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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11819

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, txhorns said:

My dog found and ate some article of clothing that looks like panties or a swimsuit bottom yesterday.  Dog then threw it up in my daughter's (no pics, she's 6 years old you pervs) room.  They were a size 7, my daughter wears a size 7.  My wife is convinced that I was cheating on her yesterday and now is not talking to me.  The peace and quiet is nice.

So your kid likely shit her pants, your dog is a shit-eating poop-intolerant pervert and your wife is batshit crazy.  Sounds shitty all around.

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General Specific

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Posted
Posted
My dog found and ate some article of clothing that looks like panties or a swimsuit bottom yesterday.  Dog then threw it up in my daughter's (no pics, she's 6 years old you pervs) room.  They were a size 7, my daughter wears a size 7.  My wife is convinced that I was cheating on her yesterday and now is not talking to me.  The peace and quiet is nice.

You have peace and quiet? Here dog, come here pooch, come on boy, I have a treat for you...
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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17558

Posted
Posted
On 9/9/2019 at 7:56 PM, luke duke said:

I get an alert on my phone whenever someone manually overrides the thermostat.

Dad Level - 150

20 hours ago, txhorns said:

My dog found and ate some article of clothing that looks like panties or a swimsuit bottom yesterday.  Dog then threw it up in my daughter's (no pics, she's 6 years old you pervs) room.  They were a size 7, my daughter wears a size 7.  My wife is convinced that I was cheating on her yesterday and now is not talking to me.  The peace and quiet is nice.

giphy.gif

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Buffsoldier

Buffsoldier 1895

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, AM Wood said:

I don’t get this. Why doesn’t she ask your daughter if the panties belong to her?  Or better yet, wasn’t she the one that bought them in the first place? Or does your 7 year old daughter go around buying her own underwear?

You, uh....You're aware what thread you're on, right?

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

Posted
Posted
On ‎9‎/‎10‎/‎2019 at 12:31 PM, txhorns said:

My dog found and ate some article of clothing that looks like panties or a swimsuit bottom yesterday.  Dog then threw it up in my daughter's (no pics, she's 6 years old you pervs) room.  They were a size 7, my daughter wears a size 7.  My wife is convinced that I was cheating on her yesterday and now is not talking to me.  The peace and quiet is nice.

Are the two events related or are you just letting us know that 1)your dog is disgusting and 2)your wife is on to your extramarital shenanigans?

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Angry Gorilla

Angry Gorilla 1768

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I'm sure it happens to everyone on this thread, but it drives me crazy when my wife asks me a question, I answer, then she continues to ask/explain the question.

<I walk out of laundry room after grabbing some batteries>
Her:  Are you using the washer?
Me:  No
Her:  Because I need to wash the sheets
Me:  I said I'm not using it
Her:  The sheets need to be washed because the dog jumped in the pool and I didn't notice and when I let him in he ran and jumped on the bed and now the <I walk out of room> sheets are all wet and I need to wash them.  Do you think it's too hot for the dogs outside?  Should I get them a fan for outside?  I think there is a fan on sale at Target, I'll go tomorrow.  Oh!, you'll never guess who I ran into at Target the other day......
 

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ABSR

ABSR 5315

Posted
Posted
32 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I'm sure it happens to everyone on this thread, but it drives me crazy when my wife asks me a question, I answer, then she continues to ask/explain the question.

<I walk out of laundry room after grabbing some batteries>
Her:  Are you using the washer?
Me:  No
Her:  Because I need to wash the sheets
Me:  I said I'm not using it
Her:  The sheets need to be washed because the dog jumped in the pool and I didn't notice and when I let him in he ran and jumped on the bed and now the <I walk out of room> sheets are all wet and I need to wash them.  Do you think it's too hot for the dogs outside?  Should I get them a fan for outside?  I think there is a fan on sale at Target, I'll go tomorrow.  Oh!, you'll never guess who I ran into at Target the other day......
 

She's trying to share her day with you, you insensitive bastard!   

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

You, uh....You're aware what thread you're on, right?

Dudes, it’s not the stupid husband thread. The easiest way to shut her dumb ass up would be to say “why don’t you go ask your daughter who’s underwear those are and leave me the fuck out of this.”

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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1814

Posted
Posted
19 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I'm sure it happens to everyone on this thread, but it drives me crazy when my wife asks me a question, I answer, then she continues to ask/explain the question.

<I walk out of laundry room after grabbing some batteries>
Her:  Are you using the washer?
Me:  No
Her:  Because I need to wash the sheets
Me:  I said I'm not using it
Her:  The sheets need to be washed because the dog jumped in the pool and I didn't notice and when I let him in he ran and jumped on the bed and now the <I walk out of room> sheets are all wet and I need to wash them.  Do you think it's too hot for the dogs outside?  Should I get them a fan for outside?  I think there is a fan on sale at Target, I'll go tomorrow.  Oh!, you'll never guess who I ran into at Target the other day......
 

Every married man endures this constantly. As far as I can tell, men mainly use language to CONVEY information, e.g. the house is THERE. So, once you have responded to her question with a decisive answer, in your mind there is nothing left to discuss and the jibber jabber that follows is like being dragged over hot coals. But women use language to PROCESS information, which has an emotional component. So talking about something, no matter how irrelevant, is part of their process of explaining how things are affecting them.

It is essentially an unbridgeable psychological divide and you just have to be patient. She has the same frustration on her end, which is that you are rude and never talk to her, from her perspective. Good luck. You will fail. We all will fail. 

