Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

 Share

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 22.5k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Popular Posts

McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

Posted Images

WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28777

Posted
Posted
On January 13, 2020 at 4:44 PM, txhorns said:

My wife bought a non working clock a couple of years ago because it was the last one the store had.  It's hanging in my living room.

Keep this in your back pocket: "Honey, at least that clock is right twice a day. Is that too much to ask from you?"

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52490

Posted
Posted
4 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You people just don't know how to talk female.  You should have asked her if it was closer to the elevators that are on the same side of her favorite shoe store as the coffee place she goes every morning or the nail salon that she goes to every Thursday

 

You married a stripper, your insight on womaning is irrelevant. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
BearCountry11

BearCountry11 1234

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted

My wife has been “really into” this new show (You) recently despite spending 90% of the episode staring at her phone.  I call her out (since i hate the show and want to watch something else) and she insists she’s paying attention.  So tonight I ran a little experiment.  We watched an episode and she, predictably, was looking at her phone the whole time.  When the episode ended I asked if she wanted to watch another.  She agreed.  So i restarted the same episode to see if she would notice.  15 minutes in I had to break it to her.  She had no clue.  
 

Now I’m watching Duke/Clemson and she has retreated into the bedroom in a huff to “watch the damn show without me”.  Win?

  • Like 28
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Incredulity

Incredulity 11668

Posted
Posted
33 minutes ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has been “really into” this new show (You) recently despite spending 90% of the episode staring at her phone.  I call her out (since i hate the show and want to watch something else) and she insists she’s paying attention.  So tonight I ran a little experiment.  We watched an episode and she, predictably, was looking at her phone the whole time.  When the episode ended I asked if she wanted to watch another.  She agreed.  So i restarted the same episode to see if she would notice.  15 minutes in I had to break it to her.  She had no clue.  
 

Now I’m watching Duke/Clemson and she has retreated into the bedroom in a huff to “watch the damn show without me”.  Win?

Stay strong.  There will be blood.  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
txhorns

txhorns 2409

Posted
Posted
12 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has been “really into” this new show (You) recently despite spending 90% of the episode staring at her phone.  I call her out (since i hate the show and want to watch something else) and she insists she’s paying attention.  So tonight I ran a little experiment.  We watched an episode and she, predictably, was looking at her phone the whole time.  When the episode ended I asked if she wanted to watch another.  She agreed.  So i restarted the same episode to see if she would notice.  15 minutes in I had to break it to her.  She had no clue.  
 

Now I’m watching Duke/Clemson and she has retreated into the bedroom in a huff to “watch the damn show without me”.  Win?

Hmm that's interesting.  We were watching that show the other night and in the middle of it my wife got naked and begged me to fuck her.  I prefer how we watch the show to how you watch the show.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
  • Popular Post
Incredulity

Incredulity 11668

Posted
  • Popular Post
Posted
45 minutes ago, txhorns said:

Hmm that's interesting.  We were watching that show the other night and in the middle of it my wife got naked and begged me to fuck her.  I prefer how we watch the show to how you watch the show.

you oversold it.  Girlfriend, Fiance... maybe.

 

Wife...

giphy.gif

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 12
Link to comment
Share on other sites
ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

Posted
Posted
Off topic CSB: I happened to be in Midland when the Hurricane Rita evacuation panic started in Houston.  I stopped at Home Depot on the way to the airport and picked up a chainsaw and some other stuff. Now the airlines won’t let you bring fingernail clippers on the plane but a chainsaw - no problem. /CSB
They would stop you from bringing fuel or even bar oil onboard, so...

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45678

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has been “really into” this new show (You) recently despite spending 90% of the episode staring at her phone.  I call her out (since i hate the show and want to watch something else) and she insists she’s paying attention.  So tonight I ran a little experiment.  We watched an episode and she, predictably, was looking at her phone the whole time.  When the episode ended I asked if she wanted to watch another.  She agreed.  So i restarted the same episode to see if she would notice.  15 minutes in I had to break it to her.  She had no clue.  
 

