Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[deadshank 24653]

19 minutes ago, CycleTex87 said:

I was traveling in Wyoming last week, weather there sucked.  Lows below zero, -18 was the lowest I saw on my rental car screen, never got above 10 deg, 8-10 inches of snow on the ground.  I spent a lot of time out in the weather due to the nature of the project.  Needless to say, when I got home to Houston, 56 deg felt pretty damn good.  My wife was complaining about the cold in Houston, of course my remarks about my recent experience were quite different.  This caused all manner of TONE.  "You discount what I say about the cold, its hurtful you don't care about my feelings and experience...etc"

WTF

She's banging an Eskimo. 

[ChickenSandwich 9843]

2 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

The "it's not done" concept is one that I struggled with for many years. Because it's NEVER done. A normal person furnishes a room, throws some paintings (or a giant ceramic crab, as the case may be) up on the wall and that's that. But not until it was explained to me that decor is a fluid, constantly changing ideal rather than something that has an absolute beginning and an end, did I truly give up. Good luck Celery. It only gets worse.

And for a more apropos contribution to this thread... my wife has an acquaintance who is a wedding planner. Apparently it is a thing now for there to be a special table at wedding receptions for the bride and groom. And it is apparently now a thing that the bride/groom table be something especially "unique". And it is apparently now competitive among brides in having an especially unique bride/groom table. And guess who has the most unique one-of-a-kind plates, table settings, furnishings, table cloths, nick knacks, etc?

And guess who was offered something like $1500-2000 per weekend to rent this shit out but thinks it's kinda trashy to rent out your personal stuff and doesn't want the hassle of people coming in and removing our stuff and is afraid for something to get damaged because, "That stuff is irreplaceable and they don't make those plates anymore and I don't want my stuff broken. And can you imagine them coming in and removing that loveseat right out of our living room for the weekend?" The most uncomfortable love seat known to man? Not only can I imagine them removing it and hopefully never bringing it back, but I'm pretty sure I would have an orgasm if somebody paid good American dollars for the pain of actually sitting on it. Are you fucking kidding me?

So in the most unbelievable upset in the history of mankind,  I was on the verge of monetizing all some of the ridiculous crap that my wife has procured over the years only to be kicked in the nuts. 

Try a different angle. 
 

Highlight her keen eye and sense of value when making these purchases in the first place. Her gift needs to be shared. The rental fee ensures that if something does get broken or stolen, it’s just an opportunity to do what you do best and seek out the replacements. 
 

Really, the only one you are hurting by not sharing your gift is yourself. 
 

[Pig Bellmont 8719]

1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

This happened last week - but requires a little backstory:

We recently came home with a newborn with CHDs (Congenital Heart Defects).  Spent the first couple of months of life in the Cardiac ICU and had heart surgery to repair the defects.  Needless to say, we have been watching him like a HAWK the past couple of weeks he has been home.  Pretty standard care at home but still scary not having monitors available to assure us his vitals are normal.  

Last week I had to go into the office for an important meeting - something that has been in the works for about 6 months now.  Absolutely could not miss it as I did not want anyone sitting in for me and risking a big payout for us.  I explained to my wife that I would be in this meeting from 11:00 AM to 5:00 PM.  She understands how big this is and that she should ONLY reach out to me if it was an emergency - no calls or texts otherwise.  Normally, I'd leave my phone at my desk but, given the kiddo's condition, I had it with me on silent.  

About 12:00 PM my phone lights up - a text from my wife.  "Trying to give him a bottle, not responding."  My heart literally stops when I see the words "not responding".  I take that as she is trying to feed him but he is not responding in any way.  I excused myself from this very important meeting and call my wife.  She doesn't answer.  Call her again, no answer.  Texted her about a dozen times and no response - not even a "read" receipt on the message.  Panicking, I call our neighbors - they both work from home.  One of them tells me she will go knock.  

5 min later my wife calls and has a pissed off tone to her voice:

Her:  What is your deal??  

