Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Judge Roybeanbag 11,820]

2 hours ago, hullabelew said:

 Still, Nano Puff?  

Yeah not a great product name.  Sounds like granny tit porn.  "oh yeah, sonny, shoot it all over my nana puffs!"

Edited January 22, 2020 by Judge Roybeanbag

[Eugene11 379]

3 hours ago, G650 said:

 

Edit  Also not positive you know what a Portland hipster looks like.

i live in portland.  They have evolved although the plaid is one type. 

Not attacking our own. to each their own i suppose. my wife likes her nano puff.  lol

carry on...

[G650 14,273]

1 minute ago, Eugene11 said:

i live in portland.

Tbh,  I was more speaking about the hipster part than your location, but duly noted.

I'm not sure what other brand of insulated jacket you'd recommend, but I haven't found any better and they are a pretty critical piece of kit in the backcountry in winter.

[Jerry Callo 8,720]

Hipsters dressed as cobblers ~ Bill Burr

[Gene Parmesan 4,014]

3 hours ago, Sandman said:

My wife thinks she is the queen of dishwasher loading, so I have always left that duty to her to complete. But she thinks it is unfair to have to unload the clean dishes, as loading the dirty ones is such an arduous task, so she won't do anything unless the dishwasher is empty. I asked her once why I always have to unload the dryer myself to put in the wet laundry but tone.

I had unloaded the dishwasher the other day, so it was empty but the sink was beyond full of dishes. I made an offhand comment but it was pretty much ignored. I got sick of looking at it last night, so I started to load up the dirty dishes (mostly plastic cups, nothing with caked on food). I get halfway done and she says "You're gonna make me feel bad about not doing that", to which I laughed and said "I'm not making you feel that way, you did it to yourself.". She then made a half-hearted attempt to help but I was already done.

My wife will not start the dishwasher if there is still room for a few more items.  It's a common occurrence in our household to have a sink full of dirty dishes only for me to open the dishwasher and have a dishwasher full of dirty dishes save room for a few glasses.  

[hullabelew 3,724]

Nano Puff talk not going away.  Then I get in the elevator at work today and a crew from Google gets on .  3 fucking Nano Puff wearing assholes.  One of the poor guys must have spent for than $300 on his jacket because he couldn't afford shoe strings for his shoes.  And he had to buy his pants too long because he rolled them up to his ankles.  And no socks.  Poor guy.  At least he has a job at Google.  

Edited January 22, 2020 by hullabelew

[luke duke 6,414]

My wife will not start the dishwasher if there is still room for a few more items.  It's a common occurrence in our household to have a sink full of dirty dishes only for me to open the dishwasher and have a dishwasher full of dirty dishes save room for a few glasses.  

How long have you been fucking my wife?

She also likes putting huge serving dishes in the dishwasher and then letting a sink full of dishes sit there until the dishes are done instead of hand washing the one big thing and loading everything else in the dishwasher.

[huge 3,795]

20 minutes ago, luke duke said:

 

How long have you been fucking my wife?

She also likes putting huge serving dishes in the dishwasher and then letting a sink full of dishes sit there until the dishes are done instead of hand washing the one big thing and loading everything else in the dishwasher.

 

My wife hand washes 95% of all dishes.  And expects me to do the same.

[DigglerontheHoof 21,212]

wtf is nano puff?

[cactusflinthead 27,601]

Just now, huge said:

My wife hand washes 95% of all dishes.  And expects me to do the same.

Wtf?

What is her illogical reason?

[huge 3,795]

Variety of reasons:

Its cheaper 

Our dishwasher kind of sucks (very expensive but our house is 100 years old and sediment makes pressure an issue)

Her mother did it that way 

[Anastasis 23,481]

1 minute ago, cactusflinthead said:

Wtf?

What is her illogical reason?

And after you explain that, explain to me why my wife insists on hand washing before she loads them into the dishwasher.

[huge 3,795]

I am jealous of my friends that have built new kitchens in their houses and have 2 dishwashers and use both daily.

[G650 14,273]

I actually prefer hand washing myself.

[Biff Tannen 45,712]

14 minutes ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

wtf is nano puff?

Granny pron.  According to Judge anyway.

[Js1 85,528]

11 minutes ago, G650 said:

I actually prefer hand washing myself.

I prefer a rag on a stick 

[General Specific 3,267]

TV Producers could put out multiple stupid shit shows and yet there is a gold mine of a sitcom sitting right here in 189 pages.

[cactusflinthead 27,601]

29 minutes ago, huge said:

Variety of reasons:

Its cheaper 

Our dishwasher kind of sucks (very expensive but our house is 100 years old and sediment makes pressure an issue)

Her mother did it that way 

At the risk of derailing this thread again. I'd like to see the numbers for hand vs machine wash. It can't be enough to justify the mountain of stuff that mine generates for a meal. 

My grandmother rode a mule to school, that doesn't mean I should.