Now I’m watching Duke/Clemson and she has retreated into the bedroom in a huff to “watch the damn show without me”.  Win?

Oh man I'm gonna try this.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Texaus

Texaus 377

Posted
Posted

Don’t know if should go here or the high thread. So wife is a big square, but past year been hearing stories by multiple gf’s of hers how ammmazing Colorado gummies are. So I bought her a bag awhile back and she really liked them. Problem is that bag I bought her was a bag of micro dose 2.5mg shit. She has no idea/care about that kind of detail. Fast forward a few months and she runs out of those. So I get some more recently and they didn’t have the micro dose bag. I figured she could just portion each one out and be the same, so I told her I’d bring some more home. I get home and settle in, hang with kids and jump in the shower. She gets the shit out and f my carry on before I have a chance to explain and pops one. I’m the asshole an hour later.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Mach 1

Mach 1 1677

Posted
Posted
15 minutes ago, Texaus said:

Don’t know if should go here or the high thread. So wife is a big square, but past year been hearing stories by multiple gf’s of hers how ammmazing Colorado gummies are. So I bought her a bag awhile back and she really liked them. Problem is that bag I bought her was a bag of micro dose 2.5mg shit. She has no idea/care about that kind of detail. Fast forward a few months and she runs out of those. So I get some more recently and they didn’t have the micro dose bag. I figured she could just portion each one out and be the same, so I told her I’d bring some more home. I get home and settle in, hang with kids and jump in the shower. She gets the shit out and f my carry on before I have a chance to explain and pops one. I’m the asshole an hour later.

This has thread content potential.  I'd like to see more details about the last two sentences - we're all assholes, no need to hold back.  

The opportunity to accidentally slip her another one down the road and report back could also be gold.  Could also be divorce, but there's another thread for that.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5211

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 1/14/2020 at 2:31 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You people just don't know how to talk female.  You should have asked her if it was closer to the elevators that are on the same side of her favorite shoe store as the coffee place she goes every morning or the nail salon that she goes to every Thursday

 

giphy.gif

On 1/14/2020 at 7:59 PM, BearCountry11 said:

My wife has been “really into” this new show (You) recently despite spending 90% of the episode staring at her phone.  I call her out (since i hate the show and want to watch something else) and she insists she’s paying attention.  So tonight I ran a little experiment.  We watched an episode and she, predictably, was looking at her phone the whole time.  When the episode ended I asked if she wanted to watch another.  She agreed.  So i restarted the same episode to see if she would notice.  15 minutes in I had to break it to her.  She had no clue.  
 

Now I’m watching Duke/Clemson and she has retreated into the bedroom in a huff to “watch the damn show without me”.  Win?

How bout getting a 2nd job and buying another TV ya moerahn

Edited by mulletpelini
Link to comment
Share on other sites
HRSchenker

HRSchenker 2268

Posted
Posted

My wife is absolutely terrible with song lyrics. Case in point. I made the comment that Eminem is one of the greatest rappers of all time. Not THE greatest but one of the greatest. Just the way he flows and how complex his lyrics can get, it's something that you just don't hear today. She said "Eminem is also the first openly gay rapper so that's pretty cool". Uhhh what? She said that his song Cleanin Out My Closet was revolutionary. Uhhh yeah because he talked shit about his mom who was a pill popper and how he wanted to kill his ex wife. She sends me a link to the edited song (makes sense because she only heard this song on the radio) and shows me where he does it. I still can't believe this shit. This is what the lyrics said

Quote

What I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb
But the smartest shit I did was take them bullets outta that gun
'Cause I'da killed him; shit I would've shot Kim and him both

But because the radio censors songs for kids she heard

Quote

What I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb
But the smartest shit I did was take them bullets outta that gun
'Cause I'da ****d him; **** I would've **** Kim and him both

She thought Eminem was going to fuck his dad and Kim at the same time. But it doesn't end there. She also points out this

Quote

Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me?
Well guess what, I am dead, dead to you as can be!

