inside.  Little dog did not come in with the big dog, mainly because she was never outside to begin with.  Wife freaked out.  Little dog was later found to be in the house, as she was all along.

I can see why you'd ask if she forgot the dog in Houston.  That could definitely happen.

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Pig Bellmont

Pig Bellmont 8,719

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Posted
5 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

What about husbands and the stupid shit they do???

A couple of months ago I booked a romantic dinner/rooftop bar & pool/ hotel for tomorrow night.  Not even the thought of unlimited sexual relations is helping me with this decision.

I see the disappointment, but it’s LA Tech. If it’s close, you wouldn’t want to have watched anyways. 

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Eugene11

Eugene11 379

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Posted
On 8/8/2019 at 12:21 PM, crimsonlonghorn said:

Our country property has a barn with attached living space. Mrs CL uses it as a remote office about 1-2 days a week. The previous owner and his wife lived there. We don't. We lease the pasture out and have an ag exemption on the property taxes. 

A couple of months ago Mrs CL offhandedly mentioned that someone from the appraisal district had stopped by and asked to look around and take some pictures. I got pretty upset with her and said that was a bad idea to ever let them onto the property and I was promptly told to "Quit being so paranoid. We have nothing to hide."

Got this in the mail today:

 

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They are (properly) reducing our ag exemption by 1 acre to account for the "existing homestead" that has been there for 17 years and isn't visible from the highway in front. My guess is that the former owner built it that way on purpose and never told them about it and never offered to let them inside. 

I'm thinking that it ultimately doesn't cost us a lot of money, but that is offset by the fact that it was completely avoidable. 

 

 

THEY DO FLY OVERS ALSO  NOT COMPLETLY AVOIDABLE   I WOULDNT BE TO UPSET WITH HER

 

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lateshow

lateshow 1,304

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

What about husbands and the stupid shit they do???

A couple of months ago I booked a romantic dinner/rooftop bar & pool/ hotel for tomorrow night.  Not even the thought of unlimited sexual relations is helping me with this decision.

How long you been married? 

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 5,991

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Posted

So in a continuation from the football board from Sat night...

My wife got drunk for the 3rd time in her life.  We were staying at a nice hotel in downtown Dallas for a short getaway.  At about 1 in the morning, TN's loss to Georgia St began to hit her.  

Her:  OOOOMMMMMGGGGG!  WE LOST TO GEORRRRRRRGIIIIIIIIIAAAAAASTTTTTTTTAAAAAAATEEEE!

Me: Yeah, y'all kind of suck.

Her:  WEEEEEEEEEE SUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!

Me: Um, you wanna keep it down a bit?  You're being very loud.

Her:  WEEEEEEEEE LOOOOOOOSSSSSSTTTTT.  I'MMMMMMMMMSOOOOOOOOOOO ANNNNNNNNNGRYYYYYYYY!

Me:  Seriously.  STFU.  I have no idea how thick these walls are.

Her:  AT  LLLLLLLLEAAAASSSSSSTTTTT WE'VE STTTTTTTTILLLLLLL GOTTTTTTT BASKETBALLLLLLLLLLL!

Me: No.  Y'all will suck at that too.

Her:  WHHHHHHHYYYYYYA    ARRRRRRRREEEE YOU BEEING SO MMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEANNNNNNNNN?!?!?

This shit went on for 30 GD minutes.  In retrospect, it was kind of funny because nothing bad happened.  

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13,253

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

So in a continuation from the football board from Sat night...

My wife got drunk for the 3rd time in her life.  We were staying at a nice hotel in downtown Dallas for a short getaway.  At about 1 in the morning, TN's loss to Georgia St began to hit her.  

Her:  OOOOMMMMMGGGGG!  WE LOST TO GEORRRRRRRGIIIIIIIIIAAAAAASTTTTTTTTAAAAAAATEEEE!

Me: Yeah, y'all kind of suck.

Her:  WEEEEEEEEEE SUCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKK!

Me: Um, you wanna keep it down a bit?  You're being very loud.

Her:  WEEEEEEEEE LOOOOOOOSSSSSSTTTTT.  I'MMMMMMMMMSOOOOOOOOOOO ANNNNNNNNNGRYYYYYYYY!

Me:  Seriously.  STFU.  I have no idea how thick these walls are.