Me:  WHAT IS GOING ON??  HE IS NOT RESPONDING??

Her:  I meant I am giving him a bottle and wont be able to respond to calls or texts during.  

 

So, despite there being an agreement to not call or text unless there was an emergency, my wife decided to let me know she, too, was busy when I still had 5 hours left in my meeting.  My stance is the wording of her text couldn't have been worse especially given the circumstances and she is sticking to the whole "you should have known what I meant".  Luckily, my colleagues/client understood the situation and it didn't cause any major disruption.  Even garnered a couple of laughs when I explained what my wife meant.  Still scared the ever loving shit out of me.  

Dude - that is fucked. I know the thread title, but her word choice was awful. What a shitty time to drop her use of pronouns 

[G650 14271]

1 hour ago, BearCountry11 said:

This happened last week - but requires a little backstory:

We recently came home with a newborn with CHDs (Congenital Heart Defects).  Spent the first couple of months of life in the Cardiac ICU and had heart surgery to repair the defects.  Needless to say, we have been watching him like a HAWK the past couple of weeks he has been home.  Pretty standard care at home but still scary not having monitors available to assure us his vitals are normal.  

Last week I had to go into the office for an important meeting - something that has been in the works for about 6 months now.  Absolutely could not miss it as I did not want anyone sitting in for me and risking a big payout for us.  I explained to my wife that I would be in this meeting from 11:00 AM to 5:00 PM.  She understands how big this is and that she should ONLY reach out to me if it was an emergency - no calls or texts otherwise.  Normally, I'd leave my phone at my desk but, given the kiddo's condition, I had it with me on silent.  

About 12:00 PM my phone lights up - a text from my wife.  "Trying to give him a bottle, not responding."  My heart literally stops when I see the words "not responding".  I take that as she is trying to feed him but he is not responding in any way.  I excused myself from this very important meeting and call my wife.  She doesn't answer.  Call her again, no answer.  Texted her about a dozen times and no response - not even a "read" receipt on the message.  Panicking, I call our neighbors - they both work from home.  One of them tells me she will go knock.  

5 min later my wife calls and has a pissed off tone to her voice:

Her:  What is your deal??  

Me:  WHAT IS GOING ON??  HE IS NOT RESPONDING??

Her:  I meant I am giving him a bottle and wont be able to respond to calls or texts during.  

 

So, despite there being an agreement to not call or text unless there was an emergency, my wife decided to let me know she, too, was busy when I still had 5 hours left in my meeting.  My stance is the wording of her text couldn't have been worse especially given the circumstances and she is sticking to the whole "you should have known what I meant".  Luckily, my colleagues/client understood the situation and it didn't cause any major disruption.  Even garnered a couple of laughs when I explained what my wife meant.  Still scared the ever loving shit out of me.  

Duuuuuuuuude.

[AM Wood 335]

2 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

This happened last week - but requires a little backstory:

We recently came home with a newborn with CHDs (Congenital Heart Defects).  Spent the first couple of months of life in the Cardiac ICU and had heart surgery to repair the defects.  Needless to say, we have been watching him like a HAWK the past couple of weeks he has been home.  Pretty standard care at home but still scary not having monitors available to assure us his vitals are normal.  

Last week I had to go into the office for an important meeting - something that has been in the works for about 6 months now.  Absolutely could not miss it as I did not want anyone sitting in for me and risking a big payout for us.  I explained to my wife that I would be in this meeting from 11:00 AM to 5:00 PM.  She understands how big this is and that she should ONLY reach out to me if it was an emergency - no calls or texts otherwise.  Normally, I'd leave my phone at my desk but, given the kiddo's condition, I had it with me on silent.  

About 12:00 PM my phone lights up - a text from my wife.  "Trying to give him a bottle, not responding."  My heart literally stops when I see the words "not responding".  I take that as she is trying to feed him but he is not responding in any way.  I excused myself from this very important meeting and call my wife.  She doesn't answer.  Call her again, no answer.  Texted her about a dozen times and no response - not even a "read" receipt on the message.  Panicking, I call our neighbors - they both work from home.  One of them tells me she will go knock.  

