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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10087

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The wife is always ordering shit from Amazon and other sites. Yet when the packages get delivered she never collects them from the front porch. She will randomly ask me if I have seen a package she is expecting. Hey ding dong, open the front door or look on the app and see when it was delivered. I used to bring them in the house for her and she still wouldn't notice. One time I even let them pile up for a week hoping that she would figure it out. After 5 packages(one the size of a case of water) I tapped out. It was driving me crazy. I don't understand it. How do you not keep up with your shit? Yet let a porch pirate get it and we will have to call Lt. Kenda.

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Modessit

Modessit 5606

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Posted
The wife is always ordering shit from Amazon and other sites. Yet when the packages get delivered she never collects them from the front porch. She will randomly ask me if I have seen a package she is expecting. Hey ding dong, open the front door or look on the app and see when it was delivered. I used to bring them in the house for her and she still wouldn't notice. One time I even let them pile up for a week hoping that she would figure it out. After 5 packages(one the size of a case of water) I tapped out. It was driving me crazy. I don't understand it. How do you not keep up with your shit? Yet let a porch pirate get it and we will have to call Lt. Kenda.
I deliver packages all the time and see 2 or 3 sitting in front of the door and people obviously home. I drop off the new stuff and ring the bell or knock. Almost every guy who's drinking in the garage greets me with "My wife is keeping y'all in business."
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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10087

Posted
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1 hour ago, Modessit said:
1 hour ago, Brothahorn said:
The wife is always ordering shit from Amazon and other sites. Yet when the packages get delivered she never collects them from the front porch. She will randomly ask me if I have seen a package she is expecting. Hey ding dong, open the front door or look on the app and see when it was delivered. I used to bring them in the house for her and she still wouldn't notice. One time I even let them pile up for a week hoping that she would figure it out. After 5 packages(one the size of a case of water) I tapped out. It was driving me crazy. I don't understand it. How do you not keep up with your shit? Yet let a porch pirate get it and we will have to call Lt. Kenda.

I deliver packages all the time and see 2 or 3 sitting in front of the door and people obviously home. I drop off the new stuff and ring the bell or knock. Almost every guy who's drinking in the garage greets me with "My wife is keeping y'all in business."

Nice to know that she is not the only ding bat. Makes no sense at all.

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deadshank

deadshank 24653

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Posted

I got the shower enclosure wet.  Having recently taken a shower I thought a wet shower enclosure was to be expected. I did not know this was now an offense.  

I will review Vernon's Civil Statutes, corresponding legal references, precedents and case law then report back. 

Stay aware, lads. 

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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Posted
55 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

My friend's wife requires everyone in the house to wipe down/towel off/completely dry the shower tub and walls when they're done.  They've been doing it for almost 20 years.

They’ve made some great advances in science and now you can get them made in various waterproof materials. 

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Judge Roybeanbag

Judge Roybeanbag 11821

Posted
Posted (edited)
59 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

My friend's wife requires everyone in the house to wipe down/towel off/completely dry the shower tub and walls when they're done.  They've been doing it for almost 20 years.

We have one of these that I was instructed to use after I shower, and I do because it helps keep the glass clean.  Most of the time when I go in the bathroom after she has showered, nope.  Not used.

spacer.png

Edited by Judge Roybeanbag
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nnm

nnm 36667

Posted
Posted
2 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

We have one of these that I was instructed to use after I shower, and I do because it helps keep the glass clean.  Most of the time when I go in the bathroom after she has showered, nope.  Not used.

spacer.png

Most people use a towel. Are you showering with S Austin’s mom?

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SuperSport

SuperSport 1333

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My wife's ability to consistently not answer the question I ask would be really impressive if it wasn't so fucking annoying.  My fault for asking her for information I guess, but damn.

 

Me: Is the store in the shopping center before or after the intersection?

Her: Take the Park Blvd exit.

 

Me: Which day is your friend's party?

Her: Um, it's late February.

 

Me: Does anything sound good to you for dinner?

Her: I had a salad for lunch.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17628

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12 minutes ago, SuperSport said:

My wife's ability to consistently not answer the question I ask would be really impressive if it wasn't so fucking annoying.  My fault for asking her for information I guess, but damn.

 

Me: Is the store in the shopping center before or after the intersection?

Her: Take the Park Blvd exit.

 

Me: Which day is your friend's party?

Her: Um, it's late February.

 

Me: Does anything sound good to you for dinner?

Her: I had a salad for lunch.

Try asking her if she's having an affair.

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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

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Posted

I'll spare you the actual conversation. But here is the end. I'm sure you've all been there

Me : You've phrased the same question 5 different ways, and each time I've given you the exact same answer. I can pretty much guarantee you that no matter how you phrase it for a 6th time, I will still give you the same answer.

 

Her : tone

 

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General Specific

General Specific 3271

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We have one of these that I was instructed to use after I shower, and I do because it helps keep the glass clean.  Most of the time when I go in the bathroom after she has showered, nope.  Not used.
610gSTUjd0L._AC_SX522_.jpg

How do you rep more? Damn it! Have them in all showers because! And I’m the only asshole that uses it!!! FML!!!!1!
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Jameslaw121

Jameslaw121 4448

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, G650 said:

You should probably go ahead and give her the answer she is looking for and be done with it.

Well, the questions were about our 9 month old having a runny nose and if she was okay. Her mom is a doctor. One her best friends is a nurse. I majored in fucking music. My 5 answers were literally. I don't know, but I bet your mom or your friends have phones...

