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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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JimmyHoffa

JimmyHoffa 1188

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I've mentioned this before, but way back when my wife and I were having troubles, I finally decided that there was no sense in fighting, so whenever a disagreement came up, I would say, "You're right, my fault."

That eventually drove her fucking bananas. 

 

Oh I so love the-

"See, you never say anything and just sit there, I need to know what your feelings are" 

VS

"WHAT?????!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT???? I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IS HOW YOU FEEL????!!!!!!" 

 

 

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686

686 3456

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We were 30 minutes late to a surprise birthday lunch with a bunch of people for my wife on Saturday. I had told her I wanted us and the kids to go to lunch for her birthday at 11:45. The morning of she starts dragging her feet, won't get ready.  I'm trying to get kids ready, trying to get them to wear something nice, she undermines that. I'm trying to move her along without being a nag, but she suspects there might be someone there to meet us and is more concerned with interrogating me to solve that mystery than anything else. We are right on the brink of a full on argument by the time she finally gets in the car.

The lunch goes fine, but people had been there for 45 minutes waiting for us. I wasn't planning/running the event, but I'll never go along with that kind of thing again. Afterwords, she says "I wish we would have dressed the kids nicer and I feel so bad people were waiting on us that long; I thought it was going to just be our moms there." (so you suspected our moms were there, knew I wanted to leave at 11:45 and didn't consider/care that any delay you caused would, at least, be inconveniencing them and me? WTF) 

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miguelito

miguelito 11314

Posted
Posted

one time she and I were outside talking to a guy who was going to paint our house.  The mosquitoes were getting bad, so she said she was going in to get some bug spray.  Of course there's some under the kitchen sink.

So, she comes back out smelling like OFF.  She just went inside and sprayed herself in the middle of the fucking kitchen.

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Yarbr

Yarbr 123

Posted
Posted
14 minutes ago, troph said:

Wait the fuck? You can’t put sunscreen and insect repellant neatly to the side in the cabinet with plates and glasses ? I’m dead ass serious. I wish I was at home to snap a pic.

In your RV, sure.

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686

686 3456

Posted
Posted (edited)
20 minutes ago, troph said:

Wait the fuck? You can’t put sunscreen and insect repellant neatly to the side in the cabinet with plates and glasses ? I’m dead ass serious. I wish I was at home to snap a pic.

"Wait the fuck" is pretty great. Not "breath of fresh ass" great, but pretty good.  

Also, in addition to the random nature of the location, I like to keep neurotoxins and shit away from my food.

Edited by 686
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Ojo Rojo

Ojo Rojo 1981

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

I've mentioned this before, but way back when my wife and I were having troubles, I finally decided that there was no sense in fighting, so whenever a disagreement came up, I would say, "You're right, my fault."

That eventually drove her fucking bananas. 

I saw a documentary or interview on Earl Campbell once and it was talking about his wife and marriage.  It might have actually been his wife talking.  Anyway, she said anytime things would get tense between them or there was a potential argument he would just walk outside and stay away for a while.  She said he never participated in an argument with her.  I'm thinking about trying it.  I'm one to get things out in the open and deal with them and resolve them and move on, but going through the process doesn't work with my wife anyway, so why even try?

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8822

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, miguelito said:

one time she and I were outside talking to a guy who was going to paint our house.  The mosquitoes were getting bad, so she said she was going in to get some bug spray.  Of course there's some under the kitchen sink.

So, she comes back out smelling like OFF.  She just went inside and sprayed herself in the middle of the fucking kitchen.

and i bet you didnt have a mosquito buzzing around your head at night for the rest of the summer.

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18594

Posted
Posted

 

23 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

Oh I so love the-

"See, you never say anything and just sit there, I need to know what your feelings are" 

VS

"WHAT?????!!!!!! HOW COULD YOU SAY THAT???? I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IS HOW YOU FEEL????!!!!!!" 

 

 

Strange game Professor Falken. The only winning move is not to play.

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Nivek

Nivek 16992

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Posted

Wife made reservations to visit a resort this weekend 2 months ago.   

Monday: Wife says to me we should pack up this week and be finished packing by Thursday so we can just get in the car and go.  I agree.

Wed: Wife has a meeting for Friday morning.  We should drop the kids off at school, and pick them up when we are ready to leave.  I agree.

