Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Pato del Muerto 52528]

7 hours ago, Modessit said:

She stuck a Styrofoam plate inside some tulle and tied it to a headband? Hopefully you got a pic of her wearing it.

Lol you know what tulle is

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

Wish I had a nickel for every time I had this conversation with my wife.  

Hazmat crews would be proud of what my wife put in the recycling.

[Modessit 5603]

inside some what?

Lol you know what tulle is

Do a crossword puzzle sometime. In ink.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2732]

Are you Mitch’s sock?

That photo is clear evidence.

[GottaB 594]

I started the toaster oven to make nuggets for the kids. I should have noticed before o started the oven but when the smell hit me I realized my wife had stacked styrofoam plates on top of the toaster oven where it reads “hot surface”. Now I have melted remnants of styrofoam plates on my toaster oven.

[Fudge Nuggets 19206]

2 minutes ago, GottaB said:

I started the toaster oven to make nuggets for the kids. I should have noticed before o started the oven but when the smell hit me I realized my wife had stacked styrofoam plates on top of the toaster oven where it reads “hot surface”. Now I have melted remnants of styrofoam plates on my toaster oven.

Belongs in the stupid shit husbands do thread.

[troph 24862]

Belongs in the stupid shit husbands do thread.

He’s right you know meme

[GottaB 594]

Fair enough. But not all flat surfaces are for storage

[DaysOff 7951]

But what if there are females or children in your home?

[686 3449]

Any surface is an acceptable place to put my shit. /thefemalebrain

FIFY

[Modessit 5603]

"I couldn't remember if I was supposed to put foil under the bacon."

[happyhookem 224]

21 hours ago, skipperj said:

Now I know why it's called a fascinator. I'm fascinated someone would make and wear that.

[kmac30 416]

I’m fascinated a group of women a thousand miles away from where this event was occurring make and wear these as if they were there. Did they dress up? I really am fascinated at the effort.

[Pato del Muerto 52528]

No different to me than dressing up with big hat and sipping mint julips while watching the Kentucky derby from home. 

[Buffsoldier 1895]

23 hours ago, skipperj said:

Holy Jesus. I have no fewer than 30 people staring at me in the Pittsburgh airport because I'm howling with laughter at that.  

I'm dead. Literal tears.

[ABSR 5315]

1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

No different to me than dressing up with big hat and sipping mint julips while watching the Kentucky derby from home. 

Or putting on a sports jersey and watching a game being played hours or continents away.

Edited May 20, 2018 by ABSR

[Pato del Muerto 52528]

14 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Or putting on a sports jersey and watching a game being played hours or continents away.

Stay on target, stay on target

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

25 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Or putting on a sports jersey and watching a game being played hours or continents away.

Maybe if you made the sports jersey out of a paper plate and tulle

[skipperj 377]

To be fair, it was an an oval cardboard cutout, not a paper plate. A friend of hers used a plastic cup in the construction of her hat. Pretty sure they watched some Tasty like FB video for wedding hats.

[686 3449]

"I couldn't remember if I was supposed to put foil under the bacon."

 

Nailed it. My wife remembers the foil but burns the bacon, just because.

[CycleTex87 2972]

8 hours ago, Modessit said:

"I couldn't remember if I was supposed to put foil under the bacon."

Mmmm. Bacon. 

[BlueGreySky 1017]

The bacon pan is the best one of late.  Brilliant! 

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

Your wife should never assist you in running heavy equipment.  Attached a 12" auger to the 3-point.  She assisted in lowering the attachment while I guided it on the ground.  She slammed it down, bit got caught (heavy clay), PTO on auger fried.  

[miguelito 11266]

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

9 hours ago, Modessit said:

"I couldn't remember if I was supposed to put foil under the bacon."

in her defense...that pan is probably due to be pitched since its been serving you since 1982

[Buffsoldier 1895]

1 hour ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Your wife should never assist you in running heavy equipment.  Attached a 12" auger to the 3-point.  She assisted in lowering the attachment while I guided it on the ground.  She slammed it down, bit got caught (heavy clay), PTO on auger fried.  

Entirely on you, bubba. Seems to me like you should stick to laundry. 

[Modessit 5603]

in her defense...that pan is probably due to be pitched since its been serving you since 1982

She got them as a gift about a year ago. The handles are supposed to be oven-proof, which doesn't help when you leave them on the stovetop next to a lit gas burner.

[d.plainview872 175]

Married guys. How many red flags are you okay with before being in a serious relationship with a woman/girl? I recently met this gorgeous girl but she is not my type. Lust is stirring me in her direction. She is only 22 but is still in community college. The red flags. She smokes weed every day. She still calls her mom "mommy". She is very insecure. She has multiple tattoos and piercings. She likes to sleep a lot. She was willing to hang out even though she had a boyfriend. But dam, she is very beautiful.

[Stoogey 219]

19 minutes ago, d.plainview872 said:

Married guys. How many red flags are you okay with before being in a serious relationship with a woman/girl? I recently met this gorgeous girl but she is not my type. Lust is stirring me in her direction. She is only 22 but is still in community college. The red flags. She smokes weed every day. She still calls her mom "mommy". She is very insecure. She has multiple tattoos and piercings. She likes to sleep a lot. She was willing to hang out even though she had a boyfriend. But dam, she is very beautiful.

Let her eat your pussy and get back to us.

[d.plainview872 175]

I would rather her suck my dick .

