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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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9 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Wife left her purse at the restaurant last night.  Realized it when she got home.  Drove back and it was still there.

How in the holy hell does a woman not remember to get a purse?  You walked in with exactly one thing ... and forget it.  I have a phone, keys, wallet, and sunglasses that I take everywhere.  Out of those 4 things, I've forgotten my wallet ONE time in the last 30 years.  Like, I just don't understand how, when you get up from a place that is not your couch, you don't turn around and look to see if you've left anything.  I can't recall the last time my wallet has fallen out of my back pocket when sitting down.  I STILL look at the table, chair, and floor before I walk out of any place that I go.  /end rant

So why didn’t you see her purse?

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2,970

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On 1/18/2020 at 7:17 PM, Knoxtnhorn said:

Wife left her purse at the restaurant last night.  Realized it when she got home.  Drove back and it was still there.

How in the holy hell does a woman not remember to get a purse?  You walked in with exactly one thing ... and forget it.  I have a phone, keys, wallet, and sunglasses that I take everywhere.  Out of those 4 things, I've forgotten my wallet ONE time in the last 30 years.  Like, I just don't understand how, when you get up from a place that is not your couch, you don't turn around and look to see if you've left anything.  I can't recall the last time my wallet has fallen out of my back pocket when sitting down.  I STILL look at the table, chair, and floor before I walk out of any place that I go.  /end rant

There’s been a few times in my married life where I’ve picked up her (phone/wallet/purse/keys/whatever) as we’re walking out of the restaurant, and just kept them hidden until she realizes she’s missing her whatever.  Let her freak out for a bit, then hand it over without a word.  She’s torn between being mad at me for not telling her and thankful that I picked it up.  Simple pleasures. 

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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3,868

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On 1/18/2020 at 12:13 PM, hullabelew said:

Me:. Want to eat at the ramen place?
Her:. No. You know I'm trying to stay away from gluten. (Ignoring that she knows they have a gluten free me.
Her:. How about Farm Burger.
(Where she had a fucking burger on a bun)

You got a burger over ramen and are complaining? SMDH

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Zwylde

Zwylde 812

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On 1/18/2020 at 7:17 PM, Knoxtnhorn said:

Wife left her purse at the restaurant last night.  Realized it when she got home.  Drove back and it was still there.

How in the holy hell does a woman not remember to get a purse?  You walked in with exactly one thing ... and forget it.  I have a phone, keys, wallet, and sunglasses that I take everywhere.  Out of those 4 things, I've forgotten my wallet ONE time in the last 30 years.  Like, I just don't understand how, when you get up from a place that is not your couch, you don't turn around and look to see if you've left anything.  I can't recall the last time my wallet has fallen out of my back pocket when sitting down.  I STILL look at the table, chair, and floor before I walk out of any place that I go.  /end rant

Had lunch at Dairy Queen in Bastrop one Christmas Eve coming from Marble Falls (my family xmas gathering) to Deer Park (her family xmas eve gathering).  Get home in Houston with a couple of hours to spare before we have to head to Deer Park and wife realizes she doesn't have her purse.  Call Dairy Queen.  Yes, its there.  I get to drive back to Bastrop and turn around and go to Deer Park.  

 

Good times.........good times.

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Anastasis

Anastasis 23,469

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So wife stepped back from her career last year, so that she could focus on spending time with the kids and other shit that doesn't involve generating income.

I told her to start thinking about business ideas in the background and shit. Haven't really pressed the issue. She comes to me today and has the next great idea.  There have been a few others.  None really viable.

This one is a laundry wash and fold service. 

It took me a moment to digest.

She did not particularly appreciate the suggestion that she pilot the service in our own fucking house for some reason. 

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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1 minute ago, Anastasis said:

So wife stepped back from her career last year, so that she could focus on spending time with the kids and other shit that doesn't involve generating income.

I told her to start thinking about business ideas in the background and shit. Haven't really pressed the issue. She comes to me today and has the next great idea.  There have been a few others.  None really viable.

This one is a laundry wash and fold service. 

It took me a moment to digest.

She did not particularly appreciate the suggestion that she pilot the service in our own fucking house for some reason. 

Well she could pilot it in a laundromat to give her some idea of overhead.  And, she could even pay the people who work at the laundromat who get paid next to nothing to wash and fold for her. 
 

oh, I guess someone already does this for less than minimum part time wage with no benefits. 

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Anastasis

Anastasis 23,469

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Just now, AM Wood said:

Well she could pilot it in a laundromat to give her some idea of overhead.  And, she could even pay the people who work at the laundromat who get paid next to nothing to wash and fold for her. 
 

oh, I guess someone already does this for less than minimum part time wage with no benefits. 

I told her that there was a place in Oak Hill that did wash and fold and that she should view this as a delivery service and run the numbers on what she thinks she could do on the markup. 

 

And then I suggested to her that there was a full load in the laundry bin if she wanted to try her hand. 

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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2 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

I told her that there was a place in Oak Hill that did wash and fold and that she should view this as a delivery service and run the numbers on what she thinks she could do on the markup. 

 

And then I suggested to her that there was a full load in the laundry bin if she wanted to try her hand. 

You know if she could coordinate Uber to do the pick up, take it to the wash and fold people, and the shipt  to deliver their clean clothes and groceries she might be on to something there.

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wd40

wd40 1,976

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8 hours ago, Zwylde said:

Had lunch at Dairy Queen in Bastrop one Christmas Eve coming from Marble Falls (my family xmas gathering) to Deer Park (her family xmas eve gathering).  Get home in Houston with a couple of hours to spare before we have to head to Deer Park and wife realizes she doesn't have her purse.  Call Dairy Queen.  Yes, its there.  I get to drive back to Bastrop and turn around and go to Deer Park.  

