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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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Brew

Brew 3049

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Posted
10 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

Eventually the water evaporates and then the pot melts on the stove. Trust me I know.

Nonstick pans left on the stove on high when the water runs out is not a good experience. The smell stays in the house for a while.

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10087

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Between Saturday and Sunday, spent over $130 on shit like this f59932e32b37f15784b6428eedfe7ce5.jpg81f2c09f9b9eb73670879847289ae73c.jpg

And we still don’t have the basics. So guess who has to actually go to the store now.

Unbelievable how lazy she has gotten with those damn apps. And then she has the nerve to complain about the vegetables that she let someone pick for her.

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5211

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10 hours ago, Francisco 2.0 said:

I've said it elsewhere, but this is the same woman who became incredibly, violently mad at me because I couldn't remove the lock on the water meter when the water was shutoff at our house due to nonpayment and she was the one that had not paid the bill in over two months.

this is her isn't it

https://www.reddit.com/r/watchpeoplesurvive/comments/eruae0/the_grandma_just_kept_walking/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x

I feel for you bro, because I've been there, twice.

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cactusflinthead

cactusflinthead 27598

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50 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

The real fucking bullshit part about the apps is that men build them for women to use.  Fuck those guys, guarantee they're all fucking single.  

Because they know it's like crack to them. Sitting around in their pjs with titties unharnessed and they can still shop! They know we're cussing them, FUPM. Same with a thousand other stupid ass things they burn cash on. They make bank on it. Zero fucks given. 

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nnm

nnm 36394

Posted
Posted (edited)
On 1/26/2020 at 6:28 PM, mulletpelini said:

Now when I say it's buried, it's actually beneath about a 1/2" of some plastic pieces, so even if you found "the spot", you wouldn't see anything.  So you have to dig 1/2" in to find it.

Well apparently she only dug in about a 1/4" because "IT'S NOT IN HERE!!!!!"

Guess where it was.

At some point in your marriage, you need to give her something longer than 1/4” as a point of reference.  

Edited by nnm
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hullabelew

hullabelew 3724

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INTRODUCTION:  In this experiment, the goal was to determine how many questions the Subject (my wife) would ask in a given day.
HYPOTHESIS:  It will be more than I imagine but no number will surprise.  My responses will not have any impact on the subject.  
ENVIRONMENT:  Tester will do nothing to influence the subject to ask more or less questions.  Tester will answer/not answer in normal fashion.
Experiment to be conducted on the day of leaving Nashville and returning to Home Base (4 hours travel time) and will start at 6am and end upon lights out, whenever that may be . 
Tester sets the O/U at 51.5 questions.  

Sixty Two.  62.  She asked 62 fucking questions.  (In a row?)  Well, sort of.  I'm not sure I said 62 words all day long.  
Plus, she slept for 2 hours on the car. And I had to take a 2 hour nap when we got home.  

Next time, I will count how many times I answer  "I don't know".   Any other suggestions for the next stage of this experiment?  

 

 

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Grade of D as in David

Grade of D as in David 13253

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2 hours ago, hullabelew said:

INTRODUCTION:  In this experiment, the goal was to determine how many questions the Subject (my wife) would ask in a given day.
HYPOTHESIS:  It will be more than I imagine but no number will surprise.  My responses will not have any impact on the subject.  
ENVIRONMENT:  Tester will do nothing to influence the subject to ask more or less questions.  Tester will answer/not answer in normal fashion.
Experiment to be conducted on the day of leaving Nashville and returning to Home Base (4 hours travel time) and will start at 6am and end upon lights out, whenever that may be . 
Tester sets the O/U at 51.5 questions.  

Sixty Two.  62.  She asked 62 fucking questions.  (In a row?)  Well, sort of.  I'm not sure I said 62 words all day long.  
Plus, she slept for 2 hours on the car. And I had to take a 2 hour nap when we got home.  

Next time, I will count how many times I answer  "I don't know".   Any other suggestions for the next stage of this experiment?  

