Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Atxracer 797]

9 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

She smokes weed every day.

Usually means she like to F...a lot.  so, ok with that one.

9 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

She has multiple tattoos and piercings

See above.

9 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

She was willing to hang out even though she had a boyfriend

HUGE red flag.  As in, deal breaker for serious relationship material.  

[Trey3216 15346]

Just now, txhorns said:

Or just taking the trash out

That too.  

 

I guess I'm leaving out the part of the story where I tell my wife to go put things in the trash dumpster outside rather than leaving them inside.  Well, she dumps a whole pot of soup in the dumpster.  On a Sunday.  trash day is Friday.  You can imagine the smell.  I frequently have to bleach the dumpster.  

[SHOOTER12 8800]

14 hours ago, ernest_t_bass said:

Your wife should never assist you in running heavy equipment.  Attached a 12" auger to the 3-point.  She assisted in lowering the attachment while I guided it on the ground.  She slammed it down, bit got caught (heavy clay), PTO on auger fried.  

Etb, you're starting to worry me with stunts like that.  You may need professional help.  Screw the PTO, body parts are more difficult and painful to replace.

[SHOOTER12 8800]

47 minutes ago, txhorns said:

My wife decided flush leftovers down the toilet instead of just throwing them in the trash.  Now the toilet is stopped up and I can't fix it.  We will have to call a plumber.  I asked why she did that abd her reasoning was that the leftovers stunk so she didn't want them in the trash.

New leader in clubhouse???

[tx ind 7012]

49 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

That too.  

 

I guess I'm leaving out the part of the story where I tell my wife to go put things in the trash dumpster outside rather than leaving them inside.  Well, she dumps a whole pot of soup in the dumpster.  On a Sunday.  trash day is Friday.  You can imagine the smell.  I frequently have to bleach the dumpster.  

Look at the positive side, gives you some quiet time to clean it and crush a few beers 

Edited May 21, 2018 by tx ind
Fucking spelling

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

My wife decided flush leftovers down the toilet instead of just throwing them in the trash.  Now the toilet is stopped up and I can't fix it.  We will have to call a plumber.  I asked why she did that abd her reasoning was that the leftovers stunk so she didn't want them in the trash.

Now you're just making shit up to steal the spotlight from bacongate

[TrashMaster G 17551]

1 hour ago, Trey3216 said:

That too.  

 

I guess I'm leaving out the part of the story where I tell my wife to go put things in the trash dumpster outside rather than leaving them inside.  Well, she dumps a whole pot of soup in the dumpster.  On a Sunday.  trash day is Friday.  You can imagine the smell.  I frequently have to bleach the dumpster.  

Bleaching a dumpster?  A city/waste company-owned dumpster?  A big metal dumpster?

[Trey3216 15346]

1 minute ago, TrashMaster G said:

Bleaching a dumpster?  A city/waste company-owned dumpster?  A big metal dumpster?

City/Waste dumpster.  I can't stand the smell.  Fucking awful.  Bleach is cheap.  Dump a little in there and it clears up the problem pretty well. 

[TrashMaster G 17551]

1 minute ago, Trey3216 said:

City/Waste dumpster.  I can't stand the smell.  Fucking awful.  Bleach is cheap.  Dump a little in there and it clears up the problem pretty well. 

A dumpster?

[Anwar Namtut 344]

I've never seen bacon cooked like that before. are those cookie sheets?

[Flg8rfan 201]

My wife decided flush leftovers down the toilet instead of just throwing them in the trash.  Now the toilet is stopped up and I can't fix it.  We will have to call a plumber.  I asked why she did that abd her reasoning was that the leftovers stunk so she didn't want them in the trash.

Just wow


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[baboso 6054]

Duck of Death does not approve of the doneness of that bacon.

[TrashMaster G 17551]

1 hour ago, Anwar Namtut said:

I've never seen bacon cooked like that before. are those cookie sheets?

They WERE cookie sheets.

[Trey3216 15346]

1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

A dumpster?

A bin.  A dumpster.  Whatever you want to call the one next to your house that the waste management engineer comes and picks up 1x per week

[huge 3793]

1 hour ago, Anwar Namtut said:

I've never seen bacon cooked like that before. are those cookie sheets?

Yeah, you can cook bacon in the oven.  Most people cover the sheet in foil when doing so.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21898]

Of course you CAN, the question is why would you.  Cook the bacon on the stove in your iron skillet and then fry your eggs in the grease.

[huge 3793]

When you need to cook a lot.  That is the only time I do it.  Massive cast iron full, then 2 pans in the oven.