[DCA_HORN 725]

I am jealous of my friends that have built new kitchens in their houses and have 2 dishwashers and use both daily.

Our house is a few years old and has the two washer unit. It's just the wife and I so we dont use both on a daily basis but it is a nice option to have especially when having company over. They are extremely quiet so I can have them running while also entertaining in the same area.

[huge 3,795]

7 minutes ago, DCA_HORN said:

37 minutes ago, huge said:

I am jealous of my friends that have built new kitchens in their houses and have 2 dishwashers and use both daily.

Our house is a few years old and has the two washer unit. It's just the wife and I so we dont use both on a daily basis but it is a nice option to have especially when having company over. They are extremely quiet so I can have them running while also entertaining in the same area.

I think I need a new unit.

The one we have is KitchenAid Elite but sounds like a moving van.

[General Specific 3,267]

At the risk of derailing this thread again. I'd like to see the numbers for hand vs machine wash. It can't be enough to justify the mountain of stuff that mine generates for a meal. 
My grandmother rode a mule to school, that doesn't mean I should.

We won’t judge what you do with your mule, unless you also have a $300 nano puff!

[Upgrayedd 5,818]

Speaking of dishwashers, ours has been on the fritz.  Repair guy came out week or so ago.  Ordered a new control board.  Called back today saying he could install between 3:30 and 5:30.  She works from home, so that works.  At least I thought . . . 

H:  God damn it.  I have to cancel my workout for the fucking dishwasher guy!

M:  Please don’t fuck the dishwasher guy. Tell him that you have a hard stop at a certain time.

H:  I canceled workout.  We need a working dishwasher.  This is ridiculous.

M:  Maybe you can go during lunch?

H:  I don’t take lunch.

M:  Take lunch.  Work later?

H: <Silence>

<Prolly fucking the dishwasher guy.>

[Pato del Muerto 52,571]

Talking to Texans about different types of coats is a fool’s errand. 

[Mitch Cumsteen 18,551]

56 minutes ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

wtf is nano puff?

I had to Google it and when it pulled up, much to my horror, I realized that I was wearing one today. I'm also not 100% sure the one I'm wearing isn't from the ladies department. Don't care, warm as shit, light weight and water proof resistant.

[huge 3,795]

19 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Talking to Texans about different types of coats is a fool’s errand. 

Well it depends if you are going to be on holiday in the Sierras......

[Dennis Taylor 18,853]

1 hour ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

wtf is nano puff?

kinda like this but with more rows of smaller poofs

 

[Pato del Muerto 52,571]

7 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

kinda like this but with more rows of smaller poofs

 

And not made of goretex, which is waterproof. 

[Hate 20,136]

Only $150 at Dick's, which seems an appropriate place to get them.

[G650 14,273]

35 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Talking to Texans about different types of coats is a fool’s errand. 

I did forget this momentarily

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,920]

1 hour ago, huge said:

I am jealous of my friends that have built new kitchens in their houses and have 2 dishwashers and use both daily.

So you want to be Mormon?

[TrashMaster G 17,590]

39 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I had to Google it and when it pulled up, much to my horror, I realized that I was wearing one today. I'm also not 100% sure the one I'm wearing isn't from the ladies department. Don't care, warm as shit, light weight and water proof resistant.

But did you pay $300?

[Pato del Muerto 52,571]

4 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

But did you pay $300?

Did you see the username?

[deadshank 24,653]

2 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

Yeah not a great product name.  Sounds like granny tit porn.  "oh yeah, sonny, shoot it all over my nana puffs!"

That would be more like "Nana fried eggs"

[tbone_ 14,147]

Our house is a few years old and has the two washer unit. It's just the wife and I so we dont use both on a daily basis but it is a nice option to have especially when having company over. They are extremely quiet so I can have them running while also entertaining in the same area.

Wtf do you do to entertain? Play the violin or something?

[DCA_HORN 725]

Wtf do you do to entertain? Play the violin or something?

I laughed but mainly drinking and talking around the same island the washer is located in.

[General Specific 3,267]

Did you see the username?

Member, this is how he paid for it! I member.

[williemackgarza 1,826]

Jimbo told meemaw to shoot it on his nano puffs??
Wtf

[mulletpelini 5,216]

4 hours ago, DigglerontheHoof said:

wtf is nano puff?

feminine product.

 

1 hour ago, DCA_HORN said:

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

Wtf do you do to entertain? Play the violin or something?

I laughed but mainly drinking and talking around the same island the washer is located in.

while wearing nano puff

[Fudge Nuggets 19,211]

9 hours ago, G650 said:

You mean besides the one I own?

 

Edit: Also not positive you know what a Portland hipster looks like.

Looks pretty dorky to me

[Incredulity 11,682]

I swear to god I’ll pistol whip the next guy who says Nano Puff

[Sam Lin 3,560]

Puff Nano!