5 min later my wife calls and has a pissed off tone to her voice:

Her:  What is your deal??  

Me:  WHAT IS GOING ON??  HE IS NOT RESPONDING??

Her:  I meant I am giving him a bottle and wont be able to respond to calls or texts during.  

 

So, despite there being an agreement to not call or text unless there was an emergency, my wife decided to let me know she, too, was busy when I still had 5 hours left in my meeting.  My stance is the wording of her text couldn't have been worse especially given the circumstances and she is sticking to the whole "you should have known what I meant".  Luckily, my colleagues/client understood the situation and it didn't cause any major disruption.  Even garnered a couple of laughs when I explained what my wife meant.  Still scared the ever loving shit out of me.  

I know it’s not okay to hit a woman under almost any circumstance. But man, this one is on shaky  ground.

[HornOnTheBayou 8942]

Damn, I figured your kid was going to end up being OK at the end of the story since you were posting it here, but my heart was beating hard while reading it. I can't imagine what you were going through in the moment.

[tbone_ 14134]

How big is your 14 inch pizza?

[Mitch Cumsteen 18550]

4 hours ago, ChickenSandwich said:

Try a different angle. 
 

Highlight her keen eye and sense of value when making these purchases in the first place. Her gift needs to be shared. The rental fee ensures that if something does get broken or stolen, it’s just an opportunity to do what you do best and seek out the replacements. 
 

Really, the only one you are hurting by not sharing your gift is yourself. 
 

I tried every angle possible. I did push it as a way to share her shit with the world, like an art show. I tried pitching it as an economic means to buy even more shit - we could take 20% of the profit and reinvest in more shit. I even suggested we could travel around the fucking world to go buy shit and write the trips off. Her response was something along the lines of, "I don't want to turn my hobby into work. I do this for fun and to relax and I don't want it to become stressful and like a job." 

[Modessit 5603]

How big is your 14 inch pizza?

I used to work as a pizza manager when in my early 20s. This question happened often.

 

"How big is your 10" pizza?"

 

"Uh, 10 inches."

 

"No, I mean - how many slices does it have?"

 

Once a lady asked the first question and my coworker put the phone down by his knee and said "About as big as my dick." and then brought it back up to continue the above conversation. The lady said, "I heard that! I want to speak to the manager!" He said, "I am the manager" and hung up on her.

 

[Pato del Muerto 52535]

I was gonna say that about the 14” pizza

[mulletpelini 5214]

3 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

 "I don't want to turn my hobby into work. I do this for fun and to relax and I don't want it to become stressful and like a job." 

This....the equivalent of "I've been thinking about going back to school"

I call that shit out every time, "Sounds great, what is your scheduling plan and what will be our net increase of your newly acquired skill?"

Tone.

[El Diablo 4232]

Chip and Joanna went thru this same thing but she's more ruthless and knows the value of a dollar. Now she's been on steroids for a few years and is on top of the WWE world. 

[General Specific 3262]

This thread the last day, it delivers! I am not disappoint.

 

1. Develop coffee table books.

2. Thujone MS Paint

3. Things found with a metal detector.

4. .....

5. Profit

 

 

[spystud13 2371]

—— 

Edited November 5, 2019 by spystud13
Wrong

[WhatTheBuck 28794]

14 hours ago, deadshank said:

She's banging an Eskimo. 

Two of them. 

[thunderlounge 7892]

10 hours ago, Modessit said:

I used to work as a pizza manager when in my early 20s. This question happened often.

 

"How big is your 10" pizza?"

 

"Uh, 10 inches."

 

"No, I mean - how many slices does it have?"

 

Once a lady asked the first question and my coworker put the phone down by his knee and said "About as big as my dick." and then brought it back up to continue the above conversation. The lady said, "I heard that! I want to speak to the manager!" He said, "I am the manager" and hung up on her.

