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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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RoundRobin

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1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Just popping in to say that my wife scheduled our Spring Break trip with the kids the week after they actually have Spring Break. I take full responsibility for trusting her crazy ass and not looking the dates up myself, but it's all about the nonrefundable hotel reservations.

Long live the king. 

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52484

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Rental car, getting out of a tight parallel space. Apparently when you get reeeeaaaall close to something when backing, in addition to the audible tone this jeep adds a tactile vibration that has its own sound. It goes off as I’m inching towards the car behind me and my wife screams Oh Jesus! at the sound. Really helpful when I’m 2” away from another car. 
 

so I almost whisper please calm down 

you’re yelling at me and I don’t appreciate it!

Edited by Pato del Muerto
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Cheeseweasel

Cheeseweasel 26438

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1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Just popping in to say that my wife scheduled our Spring Break trip with the kids the week after they actually have Spring Break. I take full responsibility for trusting her crazy ass and not looking the dates up myself, but it's all about the nonrefundable hotel reservations.

Thanks for popping in to let us know our minor issues pale in comparison to what you are dealing with.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17539

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2 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Just popping in to say that my wife scheduled our Spring Break trip with the kids the week after they actually have Spring Break. I take full responsibility for trusting her crazy ass and not looking the dates up myself, but it's all about the nonrefundable hotel reservations.

Call customer service as many times it takes until you get a married man.  Explain crazy wife.  Switch dates.  Profit.

Seriously, non-refundable doesn't always mean un-rescheduleable.  Give it a shot.

And be sure to relentlessly shame the mrs and extract "payment" for saving the day.

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8817

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Oh my word.  You don't need to wait on an allergist to give you the green light to give your baby some eggs.  Give that little girl some eggs.  If she gets sick, she's allergic.  If she doesn't, you're good to go.  For goodness sake, people have been giving their children eggs for thousands of years.  Do we really need to do an allergy screen on every food type now before we feed our babies?!?
 
/edit/ probably could have posted this rant in the "trivial things that make you surly" thread.

Or take 1.75 seconds and just look under the ingredients on the package and foods will list if eggs are an ingredient.
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Gil Bang

Gil Bang 25907

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On 2/11/2020 at 8:39 PM, tbone_ said:

If you have a glass shower door you have to squeegee. Shit gets gross if you don’t.

my ex wife was a shitty housekeeper, but...

Our shower had obscure glass, not clear.  Ex used to wipe the inside of the glass down with furniture oil.  Water ran right off, and it always looked clean from the outside. 

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18547

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8 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Call customer service as many times it takes until you get a married man.  Explain crazy wife.  Switch dates.  Profit.

Seriously, non-refundable doesn't always mean un-rescheduleable.  Give it a shot.

And be sure to relentlessly shame the mrs and extract "payment" for saving the day.

We were bouncing around to three different locations. The airbnb chick was extremely cool and is refunding me everything even though she could take half. One of the hotels has a 7 day cancelation policy so I got all of that one back. I haven't heard back from the third one yet - they could ding me for half so the most I'm going to be out is around $350. 

I feel like I dodged a bit of a bullet but now I get to plan a new spring break with a solid three week head start on it. I hear Seguin is lovely this time of year. 

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18547

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The only other little ray of sunshine on this deal is that my wife complains that whenever she tells me something, I typically look it up online to make sure she isn't completely wrong. I mean, even the simplest shit like the weather forecast. She invariably gets mad at me and says shit like, "What? Don't you believe me. Why are you doubting me? Why can't you just trust what I'm saying? " Now I get to gleefully remind her of this golden fuck up every single gotdam time she gets on my ass about rechecking whatever bullshit fact that she thinks she knows. So I have that going for me. Which is nice. 

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Modessit

Modessit 5598

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The only other little ray of sunshine on this deal is that my wife complains that whenever she tells me something, I typically look it up online to make sure she isn't completely wrong. I mean, even the simplest shit like the weather forecast. She invariably gets mad at me and says shit like, "What? Don't you believe me. Why are you doubting me? Why can't you just trust what I'm saying? " Now I get to gleefully remind her of this golden fuck up every single gotdam time she gets on my ass about rechecking whatever bullshit fact that she thinks she knows. So I have that going for me. Which is nice. 
Hopefully Typhoid Mary still thinks you're booked for the week after Spring Break and keeps her reservations for that surprise co-vacation she had planned with y'all.
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SilasCoade

SilasCoade 2622

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29 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

We were bouncing around to three different locations. The airbnb chick was extremely cool and is refunding me everything even though she could take half. One of the hotels has a 7 day cancelation policy so I got all of that one back. I haven't heard back from the third one yet - they could ding me for half so the most I'm going to be out is around $350. 

I feel like I dodged a bit of a bullet but now I get to plan a new spring break with a solid three week head start on it. I hear Seguin is lovely this time of year. 