[Equinox 95]

2 hours ago, d.plainview872 said:

Married guys. How many red flags are you okay with before being in a serious relationship with a woman/girl? I recently met this gorgeous girl but she is not my type. Lust is stirring me in her direction. She is only 22 but is still in community college. The red flags. She smokes weed every day. She still calls her mom "mommy". She is very insecure. She has multiple tattoos and piercings. She likes to sleep a lot. She was willing to hang out even though she had a boyfriend. But dam, she is very beautiful.

Hit it and quit it.

[Brew 3049]

5 hours ago, d.plainview872 said:

Married guys. How many red flags are you okay with before being in a serious relationship with a woman/girl? I recently met this gorgeous girl but she is not my type. Lust is stirring me in her direction. She is only 22 but is still in community college. The red flags. She smokes weed every day. She still calls her mom "mommy". She is very insecure. She has multiple tattoos and piercings. She likes to sleep a lot. She was willing to hang out even though she had a boyfriend. But dam, she is very beautiful.

If you have to come online and ask the question, you already know the answer. That is a clear rental.

[NotActuallyALonghorn 4976]

10 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Your wife should never assist you in running heavy equipment.  Attached a 12" auger to the 3-point.  She assisted in lowering the attachment while I guided it on the ground.  She slammed it down, bit got caught (heavy clay), PTO on auger fried.  

Your lucky she didn't RIP your arm off by doing woman operates a tractor things.

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Married guys. How many red flags are you okay with before being in a serious relationship with a woman/girl? I recently met this gorgeous girl but she is not my type. Lust is stirring me in her direction. She is only 22 but is still in community college. The red flags. She smokes weed every day. She still calls her mom "mommy". She is very insecure. She has multiple tattoos and piercings. She likes to sleep a lot. She was willing to hang out even though she had a boyfriend. But dam, she is very beautiful.

Bedouin, whatever choice you make with this huge decision, I'm sure it'll be the correct one

[Goofyboy 3293]

I seem to be missing the pics of this beauty.

[686 3449]

12 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Your wife should never assist you in running heavy equipment.  Attached a 12" auger to the 3-point.  She assisted in lowering the attachment while I guided it on the ground.  She slammed it down, bit got caught (heavy clay), PTO on auger fried.  

ernest_t_bass' idea of a "low key night out":

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

21 hours ago, Modessit said:

"I couldn't remember if I was supposed to put foil under the bacon."

 

Fuck the foil, did you call the police because she fucking murdered that bacon?

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

Mrs. Hoffa- Do you want to buy one of these to replace the one we have? 

Me- no, the one we have is fine

Mrs. Hoffa- proceeds to give me 47 reasons why we need to buy a replacement

Me- Why did you ask me then?

 

Happens far too often...............

[SilasCoade 2622]

12 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Your wife should never assist you in running heavy equipment.  Attached a 12" auger to the 3-point.  She assisted in lowering the attachment while I guided it on the ground.  She slammed it down, bit got caught (heavy clay), PTO on auger fried.  

I thought you got divorced? who's the guy in Galveston that hated his wife?

[ernest_t_bass 1196]

11 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

Entirely on you, bubba. 

100% this.

[G650 14263]

On 5/19/2018 at 9:04 AM, HouTex said:

I've never understood American's fascination with British royalty. 

Because it beats the idiots we elect.

[G650 14263]

21 hours ago, Modessit said:

"I couldn't remember if I was supposed to put foil under the bacon."

Parchment paper even.

[huge 3793]

21 minutes ago, Llogg said:

I thought you got divorced? who's the guy in Galveston that hated his wife?

That was/is Dewey

[Mole 4333]

On 5/19/2018 at 2:56 PM, HouTex said:

Like Fergie was when she married Prince Andrew.

 

G-L-A-M-O-R-OUS?

[Brewin’1up 34]

2 hours ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Your lucky she didn't RIP your arm off by doing woman operates a tractor things.

Holy Shit, I would NEVER have my wife operate my tractor - she can barely operate her car.

Id get one of the kids before Id ask her for help - at least the kids can take direction and follow instructions.

Edited May 21, 2018 by Brewin’1up

[txhorns 2409]

My wife decided flush leftovers down the toilet instead of just throwing them in the trash.  Now the toilet is stopped up and I can't fix it.  We will have to call a plumber.  I asked why she did that abd her reasoning was that the leftovers stunk so she didn't want them in the trash.

[TrashMaster G 17565]

8 hours ago, d.plainview872 said:

Married guys. How many red flags are you okay with before being in a serious relationship with a woman/girl? I recently met this gorgeous girl but she is not my type. Lust is stirring me in her direction. She is only 22 but is still in community college. The red flags. She smokes weed every day. She still calls her mom "mommy". She is very insecure. She has multiple tattoos and piercings. She likes to sleep a lot. She was willing to hang out even though she had a boyfriend. But dam, she is very beautiful.

Connection here?

[TrashMaster G 17565]

5 minutes ago, txhorns said:

My wife decided flush leftovers down the toilet instead of just throwing them in the trash.  Now the toilet is stopped up and I can't fix it.  We will have to call a plumber.  I asked why she did that abd her reasoning was that the leftovers stunk so she didn't want them in the trash.

Wow.  That is some topline stupidity.

[Trey3216 15347]

13 minutes ago, txhorns said:

My wife decided flush leftovers down the toilet instead of just throwing them in the trash.  Now the toilet is stopped up and I can't fix it.  We will have to call a plumber.  I asked why she did that abd her reasoning was that the leftovers stunk so she didn't want them in the trash.

Has she heard of this thing called bleach?  It helps smelly trash cans

[txhorns 2409]

3 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Has she heard of this thing called bleach?  It helps smelly trash cans

Or just taking the trash out