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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

Posted
Posted (edited)
20 minutes ago, huge said:

Yeah I don't go looking for drama, but that would have resulted in some.

 

All about picking your battles. Knowing what hills are worth dying on is one of the unwritten rules of a happy marriage and one that I don't think enough people talk about. 

Edited by JimmyHoffa
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52-80

52-80 19150

Posted
Posted
11 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

All about picking your battles. Knowing what hills are worth dying on is one of the unwritten rules of a happy marriage and one that I don't think enough people talk about. 

Well, the other unwritten rule is that women are terrible at time management.  It is known.

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BearCountry11

BearCountry11 1234

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Johnny Sack said:

You need to have a little talk with her about this.

Yeah, I didn't go quietly but also didn't make a big deal about it.  I just made some comments along the lines of "so glad we could spend that quality time together" and stuff like that.  She's got a week from hell starting today so I figured best not to totally blow up.  Booked a tee time for Thursday evening so I'm coming out even.  

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babysdaddy

babysdaddy 2721

Posted
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3 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

Yeah, I didn't go quietly but also didn't make a big deal about it.  I just made some comments along the lines of "so glad we could spend that quality time together" and stuff like that.  She's got a week from hell starting today so I figured best not to totally blow up.  Booked a tee time for Thursday evening so I'm coming out even.  

nice and passive aggressive.  don't fight like that with a woman.

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BearSchlong

BearSchlong 8084

Posted
Posted
Yeah, I didn't go quietly but also didn't make a big deal about it.  I just made some comments along the lines of "so glad we could spend that quality time together" and stuff like that.  She's got a week from hell starting today so I figured best not to totally blow up.  Booked a tee time for Thursday evening so I'm coming out even.  
I had a wife like that once. Former Baylor Beauty Queen.

Get her some flowers. Give them to her with a big kiss. Tell her that you love her but that she's either got to respect your need to play occasional after work golf or there's gonna be a problem.

Don't be sarcastic guy. Be direct. And if that doesn't work, bop her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

You probably share a checking account too, amirite?
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BearCountry11

BearCountry11 1234

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

I had a wife like that once. Former Baylor Beauty Queen.

Get her some flowers. Give them to her with a big kiss. Tell her that you love her but that she's either got to respect your need to play occasional after work golf or there's gonna be a problem.

Don't be sarcastic guy. Be direct. And if that doesn't work, bop her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

You probably share a checking account too, amirite?

Definitely on board with rolled up newspaper.  Will report back.

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BearCountry11

BearCountry11 1234

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, BearSchlong said:

Apologies if I'm a little harsh, basically I used my first marriage to learn the rules to set down on my second one.

Baylor women man...I hear you...

I used to travel pretty frequently for work so this habit of always wanting me home really got started then.  We also have 2 dogs (both under 1.5 years old) that she doesn't think can be at home alone longer than a few hours so that doesn't help.

 

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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

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7 minutes ago, Llogg said:

Soaking dishes overnight. I'm so afraid to eat rice at home b/c every time she uses the rice cooker it ends up soaking overnight with a layer of rice on the bottom. Food poisoning is inevitable it's just a matter of time.

 

It's just rice bro, not raw chicken. 

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SilasCoade

SilasCoade 2622

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2 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

It's just rice bro, not raw chicken. 

Fuck that. Rice soaking in tepid water is the perfect culture medium for bacteria, particularly Staph aureus. S. aureus produce enterotoxins which are resistant to enzyme and heat degradation. Meaning if it's on the cooking surface and you cook it, you didn't get rid of the risk.

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elfenix

elfenix 34231

Posted
Posted (edited)
19 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I had a wife like that once. Former Baylor Beauty Queen.

Get her some flowers. Give them to her with a big kiss. Tell her that you love her but that she's either got to respect your need to play occasional after work golf or there's gonna be a problem.

Don't be sarcastic guy. Be direct. And if that doesn't work, bop her on the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

You probably share a checking account too, amirite?

how square was her face?

 

Fuck that. Rice soaking in tepid water is the perfect culture medium for bacteria, particularly Staph aureus. S. aureus produce enterotoxins which are resistant to enzyme and heat degradation. Meaning if it's on the cooking surface and you cook it, you didn't get rid of the risk.

maxresdefault.jpg

 

Edited by elfenix
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Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 1963

Posted
Posted

We were at an end of the season party for my son's baseball team yesterday evening.  Party ran from 6-8.  I had told my wife before going to the party that I wanted to go for a run after the party, so I didn't want to stay past 8. So the party is winding down; a couple of families have already left.  It's like 7:50.  I told my wife I was ready to leave, which I thought meant "Please help me pack up our three kids and all of the shit you brought with us and get in the car and leave this place for our own home."  What my wife must have heard was, "Please socialize with the other parents for another 15 minutes as you (very) slowly make your way inside the house where your husband has corralled your three kids and staged all of your belongings for departure."  So I'm watching her through the window meander through the crowd and laugh and talk and I'm getting more and more steamed that she is showing zero urgency.  She finally comes inside (this was an outdoor party, mostly) and sees me trying to keep my kids from melting down as they just sit there with me waiting for her.  We leave. 

We get home and I get the kids settled and I'm about to go change into my running clothes when I hear her say, "Oh, shit" or something like that.  I can tell she's agitated.  So I'm like, "What's the deal?" She says she can't find her phone, that it was with a pile of other shit we had taken to the party. I dial her phone and it's nowhere. I ask her if she left it at the party.  She's pretty sure she did. So I tell her to go get the motherfucker.  I stay home with the three kids waiting for her to get back.  By the time she gets back it's 9:22. I crack a beer. She asks me if I'm going for a run. I tell her that ship sailed when she had to retrieve her phone. She says, "Well I wouldn't have left my phone if you hadn't rushed me out of the party like that."