[utee94 15,852]

4 hours ago, Hate said:

Only $150 at Dick's, which seems an appropriate place to get them.

You can get the same style at JC Penney's for $17.  Also water resistant.  So, I just saved you assholes $283.  You're welcome.

https://www.jcpenney.com/p/xersion-water-resistant-lightweight-puffer-jacket/ppr5007844860?pTmplType=regular&country=US&currency=USD&selectedSKUId=51803570075&selectedLotId=5180357&fromBag=true&quantity=1&utm_medium=cse&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=puffer jackets&utm_content=51803570075&cid=cse|google|002 - mens|puffer jackets_51803570075&kwid=-adType^PLA&gclid=CjwKCAiAgqDxBRBTEiwA59eEN5aMg596y5e-YzqPT_wnpUlTxqo6T3zByr8Tmd8a6PAVuQQkBGxmhBoCE-oQAvD_BwE

[The Ace of Aces 5,194]

Enough coat talk, it was 13 here this morning and I just wore a LL Bean fleece (no hood, I’m not in an episode of The Wire) over my long-sleeve button up.

Back to the thread purpose. For Christmas I asked for and received silverware (long story but it’s the same our favorite restaurant in the country uses and, to me, it’s the perfect size/weight). 

Three weeks after taking all the old silverware out of the drawer and placing in a box for Goodwill, it’s still sitting on the counter. 

Mrs. Canderson has made at least three trips to Goodwill since then.

Tonight this happened:

Me: the old silverware, can you put it in the box you use for Goodwill items so we can get it out of the house?
Her: I’m not ready to get rid of it yet.
Me: Why? It’s not like we have an emotional attachment to mix-matched silverware we had in college.
Her: I want to make sure the new silverware works okay so we aren’t stuck using plastic knives.
Me: It’s silver it’s not going to break.
Her: You don’t know that.

I ... give up.

 

[AM Wood 335]

16 minutes ago, utee94 said:

You can get the same style at JC Penney's for $17.  Also water resistant.  So, I just saved you assholes $283.  You're welcome.

https://www.jcpenney.com/p/xersion-water-resistant-lightweight-puffer-jacket/ppr5007844860?pTmplType=regular&country=US&currency=USD&selectedSKUId=51803570075&selectedLotId=5180357&fromBag=true&quantity=1&utm_medium=cse&utm_source=google&utm_campaign=puffer jackets&utm_content=51803570075&cid=cse|google|002 - mens|puffer jackets_51803570075&kwid=-adType^PLA&gclid=CjwKCAiAgqDxBRBTEiwA59eEN5aMg596y5e-YzqPT_wnpUlTxqo6T3zByr8Tmd8a6PAVuQQkBGxmhBoCE-oQAvD_BwE

I’m afraid that sleeping bag with pockets from J.C. Penney isn’t quite the same in styling or thermal function. 

[Buffsoldier 1,895]

1 hour ago, The Ace of Aces said:

Her: You don’t know that.

All that shit goes right in the fucking trash after that comment.  Fuck Goodwill at that point.

Edited January 23, 2020 by Buffsoldier

[VolenteHawk 495]

On 1/15/2020 at 8:16 AM, txhorns said:

Hmm that's interesting.  We were watching that show the other night and in the middle of it my wife got naked and begged me to fuck her.  I prefer how we watch the show to how you watch the show.

I’ve been married 17 years...if it’s a decent game and there’s at least 12 minutes left Duke/Clemson probably gets my attention.

[Victorious1 140]

Locking keys in the car...  How many times have you had to deal with this?  It's happened at least a half dozen times in 24 years of being married but this event goes like this:

I'm about 20 minutes from finishing the day in the office, on the phone with one of guys on the east coast getting an update on a customer meeting and my cell rings and I see it's the wife so I put him on hold to answer.

M:  Hey. What's up?

H:  (panic) I LOCKED MY KEYS IN THE CAR. You need to come unlock my car.

M:  OK, let me get off this call and I'll head over.

She's across town with one of her friends watching the state cheer competition, normally a 20-25 min drive but at late afternoon probably a 35 min drive. I get off the call and start grabbing my stuff to head out and my cell/wife rings again.

H:  Never mind, I got inside the car and you don't have to drive over.

M:  Great!  How did you get in?

H:  Well, I guess we forgot to lock the passenger door...

Part of me was relieved I didn't have to spend 1.5 hours in traffic and part of me was WTF.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21,920]

I think your wife used to break into my truck at my old office.  I had my truck broken into twice so I just quit locking it since there was never anything in it to steal.  They then jimmied the passenger door instead, even though the driver's door was unlocked.

[luke duke 6,414]

I think your wife used to break into my truck at my old office.  I had my truck broken into twice so I just quit locking it since there was never anything in it to steal.  They then jimmied the passenger door instead, even though the driver's door was unlocked.

 

#toosoon

[Cheeseweasel 26,438]