Sandpoint, ID. You're welcome.

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NotActuallyALonghorn

NotActuallyALonghorn 4974

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47 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

my ex wife was a shitty housekeeper, but...

Our shower had obscure glass, not clear.  Ex used to wipe the inside of the glass down with furniture oil.  Water ran right off, and it always looked clean from the outside. 

This made me look it up, but rain-x does make a product specifically for your shower doors.

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NWBuck

NWBuck 8552

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1 hour ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

This made me look it up, but rain-x does make a product specifically for your shower doors.

 

1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Wow that is extremely specific.

 

1 hour ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

The amazon reviews don't look too promising though.

You're not applying it correctly.... 

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Pato del Muerto

Pato del Muerto 52484

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Driving to an aquarium (dolphin tale one) in Clearwater. Come up on Gulf To Bay Rd. I say hey I bet this road runs from the gulf to the bay. We are heading north. We are on the west coast of Florida.  

She says “so the bay is on the left and the gulf is on the right, right?

me:  no hon, we’re going north. 

Her:i think I’m right. 

Me:  you probably are, dear. 

 

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Longhornfan1024

Longhornfan1024 1707

Posted
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On 2/13/2020 at 12:21 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Just popping in to say that my wife scheduled our Spring Break trip with the kids the week after they actually have Spring Break. I take full responsibility for trusting her crazy ass and not looking the dates up myself, but it's all about the nonrefundable hotel reservations.

Odds that one of your kids purposefully told her the wrong week knowing that she wouldn't check?  100%.  

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After irth

After irth 1243

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21 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

We were bouncing around to three different locations. The airbnb chick was extremely cool and is refunding me everything even though she could take half. One of the hotels has a 7 day cancelation policy so I got all of that one back. I haven't heard back from the third one yet - they could ding me for half so the most I'm going to be out is around $350. 

I feel like I dodged a bit of a bullet but now I get to plan a new spring break with a solid three week head start on it. I hear Seguin is lovely this time of year. 

It is, but the HEB ain’t open. 

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HenryJames

HenryJames 66034

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On 2/13/2020 at 12:21 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Just popping in to say that my wife scheduled our Spring Break trip with the kids the week after they actually have Spring Break. I take full responsibility for trusting her crazy ass and not looking the dates up myself, but it's all about the nonrefundable hotel reservations.

@Mitch Cumsteen showing up on this thread.

 

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VolenteHawk

VolenteHawk 495

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Posted (edited)
On 2/12/2020 at 3:23 PM, Angry Gorilla said:

We have a 9 month girl and at her latest doctor's appt the doctor recommended introducing more real food.

 

Her:  I made scrambled eggs for her, but I found a list online and it said eggs are dangerous to give babies until it's determined they aren't allergic.  Should we give her some?
Me:  No, you just said it's dangerous.  
Her:  But what will she eat for breakfast?
 

In her mind, the baby who has had nothing but formula and baby food is going to throw a fit if she isn't served traditional breakfast food in the morning.

image.png.fe9ee8fd79481fc657fff75e9cab7781.png

 

Edited by VolenteHawk
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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18807

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Wife is looking around Facebook and says"oh wow so and so are at Papasititos..it says they're celebrating 47 years...I can't believe they've been married that long!"

Me- how did you know them?

Her- high school...you met them at blah blah

Me- how old will you be next month?

Her- 47, why?

Me- you still think it's their 47th anniversary? 

Her- tone

 

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Sandman

Sandman 3403

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I got some new, brighter light bulbs so I can read in bed and the wife was concerned.

Her: I don't like it. Now when I go to bed, that bright light will be on and I go to bed before you do.

Me: When? I go to bed around 9:30 because I have to be up at 5:30. You play on your phone in the living room until 10:30-11 because you don't have to be at work until 9:00.

Tone

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hullabelew

hullabelew 3723

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On 2/16/2020 at 3:26 PM, Dennis Taylor said:

Wife is looking around Facebook and says"oh wow so and so are at Papasititos..it says they're celebrating 47 years...I can't believe they've been married that long!"

Me- how did you know them?

Her- high school...you met them at blah blah

Me- how old will you be next month?

Her- 47, why?

Me- you still think it's their 47th anniversary? 

Her- tone

 

Strong effort by Mrs. Taylor.  

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gyroprotagonist

gyroprotagonist 2592

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On ‎2‎/‎12‎/‎2020 at 4:58 PM, Spartan52 said:

Wife told me this one last night at the dinner table...

she walked out of the gym and over to her car and sees a dent in the back door, starts cursing and getting annoyed then spots another dent on the front qtr panel as well as a couple of small holes in the bonnet, by this stage she is really pissed....

Then she realizes its not her car, its not even the same model, its just the same colour

Well, I bet your wife if posting on another web site about her husband spelling color like some sort of Brit ninny.

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