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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Longhornfan1024

Longhornfan1024 1707

Posted
Posted
30 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I wait until she's in the shower and then I shit in it so she can do the waffle stomp

The first time I shat around my wife (then gf) we were in a one bedroom apartment in West Campus.  She was in the shower when I got home feeling sick, so I went in and took one of the most horrendously smelling dumps of my life in the toilet right next to the shower.  It was one of those dumps where it smelled so bad that even I wanted to get out of the bathroom, but she was stuck in there with the stench while trying to get out of the shower.  Over ten years later, she still brings it up. 

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tbone_

tbone_ 14213

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The first time I shat around my wife (then gf) we were in a one bedroom apartment in West Campus.  She was in the shower when I got home feeling sick, so I went in and took one of the most horrendously smelling dumps of my life in the toilet right next to the shower.  It was one of those dumps where it smelled so bad that even I wanted to get out of the bathroom, but she was stuck in there with the stench while trying to get out of the shower.  Over ten years later, she still brings it up. 

And she still married your disgusting ass huh?
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The Ace of Aces

The Ace of Aces 5205

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Posted (edited)

Today Mrs. Ace had to drive to Philadelphia for a meeting. No biggie, a very common thing. 

But this time she had a rental car because she’s traveling elsewhere around PA afterward and it’s cheaper than mileage. I gave her the EZ Pass last night and she went and put it in the rental car’s glovebox. I told her to go take it out and set it on the dash so it’ll read and at 6 a.m. you might forget to take it out. 

I got a call screaming at me at 6:20 a.m. saying she dud GT have cash so had to blow the toll booth because I forgot to give her the EZ Pass despite her telling me three times.

Edited by The Ace of Aces
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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8835

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Today Mrs. Ace had to drive to Philadelphia for a meeting. No biggie, a very common thing. 
But this time she had a rental car because she’s traveling elsewhere around PA afterward and it’s cheaper than mileage. I gave her the EZ Pass last night and she went and put it in the rental car’s glovebox. I told her to go take it out and set it on the dash so it’ll read and at 6 a.m. you might forget to take it out. 
I got a call screaming at me at 6:20 a.m. saying she dud GT have cash so had to blow the toll booth because I forgot to give her the EZ Pass despite her telling me three times.
So...she forgot that you gave her the pass the night before even tho she physically brought the pass to glove box?
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chesthair

chesthair 231

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Youngest turned 15 last week and was chomping at the bit to get his permit.  Took Monday off to take him.  Keep in mind, our oldest just got his permit this summer so we have gone through this recently.  If you have gone to the DPS lately for a permit, you know the paperwork required is just shy of buying a house.  I told her to get everything and put in an envelope so we can go through the 3 hour beatdown...*she assured me everything is in there.  I dont have to finish this for you to already know she missed one thing and i didnt find this out until i got to the dps window after 3 hours of waiting.

 

*I do shoulder some responsibility because I should have double checked as opposed to trusting she did something right. 

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The Ace of Aces

The Ace of Aces 5205

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19 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
22 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:
Today Mrs. Ace had to drive to Philadelphia for a meeting. No biggie, a very common thing. 
But this time she had a rental car because she’s traveling elsewhere around PA afterward and it’s cheaper than mileage. I gave her the EZ Pass last night and she went and put it in the rental car’s glovebox. I told her to go take it out and set it on the dash so it’ll read and at 6 a.m. you might forget to take it out. 
I got a call screaming at me at 6:20 a.m. saying she dud GT have cash so had to blow the toll booth because I forgot to give her the EZ Pass despite her telling me three times.

Read more  

So...she forgot that you gave her the pass the night before even tho she physically brought the pass to glove box?

Yup. And forgot she for some reason put it in a rental car glove box. 

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PatrickMcHorn

PatrickMcHorn 376

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Posted
7mo likes to throw his head around. A little situational awareness and use of reflexes and you can go all day without getting headbutted. Wife picks him up for 5 seconds and gets smashed in the cheekbone.
"This is why you're a worse driver than me."
She was not amused. 
This it's close to former home. My ex-wife works with special-needs kids, and would come home with knots on her head twice a week. She always said that they're so unpredictable, but she had three kids she was responsible for, wasn't allowed to hold any of them, and they were five.

She also totaled every car we ever owned.
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luke duke

luke duke 6420

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This it's close to former home. My ex-wife works with special-needs kids, and would come home with knots on her head twice a week. She always said that they're so unpredictable, but she had three kids she was responsible for, wasn't allowed to hold any of them, and they were five.

She also totaled every car we ever owned.


She sounds hot.
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OWLVIS

OWLVIS 562

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Posted
20 hours ago, PatrickMcHorn said:

This it's close to former home. My ex-wife works with special-needs kids, and would come home with knots on her head twice a week. She always said that they're so unpredictable, but she had three kids she was responsible for, wasn't allowed to hold any of them, and they were five.

She also totaled every car we ever owned.

was she letting the retarded kids drive?

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Tylerocks

Tylerocks 2557

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Posted (edited)

Lids.

Tightening them is apparently a foreign concept to my wife. peanut butter, salad dressing, vodka...doesn't matter.  If it's got a screw on lid or cap....forget about it.

Picked up a bottle of aspirin from the cabinet....doh...100 tablets all over the counter and floor.

I mean, wtf.

Edited by Tylerocks
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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

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7 minutes ago, Tylerocks said:

Lids.

Tightening them is apparently a foreign concept to my wife. peanut butter, salad dressing, vodka...doesn't matter.  If it's got a screw on lid or cap....forget about it.

Picked up a bottle of aspirin from the cabinet....doh...100 tablets all over the counter and floor.

I mean, wtf.

Something must be wrong with her grip. 

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17665

Posted
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On 10/17/2019 at 10:19 PM, NorthLoop said:

7mo likes to throw his head around. A little situational awareness and use of reflexes and you can go all day without getting headbutted. Wife picks him up for 5 seconds and gets smashed in the cheekbone.

"This is why you're a worse driver than me."

She was not amused. 

Was the couch comfy?

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