 

 

drunk it's always sunny GIF by It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I really hope you wore a plain white tee and marked the questions as tick marks with a sharpie like they did on It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

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Archer

Archer 474

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4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

Next time, I will count how many times I answer  "I don't know".   Any other suggestions for the next stage of this experiment?  

 

 

A few ideas to run either as standalone or as some sort of codependent variable:

 

A: How many questions does she ask where you have the exact same  knowledge base I.e. watching a movie together for the first time. 
 

B: How many questions does she ask with optional answers where the answer you give is ignored in favor of the other option. 
 

C. How many questions does she ask that she continues to explain and justify even after receiving an answer. 

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3724

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11 hours ago, Archer said:

A few ideas to run either as standalone or as some sort of codependent variable:

A: How many questions does she ask where you have the exact same  knowledge base I.e. watching a movie together for the first time. 
B: How many questions does she ask with optional answers where the answer you give is ignored in favor of the other option. 
C. How many questions does she ask that she continues to explain and justify even after receiving an answer. 

A -  Time included one movie.  This accounted for a mere 8 questions.  Less than normal.
B - Good idea.
C - This is SOP for her.  I try to ignore this behavior.  

I've thought about a subtotal for questions she can easily find the answer to.  e.g., "What time is it", "Is it going to rain today", "Do I need a coat",

Another category for questions I have no fucking way of answering:  e.g., "Where is my phone", "Why did that guy turn in front of you like that", "Where is my phone", "Why are they (some person I don't know) selling their house", "Where is my phone".   

Edited by hullabelew
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Storm the Field

Storm the Field 5294

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Here's some bullshit:

My wife routinely sets her IPhone alarm super early (~5AM) so that she can either get up and go to Orange Theory fitness class down the street or get to work early when she's got something to present in a meeting. However, she also routinely snoozes for half an hour and lets the alarm go off multiple times before getting up. That's actually not the part that bothers me, as I can usually sleep right through it.

No, the problem is that either she's pressing the wrong button or something is jacked up with her phone, b/c it's not terribly uncommon for her to still be laying there asleep when I wake up around 6:30 or so, with no further alarms going off. In the past I've woken her up and been like "hey didn't you need to get up this morning" and the answer is usually delivered in a pissy tone, either that she didn't get into class from the waiting list, or over-snoozed and missed it, or she just never heard her alarm at all. This is a recurring problem.

Cue this morning, I wake up at usual time and she's still dead asleep in bed. I hop up and get dressed for the gym, getting home around 8. I walk up to my bedroom and wife's in the shower and starts half-ass yelling about "don't ever leave for the gym without waking me up, I'm so fucking late and needed to get a bunch of shit done at work this morning." Basically blamed me for letting her sleep so late (despite no mention the night before of needing to get up early today).

This weekend I will be purchasing one good old-fashioned alarm clock and placing it over on the chest of drawers, out of arms reach, where she can't possibly accidentally turn it off without getting up.

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Mo Horn

Mo Horn 8835

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This weekend I will be purchasing one good old-fashioned alarm clock and placing it over on the chest of drawers, out of arms reach, where she can't possibly accidentally turn it off without getting up.

I look forward to hearing how this made things worse and how it's your fault. 

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tbone_

tbone_ 14122

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Posted
Here's some bullshit:
My wife routinely sets her IPhone alarm super early (~5AM) so that she can either get up and go to Orange Theory fitness class down the street or get to work early when she's got something to present in a meeting. However, she also routinely snoozes for half an hour and lets the alarm go off multiple times before getting up. That's actually not the part that bothers me, as I can usually sleep right through it.
No, the problem is that either she's pressing the wrong button or something is jacked up with her phone, b/c it's not terribly uncommon for her to still be laying there asleep when I wake up around 6:30 or so, with no further alarms going off. In the past I've woken her up and been like "hey didn't you need to get up this morning" and the answer is usually delivered in a pissy tone, either that she didn't get into class from the waiting list, or over-snoozed and missed it, or she just never heard her alarm at all. This is a recurring problem.
Cue this morning, I wake up at usual time and she's still dead asleep in bed. I hop up and get dressed for the gym, getting home around 8. I walk up to my bedroom and wife's in the shower and starts half-ass yelling about "don't ever leave for the gym without waking me up, I'm so fucking late and needed to get a bunch of shit done at work this morning." Basically blamed me for letting her sleep so late (despite no mention the night before of needing to get up early today).
This weekend I will be purchasing one good old-fashioned alarm clock and placing it over on the chest of drawers, out of arms reach, where she can't possibly accidentally turn it off without getting up.