 

 

 

 

[Incredulity 11679]

11 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I tried every angle possible. I did push it as a way to share her shit with the world, like an art show. I tried pitching it as an economic means to buy even more shit - we could take 20% of the profit and reinvest in more shit. I even suggested we could travel around the fucking world to go buy shit and write the trips off. Her response was something along the lines of, "I don't want to turn my hobby into work. I do this for fun and to relax and I don't want it to become stressful and like a job." 

[Kennythetiger 9411]

11 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I tried every angle possible. I did push it as a way to share her shit with the world, like an art show. I tried pitching it as an economic means to buy even more shit - we could take 20% of the profit and reinvest in more shit. I even suggested we could travel around the fucking world to go buy shit and write the trips off. Her response was something along the lines of, "I don't want to turn my hobby into work. I do this for fun and to relax and I don't want it to become stressful and like a job." 

20%?  Nice try, Cumsteen.

[Trey3216 15350]

12 hours ago, tbone_ said:

How big is your 14 inch pizza?

8 slices 

 

Edit:  broke the rules and didn't read through.  

Edited November 5, 2019 by Trey3216

[TrashMaster G 17579]

20 hours ago, deadshank said:

Don’t be too put out over her lack of knowledge with weight conversions.   

She is more used to dealing with inches millimeters. 

fify.

17 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

This happened last week - but requires a little backstory:

We recently came home with a newborn with CHDs (Congenital Heart Defects).  Spent the first couple of months of life in the Cardiac ICU and had heart surgery to repair the defects.  Needless to say, we have been watching him like a HAWK the past couple of weeks he has been home.  Pretty standard care at home but still scary not having monitors available to assure us his vitals are normal.  

Last week I had to go into the office for an important meeting - something that has been in the works for about 6 months now.  Absolutely could not miss it as I did not want anyone sitting in for me and risking a big payout for us.  I explained to my wife that I would be in this meeting from 11:00 AM to 5:00 PM.  She understands how big this is and that she should ONLY reach out to me if it was an emergency - no calls or texts otherwise.  Normally, I'd leave my phone at my desk but, given the kiddo's condition, I had it with me on silent.  

About 12:00 PM my phone lights up - a text from my wife.  "Trying to give him a bottle, not responding."  My heart literally stops when I see the words "not responding".  I take that as she is trying to feed him but he is not responding in any way.  I excused myself from this very important meeting and call my wife.  She doesn't answer.  Call her again, no answer.  Texted her about a dozen times and no response - not even a "read" receipt on the message.  Panicking, I call our neighbors - they both work from home.  One of them tells me she will go knock.  

5 min later my wife calls and has a pissed off tone to her voice:

Her:  What is your deal??  

Me:  WHAT IS GOING ON??  HE IS NOT RESPONDING??

Her:  I meant I am giving him a bottle and wont be able to respond to calls or texts during.  

 

So, despite there being an agreement to not call or text unless there was an emergency, my wife decided to let me know she, too, was busy when I still had 5 hours left in my meeting.  My stance is the wording of her text couldn't have been worse especially given the circumstances and she is sticking to the whole "you should have known what I meant".  Luckily, my colleagues/client understood the situation and it didn't cause any major disruption.  Even garnered a couple of laughs when I explained what my wife meant.  Still scared the ever loving shit out of me.  

I would have been livid.  Kudos to you for your control.

[BearCountry11 1234]

19 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

fify.

I would have been livid.  Kudos to you for your control.

I was pretty pissed when she called me but cooled off by the time I got home.  Definitely see how it happened but total lapse in judgement to text me something that wasn't an emergency and word it that poorly.  That mistake did earn me several hours of uninterrupted college football AND NFL last weekend, though.  That was nice.

[Js1 85449]

13 hours ago, Modessit said:

I used to work as a pizza manager when in my early 20s. This question happened often.