She didn't hear "dead". She heard "gay".

Quote

Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me?
Well guess what, I am gay, gay to you as can be!

It doesn't even make sense in context! Oh son I wish you were dead instead of your other brother. Oh yeah mom? Well I'm gay.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Player

Player 4575

Posted
Posted
My wife is absolutely terrible with song lyrics. Case in point. I made the comment that Eminem is one of the greatest rappers of all time. Not THE greatest but one of the greatest. Just the way he flows and how complex his lyrics can get, it's something that you just don't hear today. She said "Eminem is also the first openly gay rapper so that's pretty cool". Uhhh what? She said that his song Cleanin Out My Closet was revolutionary. Uhhh yeah because he talked shit about his mom who was a pill popper and how he wanted to kill his ex wife. She sends me a link to the edited song (makes sense because she only heard this song on the radio) and shows me where he does it. I still can't believe this shit. This is what the lyrics said
What I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb
But the smartest shit I did was take them bullets outta that gun
'Cause I'da killed him; shit I would've shot Kim and him both
But because the radio censors songs for kids she heard
What I did was stupid, no doubt it was dumb
But the smartest shit I did was take them bullets outta that gun
'Cause I'da ****d him; **** I would've **** Kim and him both
She thought Eminem was going to fuck his dad and Kim at the same time. But it doesn't end there. She also points out this
Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me?
Well guess what, I am dead, dead to you as can be!
She didn't hear "dead". She heard "gay".
Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me?
Well guess what, I am gay, gay to you as can be!
It doesn't even make sense in context! Oh son I wish you were dead instead of your other brother. Oh yeah mom? Well I'm gay.


3fd9928651771d4cf935656d64e9d80e.jpg
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Nuge

Nuge 1967

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, Classic Rock said:

There probably could be a whole new thread on Wives and lyricosis.

Wife: "Vincent Karma gonna get you..."

Me: "What?? Its Instant Karma."

Wife: "No, that doesn't even make sense"

Face Palm

Based upon your username I would defer to your knowledge in this area.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Anastasis

Anastasis 23469

Posted
Posted (edited)

I guess I am never going to learn. Don't ever try logic with a women when it comes to discussing her friendships with other women after she has had a few glasses of wine.  I went from shoe in for sexy time to likely cold shoulder in <5 seconds.

Edited by Anastasis
Link to comment
Share on other sites
AM Wood

AM Wood 335

Posted
Posted
3 hours ago, TKthunder2 said:

Today I took down a perfectly good bronze curtain rod and replaced it with a nickel one because it was “better”.  When pressed for more details on what made it better....tone.

At least I got to use one of the existing anchor holes and didn’t have to worry about leveling it.

So bless.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
txhorns

txhorns 2409

Posted
Posted
26 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

Wife woke me up in the middle of the night because she thought I was dead. Said I was cold and wasn’t snoring. I guess she prefers me snoring.

She was just excited about cashing in that life insurance check.  She already had it all spent.  Right now she is bitching to her friends that you weren't dead.

  • Like 4
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 5974

Posted
Posted

Wife left her purse at the restaurant last night.  Realized it when she got home.  Drove back and it was still there.

How in the holy hell does a woman not remember to get a purse?  You walked in with exactly one thing ... and forget it.  I have a phone, keys, wallet, and sunglasses that I take everywhere.  Out of those 4 things, I've forgotten my wallet ONE time in the last 30 years.  Like, I just don't understand how, when you get up from a place that is not your couch, you don't turn around and look to see if you've left anything.  I can't recall the last time my wallet has fallen out of my back pocket when sitting down.  I STILL look at the table, chair, and floor before I walk out of any place that I go.  /end rant

  • Hook 'Em 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
 Share
Go to topic listing


Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business and Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Subscribe!... Donate!... Advertise... COOKIE MONSTER!

×
×
  • Create New...