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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15450

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2 hours ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

Oh, I understand.

I've had both extremes in my life.  My ex; she would literally stand over me while I did the most simple crap and constantly ask/critique/make commentary.  Wife #2 couldn't care less; if something needs done, she just wants it taken care of.  I can give her the play by play, but she just wants results.

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3 hours ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

Oh, I understand.

I've had both extremes in my life.  My ex; she would literally stand over me while I did the most simple crap and constantly ask/critique/make commentary.  Wife #2 couldn't care less; if something needs done, she just wants it taken care of.  I can give her the play by play, but she just wants results.

I don’t understand why one is an ex and one is not...

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5220

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11 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wash rinse repeat.

I've been telling my wife for the last year to stop playing with the dog so rough because it will cause the dog to be more aggressive.

She takes the dog to red bud yesterday and the dog gets in a few fights. Owner of one of the dogs asks if she plays rough with the dog.

It is now very important that no one play rough with the dog.

 

You might want to get her hearing checked.  She might need one of those coch implants hullabelew was talking about earlier.

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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26439

Posted
Posted
18 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wash rinse repeat.

I've been telling my wife for the last year to stop playing with the dog so rough because it will cause the dog to be more aggressive.

She takes the dog to red bud yesterday and the dog gets in a few fights. Owner of one of the dogs asks if she plays rough with the dog.

It is now very important that no one play rough with the dog.

This is wife 101. Anything you tell her is bullshit. Anything anyone else tells her is 100% correct and must be adhered to strictly. 

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3730

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Not sure where to put this but on the Cochlear Implant that was asked about above.  

She will never really be able to fully understand speech over the phone since she has been deaf her entire life but she can now recognize a bunch of words over the phone, on TV and in background conversation.  

The funny thing is the normal bullshit that we hear every day.  Birds (1), fridge running, ice dropping in the fridge (2), water left running (3), water boiling (4)

(1)  Her calling me at work:  When you are in the house, can you hear birds chirping outside
Me:  Yes
Her:  Well, they are annoying.  We need better insulation

(2)  Her:  Something is wrong with the fridge.  It makes this horrible sound like parts are falling out of it
Me:  They are.  It's the ice
Her:  That's annoying

(3)  Since the implants, she has yet to leave the water running while washing stuff in the bathroom sink.  Our old sinks didn't have overflow  holes so she has flooded the house twice because of this.  Between the implants and remodeling the bathrooms, thankfully that hasn't happened.

(4) The number of ruined water kettles/pots due to being left on while boiling water had decreased dramatically since the implants.

Downside:  It is no longer safe to say shit behind her back when she pisses me the fuck off.  In the past, I just had to be aware of mirror placement, but now she can actually hear shit.  

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 6262

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Completed one of my Xmas projects last week.  The garage fridge was located in a spot where we couldn't really access it when my wife's van was parked inside.  Moving the fridge would, not only allow for far more room to park and get in/out, but would also allow us to get to the fridge w/o having to step foot in the garage.  Win/win.  She's against it because I'd need to use an extension cord.  Convo went like this:

Wife: extension cords are dangerous.

Me: no they're not.  This isn't some 1970's NYC slum building.  It'll be fine.

Wife: you know my house burned down when I was a kid, right?

Me: was it caused by an extension cord?

Wife: tone

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thunderlounge

thunderlounge 8318

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21 hours ago, blacklab said:

Wash rinse repeat.

I've been telling my wife for the last year to stop playing with the dog so rough because it will cause the dog to be more aggressive.

She takes the dog to red bud yesterday and the dog gets in a few fights. Owner of one of the dogs asks if she plays rough with the dog.

It is now very important that no one play rough with the dog.

 

 

I'm training a new Choc pup at the moment. Your pain, I feel it.

A handful of the "too many to list" things I should have recorded for playback:

  • don't give treats on a schedule
  • she doesn't speak English, a lecture does no good
  • no treats when coming back inside
  • don't leave shit laying around you don't want chewed up
  • if something spills on the carpet, get the carpet cleaner (bissel pet machine) and clean it up

So far:

  • 3 holes in the carpet (where she spilled something sweet like her coffee, juice, etc.)
  • 2 pairs of chewed up shoes
  • 1 chewed up rug

and counting, I'm sure.