 

Good times.........good times.

my wife left her purse at the DQ on 37 in Pleasanton on the way back from Corpus, once.  I didn't even have to raise an eyebrow.   she drove her own ass back down there to get it.

but this isn't the humblebrag thread.  I'll show myself out.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8,817

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{Me taking the trash out earlier} Her: Dont leave the garage door open too long, I dont want mice or snakes coming in.

 

The current temp is 35 degrees.

 

 

We thankfully don't have snakes... but theres a soybean field directly next to my backyard so anytime the garage door is open longer than 45 seconds requires a thorough investigation throughout everything in the garage looking for mice.  Haven't been told to shut the garage door behind me as i wheeled the bins to the end of the driveway on trash day. Of course i sprint both ways to make sure and i can be back in the house in under 15 seconds with the door shutting behind me

 

 

 

 

 

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8,817

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So wife stepped back from her career last year, so that she could focus on spending time with the kids and other shit that doesn't involve generating income.
I told her to start thinking about business ideas in the background and shit. Haven't really pressed the issue. She comes to me today and has the next great idea.  There have been a few others.  None really viable.
This one is a laundry wash and fold service. 
It took me a moment to digest.
She did not particularly appreciate the suggestion that she pilot the service in our own fucking house for some reason. 
Love it which reminds me... did that wife ever make it to shark tank after she invented the water bottle holder for EDM raves?

We haven't seen updates on her in a while
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nnm

nnm 36,396

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2 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

We thankfully don't have snakes... but theres a soybean field directly next to my backyard so anytime the garage door is open longer than 45 seconds requires a thorough investigation throughout everything in the garage looking for mice.  Haven't been told to shut the garage door behind me as i wheeled the bins to the end of the driveway on trash day. Of course i sprint both ways to make sure and i can be back in the house in under 15 seconds with the door shutting behind me

 

 

 

 

 

If there are mice, there are snakes . . . 

And that little rubber sweep at the bottom of your garage door isn't a significant barrier to either mice OR snakes.  Your best defense is a mean and hungry outside cat.  Not the nice, fat lap cat, but the mangy, mean kind that would just as soon scratch you as rub up against your leg.  

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45,682

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I come downstairs this morning to the rain coming down in torrents and see my wife wearing my brand new $300 Patagonia Nano Puff hoodie.  I specifically bought this jacket for my trip to the Sierra later this year.  It is not waterproof.

"I'm wearing your jacket to work because I can't find my rain coat."

"Uh, no you're not.  That is not a rain coat."

"But it has a hood!"

 

So according to her, every jacket with a hood is a rain coat I guess.  

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45,682

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Just now, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

Technical outdoor gear gets expensive pretty quickly, but you can usually find it for half the price or so if you know where to look and buy out of season. But also, directly from the Patagonia website:

"Warm, windproof, water-resistant—the Nano Puff® Jacket uses incredibly..."

Thank you Simone.  Water RESISTANT.  I wouldn't wear that shit out in the pouring rain.  And to be fair, I didn't pay that much for it, it was on sale, so again, fuck you guys I say, I say fuck you.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15,346

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40 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

I come downstairs this morning to the rain coming down in torrents and see my wife wearing my brand new $300 Patagonia Nano Puff hoodie.  I specifically bought this jacket for my trip to the Sierra later this year.  It is not waterproof.

"I'm wearing your jacket to work because I can't find my rain coat."

"Uh, no you're not.  That is not a rain coat."

"But it has a hood!"

 

So according to her, every jacket with a hood is a rain coat I guess.  

She rocks ruff and tuff in your Nano Puff, hey, rock on with your bad self.  

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Eugene11

Eugene11 379

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1 hour ago, G650 said:

There's never any shame in buying a nano puff. Top 10 all time piece of kit.

Umm.  Have you seen a picture of one of these? It’s in the Portland hipster starter kit. Right next to rolling up the cuff of your jeans and or tucking them into your boots. 
I believe they are also repurposed women jackets so that might explain why she grabbed it. 

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Sandman

Sandman 3,403

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My wife thinks she is the queen of dishwasher loading, so I have always left that duty to her to complete. But she thinks it is unfair to have to unload the clean dishes, as loading the dirty ones is such an arduous task, so she won't do anything unless the dishwasher is empty. I asked her once why I always have to unload the dryer myself to put in the wet laundry but tone.

I had unloaded the dishwasher the other day, so it was empty but the sink was beyond full of dishes. I made an offhand comment but it was pretty much ignored. I got sick of looking at it last night, so I started to load up the dirty dishes (mostly plastic cups, nothing with caked on food). I get halfway done and she says "You're gonna make me feel bad about not doing that", to which I laughed and said "I'm not making you feel that way, you did it to yourself.". She then made a half-hearted attempt to help but I was already done.

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Trey3216

Trey3216 15,346

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29 minutes ago, Sandman said:

My wife thinks she is the queen of dishwasher loading, so I have always left that duty to her to complete. But she thinks it is unfair to have to unload the clean dishes, as loading the dirty ones is such an arduous task, so she won't do anything unless the dishwasher is empty. I asked her once why I always have to unload the dryer myself to put in the wet laundry but tone.

I had unloaded the dishwasher the other day, so it was empty but the sink was beyond full of dishes. I made an offhand comment but it was pretty much ignored. I got sick of looking at it last night, so I started to load up the dirty dishes (mostly plastic cups, nothing with caked on food). I get halfway done and she says "You're gonna make me feel bad about not doing that", to which I laughed and said "I'm not making you feel that way, you did it to yourself.". She then made a half-hearted attempt to help but I was already done.

Sounds like when my wife catches me watching porn. 

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