 

"How big is your 10" pizza?"

 

"Uh, 10 inches."

 

"No, I mean - how many slices does it have?"

 

Once a lady asked the first question and my coworker put the phone down by his knee and said "About as big as my dick." and then brought it back up to continue the above conversation. The lady said, "I heard that! I want to speak to the manager!" He said, "I am the manager" and hung up on her.

 

"I want to speak to the manager!"

"Why, he knows how big it is too!" 

[Dennis Taylor 18847]

son went to a movie last night since they are out of school today. it started around 8, and wife went to pick him up a little after 9. i get a text from her complaining that he hadn't come out yet around 9:45. 

W- they haven't come out yet.

M- why did you go so early to pick up?

W- it said it was 1 hour 19 minutes

M- are you sure it didn't say 119 minutes?

W- uhhh whatever, same thing

M-   

[blacklab 11941]

I ask my kids geography questions when we're driving around. My wife is from Peru.

Me: Boy 1 name 5 countries in South America

Boy 1: Chile Peru Brazil Argentina Columbia

Me: Boy 2 same question

Boy 2: Peru Venezuela Ecuador Argentina Chile

Me to wife: Name 5 countries the boys didn't name from south america

Wife: uh, Uruguay, um uh, um

Me: You can't name countries that border with your home country?

Wife: Bolivia?

Me: ok, what are the other 4

Her: no idea

Me: what country rhymes with Uruguay?

Her: I don't know

Me: starts with P

Her: no idea

Me: Paraguay? You've never heard of Paraguay?

Her: oh.

Me: Ok, what are the other 3?

Her: What other 3?

Me: the ones between Venezuela and Brazil

Her: There's no countries up there

Me: yes, there's 3

Her: No

I pull up google maps and show her Guyana, Surname and French Guyana.

her: That's part of Venezuela, those aren't countries.

 

Me: boy 2 what are the 3 countries of North America

boy 2 : Dallas Houston San Antonio

Me wrong, Boy 1

Boy 1: Texas

Me: wrong, Wife, what are the 3 countries of North America?

Wife: Texas?

Me That's a state, what country do we live in?

Wife: United States?

Me: Ok, that's one, what are the other 2?

Her: Blank Stare

Me: You know, that country that everyone thinks you're from?

Her: Blank stare

Me: Just south of Texas? Half your friends are from there? They speak spanish?

Her: Mexico?

Me: ding ding ding, what's the other one?

Her: blank stare?

Me: North of US? You want to go there. It's cold.

Her: No idea

Me: Ever heard of Canada?

Her: oh Canada.

 

 

 

[G650 14271]

Lol

[NeverMarryAStripper 21912]

Her: oh Canada.

 

 

So she couldn’t name the country, but she knew its national anthem?

 

[Pato del Muerto 52535]

3 hours ago, blacklab said:

I ask my kids geography questions when we're driving around. My wife is from Peru.

Me: Boy 1 name 5 countries in South America

Boy 1: Chile Peru Brazil Argentina Columbia

Me: Boy 2 same question

Boy 2: Peru Venezuela Ecuador Argentina Chile

Me to wife: Name 5 countries the boys didn't name from south america

Wife: uh, Uruguay, um uh, um

Me: You can't name countries that border with your home country?

Wife: Bolivia?

Me: ok, what are the other 4

Her: no idea

Me: what country rhymes with Uruguay?

Her: I don't know

Me: starts with P

Her: no idea

Me: Paraguay? You've never heard of Paraguay?

Her: oh.

Me: Ok, what are the other 3?

Her: What other 3?

Me: the ones between Venezuela and Brazil

Her: There's no countries up there

Me: yes, there's 3

Her: No

I pull up google maps and show her Guyana, Surname and French Guyana.

her: That's part of Venezuela, those aren't countries.

 

Me: boy 2 what are the 3 countries of North America

boy 2 : Dallas Houston San Antonio

Me wrong, Boy 1

Boy 1: Texas

Me: wrong, Wife, what are the 3 countries of North America?