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BHMCruiser said:

Every married man endures this constantly. As far as I can tell, men mainly use language to CONVEY information, e.g. the house is THERE. So, once you have responded to her question with a decisive answer, in your mind there is nothing left to discuss and the jibber jabber that follows is like being dragged over hot coals. But women use language to PROCESS information, which has an emotional component. So talking about something, no matter how irrelevant, is part of their process of explaining how things are affecting them.

It is essentially an unbridgeable psychological divide and you just have to be patient. She has the same frustration on her end, which is that you are rude and never talk to her, from her perspective. Good luck. You will fail. We all will fail.  Bitches be crazy

Fixed it for you.

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Modessit

Modessit 5603

Posted
Posted



Every married man endures this constantly. As far as I can tell, men mainly use language to CONVEY information, e.g. the house is THERE. So, once you have responded to her question with a decisive answer, in your mind there is nothing left to discuss and the jibber jabber that follows is like being dragged over hot coals. But women use language to PROCESS information, which has an emotional component. So talking about something, no matter how irrelevant, is part of their process of explaining how things are affecting them.
It is essentially an unbridgeable psychological divide and you just have to be patient. She has the same frustration on her end, which is that you are rude and never talk to her, from her perspective. Good luck. You will fail. We all will fail. 


ce76ce95b8939784cc2c1fb1d63164c2.jpg
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BHMCruiser

BHMCruiser 1814

Posted
Posted

I used to take the train from Baltimore to DC and back every day. And women would ALWAYS be on their phones talking to people. The whole way there. The whole way back. Basically no man was on his phone. I would just wonder who the fuck these people were talking to? Were they just somewhere else in the train? Had I died and gone to hell? I was just surrounded by idiotic blathering from every angle. The only other option was the quiet car, where you could hear somebody forty feet away clinching in a fart.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15347

Posted
Posted (edited)
38 minutes ago, BHMCruiser said:

I used to take the train from Baltimore to DC and back every day. And women would ALWAYS be on their phones talking to people. The whole way there. The whole way back. Basically no man was on his phone. I would just wonder who the fuck these people were talking to? Were they just somewhere else in the train? Had I died and gone to hell? I was just surrounded by idiotic blathering from every angle. The only other option was the quiet car, where you could hear somebody forty feet away clinching in a fart.

With a 95% confidence interval, it was either their Mother, Sister, or very best friend, and they talk to the same one every day.  And every day it's about the same shit.  

Edited by Trey3216
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15347

Posted
Posted
Just now, Cheeseweasel said:

Yeah, I don't get it. 

I don't either.  But I only know because everyday at 6:30, when my wife is on her way out the door for her 20 minute drive to work, her best friend calls and they talk the whole way to work.  They work at the same school.  It's truly baffling.  

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
4 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

I don't either.  But I only know because everyday at 6:30, when my wife is on her way out the door for her 20 minute drive to work, her best friend calls and they talk the whole way to work.  They work at the same school.  It's truly baffling.  

And (like every woman I work with) she walks in the office still talking. For the first 15 minutes of work.

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Degenerate Gardner

Degenerate Gardner 4085

Posted
Posted

My wife has hit our garage doors in cars so many times over the years.  This is why we can't have nice things.

It's also a controversial topic with her to put a lid on a pot to boil water.  Yesterday she was complaining that the water was slow to boil.  No lid of course.

otherwise a smart, educated, capable adult.  It's mystifying.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15347

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Degenerate Gardner said:

My wife has hit our garage doors in cars so many times over the years.  This is why we can't have nice things.

It's also a controversial topic with her to put a lid on a pot to boil water.  Yesterday she was complaining that the water was slow to boil.  No lid of course.

otherwise a smart, educated, capable adult.  It's mystifying.

Until she loads it up with water and drops a bunch of pasta into the pot 

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

Posted
Posted
On 9/10/2019 at 8:12 AM, Kennythetiger said:

So your wife gives you her money?  Does she have any sisters?  

Grandmother's estate. Annual gift tax exemption. Her mom writes a big check every year from Grandma's old account. etc etc

I handle ALL of the household finances, including making deposits into the joint checking account.

She's an only child. I have two brothers who are each married with families - and my parents are divorced - so the tension there around holidays is its own contribution to this thread. Ms CL just doesn't understand why making plans with my family is so much more complicated than making a single phone call to her parents. 

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Thatguy

Thatguy 8738

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

I don't either.  But I only know because everyday at 6:30, when my wife is on her way out the door for her 20 minute drive to work, her best friend calls and they talk the whole way to work.  They work at the same school.  It's truly baffling.  

    Let me paint a picture that I am sure the rest of you have lived. You are at home and your daughter comes in the front door(after having gone to the store with your wife). There is no sound after she opens and closes the door. You wait a good while and then ask her where her mom is. She says outside. You then walk to the door to find her sitting in the car still talking. 

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

Posted
Posted

Wife: I am so busy and have too much on my plate can you take care of task XYZ for me? (followed by 20 minutes of explaining why she is so busy and can't do it) 

Me: Sure

5 minutes later.....

Wife: When you do task XYZ make sure you......(a list of 50 things over half which are unnecessary)

Me: Sounds good

That night-

Wife: Have you done XYZ yet? 

Me: No, I will take care of it tomorrow

Wife: Well don't wait too long it needs to be done, did I remind you of exactly how it needs to be done you know so detailed that a 3 year old could do it? 

Me: yes

The next day-

Wife: Did you take care of XYZ yet?

Me: No, I was slammed at work so I am going to do it tomorrow

Wife: DON'T FORGET TO DO IT!!!!!!!!! IT NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!

Me: yep, I got it

Day #2

Me: XYZ is done

Wife: I saw that, thanks but you didn't do it exactly how I wanted it so I redid it myself. 

 

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