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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15325

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Wife: I am so busy and have too much on my plate can you take care of task XYZ for me? (followed by 20 minutes of explaining why she is so busy and can't do it) 

Me: Sure

5 minutes later.....

Wife: When you do task XYZ make sure you......(a list of 50 things over half which are unnecessary)

Me: Sounds good

That night-

Wife: Have you done XYZ yet? 

Me: No, I will take care of it tomorrow

Wife: Well don't wait too long it needs to be done, did I remind you of exactly how it needs to be done you know so detailed that a 3 year old could do it? 

Me: yes

The next day-

Wife: Did you take care of XYZ yet?

Me: No, I was slammed at work so I am going to do it tomorrow

Wife: DON'T FORGET TO DO IT!!!!!!!!! IT NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!

Me: yep, I got it

Day #2

Me: XYZ is done

Wife: I saw that, thanks but you didn't do it exactly how I wanted it so I redid it myself. 

 

Thanks for making the bed.  But you didn’t pull the sheets all the way under the pillows and they’re not tucked in under the sides of the mattress so I can destroy it as soon as I get into bed 2 hours before you 

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Mo Horn

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Posted
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1 hour ago, Trey3216 said:

Thanks for making the bed.  But you didn’t pull the sheets all the way under the pillows and they’re not tucked in under the sides of the mattress so I can destroy it as soon as I get into bed 2 hours before you 

We had a very similar conversation 20+ years ago when Mrs. MO started leaving the house in the morning before I do. The next day she came home to an unmade bed and asked why it wasn't made. I told her she didn't like the way I did it, and I couldn't care less if the bed was made or not, so unless she wanted to do it herself she could either get used to an unmade bed or let me make it my way. I've made the bed ever since and she's never said another word. 

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15325

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32 minutes ago, Mo Horn said:

We had a very similar conversation 20+ years ago when Mrs. MO started leaving the house in the morning before I do. The next day she came home to an unmade bed and asked why it wasn't made. I told her she didn't like the way I did it, and I couldn't care less if the bed was made or not, so unless she wanted to do it herself she could either get used to an unmade bed or let me make it my way. I've made the bed ever since and she's never said another word. 

I’m working on that right now.  It’s a made bed, just not her preferred method.  I’m like “it’s about the effort here teach” 

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15325

Posted
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1 hour ago, Mo Horn said:

We had a very similar conversation 20+ years ago when Mrs. MO started leaving the house in the morning before I do. The next day she came home to an unmade bed and asked why it wasn't made. I told her she didn't like the way I did it, and I couldn't care less if the bed was made or not, so unless she wanted to do it herself she could either get used to an unmade bed or let me make it my way. I've made the bed ever since and she's never said another word. 

I’m going to start walking the dog 30 minutes before she leaves instead of 5 so she can make the shit herself.   But I know how that will work too 

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Anastasis

Anastasis 23393

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"I'm the only one who does anything around the house to keep this place straight."

Took every ounce of my being to hold back a response...

"I'm the only one who does anything around this place that pays the mortgage."

It was a little easier to keep it clapped since I got a quickie this afternoon. 

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Buffsoldier

Buffsoldier 1895

Posted
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8 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

"I'm the only one who does anything around the house to keep this place straight."

I got this once.  'Cept it was a bit more direct:
"You need to start pulling your weight around here."
After the shock subsided, I reminded her of that mortgage.  And the Electric bill.  The Gas bill.  The Water bill, the sewer bill, the grocery bill, the car payment, the car insurance, the cable bill, and a few other things.  Asked her to start pulling her weight there.  Got the "well, we'd need to get child care".  Fine, we'll split that 50/50 as well.  I knew I'd STILL end up $500-$600 per month ahead.
Never heard anything after that.

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nnm

nnm 36063

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5 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

Thanks for making the bed.  But you didn’t pull the sheets all the way under the pillows and they’re not tucked in under the sides of the mattress so I can destroy it as soon as I get into bed 2 hours before you 

I make the bed (guy standard) every morning. I pull the sheet and bedspread up and straighten them, easy to get in bed when night falls. 

But I don’t “make” the bed (wife standard). The bed isn’t “made” unless the 15 (yes, count them, 15) pillows are placed in their proper order, at the proper angles. Which then takes another 5 minutes to properly stow on the bedroom couch at bedtime. 

I hate those pillows. 

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11559

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Wife: I am so busy and have too much on my plate can you take care of task XYZ for me? (followed by 20 minutes of explaining why she is so busy and can't do it) 

Me: Sure

5 minutes later.....

Wife: When you do task XYZ make sure you......(a list of 50 things over half which are unnecessary)

Me: Sounds good

That night-

Wife: Have you done XYZ yet? 

Me: No, I will take care of it tomorrow

Wife: Well don't wait too long it needs to be done, did I remind you of exactly how it needs to be done you know so detailed that a 3 year old could do it? 

Me: yes

The next day-

Wife: Did you take care of XYZ yet?

Me: No, I was slammed at work so I am going to do it tomorrow

Wife: DON'T FORGET TO DO IT!!!!!!!!! IT NEEDS TO BE DONE!!!!!!!!