She doesn't get it that she's learning, and yes, may know better but when you light up the rug with a big neon "chew on me, I taste sweet" sign, shit is probably going to happen with a 6mo Choc Lab.

 

 

2 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Downside:  It is no longer safe to say shit behind her back when she pisses me the fuck off.  In the past, I just had to be aware of mirror placement, but now she can actually hear shit.  

 

IgPa AtinLa.

 

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 3003

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4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Not sure where to put this but on the Cochlear Implant that was asked about above.  

She will never really be able to fully understand speech over the phone since she has been deaf her entire life but she can now recognize a bunch of words over the phone, on TV and in background conversation.  

The funny thing is the normal bullshit that we hear every day.  Birds (1), fridge running, ice dropping in the fridge (2), water left running (3), water boiling (4)

(1)  Her calling me at work:  When you are in the house, can you hear birds chirping outside
Me:  Yes
Her:  Well, they are annoying.  We need better insulation

(2)  Her:  Something is wrong with the fridge.  It makes this horrible sound like parts are falling out of it
Me:  They are.  It's the ice
Her:  That's annoying

(3)  Since the implants, she has yet to leave the water running while washing stuff in the bathroom sink.  Our old sinks didn't have overflow  holes so she has flooded the house twice because of this.  Between the implants and remodeling the bathrooms, thankfully that hasn't happened.

(4) The number of ruined water kettles/pots due to being left on while boiling water had decreased dramatically since the implants.

Downside:  It is no longer safe to say shit behind her back when she pisses me the fuck off.  In the past, I just had to be aware of mirror placement, but now she can actually hear shit.  

This is funny as hell.  I’m sure the implication on each of those items is that it’s your fault and you need to fix it.  At least it would be at my house. 
 

Glad she’s got some of her hearing function back. 
 

(I guess)

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 3003

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1 hour ago, thunderlounge said:

 

I'm training a new Choc pup at the moment. Your pain, I feel it.

A handful of the "too many to list" things I should have recorded for playback:

  • don't give treats on a schedule
  • she doesn't speak English, a lecture does no good
  • no treats when coming back inside
  • don't leave shit laying around you don't want chewed up
  • if something spills on the carpet, get the carpet cleaner (bissel pet machine) and clean it up

So far:

  • 3 holes in the carpet (where she spilled something sweet like her coffee, juice, etc.)
  • 2 pairs of chewed up shoes
  • 1 chewed up rug

and counting, I'm sure.

She doesn't get it that she's learning, and yes, may know better but when you light up the rug with a big neon "chew on me, I taste sweet" sign, shit is probably going to happen with a 6mo Choc Lab.

I’ve got this to look forward to. We’re getting a new pup towards the end of the year. Our old dog passed away back in October at 13.5 yrs.  The last few years his activity level was to get up and go pee, then lay down for a while, then get up and move to a new spot and lay down for a while. 

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Modessit

Modessit 5665

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Posted
Not sure where to put this but on the Cochlear Implant that was asked about above.  
She will never really be able to fully understand speech over the phone since she has been deaf her entire life but she can now recognize a bunch of words over the phone, on TV and in background conversation.  
The funny thing is the normal bullshit that we hear every day.  Birds (1), fridge running, ice dropping in the fridge (2), water left running (3), water boiling (4)
(1)  Her calling me at work:  When you are in the house, can you hear birds chirping outside
Me:  Yes
Her:  Well, they are annoying.  We need better insulation
(2)  Her:  Something is wrong with the fridge.  It makes this horrible sound like parts are falling out of it
Me:  They are.  It's the ice
Her:  That's annoying
(3)  Since the implants, she has yet to leave the water running while washing stuff in the bathroom sink.  Our old sinks didn't have overflow  holes so she has flooded the house twice because of this.  Between the implants and remodeling the bathrooms, thankfully that hasn't happened.
(4) The number of ruined water kettles/pots due to being left on while boiling water had decreased dramatically since the implants.
Downside:  It is no longer safe to say shit behind her back when she pisses me the fuck off.  In the past, I just had to be aware of mirror placement, but now she can actually hear shit.  
My wife has about a 50% hearing loss (upper register) from a seizure she had at age 2. When she wears her hearing aids she complains about all kinds of things - birds, the microwave beeps too loud, why does her favorite song now have an annoying "tink tink tink" in the background, etc.