Wife: Texas?

Me That's a state, what country do we live in?

Wife: United States?

Me: Ok, that's one, what are the other 2?

Her: Blank Stare

Me: You know, that country that everyone thinks you're from?

Her: Blank stare

Me: Just south of Texas? Half your friends are from there? They speak spanish?

Her: Mexico?

Me: ding ding ding, what's the other one?

Her: blank stare?

Me: North of US? You want to go there. It's cold.

Her: No idea

Me: Ever heard of Canada?

Her: oh Canada.

 

 

 

*Colombia

Edited November 6, 2019 by Pato del Muerto
😁

[markstanco 12586]

Pretty sure that's in South Carolina dumbass

[mulletpelini 5214]

9 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

son went to a movie last night since they are out of school today. it started around 8, and wife went to pick him up a little after 9. i get a text from her complaining that he hadn't come out yet around 9:45. 

W- they haven't come out yet.

M- why did you go so early to pick up?

W- it said it was 1 hour 19 minutes

M- are you sure it didn't say 119 minutes?

W- uhhh whatever, same thing

M-   

popcorn kept getting burnt

H - I keep putting in 2 mins just like it says!

M - Let me watch you (you're not my dad! I'M NOT A LITTLE KID)

H - see! 2. 0. 0.

M - That's 200

H - Is that more than 2 minutes?

[mulletpelini 5214]

 

Edited November 6, 2019 by mulletpelini
zero awareness

[Buffsoldier 1895]

4 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

 

Needs the Benny Hill treatment...

[TrashMaster G 17579]

14 hours ago, blacklab said:

I ask my kids geography questions when we're driving around. My wife is from Peru.

Me: Boy 1 name 5 countries in South America

Boy 1: Chile Peru Brazil Argentina Columbia

Me: Boy 2 same question

Boy 2: Peru Venezuela Ecuador Argentina Chile

Me to wife: Name 5 countries the boys didn't name from south america

Wife: uh, Uruguay, um uh, um

Me: You can't name countries that border with your home country?

Wife: Bolivia?

Me: ok, what are the other 4

Her: no idea

Me: what country rhymes with Uruguay?

Her: I don't know

Me: starts with P

Her: no idea

Me: Paraguay? You've never heard of Paraguay?

Her: oh.

Me: Ok, what are the other 3?

Her: What other 3?

Me: the ones between Venezuela and Brazil

Her: There's no countries up there

Me: yes, there's 3

Her: No

I pull up google maps and show her Guyana, Surname and French Guyana.

her: That's part of Venezuela, those aren't countries.

 

Me: boy 2 what are the 3 countries of North America

boy 2 : Dallas Houston San Antonio

Me wrong, Boy 1

Boy 1: Texas

Me: wrong, Wife, what are the 3 countries of North America?

Wife: Texas?

Me That's a state, what country do we live in?

Wife: United States?

Me: Ok, that's one, what are the other 2?

Her: Blank Stare

Me: You know, that country that everyone thinks you're from?

Her: Blank stare

Me: Just south of Texas? Half your friends are from there? They speak spanish?

Her: Mexico?

Me: ding ding ding, what's the other one?

Her: blank stare?

Me: North of US? You want to go there. It's cold.

Her: No idea

Me: Ever heard of Canada?

Her: oh Canada.

 

 

 

She's hot, isn't she?

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

popcorn kept getting burnt
H - I keep putting in 2 mins just like it says!
M - Let me watch you (you're not my dad! I'M NOT A LITTLE KID)
H - see! 2. 0. 0.
M - That's 200
H - Is that more than 2 minutes?

One minute, 40 seconds

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

<Unpopular> I like my  popcorn slightly burnt </opinion>

[chesthair 231]

16 hours ago, blacklab said:

Boy 1: Texas

Me: wrong

 

 

 

 

You're wrong, mother fucker. 