Sometimes the thought of living completely alone sounds like heaven.

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After irth

After irth 1243

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32 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

I am familiar with the whole "it's time to leave, so I'll take as long as humanly possible to make my way out" scenario. I once told her while at the in-laws "I'm gonna start walking home. You just pick me up when you're halfway" 

That is just a genius-in-action move right there. I salute your big balls, Sir!

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5211

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

It never ceases to amaze me that their first instinct is to blame instead of simply saying “yeah sorry about that”.

Then again...women.

"Sorry" is a lot like "cunt", they know its part of the language, it just shall not be said in their presence.

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troph

troph 24783

Posted
Posted
That or the non-apology "I'm sorry you got upset."

 

I can confirm Baylor grads (first wife) and UT grads (current girlfriend) do this. So fucking annoying. I’m trying to learn this move but my prior training to take responsibility and offer up a real apology is proving too hard to overcome. Time management, driving skills, soaking dishes overnight in tepid water, the list goes on is done but the feaux apology I can’t seem to learn.

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11819

Posted
Posted (edited)
8 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

I am familiar with the whole "it's time to leave, so I'll take as long as humanly possible to make my way out" scenario. I once told her while at the in-laws "I'm gonna start walking home. You just pick me up when you're halfway" 

The men in my family refer to it as the "perpetual goodbye".  And because of it my BIL and I have pulled the walking home bit from celebrations at my MIL's house.  Fortunately he lives 6 blocks away and always has a good stash of booze.

Edited by Judge Roybeanbag
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GSU&UT

GSU&UT 1798

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Oh, I turn that one right back around. "I'm sorry that you feel that way" has sadly moved into my lexicon.

Yeah I probably do it too, but I definitely genuinely apologize more for fucking up than she does.

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Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 1963

Posted
Posted

Yeah, I'm considered the asshole in our relationship, yet I say "I'm sorry" and "I was wrong" regularly.

That "walking home" strategy is interesting.  Wouldn't work with my wife though.  She would actually allow me to start walking home and would pick me up. She'd call my bluff.

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elfenix

elfenix 34231

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6 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Yeah, I'm considered the asshole in our relationship, yet I say "I'm sorry" and "I was wrong" regularly.

That "walking home" strategy is interesting.  Wouldn't work with my wife though.  She would actually allow me to start walking home and would pick me up. She'd call my bluff.

sounds like some good alone time, though.  plus, exercise. 

4 hours ago, troph said:

 

I can confirm Baylor grads (first wife) and UT grads (current girlfriend) do this. So fucking annoying. I’m trying to learn this move but my prior training to take responsibility and offer up a real apology is proving too hard to overcome. Time management, driving skills, soaking dishes overnight in tepid water, the list goes on is done but the feaux apology I can’t seem to learn.

have you been using this thread for research the whole time?  kinda genius

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54212

Posted
Posted
5 minutes ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Yeah, I'm considered the asshole in our relationship, yet I say "I'm sorry" and "I was wrong" regularly.

I've mentioned this before, but way back when my wife and I were having troubles, I finally decided that there was no sense in fighting, so whenever a disagreement came up, I would say, "You're right, my fault."

That eventually drove her fucking bananas. 

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troph

troph 24783

Posted
Posted (edited)
47 minutes ago, elfenix said:

sounds like some good alone time, though.  plus, exercise. 

have you been using this thread for research the whole time?  kinda genius

haha, not really, but I've had a couple of ah-ha moments.  the "oh shit, I do that" thoughts don't roll in like clockwork, but there's been more than a few.  sadly I'm waiting to post about my gf and yet she would fit more in the stupid things men do thread but there isn't one.  

she definitely doesn't do the apology thing well and she drives so far to the right when I'm in the passenger seat I fear for my life at every curb cut in that she's about to pop the passenger side wheels or run into stone mail boxes in the neighborhood and the like but other than that I got nothing on her.

anyway, back to lurking on what is probably the funniest thread on this board...

Edited by troph
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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

Posted
Posted
25 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I've mentioned this before, but way back when my wife and I were having troubles, I finally decided that there was no sense in fighting, so whenever a disagreement came up, I would say, "You're right, my fault."

That eventually drove her fucking bananas. 

Long game.

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Macanudo

Macanudo 12976

Posted
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46 minutes ago, Beau Vine said:

I've mentioned this before, but way back when my wife and I were having troubles, I finally decided that there was no sense in fighting, so whenever a disagreement came up, I would say, "You're right, my fault."

That eventually drove her fucking bananas. 

This is how I deal with pretty much any woman.    On my floor, there are about 200 people.    Easily 75% of those women.   They get super pissed off when there is some kind of disagreement on procedure or policy or what not and I just kind of sit there with reacting.   Low steady voice, calm.   Pisses them off something major. 

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Beau Vine

Beau Vine 54212

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Posted
14 minutes ago, Macanudo said:

This is how I deal with pretty much any woman.    On my floor, there are about 200 people.    Easily 75% of those women.   They get super pissed off when there is some kind of disagreement on procedure or policy or what not and I just kind of sit there with reacting.   Low steady voice, calm.   Pisses them off something major. 

My summer job in college was working at a credit union, either teller or accounting.

There were three males employed there -- me, the president, and the vice-president. 

Everyone else was female.  Half of them hated the other half for various specious reasons. 

I learned so much there.

 

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