Her:  AT  LLLLLLLLEAAAASSSSSSTTTTT WE'VE STTTTTTTTILLLLLLL GOTTTTTTT BASKETBALLLLLLLLLLL!

Me: No.  Y'all will suck at that too.

Her:  WHHHHHHHYYYYYYA    ARRRRRRRREEEE YOU BEEING SO MMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEANNNNNNNNN?!?!?

This shit went on for 30 GD minutes.  In retrospect, it was kind of funny because nothing bad happened.  

Skip ahead to the part about you getting the pooper.

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markstanco

markstanco 12,577

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Posted

New one that is awesome.

We are out of the city so on a well. Had the well filter serviced last week.

So, the last 5 days after service the water pressure was shit. We didnt know why. Wife was pissed at them. Constantly complaining we have no water pressure. I even went to the pump and showed her it's at 60 psi so I dont get it.

This morning I went to the back lot to load up the tractor to go to the lease and it is MUDDY. Weird. Load the tractor. I go up to the house and the water hose is on.

It was on for a f'ing week. She left it on after watering plants last weekend.

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2,306

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Mrs CL: What does this app do on your phone?

Me: It talks to my radar detector with bluetooth. It can tell you the location of speed traps and the speed limit wherever you are on the highway. I don't ever use it because you have to restart it every time you get in the car and pair it with your phone and login each time. It's cool but it's a huge pain in the ass. 

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Mrs CL: Oh. Ok. Thanks. 

Me: What did you think it did?

Mrs CL: I thought you might be chatting with hookers. 

 

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wd40

wd40 1,976

Posted
Posted
18 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Stanco going hard in the paint on that one.

Please report back with the water bill.

ummm...no.

I haven't been on a well in 30 years, and I even I could tell it was probably a hose left on, especially after checking the psi at the pump.  to let it ride for a week like that?  do you not ever shower or wash your hands?  stanco, indeed.

I call that one a team effort.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52,507

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

Stanco going hard in the paint on that one.

Please report back with the water bill.

Let me help you. The property has a well, which was established in the post. 

Therefore the only cost of water is the little bit of electricity needed to run the pump. 

Hopefully for him, she didn’t drain the well too much and they have to hope for rain very soon to fill the water table back up. 

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markstanco

markstanco 12,577

Posted
Posted
ummm...no.
I haven't been on a well in 30 years, and I even I could tell it was probably a hose left on, especially after checking the psi at the pump.  to let it ride for a week like that?  do you not ever shower or wash your hands?  stanco, indeed.
I call that one a team effort.
I just assumed she was running the dishwasher or doing laundry.
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Sandman

Sandman 3,403

Posted
Posted
13 hours ago, markstanco said:
16 hours ago, wd40 said:
ummm...no.
I haven't been on a well in 30 years, and I even I could tell it was probably a hose left on, especially after checking the psi at the pump.  to let it ride for a week like that?  do you not ever shower or wash your hands?  stanco, indeed.
I call that one a team effort.

I just assumed she was running the dishwasher or doing laundry.   On facebook, pinterest, etc.

Fixed.

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11,675

Posted
Posted (edited)
14 hours ago, markstanco said:
18 hours ago, wd40 said:
ummm...no.
I haven't been on a well in 30 years, and I even I could tell it was probably a hose left on, especially after checking the psi at the pump.  to let it ride for a week like that?  do you not ever shower or wash your hands?  stanco, indeed.
I call that one a team effort.

I just assumed she was running the dishwasher or doing laundry.

spacer.png

 

Laundry....oh....my side....it hurts...

Edited by Incredulity
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markstanco

markstanco 12,577

Posted
Posted

Another.

So we built our house 5 years ago. We are in NE texas so very inexpensive on a larger home. I'm not an engineer but I was really involved on a lot of things including the HVAC system, tankless heaters, audio, etc. I did two AC units with 3 zones each. So, 6 separate thermostats. One is in what I call the mother in law room. It is a bedroom for guests, but typically my smother in law. It has it's own thermostat. It is off the kitchen and NEVER EVER USED unless they are here.

Tonight I walk in there, and the thermostat is at 74 and I lose my shit. That thermostat is ONLY for that room by design when I helped with the HVAC guys. It should be set at 90 when nobody is staying.

She says she lowered it because sometimes she goes to the bathroom in there because it is near the kitchen.

No words.

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