[TrashMaster G 17579]

53 minutes ago, Cheeseweasel said:

<Unpopular> I like my  popcorn slightly burnt </opinion>

Yep

[lateshow 1304]

17 hours ago, blacklab said:

I ask my kids geography questions when we're driving around. My wife is from Peru.

Me: Boy 1 name 5 countries in South America

Boy 1: Chile Peru Brazil Argentina Columbia

Me: Boy 2 same question

Boy 2: Peru Venezuela Ecuador Argentina Chile

Me to wife: Name 5 countries the boys didn't name from south america

Wife: uh, Uruguay, um uh, um

Me: You can't name countries that border with your home country?

Wife: Bolivia?

Me: ok, what are the other 4

Her: no idea

Me: what country rhymes with Uruguay?

Her: I don't know

Me: starts with P

Her: no idea

Me: Paraguay? You've never heard of Paraguay?

Her: oh.

Me: Ok, what are the other 3?

Her: What other 3?

Me: the ones between Venezuela and Brazil

Her: There's no countries up there

Me: yes, there's 3

Her: No

I pull up google maps and show her Guyana, Surname and French Guyana.

her: That's part of Venezuela, those aren't countries.

 

Me: boy 2 what are the 3 countries of North America

boy 2 : Dallas Houston San Antonio

Me wrong, Boy 1

Boy 1: Texas

Me: wrong, Wife, what are the 3 countries of North America?

Wife: Texas?

Me That's a state, what country do we live in?

Wife: United States?

Me: Ok, that's one, what are the other 2?

Her: Blank Stare

Me: You know, that country that everyone thinks you're from?

Her: Blank stare

Me: Just south of Texas? Half your friends are from there? They speak spanish?

Her: Mexico?

Me: ding ding ding, what's the other one?

Her: blank stare?

Me: North of US? You want to go there. It's cold.

Her: No idea

Me: Ever heard of Canada?

Her: oh Canada.

 

 

 

So, your boys each know 3 countries in South America. Yet they don't know the sole 3 countries that comprise North America? The continent on which they reside. 

[blacklab 11941]

I have never claimed my boys were smart, but I do have some substantial evidence of the reason they may not be smart.

[lateshow 1304]

49 minutes ago, blacklab said:

I have never claimed my boys were smart, but I do have some substantial evidence of the reason they may not be smart.

Haha! Touche. 

[ROFL BOX 6649]

On 11/2/2019 at 5:36 PM, hundredTT said:

 So I have tickets for Clay Walker tonight, and she’s in the bed on her phone saying she doesn’t want to be rushed today, when the concerts at 7 and I know she’s gonna take forever to get ready, and we will miss half the show 

We were on the floor, sect. 1, row Q.  Seats did not suck.  Lonestar was boring as fuck.  Restless Heart was good.  Clay was good.  Not the worst gig I've ever been to, but far, FAR from the best.

[Pato del Muerto 52535]

12 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

We were on the floor, sect. 1, row Q.  Seats did not suck.  Lonestar was boring as fuck.  Restless Heart was good.  Clay was good.  Not the worst gig I've ever been to, but far, FAR from the best.

Damn, congrats on having a time machine. But you should have gone somewhere other than the early 90s. 

[ROFL BOX 6649]

4 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

She's hot, isn't she?

It's better than banging the maid, anyhow.

[ROFL BOX 6649]

4 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Damn, congrats on having a time machine. But you should have gone somewhere other than the early 90s. 

My wife's fave channel on XM radio is "80's on 8", so that should tell you a bit about who purchased the tickets.

[AUS-97HORN 11810]

5 hours ago, lateshow said:

So, your boys each know 3 countries in South America. Yet they don't know the sole 3 countries that comprise North America? The continent on which they reside. 

Im not trying to be the geography downer here, but since @blacklaband you have both said this, I hope we all realize there are a lot more than 3 countries in N America.  

now if you had said the 3 countries of NAFTA...................congrats you nailed it. 