Friday: I make the kids breakfast/lunch for a full day of school.   I then finish some laundry and have my suitcase packed with my stuff and the older boy's.   I charge all electronics and locate chargers.   I hurt my ankle so it slowed me down and I needed to rest it frequently.  I was finished by 10:45 AM.    Wife took off from work but had another 8:30 AM meeting which cancelled at about 8AM.  Watched a documentary on the HMS Hood and German Bismark.  I check on the wife at Noon, she is laying in bed playing with her phone.  1PM wife approaches me about getting stuff packed and ready so we can get the kids and go.  She keeps looking for things like dramamine for the kids.  Last weekend she reorganized the medicine cabinet and now cannot find any of the things she is looking for.     I take a nap and rest my foot.   2:45 PM wife leaves to pick up the kid and asks if I can pack some things for the baby.    I go outside and watch my neighbor corral a baby owl.    2:50PM Car is loaded with mine and baby items.    Her suitcase is still finished.   

Woman.  Wo-man. Whoooaaaaa- Man.  

 

 

 

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52620

Posted
Posted
On 5/24/2018 at 4:15 PM, Ojo Rojo said:

I saw a documentary or interview on Earl Campbell once and it was talking about his wife and marriage.  It might have actually been his wife talking.  Anyway, she said anytime things would get tense between them or there was a potential argument he would just walk outside and stay away for a while.  She said he never participated in an argument with her.  I'm thinking about trying it.  I'm one to get things out in the open and deal with them and resolve them and move on, but going through the process doesn't work with my wife anyway, so why even try?

I’ve tried this. She will follow me until she is satisfied that she is done. 

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texasjacket

texasjacket 289

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, Etexhorn13 said:

I went to fucking Justin Timberlake tonight. Bought my wife tickets for our anniversary. I own all you idiots but also deserve all the ridicule all at once. So is the conondrum of being married. 

Where are all the goddamn pics of fellow attendees? As state already, there was tons of hot ass there.

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NotActuallyALonghorn

NotActuallyALonghorn 4979

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, Etexhorn13 said:

I went to fucking Justin Timberlake tonight. Bought my wife tickets for our anniversary. I own all you idiots but also deserve all the ridicule all at once. So is the conondrum of being married. 

I thought he had plenty of money, but I guess he's pimping himself out now? Congrats on the gay sex.

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tbone_

tbone_ 14191

Posted
Posted
I went to fucking Justin Timberlake tonight. Bought my wife tickets for our anniversary. I own all you idiots but also deserve all the ridicule all at once. So is the conondrum of being married. 

Nothing wrong with that. Smart move.
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happyhookem

happyhookem 224

Posted
Posted
On 5/24/2018 at 11:58 AM, Beau Vine said:

I've mentioned this before, but way back when my wife and I were having troubles, I finally decided that there was no sense in fighting, so whenever a disagreement came up, I would say, "You're right, my fault."

That eventually drove her to fucking bananas. 

fify

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BurntOrangeCrush

BurntOrangeCrush 1026

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Posted

This morning...I have been sick all week and still in bed. Wife comes back in the bedroom and says she is going shopping and I tell her to take all the time she needs as I was going to relax and try to get better and just watch movies and take meds. I love my wife, but when I am sick I like to be left alone:

Her: Whatcha gonna watch?

Me: I don't know (but please just go shop with your friends and leave me alone)

Her: Don't watch any of our Netflix shows without me here

Me: ok (please quit talking I don't feel good)

Her: Are you going to take a nap? 

Me: Maybe (I'm not sure, but I know I won't be napping while you are still here talking)

Her: ok, when I get back when we can watch something together

Me: great! (not really)

She gets home and I am halfway thru watching my favorite movie The Holy Grail:

Her: Watcha watching?

Me: Monty Python and the Holy Grail

Her: You watch that alot over the years. How come you don't watch it with me?

Me: because you won't like it. (we have different tastes. "Pitch Perfect" and "Bridesmaids" are her Holy Grail)

Her: Start from the beginning and let me catch up

So I start it over and we get to the castle scene where they are arguing about European swallows. At that point, she says:

Her: This is stupid

Almost a deal breaker for me.....

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Bill Brasky

Bill Brasky 1465

Posted
Posted

A/c was showing signs that it was about to go out last.  So she decided to do a bunch of laundry and run the dryer all night.  A/c finally drops dead this morning.  It is 85 inside.  She is on the leather couch under a blanket bitching that it is too hot.  Well no fucking shit sherlock.  