[ChickenSandwich 9832]

6 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Of course you CAN, the question is why would you.  Cook the bacon on the stove in your iron skillet and then fry your eggs in the grease.

Because you can sheet 15lbs of cooked backon in a warming rack to serve a hoard

[Coyote 269]

Because it cooks the perfect bacon every time with absolutely zero effort. Set oven to 400, put bacon on foil lined baking sheet, cook for 17-19 minutes. Every time. Then pull the bacon out, dump the grease in a preheated cast iron, and cook your eggs. Easily the most consistent method.

[G650 14249]

29 minutes ago, Coyote said:

Because it cooks the perfect bacon every time with absolutely zero effort. Set oven to 400, put bacon on foil lined baking sheet, cook for 17-19 minutes. Every time. Then pull the bacon out, dump the grease in a preheated cast iron, and cook your eggs. Easily the most consistent method.

Repaired.

It cooks bacon every time. It is not however perfect. Charred bacon in a cast iron skillet is far superior.

 

That said, all bacon is good.

[G650 14249]

Also, goddamit you fuckers, it's parchment paper, not fucking foil.

[BearSchlong 8083]

21 minutes ago, G650 said:

Also, goddamit you fuckers, it's parchment paper, not fucking foil.

I cook the bacon on a grid baker's cooling rack on top of a parchment paper lined pan.  Keeps the bacon out of the drippings.  Also works when cooking cheese stuffed bacon wrapped japs.

not the proper use of a cooling rack but whatever.

Edited May 21, 2018 by BearSchlong

[Trey3216 15346]

6 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

I cook the bacon on a grid baker's cooling rack on top of a parchment paper lined pan.  Keeps the bacon out of the drippings.  Also works when cooking cheese stuffed bacon wrapped japs.

not the proper use of a cooling rack but whatever.

Why wouldn't you want the bacon in the drippings?  You a commie pigfucker?  

Edited May 21, 2018 by Trey3216

[TrashMaster G 17551]

2 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

Why wouldn't you want the bacon in the drippings?  You a commie pigfucker?  

That's a fair question.

[BearSchlong 8083]

I think it results in crispier bacon, but I may be wrong. 

[Pig Bellmont 8712]

Oven cooked bacon talk not going away

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Team bacon on parchment paper in oven @400 for 17min.

[52-80 19150]

5 hours ago, txhorns said:

My wife decided flush leftovers down the toilet instead of just throwing them in the trash.  Now the toilet is stopped up and I can't fix it.  We will have to call a plumber.  I asked why she did that abd her reasoning was that the leftovers stunk so she didn't want them in the trash.

We do the same thing here, because garbage disposals don't exist.

And it works fine.  I don't know the flow rate of our toilets but in 5 years I've never been able to clog one....and damned if I haven't tried.

[52-80 19150]

Y'all ain't heard of Makin Bacon?

 

BTW, thick cut bacon + brown sugar + crushed nuts + low heat in oven = delicious bacon candy.

[JimmyHoffa 1188]

3 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

A dumpster?

 

A dumpster? It's a green or various colored receptacle where you dispose of your trash but that's not important right now 

[Coyote 269]

Y'all ain't heard of Makin Bacon?
 
BTW, thick cut bacon + brown sugar + crushed nuts + low heat in oven = delicious bacon candy.

Red pepper flakes and I’m in.

[Pato del Muerto 52489]

4 hours ago, baboso said:

Duck of Death does not approve of the doneness of that bacon.

Damn right

[Lone Star Horn 2016]

4 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

A bin.  A dumpster.  Whatever you want to call the one next to your house that the waste management engineer comes and picks up 1x per week

a trash can??

[Angry Gorilla 1766]

Laying in bed one morning over the weekend being lazy.  She looks over to me and says...

 

Her:  What does this all mean?
Me:  What does what mean?
Her:  UGH!!!  You do this all the time.  You know what I'm asking.
Me:  I have no idea what you are asking.  What does what mean?
Her:  You are just trying to make me feel stupid.

Back and forth arguing for about 5 minutes before I piece together she is asking about Trump moving the Israeli Embassy to Jerusalem.  No idea how she even heard that happened since all she watches are Kardashian and CSI shows.

[skipperj 377]

Nobody knows what it’s like, to be a dustbin, in Shaftesbury, with hooligans.

[workswithseed 2101]

15 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Laying in bed one morning over the weekend being lazy.  She looks over to me and says...

 

Her:  What does this all mean?
Me:  What does what mean?
Her:  UGH!!!  You do this all the time.  You know what I'm asking.
Me:  I have no idea what you are asking.  What does what mean?
Her:  You are just trying to make me feel stupid.

