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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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52-80

52-80 19150

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we signed up for electricity plan that is based on market price.  utility company shows us hourly meter readings, and the market exchange shows us hourly market price for that commodity.

our place apparently uses 50kW*h daily just for heating.  equivalent to 2 water kettles on full boil 24/7.  (24h*2*1000w)

most our lightbulbs are about 5w LED.  so basically 200 lights = 1 water kettle.

its interesting data to analyze, if not atleast just to gaze at.  i dont know why i thought it was a good idea to show it to her.

 

she:

(1) didnt believe hourly-billing was possible ("how can they calculate that it must be impossible algorithm")

(2) got frustrated she couldnt understand that it was just multiplication, of very public data

(3) threw her hands up and walked away remarking "just stop leaving all the lights on".

 

 

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15346

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3 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

we signed up for electricity plan that is based on market price.  utility company shows us hourly meter readings, and the market exchange shows us hourly market price for that commodity.

our place apparently uses 50kW*h daily just for heating.  equivalent to 2 water kettles on full boil 24/7.  (24h*2*1000w)

most our lightbulbs are about 5w LED.  so basically 200 lights = 1 water kettle.

its interesting data to analyze, if not atleast just to gaze at.  i dont know why i thought it was a good idea to show it to her.

 

she:

(1) didnt believe hourly-billing was possible ("how can they calculate that it must be impossible algorithm")

(2) got frustrated she couldnt understand that it was just multiplication, of very public data

(3) threw her hands up and walked away remarking "just stop leaving all the lights on".

 

 

So is that how you get them to stop leaving the tv on for the dog when it's at home, inside, on a rainy day?  

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52-80

52-80 19150

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28 minutes ago, Trey3216 said:

So is that how you get them to stop leaving the tv on for the dog when it's at home, inside, on a rainy day?  

I told her the TV (that she idly leaves at the Netflix home screen for hours on end) consumes about 130W, which is mathematically more than a 5-10W lightbulb. 

 

She didn't take kindly to that reminder.

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Buffsoldier

Buffsoldier 1895

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3 hours ago, Trey3216 said:

So is that how you get them to stop leaving the tv on for the dog when it's at home, inside, on a rainy day?  

No, you do that by telling her that the reason she couldn't get that la-dee-da Coach purse she wanted is because of the money that has to be spent on electricity...

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NorthLoop

NorthLoop 14191

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On 11/4/2019 at 2:45 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

The "it's not done" concept is one that I struggled with for many years. Because it's NEVER done. A normal person furnishes a room, throws some paintings (or a giant ceramic crab, as the case may be) up on the wall and that's that. But not until it was explained to me that decor is a fluid, constantly changing ideal rather than something that has an absolute beginning and an end, did I truly give up. Good luck Celery. It only gets worse.

And for a more apropos contribution to this thread... my wife has an acquaintance who is a wedding planner. Apparently it is a thing now for there to be a special table at wedding receptions for the bride and groom. And it is apparently now a thing that the bride/groom table be something especially "unique". And it is apparently now competitive among brides in having an especially unique bride/groom table. And guess who has the most unique one-of-a-kind plates, table settings, furnishings, table cloths, nick knacks, etc?

And guess who was offered something like $1500-2000 per weekend to rent this shit out but thinks it's kinda trashy to rent out your personal stuff and doesn't want the hassle of people coming in and removing our stuff and is afraid for something to get damaged because, "That stuff is irreplaceable and they don't make those plates anymore and I don't want my stuff broken. And can you imagine them coming in and removing that loveseat right out of our living room for the weekend?" The most uncomfortable love seat known to man? Not only can I imagine them removing it and hopefully never bringing it back, but I'm pretty sure I would have an orgasm if somebody paid good American dollars for the pain of actually sitting on it. Are you fucking kidding me?

So in the most unbelievable upset in the history of mankind,  I was on the verge of monetizing all some of the ridiculous crap that my wife has procured over the years only to be kicked in the nuts. 

For some reason this post reminded me of this

maxresdefault.jpg

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

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Been a while since I posted so thought of this thread today.

Unloaded the dishwasher (the appliance) today and noticed out of the 30-40 prongs on the bottom tray, at least ten are noticeably bent.

It’s not the kids, don’t think they know we even have a dishwasher.

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HornOnTheBayou

HornOnTheBayou 8921

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I had a medical emergency about a month ago and the doctor has told me I can't drive until Christmas. Gentlemen, please get the wreath fund filled up because I may not make it until the end of the year with my wife's driving. I tried to tell the doctor that me having a seizure behind the wheel is still much safer than my wife's normal driving. He didn't agree, but then again he hasn't driven with her yet.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5211

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5 hours ago, Flg8rfan said:

Been a while since I posted so thought of this thread today.

