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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45784

Posted
Posted
On 1/8/2020 at 2:37 PM, Sandman said:

Mine likes to recap her conversations but she tells me every single thing that was said:

"I told her what I heard and she was like 'OMG' and I said 'yep' and she said 'I can't believe it' and I said 'I know' and she said 'that's crazy!' and I'm like "totally!'. Then she had to go so I said bye and she said bye."

 

That's a wonderful story, Bodie.  I noticed you stopped stuttering.

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nnm

nnm 37057

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Walden Ponderer said:

Actually rather proud of the wife for this gem:

 

Mrs. Ponderer to Home Depot clerk:  "I need to get a hand saw."

Home Depot clerk:  "What are you going to use it on?"

Mrs. Ponderer:  "Hands."

I would sleep with one eye open if I were you . . .

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utee94

utee94 15901

Posted
Posted
On 1/8/2020 at 3:07 PM, AM Wood said:

welp, that's fucking annoying. mine tells a story and only says the highlights that she thinks are important. more than half the important information she figures you already know because it's in her mind.  most of the time i have no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but i nod yes and raise eyebrows and stuff so i don't have to hear about it anymore.

Or maybe she's yada yadaing you.

I met this lawyer.  We went out to dinner.  I had the lobster bisque.  We went back to my place.  Yada, yada, yada, I never heard from him again.

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blacklab

blacklab 12006

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Posted
On 1/8/2020 at 3:07 PM, AM Wood said:

welp, that's fucking annoying. mine tells a story and only says the highlights that she thinks are important. more than half the important information she figures you already know because it's in her mind.  most of the time i have no idea what the fuck she's talking about, but i nod yes and raise eyebrows and stuff so i don't have to hear about it anymore.

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

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Hate

Hate 20166

Posted
Posted

I hope you didn't bother to ask for further explanation.  In a similar situation, mine would have replied with the back story of all the characters involved and how it is somewhat relevant to this story before actually getting to the point.

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NoRagrets

NoRagrets 1133

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Posted
1 hour ago, blacklab said:

I did not. I just nodded my head and said you did the right thing.

Don’t do this if you’ve had more than 2 drinks. You’ll end up with new outdoor furniture that you have to put together and don’t understand why until a few weeks later when you hear her joking to her friends about how you let her order it after drinking four margaritas at the last happy hour...

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted
5 hours ago, blacklab said:

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

Jebus Christ it’s exactly this. 

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Viper

Viper 12159

Posted
Posted
6 hours ago, NoRagrets said:

Don’t do this if you’ve had more than 2 drinks. You’ll end up with new outdoor furniture that you have to put together and don’t understand why until a few weeks later when you hear her joking to her friends about how you let her order it after drinking four margaritas at the last happy hour...

username does not check out

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HornOnTheBayou

HornOnTheBayou 8968

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Posted
8 hours ago, blacklab said:

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

Count your blessings. I would've had to hear Patty's entire dating history and how she finally met a guy we all like. Not like her last boyfriend, who was a total asshole. You remember him, we met him at that party four years ago. Remember? You talked to him about Longhorn football.

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11894

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, LABEVO said:

Lots of this thread energy

 

host reminds me of Thomas J Henry.

 

btw there is a shitload more to this story.   turns out this was the THIRD question they had to ask.  neither of the 2 of them could answer the previous sudden death question.

 

the ditzy blond was also asked in the same sudden death round, but unaired....to “name something you might see in the sky on a clear night” and answered “helicopter.”

Helicopter.

Contacted about the viral popularity of the clip, her mother told a newspaper that she’s taking it in good humor. “At least I’m pretty,” she supposedly said. 

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Bullneck

Bullneck 19325

Posted
Posted
23 hours ago, blacklab said:

My wife is always doing this as well. I've been out of town for 3 days and got home tonight. She works in a day care part time.

Driving home from the airport She told me "The kids at school can't play with the water anymore. None of the other teachers would do anything about it, but it's very dangerous. I had to go to Patty and explain what was going on and next time I passed by someone was in there fixing it."

I have no fucking idea what she is talking about.

My wife does this.  In order to maintain what little sanity I have left, I ignore her (it's for the good of the country, really).  I believe she suspects this, and wants to know why I don't listen to her.  There is no way out.  There is no way to win.  I am but a simple man, trying to survive.  

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A-Tex Devil

A-Tex Devil 2470

Posted
Posted

My wife to me last week: “Why the fuck does our nanny have to explain every little small detail of every fucking thing she does with the kids and make a mountain out of a molehill of every little thing all day long as if every red spot is the onset of mumps and every runny nose is SARs. It’s so annoying.  

And why do you look like you are about to bust out laughing?”

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