 

 

 

[G650 14271]

4 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

We were on the floor, sect. 1, row Q.  Seats did not suck.  Lonestar was boring as fuck.  Restless Heart was good.  Clay was good.  Not the worst gig I've ever been to, but far, FAR from the best.

Christ, Lonestart and Restless Heart are still around too???

 

Bluest Eyes in Texas is a solid song.

[Brisketexan 105177]

Christ, Lonestart and Restless Heart are still around too???
 
Bluest Eyes in Texas is a solid song.

Man....two stepped with many a pretty blondo to that tune. Fell in love with her every time.

[Armybrat 40856]

4 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

My wife's fave channel on XM radio is "80's on 8", so that should tell you a bit about who purchased the tickets.

J’s are the 50s & 60s.

[blacklab 11941]

1 hour ago, AUS-97HORN said:

Im not trying to be the geography downer here, but since @blacklaband you have both said this, I hope we all realize there are a lot more than 3 countries in N America.  

now if you had said the 3 countries of NAFTA...................congrats you nailed it. 

I had asked them earlier for the countries of central america, and they couldn't name any of those either. I'm pretty sure I worded it the "three main countries" of North America.

[Clintonaldo 2576]

On 11/4/2019 at 5:07 PM, BearCountry11 said:

This happened last week - but requires a little backstory:

We recently came home with a newborn with CHDs (Congenital Heart Defects).  Spent the first couple of months of life in the Cardiac ICU and had heart surgery to repair the defects.  Needless to say, we have been watching him like a HAWK the past couple of weeks he has been home.  Pretty standard care at home but still scary not having monitors available to assure us his vitals are normal.  

Last week I had to go into the office for an important meeting - something that has been in the works for about 6 months now.  Absolutely could not miss it as I did not want anyone sitting in for me and risking a big payout for us.  I explained to my wife that I would be in this meeting from 11:00 AM to 5:00 PM.  She understands how big this is and that she should ONLY reach out to me if it was an emergency - no calls or texts otherwise.  Normally, I'd leave my phone at my desk but, given the kiddo's condition, I had it with me on silent.  

About 12:00 PM my phone lights up - a text from my wife.  "Trying to give him a bottle, not responding."  My heart literally stops when I see the words "not responding".  I take that as she is trying to feed him but he is not responding in any way.  I excused myself from this very important meeting and call my wife.  She doesn't answer.  Call her again, no answer.  Texted her about a dozen times and no response - not even a "read" receipt on the message.  Panicking, I call our neighbors - they both work from home.  One of them tells me she will go knock.  

5 min later my wife calls and has a pissed off tone to her voice:

Her:  What is your deal??  

Me:  WHAT IS GOING ON??  HE IS NOT RESPONDING??

Her:  I meant I am giving him a bottle and wont be able to respond to calls or texts during.  

 

So, despite there being an agreement to not call or text unless there was an emergency, my wife decided to let me know she, too, was busy when I still had 5 hours left in my meeting.  My stance is the wording of her text couldn't have been worse especially given the circumstances and she is sticking to the whole "you should have known what I meant".  Luckily, my colleagues/client understood the situation and it didn't cause any major disruption.  Even garnered a couple of laughs when I explained what my wife meant.  Still scared the ever loving shit out of me.  

I fucking hate your wife. 

[gmr548 16590]

On 11/4/2019 at 9:05 PM, tbone_ said:

How big is your 14 inch pizza?

 

On 11/4/2019 at 9:48 PM, Modessit said:

I used to work as a pizza manager when in my early 20s. This question happened often.

 

"How big is your 10" pizza?"

 

"Uh, 10 inches."

 

"No, I mean - how many slices does it have?"

 

Once a lady asked the first question and my coworker put the phone down by his knee and said "About as big as my dick." and then brought it back up to continue the above conversation. The lady said, "I heard that! I want to speak to the manager!" He said, "I am the manager" and hung up on her.