Unloaded the dishwasher (the appliance) today and noticed out of the 30-40 prongs on the bottom tray, at least ten are noticeably bent.

It’s not the kids, don’t think they know we even have a dishwasher.

Anyone else notice when they pull the cleaned top drawer out all the heavy ass mugs are in the front and all the light plastic cups are in the back?  Logic man, logic.

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

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Anyone else notice when they pull the cleaned top drawer out all the heavy ass mugs are in the front and all the light plastic cups are in the back?  Logic man, logic.

Or in the few times I’ve watched her unload it, she pulls the bottom drawer out, doesn’t unload anything, then pulls the top drawer out so the plastic crap drips water on the bottom rack?
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tbone_

tbone_ 14115

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I’m working at my desk at home, she says “come out side and smell, it stinks.” I ask is it the trash because we “forgot” to take it to the curb last week, she said “no it smells different, it smells like nuclear war.”



That is odd af.

Can I ask an honest question?
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Walden Ponderer

Walden Ponderer 12639

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"What does nuclear war smell like?"

If you stop to think about that question in an even halfway serious frame of mind, you come to realize it's a lot like a Zen koan. If you're close enough to nuclear war to smell it, you won't smell a thing. If you're far enough away from it to still have olfactory nerves that process smells, you will more than likely smell a lot of dirty, smelly refugees fleeing the blast zone in hopes that their limbs don't fall off before they find an open hospital.

And, of course, it also raises an interesting question, what is smell, anyway? Does it exist outside of the frame of reference of a creature who can sense it? Sure, the particles that we physically experience as "odor" are there, but if they don't reach a nose, do they still "smell"?

The grand irony, of course, is that I asked my wife just now "what do you think nuclear war smells like?" and she said, "That reminds me. <Daughter's name>! Take out the trash!"

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tbone_

tbone_ 14115

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And, of course, it also raises an interesting question, what is smell, anyway? Does it exist outside of the frame of reference of a creature who can sense it? Sure, the particles that we physically experience as "odor" are there, but if they don't reach a nose, do they still "smell"?


If a tree falls in the forest and your wife isn’t there to hear it, are you still an asshole?
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faerleeb

faerleeb 0

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"What does nuclear war smell like?"
If you stop to think about that question in an even halfway serious frame of mind, you come to realize it's a lot like a Zen koan. If you're close enough to nuclear war to smell it, you won't smell a thing. If you're far enough away from it to still have olfactory nerves that process smells, you will more than likely smell a lot of dirty, smelly refugees fleeing the blast zone in hopes that their limbs don't fall off before they find an open hospital.
And, of course, it also raises an interesting question, what is smell, anyway? Does it exist outside of the frame of reference of a creature who can sense it? Sure, the particles that we physically experience as "odor" are there, but if they don't reach a nose, do they still "smell"?
The grand irony, of course, is that I asked my wife just now "what do you think nuclear war smells like?" and she said, "That reminds me. ! Take out the trash!"

I was having a pretty dull day...appreciate the intricacies of this thought process.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

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The other day, we were in her car and I noticed my flip flops were in there. Asked her why, she said she used them the other day. That's fine but why didn't you bring them back inside. (Aside form the fact that she had to walk to or from her car without shoes at one point....)

Saturday rolls around and we take her car into the shop the inspection/oil change. They said it was going to be a couple of hours. Told them that I would pay now. and they could just lock the keys in the car and I would pick it up Sunday afternoon.

Sunday morning:

Me (needing to go outside to feed the chickens) : Sure do wish I had my flip flops.

Her : Fine! Do you want me to walk outside and get them for you?

Me : Yes, yes I would.

She walks outside

6 year old: But Dad....

Me : Wait for it......

Her walking back in and slamming the door. Me and boy die laughing : You're such an ass!

Edited by Jameslaw121
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After irth

After irth 1243

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25 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

The other day, we were in her car and I noticed my flip flops were in there. Asked her why, she said she used them the other day. That's fine but why didn't you bring them back inside. (Aside form the fact that she had to walk to or from her car without shoes at one point....)

Saturday rolls around and we take her car into the shop the inspection/oil change. They said it was going to be a couple of hours. Told them that I would pay now. and they could just lock the keys in the car and I would pick it up Sunday afternoon.

Sunday morning:

Me (needing to go outside to feed the chickens) : Sure do wish I had my flip flops.

Her : Fine! Do you want me to walk outside and get them for you?

Me : Yes, yes I would.

She walks outside

6 year old: But Dad....

Me : Wait for it......

Her walking back in and slamming the door. Me and boy die laughing : You're such an ass!

Your marriage sounds like it's regressing nicely...

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