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8822

Posted
Posted
This morning...I have been sick all week and still in bed. Wife comes back in the bedroom and says she is going shopping and I tell her to take all the time she needs as I was going to relax and try to get better and just watch movies and take meds. I love my wife, but when I am sick I like to be left alone:
Her: Whatcha gonna watch?
Me: I don't know (but please just go shop with your friends and leave me alone)
Her: Don't watch any of our Netflix shows without me here
Me: ok (please quit talking I don't feel good)
Her: Are you going to take a nap? 
Me: Maybe (I'm not sure, but I know I won't be napping while you are still here talking)
Her: ok, when I get back when we can watch something together
Me: great! (not really)
She gets home and I am halfway thru watching my favorite movie The Holy Grail:
Her: Watcha watching?
Me: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Her: You watch that alot over the years. How come you don't watch it with me?
Me: because you won't like it. (we have different tastes. "Pitch Perfect" and "Bridesmaids" are her Holy Grail)
Her: Start from the beginning and let me catch up
So I start it over and we get to the castle scene where they are arguing about European swallows. At that point, she says:
Her: This is stupid
Almost a deal breaker for me.....
She's a witch!
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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6066

Posted
Posted

Long story short.  My wife was giving a lesson about the Texas cattle drives of the late 1800's to my 11 year-old yesterday.  I wondered out loud if there were many ranchers/thieves that may have gotten rich by obtaining stragglers (doggies) along the way.  She said, "Probably not because they would have counted the cows every night."  I reminded her that there were probably thousands of cattle in each drive.  She stated that it would still be feasible because each cattle drive would have multiple cowboys that could share the duty of counting the cattle.  

"Just think about it," I said, "Truly think about what your are suggesting."

/tone

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BurntOrangeCrush

BurntOrangeCrush 1026

Posted
Posted
28 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Long story short.  My wife was giving a lesson about the Texas cattle drives of the late 1800's to my 11 year-old yesterday.  I wondered out loud if there were many ranchers/thieves that may have gotten rich by obtaining stragglers (doggies) along the way.  She said, "Probably not because they would have counted the cows every night."  I reminded her that there were probably thousands of cattle in each drive.  She stated that it would still be feasible because each cattle drive would have multiple cowboys that could share the duty of counting the cattle.  

"Just think about it," I said, "Truly think about what your are suggesting."

/tone

That's better than your wife calling Monty Python and the Holy Grail "stupid" but I feel your pain.

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Flg8rfan

Flg8rfan 201

Posted
Posted
This morning...I have been sick all week and still in bed. Wife comes back in the bedroom and says she is going shopping and I tell her to take all the time she needs as I was going to relax and try to get better and just watch movies and take meds. I love my wife, but when I am sick I like to be left alone:
Her: Whatcha gonna watch?
Me: I don't know (but please just go shop with your friends and leave me alone)
Her: Don't watch any of our Netflix shows without me here
Me: ok (please quit talking I don't feel good)
Her: Are you going to take a nap? 
Me: Maybe (I'm not sure, but I know I won't be napping while you are still here talking)
Her: ok, when I get back when we can watch something together
Me: great! (not really)
She gets home and I am halfway thru watching my favorite movie The Holy Grail:
Her: Watcha watching?
Me: Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Her: You watch that alot over the years. How come you don't watch it with me?
Me: because you won't like it. (we have different tastes. "Pitch Perfect" and "Bridesmaids" are her Holy Grail)
Her: Start from the beginning and let me catch up
So I start it over and we get to the castle scene where they are arguing about European swallows. At that point, she says:
Her: This is stupid
Almost a deal breaker for me.....

I have to admit I’ve faked being sick to be left the hell alone for a day. Wife’s a nurse, she sleeps on the couch when I do this ;-)


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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skipperj

skipperj 377

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, mulletpelini said:

Rental car started out at 3/8 was around 1/4 when I got the call.

"I put in $27 to fill it up, how much do you think I should add?"

.5 milleseconds later

"I'd put in $10"

She didn't think that was enough, doubled it, now its 3/4.

I have no idea what you are talking about here.

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Ldogg53

Ldogg53 514

Posted
Posted
I have no idea what you are talking about here.

She was trying to get the fuel level back to 3/8 of a tank to return the rental. Previously she had spent $27 to fill the tank. So maths were being done to figure out how much gas to put in to get it from 1/4 to 3/8. Woman flubbed the math.

But yeah mullet did a stellar job making that easy to figure it out. I think I read it 4-5 times before getting it.
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