(In my head, I was thinking. You already talk to them about 2 hours a day anyway. Maybe slip this question into that god damn conversation and let me finish my fucking book)

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nnm

nnm 36667

Posted
Posted
35 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Well, the questions were about our 9 month old having a runny nose and if she was okay. Her mom is a doctor. One her best friends is a nurse. I majored in fucking music. My 5 answers were literally. I don't know, but I bet your mom or your friends have phones...

(In my head, I was thinking. You already talk to them about 2 hours a day anyway. Maybe slip this question into that god damn conversation and let me finish my fucking book)

Username definitely checking out.  Music major went to law school so he could earn a living, and has his nose in a book.

(Coming from a poli sci/history major, who also went to law school so I could pay the bills, and frequently have my own nose in a book).

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3724

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Wife Calls.  (one HUGE downside to the Cochlear Implants and those motherfuckers who invented the Closed Caption phone for the home.   Shit, they GIVE you one.)  Anyway.....Wife calls.  

Her:  Have you been looking for a new printer?
Me:  No. Didn't know I was supposed to be.
Her:  You said the one in the basement wasn't working.
Me:  Nope.  Said it was out of ink.
Her:  Well, does it work?
Me:  Yes.  That one and the one upstairs are both working fine.
Her:  What happens if one quit working?  What are we going to do?
Me:  I imagine you will call me and ask if I've been looking for a new printer.
Her:   OK.  

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2981

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7 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

Wife Calls.  (one HUGE downside to the Cochlear Implants and those motherfuckers who invented the Closed Caption phone for the home.   Shit, they GIVE you one.)  Anyway.....Wife calls.  

Her:  Have you been looking for a new printer?
Me:  No. Didn't know I was supposed to be.
Her:  You said the one in the basement wasn't working.
Me:  Nope.  Said it was out of ink.
Her:  Well, does it work?
Me:  Yes.  That one and the one upstairs are both working fine.
Her:  What happens if one quit working?  What are we going to do?
Me:  I imagine you will call me and ask if I've been looking for a new printer.
Her:   OK.  

wash rinse repeat, amirite

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Angry Gorilla

Angry Gorilla 1769

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We have a 9 month girl and at her latest doctor's appt the doctor recommended introducing more real food.

 

Her:  I made scrambled eggs for her, but I found a list online and it said eggs are dangerous to give babies until it's determined they aren't allergic.  Should we give her some?
Me:  No, you just said it's dangerous.  
Her:  But what will she eat for breakfast?
 

In her mind, the baby who has had nothing but formula and baby food is going to throw a fit if she isn't served traditional breakfast food in the morning.

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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2981

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42 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

We have a 9 month girl and at her latest doctor's appt the doctor recommended introducing more real food.

 

Her:  I made scrambled eggs for her, but I found a list online and it said eggs are dangerous to give babies until it's determined they aren't allergic.  Should we give her some?
Me:  No, you just said it's dangerous.  
Her:  But what will she eat for breakfast?
 

In her mind, the baby who has had nothing but formula and baby food is going to throw a fit if she isn't served traditional breakfast food in the morning.

Rice%20Single%20Grain%20Cereal_1.png

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nnm

nnm 36667

Posted
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Angry Gorilla said:

We have a 9 month girl and at her latest doctor's appt the doctor recommended introducing more real food.

 

Her:  I made scrambled eggs for her, but I found a list online and it said eggs are dangerous to give babies until it's determined they aren't allergic.  Should we give her some?
Me:  No, you just said it's dangerous.  
Her:  But what will she eat for breakfast?
 

In her mind, the baby who has had nothing but formula and baby food is going to throw a fit if she isn't served traditional breakfast food in the morning.

Oh my word.  You don't need to wait on an allergist to give you the green light to give your baby some eggs.  Give that little girl some eggs.  If she gets sick, she's allergic.  If she doesn't, you're good to go.  For goodness sake, people have been giving their children eggs for thousands of years.  Do we really need to do an allergy screen on every food type now before we feed our babies?!?

 

/edit/ probably could have posted this rant in the "trivial things that make you surly" thread.

Edited by nnm
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CycleTex87

CycleTex87 2981

Posted
Posted
23 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

She's already been eating that

I just remember that my kids all slept better at night as soon as we started feeding a little something solid.  Hell, the third kid, we just poured the Cheerios out on the floor and let her crawl around and eat them.  First kid, not so much.

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Spartan52

Spartan52 151

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Wife told me this one last night at the dinner table...

she walked out of the gym and over to her car and sees a dent in the back door, starts cursing and getting annoyed then spots another dent on the front qtr panel as well as a couple of small holes in the bonnet, by this stage she is really pissed....

Then she realizes its not her car, its not even the same model, its just the same colour

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Goofyboy

Goofyboy 3297

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Posted
Oh my word.  You don't need to wait on an allergist to give you the green light to give your baby some eggs.  Give that little girl some eggs.  If she gets sick, she's allergic.  If she doesn't, you're good to go.  For goodness sake, people have been giving their children eggs for thousands of years.  Do we really need to do an allergy screen on every food type now before we feed our babies?!?
 
/edit/ probably could have posted this rant in the "trivial things that make you surly" thread.


Depends on if your doctor thinks they may be allergic. It’s all fun and games until your 2 year old says his mouth is hot and begins throwing up profusely after 1/2 a peanut. Trip to the ER and luckily no epi pen needed. We’ve been epi pen carriers ever since and start OIT Monday. So, maybe she / they should consult their doctor.

My apologies for the hi-jack
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