Me: yep, I got it

Day #2

Me: XYZ is done

Wife: I saw that, thanks but you didn't do it exactly how I wanted it so I redid it myself. 

 

Pure, white hot, blinding rage. 

 

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drifter379

drifter379 1106

Posted
Posted
Thanks for making the bed.  But you didn’t pull the sheets all the way under the pillows and they’re not tucked in under the sides of the mattress so I can destroy it as soon as I get into bed 2 hours before you 

How many pillows?

I have become a master at stacking the 8 pillows on our bed in different ways.
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Bullneck

Bullneck 18987

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Posted
23 hours ago, nnm said:

I make the bed (guy standard) every morning. I pull the sheet and bedspread up and straighten them, easy to get in bed when night falls. 

But I don’t “make” the bed (wife standard). The bed isn’t “made” unless the 15 (yes, count them, 15) pillows are placed in their proper order, at the proper angles. Which then takes another 5 minutes to properly stow on the bedroom couch at bedtime. 

I hate those pillows. 

I think we're down to 6 pillows.  Such a pain in the ass.

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

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I wish I could see the random number generator that she uses to decide what arbitrary and long-ago discussed thing to blindside me with on a Sunday morning.

"Fixing the drainage in my vegetable garden" hasn't been discussed in at least two months but this morning she decided that today was the day that she needed to be mad at me about it. 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18701

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On 9/13/2019 at 6:15 PM, Mo Horn said:

We had a very similar conversation 20+ years ago when Mrs. MO started leaving the house in the morning before I do. The next day she came home to an unmade bed and asked why it wasn't made. I told her she didn't like the way I did it, and I couldn't care less if the bed was made or not, so unless she wanted to do it herself she could either get used to an unmade bed or let me make it my way. I've made the bed ever since and she's never said another word. 

Yeah you really showed her 

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Brisketexan

Brisketexan 104558

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I make the bed (guy standard) every morning. I pull the sheet and bedspread up and straighten them, easy to get in bed when night falls. 
But I don’t “make” the bed (wife standard). The bed isn’t “made” unless the 15 (yes, count them, 15) pillows are placed in their proper order, at the proper angles. Which then takes another 5 minutes to properly stow on the bedroom couch at bedtime. 
I hate those pillows. 

Dont even get me fucking started on the god damned pillows. 

I think we're down to 6 pillows.  Such a pain in the ass.

You all will be pleased to know that in the future Semi-benevolent Dictatorship of Brisketexan (I figure I’ll weather the apocalypse, and then rise to power astride an up-armored 1999 F-150), throw pillows will be banned. Completely. Along with serving cobbler without ice cream and red beans and rice without sausage.
In fact, the death penalty may be in play on the throw pillow thing. They are a device meant to make a sleeping place (a bed) unusable for sleeping, and a sitting place (a couch) unsuitable for sitting. They are evil, diabolical, sick, twisted, and they must go. God, how I hate them.
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Thatguy

Thatguy 8492

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On 9/13/2019 at 10:11 PM, Anastasis said:

"I'm the only one who does anything around the house to keep this place straight."

Took every ounce of my being to hold back a response...

"I'm the only one who does anything around this place that pays the mortgage."

It was a little easier to keep it clapped since I got a quickie this afternoon. 

    This right g-damned here!!!  My wife works 3-4 hours a day Mon-Fri. I don't wanna hear that shit.

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Kennythetiger

Kennythetiger 9334

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2 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

 

 


You all will be pleased to know that in the future Semi-benevolent Dictatorship of Brisketexan (I figure I’ll weather the apocalypse, and then rise to power astride an up-armored 1999 F-150), throw pillows will be banned. Completely. Along with serving cobbler without ice cream and red beans and rice without sausage.
In fact, the death penalty may be in play on the throw pillow thing. They are a device meant to make a sleeping place (a bed) unusable for sleeping, and a sitting place (a couch) unsuitable for sitting. They are evil, diabolical, sick, twisted, and they must go. God, how I hate them.

 

 

I, too, dream of this world. Where blowjobs abound, we’re on time for everything, and she tells the end of the story first. 

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

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I come into the kitchen this morning and Ms CL is cracking eggs into the electric skillet. 

"Are you making breakfast for [son]?" I ask.

"Yes, unless you want to."

"No. You can do it." And I proceed to put my own breakfast into the microwave.

Wife finishes cracking the eggs and puts the carton back into the refrigerator and walks off. 

Guess who ended up cooking the eggs and putting them on the table?

 

 

(ps - this morning's random number generator complaint was that the dog, who sleeps in the laundry room at night, prevented her from washing her bras as planned.)

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txhorns

txhorns 2408

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2 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
1 hour ago, txhorns said:
My wife signed up to be a host home for a parade of homes in December.  Immediately went this weekend to spend $1500 on new decorations including more pillows.

Good fucking lord. How many weekends is it? I bet youre thrilled to have those pillows and complete strangers walking around your house

The parade of homes is only for 1 night.  But now apparently we have to get a hotel room for that night because the event ends at 9  but my little kids have to be in bed by 8.  Fuck that shit.  I'm taking them to dinner and a movie and leaving the wife/mom at home.

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