Pretty sure the response is that grown ups can usually wake themselves up when needed and she should try it.
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Pig Bellmont

Pig Bellmont 8717

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4 hours ago, Storm the Field said:

Here's some bullshit:

My wife routinely sets her IPhone alarm super early (~5AM) so that she can either get up and go to Orange Theory fitness class down the street or get to work early when she's got something to present in a meeting. However, she also routinely snoozes for half an hour and lets the alarm go off multiple times before getting up. That's actually not the part that bothers me, as I can usually sleep right through it.

No, the problem is that either she's pressing the wrong button or something is jacked up with her phone, b/c it's not terribly uncommon for her to still be laying there asleep when I wake up around 6:30 or so, with no further alarms going off. In the past I've woken her up and been like "hey didn't you need to get up this morning" and the answer is usually delivered in a pissy tone, either that she didn't get into class from the waiting list, or over-snoozed and missed it, or she just never heard her alarm at all. This is a recurring problem.

Cue this morning, I wake up at usual time and she's still dead asleep in bed. I hop up and get dressed for the gym, getting home around 8. I walk up to my bedroom and wife's in the shower and starts half-ass yelling about "don't ever leave for the gym without waking me up, I'm so fucking late and needed to get a bunch of shit done at work this morning." Basically blamed me for letting her sleep so late (despite no mention the night before of needing to get up early today).

This weekend I will be purchasing one good old-fashioned alarm clock and placing it over on the chest of drawers, out of arms reach, where she can't possibly accidentally turn it off without getting up.

Want to know how I know you don’t have kids?

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elfenix

elfenix 34238

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Posted
6 hours ago, Storm the Field said:

that either she's pressing the wrong button or something is jacked up with her phone, b/c it's not terribly uncommon for her to still be laying there asleep when I wake up around 6:30 or so, with no further alarms going off.

stock clock app on android has swipe left for snooze, swipe right for dismiss.  who the fuck thought that was good design?

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crimsonlonghorn

crimsonlonghorn 2306

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Posted (edited)

This one veers into the technical side of things and CR posts, but here goes. For someone as smart as she is, she's still a women and she must think there's a bigot under every bed. 

Me: "All I am saying is that the standard deviation for measuring men's mathematical ability is higher than for women. The mean is about the same but the spread is wider. There are more men than women on the high end and there are more men than women on the low end. You're an engineer. I know you know what I mean. It's not all attributable to discrimination."

Ms CL: "Oh yeah? Then how come my high school calculus teacher looked at the classroom on the first day of school and said, 'There are too many girls in here'"?

Me: "What percentage were women?"

Ms CL: "About 60%"

Me: "Did any drop out? How many?"

Ms CL: "About half"

Me: "So by the end there were more boys than girls?"

Ms CL: "Yes"

Me: "You realize what you're saying?"

Ms CL: "Yes, the teacher was biased against girls."

.

.

<Conversation continues for a while - we talk in circles>

.

.

Me: "I know you understand what I am saying about there being more men at either end of the curve. It's basic statistics.I know you know how a normal distribution works."

Ms CL: "Yes. But I'm the only girl engineer at my job. Shouldn't there be more like 30%?" (Guess she's referring to the calculus class thing?)

Me: "No, the further down the curve you get, the ratio of men to women should get much higher. It might be 10 or 5 or 1 percent women by the time you get to really advanced fields like what you do."

Ms CL: "Then if there is no discrimination, how come the further I have gone in my career, there have been fewer and fewer women?"

Me: "Good point. I think I'm going to go surf Shaggy for a while."

Edited by crimsonlonghorn
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