The funny thing is when she complains the tv is too loud (it's not). I just tell her to take her hearing aids out.
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Trey3216

Trey3216 15450

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5 hours ago, You don't know me said:

I just received 14 texts in 13 minutes.

I feel like shit today.  Of course my wife called on her way home from work and wanted to tell me all about the first day back with kids at the school after the Christmas break.  15 minutes worth of stories about how many had the flu, one kid throwing up in her trash can, etc etc.  

 

then, since I’m trying to rest and feel better, I get to hear her tell the same story to her best friend that she talks to twice/day, and another time 15 minutes after that with her mother, whom she also talks with 2-3x/day.  I want to rip my fucking ears off 

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HornOnTheBayou

HornOnTheBayou 9056

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"I am so sick of my brother and mother fighting with each other. They both call me and complain about the other one and they won't shut up. I'm tired of listening to their problems." And, yes, she did spend the next twenty minutes recapping both conversations for me and explaining how frustrating it is to listen to someone else's problems when she doesn't want to be involved in it.

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Sandman

Sandman 3427

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Mine likes to recap her conversations but she tells me every single thing that was said:

"I told her what I heard and she was like 'OMG' and I said 'yep' and she said 'I can't believe it' and I said 'I know' and she said 'that's crazy!' and I'm like "totally!'. Then she had to go so I said bye and she said bye."

 

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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24 minutes ago, Sandman said:

Mine likes to recap her conversations but she tells me every single thing that was said:

"I told her what I heard and she was like 'OMG' and I said 'yep' and she said 'I can't believe it' and I said 'I know' and she said 'that's crazy!' and I'm like "totally!'. Then she had to go so I said bye and she said bye."

 

welp, that's fucking annoying. mine tells a story and only says the highlights that she thinks are important. more than half the important information she figures you already know because it's in her mind.  most of the time i have no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but i nod yes and raise eyebrows and stuff so i don't have to hear about it anymore.

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53332

Posted
Posted (edited)
29 minutes ago, Modessit said:
2 hours ago, General Specific said:

Or while going to the moon.

Was that before or after he jumped into that volcano?

It’s unfair to judge a man based on his behavior at a bachelor party.  Especially if he ends up fucking a mermaid. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto
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Modessit

Modessit 5665

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It’s unfair to judge a man based on his behavior at a bachelor party.  Especially if he ends up fucking a mermaid. 
I judge his poor decision of buying a crappy house and sinking a lot of money into it and then organizing a gang of fellow neighbors because he thought the new people on his cul-de-sac were evil. I mean, I know he left his teaching job to go to war, and living in that airport for years couldn't have been easy, but I doubt he ever finds his other red shoe even if he tries to go to the moon. I don't know how he sleeps at night.
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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 53332

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22 minutes ago, Modessit said:
1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:
It’s unfair to judge a man based on his behavior at a bachelor party.  Especially if he ends up fucking a mermaid. 

I judge his poor decision of buying a crappy house and sinking a lot of money into it and then organizing a gang of fellow neighbors because he thought the new people on his cul-de-sac were evil. I mean, I know he left his teaching job to go to war, and living in that airport for years couldn't have been easy, but I doubt he ever finds his other red shoe even if he tries to go to the moon. I don't know how he sleeps at night.

Helluva ball player though. 

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Jerry Callo

Jerry Callo 8953

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16 hours ago, AM Wood said:

welp, that's fucking annoying. mine tells a story and only says the highlights that she thinks are important. more than half the important information she figures you already know because it's in her mind.  most of the time i have no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but i nod yes and raise eyebrows and stuff so i don't have to hear about it anymore.

Exactly.  When my wife or MIL ask the question "remember so-and-so?" in the middle of a story - the answer is always yes.

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