Back and forth arguing for about 5 minutes before I piece together she is asking about Trump moving the Israeli Embassy to Jerusalem.  No idea how she even heard that happened since all she watches are Kardashian and CSI shows.

Thats on you for not reading her thoughts, obviously.

[Modessit 5599]

I've never seen bacon cooked like that before. are those cookie sheets?

My wife prefers chewy bacon to crunchy bacon, but can't figure out how to cook it stovetop without overcooking it (because she doesn't pay attention). I told her a few months ago she could cook it in the oven and she was overjoyed with the results and has successfully cooked it with those pans several times. Until this time.

 

I told her that even without the foil it would have come out better if she hadn't cooked it so long.

 

Btw - she hasn't cleaned the pans yet. I'm expecting she'll want to throw them out and get new ones.

 

[mulletpelini 5210]

"You said you didn't like all the grease from fried bacon..........so I boiled it."

[Scheiss Meister 8407]

34 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

"You said you didn't like all the grease from fried bacon..........so I boiled it."

No. Dear God, No!

What in the everloving fuck?!

[bolverk 29660]

We do the same thing here, because garbage disposals don't exist.
And it works fine.  I don't know the flow rate of our toilets but in 5 years I've never been able to clog one....and damned if I haven't tried.

Where exactly is "here"?

[BearSchlong 8083]

"You said you didn't like all the grease from fried bacon..........so I boiled it."

Well surl'd.

[BearCountry11 1234]

Worked from home today and decided I’d try to get 18 holes of golf in around 5 pm.  I love evening tee times and gives me something to look forward to on a Monday. 

Texted the wife just to give her a heads up (my bad) and she goes on about how she’s working late every night this week except tonight and wants to spend time together.  Fine, I can play another night.  

Sure enough, she gets off work and goes to get her nails done.  Then catches a 6:45 workout class.  Home around 8:45 then goes upstairs to watch “her shows” for the evening.  I guess it’s totally unacceptable I go do something I want to do.  

[retsevlys 408]

Damn that's depressing.

[bolverk 29660]

Damn that's depressing.

Sounds like the crushing weight of reality.

[DaysOff 7947]

 

 

 

Sounds like the crushing weight of marriage.

 

1234

 

[Fudge Nuggets 19190]

10 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

Team bacon on parchment paper in oven @400 for 17min.

I’m not waiting 17 minutes for bacon.

[GSU&UT 1798]

6 hours ago, Fudge Nuggets said:

I’m not waiting 17 minutes for bacon.

Are you a,

 

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

15 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Laying in bed one morning over the weekend being lazy.  She looks over to me and says...

 

Her:  What does this all mean?
Me:  What does what mean?
Her:  UGH!!!  You do this all the time.  You know what I'm asking.
Me:  I have no idea what you are asking.  What does what mean?
Her:  You are just trying to make me feel stupid.

Back and forth arguing for about 5 minutes before I piece together she is asking about Trump moving the Israeli Embassy to Jerusalem.  No idea how she even heard that happened since all she watches are Kardashian and CSI shows.

"Fuck you for not being a mind reader"

[TrashMaster G 17551]

13 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

"You said you didn't like all the grease from fried bacon..........so I boiled it."

That's a divorcable offense.

11 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

Worked from home today and decided I’d try to get 18 holes of golf in around 5 pm.  I love evening tee times and gives me something to look forward to on a Monday. 

Texted the wife just to give her a heads up (my bad) and she goes on about how she’s working late every night this week except tonight and wants to spend time together.  Fine, I can play another night.  

Sure enough, she gets off work and goes to get her nails done.  Then catches a 6:45 workout class.  Home around 8:45 then goes upstairs to watch “her shows” for the evening.  I guess it’s totally unacceptable I go do something I want to do.  

I am a pretty calm person and generally pretty measured in my responses.  I would lose my shit over this one. 

[Johnny Sack 8397]

13 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

Worked from home today and decided I’d try to get 18 holes of golf in around 5 pm.  I love evening tee times and gives me something to look forward to on a Monday. 

Texted the wife just to give her a heads up (my bad) and she goes on about how she’s working late every night this week except tonight and wants to spend time together.  Fine, I can play another night.  

Sure enough, she gets off work and goes to get her nails done.  Then catches a 6:45 workout class.  Home around 8:45 then goes upstairs to watch “her shows” for the evening.  I guess it’s totally unacceptable I go do something I want to do.  

You need to have a little talk with her about this.