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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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wd40

wd40 1976

Posted
Posted
21 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

I’m about to by the wife a new car and this is my fear.
She’s dinged and scratched the crap out of her current ride.

same boat.  but we gotta do something soon, so when we hand down my car to the oldest, we don't end up with two car payments.

but my wife should join NASCAR.  can only execute left turns, apparently.  when she took out the stop sign at 183 and Barrington, I said, "yeah that signs in a weird spot.  gets run over a few times a year."

when she tried to take out a big bright yellow steel and concrete post in the UPS customer counter parking lot, I said, "maybe we should just weld a 1/4" steel skid plate on the passenger side."  she said [tone].

changed jobs.  now she parks in a big parking garage everyday.   now she has a big white scuff on the right front corner.  I said nothing.

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gaspar

gaspar 102

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On 5/13/2018 at 2:41 PM, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I threw my used-up deodorant container in the bathroom trash.   A couple hours later I see my wife carrying it downstairs and I’m like WTF?  She’s trying to recycle it.   I made her put on her reading glasses and look at the bottom of it.  Not recyclable. For a reason. 

Mine wastes about 35 gallons of water to be able to wash and clean food containers so that they can be recycled. Then proceeds to leave the lights on and a/c set to 70 after she leaves for work. 

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Johnny Sack

Johnny Sack 8397

Posted
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17 hours ago, 936horn said:

Nice one, but I see you and raise you this -

Wife is in her brand new SUV (I mean it's like 2 months old when this happens). I had pulled in from work and my car was sitting (running) in the driveway - lined up DIRECTLY in line with where I pull into the garage. I got out to roll a trashcan in as she is pulling out for a nail appointment or some shit and she manages to back her NEW car into our OTHER car. Put a nice scratch on her car and a nice dent and scratch in mine. Gotta love family car on family car accidents.

hqdefault.jpg

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Brewin’1up

Brewin’1up 34

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19 hours ago, 686 said:

I always go lightly used 2-3 years old cars for the wife, because since she's going to scratch/ding it constantly and thrash the interior, I might as well start off by letting someone else take about $10K of depreciation.

Same. My wife beats the shit out of her cars, and treats the interior like her own personal dumpster.

She has a bunch of Rubbermaid totes full of craft supplies taking up her half of the attached garage. One day she decides she's going to "clean out" the garage. She proceeds to move all the totes out of the garage into driveway and starts stacking them on the hood of her car. She sweeps the garage out, then proceeds to put all the totes back in the exact same place, (doesn't organize/ condense/ throw away anything). In moving the totes back into the garage, she manages to drag (instead of lift) the ones she stacked on the car - scratching the shit out of the paint in the process.

Most recently, she managed to knock off the chrome trim piece from the bottom of the passenger door. She claims to have picked it up and put it in the hatch, but now its missing. Replacement piece from Nissan is $200. (eyeroll)

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686

686 3371

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2 hours ago, Brewin’1up said:

Same. My wife beats the shit out of her cars, and treats the interior like her own personal dumpster.

She has a bunch of Rubbermaid totes full of craft supplies taking up her half of the attached garage. One day she decides she's going to "clean out" the garage. She proceeds to move all the totes out of the garage into driveway and starts stacking them on the hood of her car. She sweeps the garage out, then proceeds to put all the totes back in the exact same place, (doesn't organize/ condense/ throw away anything). In moving the totes back into the garage, she manages to drag (instead of lift) the ones she stacked on the car - scratching the shit out of the paint in the process.

Most recently, she managed to knock off the chrome trim piece from the bottom of the passenger door. She claims to have picked it up and put it in the hatch, but now its missing. Replacement piece from Nissan is $200. (eyeroll)

Years ago, after I observed some fresh scratches on her car bumper, the right side of my brain thought "Where is she parking where other people are constantly bumping her car?" Then the left side of my brain responded with this:

 

lol_idi_amin.gif

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 7966

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Posted
Krista Glover must have gone to the same upbringing class my ex-wife did.  PTSD from the flashbacks that just created for me.  Thanks Obama.
Oh hai. My ex too. Nothing was ever good enough. Hate soul suckers like that.

I finally got over the PTSD from her maniacal rants.

Undefeated? Hell, I missed the cut.
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Landomatic

Landomatic 3813

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

Oh hai. My ex too. Nothing was ever good enough. Hate soul suckers like that.

I finally got over the PTSD from her maniacal rants.

Undefeated? Hell, I missed the cut.

Maybe if you had been a millionaire pro golfer, you could have had a better wife.  Err...wait.

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EE2B

EE2B 1560

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Posted

My kids pre-K teacher is going to Australia to be with her daughter when she has her baby in August. She is going to be gone from August to October.
Tonight, my wife said: It’s like she’ll be in a whole different country for three months.
Me: No shit, a whole different continent even.

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Nivek

Nivek 16643

Posted
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2 hours ago, EE2B said:

My kids pre-K teacher is going to Australia to be with her daughter when she has her baby in August. She is going to be gone from August to October.
Tonight, my wife said: It’s like she’ll be in a whole different country for three months.
Me: No shit, a whole different continent even.

Get the fuck out of here.

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Macanudo

Macanudo 12649

Posted
Posted
9 minutes ago, HouTex said:

I've never understood American's fascination with British royalty. 

I can explain it very simply....   Every girl wants to be a princess.  Royal weddings exude everything they want/wanted theirs to be.  

 

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GSU&UT

GSU&UT 1798

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2 hours ago, HouTex said:

I've never understood American's fascination with British royalty. 

It's fucking weird, especially when you realize that the vast majority of British people don't give near as much of a shit.

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 7966

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Posted
My wife made a hat for the occasion. I was informed it is called a fascinator.

Taparep. I woke up in a hotel room, fully expecting it to be 8:30 as I wanted to sleep late. Sealed off the drapes and everything to keep it dark as possible.

 

Nope. 6am. I drifted in and out of sleep for the next 2 hours, while my lady wept at how the American girl became a real princess.

 

David Muir isn't quite as stiff when he's not reading the evening news. And I had no idea fascinators existed.

 

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 7966

Posted
Posted

So pull into a speedy stop for gas and a piss. Start the pump and then walk into the store to get rid of some coffee.

When I walk out she's overfilling the gas tank. Fuel spilling out onto the rear panel and tires. She is watching the pump display, oblivious.

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RoundRobin

RoundRobin 828

Posted
Posted
37 minutes ago, Sandman said:

We were discussing an incident that happened at my kid's school and my wife said that someone would have to "reap the percussions" of their actions. I couldn't even think of a response, I just drove on in silence.

So...band issue?

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Nivek

Nivek 16643

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3 hours ago, GSU&UT said:

It's fucking weird, especially when you realize that the vast majority of British people don't give near as much of a shit.

I think it it because the media covers it so much.  Trying to create the hype/demand.   

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