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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5818

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8 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

Three or four years ago, she had to go to the doc to get some skin removed for biopsy.  Local anesthetic.  I was completely slammed that day at work.  The night before, I asked if she wanted me to go with her.  “It’s no big deal.  I understand if you are busy.”  I passed, but told her to call me and I’d come get her if she felt she needed it.

Guess what just came up tonight in February of 20 fucking 20?

 

7 hours ago, Modessit said:
8 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:
Three or four years ago, she had to go to the doc to get some skin removed for biopsy.  Local anesthetic.  I was completely slammed that day at work.  The night before, I asked if she wanted me to go with her.  “It’s no big deal.  I understand if you are busy.”  I passed, but told her to call me and I’d come get her if she felt she needed it.
Guess what just came up tonight in February of 20 fucking 20?

Give her that long list of every time she promised sex or blowjobs and didn't deliver.

The best part was that the reason it came up was we were watching PBS News Hour and the discussion on corona.

”If I ever got really sick I’d have to have my family come take care of me.”

”????”

”Three years ago you didn’t blah blah blah.”

 

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17588

Posted
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8 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

Three or four years ago, she had to go to the doc to get some skin removed for biopsy.  Local anesthetic.  I was completely slammed that day at work.  The night before, I asked if she wanted me to go with her.  “It’s no big deal.  I understand if you are busy.”  I passed, but told her to call me and I’d come get her if she felt she needed it.

Guess what just came up tonight in February of 20 fucking 20?

That shit is rage-inducing.

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elfenix

elfenix 34331

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23 hours ago, blacklab said:

We're at Lake Tahoe to ski. I used to live here and have been here dozens of times. The water out of the tap is awesome. Tastes great as it's water that's melted snow filtered through rocks. Kids are going to bed and want some water.

Wife: Can you go to the store and get some bottled water?

Me: the tapwater is great here, drink from the tap.

Wife: Isn't it dirty? We're close to the lake.

Me: WTF does being near the lake have to do with tapwater?

Boys drank tapwater and somehow survived and are still alive today.

 

Wife doesn't ski so she dropped us off at Gondola on California side. We are staying on the Nevada side and are about 500 yards from the Stagecoach lift. I called her to come pick me up at the stagecoach lift. You would have thought I was asking her to pick me up on the moon. 

me: "It's 500 yards from the condo. go out the parking lot, the street is one way, it will take you around a corner and there is a ski lift and a lodge I am at the lodge

her: So the same place I dropped you off?

me: no, It's 500 yards from the condo. go out the parking lot, the street is one way, it will take you around a corner and there is a ski lift and a lodge I am at the lodge. We passed it on the way out of the neighborhood this morning.

her: what?

me: I'll text you my location and the address of it.

So now she has the address, she has my location on find my friend, and I texted her my exact lat and long.

5 minutes later I'm frantically waving my arms at her as she drives by the lodge at 40 miles an hour.

 

 

not that it will help:

https://what3words.com/clip.apples.leap

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Chewbacca

Chewbacca 7782

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Three or four years ago, she had to go to the doc to get some skin removed for biopsy.  Local anesthetic.  I was completely slammed that day at work.  The night before, I asked if she wanted me to go with her.  “It’s no big deal.  I understand if you are busy.”  I passed, but told her to call me and I’d come get her if she felt she needed it.
Guess what just came up tonight in February of 20 fucking 20?
That you're not married?
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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5818

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7 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:
23 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:
Three or four years ago, she had to go to the doc to get some skin removed for biopsy.  Local anesthetic.  I was completely slammed that day at work.  The night before, I asked if she wanted me to go with her.  “It’s no big deal.  I understand if you are busy.”  I passed, but told her to call me and I’d come get her if she felt she needed it.
Guess what just came up tonight in February of 20 fucking 20?

That you're not married?

Lulz.  She doesn’t care.  15 years of living in sin.  We’re good.

 

Wait.  It’s that passive aggressive thing isn’t it?

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Chewbacca

Chewbacca 7782

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Lulz.  She doesn’t care.  15 years of living in sin.  We’re good.
 
Wait.  It’s that passive aggressive thing isn’t it?
I don't care what you do, but you're not legally hitched. This thread is for folks who need a lawyer and alimony if they split up.
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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5818

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5 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:
9 minutes ago, Upgrayedd said:
Lulz.  She doesn’t care.  15 years of living in sin.  We’re good.
 
Wait.  It’s that passive aggressive thing isn’t it?

I don't care what you do, but you're not legally hitched. This thread is for folks who need a lawyer and alimony if they split up.

Well ok then.  I’ll go look for the live in girlfriends and the stupid shit thread.  I ain’t getting hitched to post in this thread.

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Chewbacca

Chewbacca 7782

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Well ok then.  I’ll go look for the live in girlfriends and the stupid shit thread.  I ain’t getting hitched to post in this thread.
Shit, just last week you were talking about having your own place in Denver while she lives in Vail. That ain't married.
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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5818

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11 minutes ago, Chewbacca said:
17 minutes ago, Upgrayedd said:
Well ok then.  I’ll go look for the live in girlfriends and the stupid shit thread.  I ain’t getting hitched to post in this thread.

Shit, just last week you were talking about having your own place in Denver while she lives in Vail. That ain't married.

You are absolutely correct.  If it’s an issue than I’ll just post in another thread.  

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ABSR

ABSR 5321

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17 hours ago, Upgrayedd said:

You are absolutely correct.  If it’s an issue than I’ll just post in another thread.  

I like hearing about, and seeing, your avatar, so keep it coming.

It is also nice when we get the occasional boyfriend or fiancé who has some minor league woman issue to either complain about or imply will not get worse after marriage.  

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Pescado_Rojo

Pescado_Rojo 19428

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17 hours ago, HenryJames said:

This thread with coronavirus is going to be amazing.

Last night I came in from the grocery store with some extra dry goods and Mrs Rojo asked me what it was for. The conversation went like this:

"Why did you buy all this stuff?"

I figured it would be a good idea to have some extra food in the house in case there are disruptions from Coronavirus.

"From what?"

The global pandemic that started in China? [Blank Stare from her] Severe respiratory infection, it's killed thousands of people around the world. Starting to see cases in the US. [Still a blank stare] If they start quarantining people, there could be supply disruptions, and the grocery stores will probably get picked over pretty fast. 

In her best "hand on her hip" voice "Well if that happens, I'll just increase our 'Hello Fresh' orders" 

 

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After irth

After irth 1243

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13 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

Last night I came in from the grocery store with some extra dry goods and Mrs Rojo asked me what it was for. The conversation went like this:

"Why did you buy all this stuff?"

I figured it would be a good idea to have some extra food in the house in case there are disruptions from Coronavirus.

"From what?"

The global pandemic that started in China? [Blank Stare from her] Severe respiratory infection, it's killed thousands of people around the world. Starting to see cases in the US. [Still a blank stare] If they start quarantining people, there could be supply disruptions, and the grocery stores will probably get picked over pretty fast. 

In her best "hand on her hip" voice "Well if that happens, I'll just increase our 'Hello Fresh' orders" 

 

So...in this story...which one of you is doing the stupid shit?

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tbone_

tbone_ 14146

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I have the skill to more or less identify the trap. What i lack is the motivation to give a shit. If you give in once, you give in forever.

Agreed. But I’m now operating under the assumption that not giving in is teaching no lessons. It’s like trying to teach someone not to be hungry.
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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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For goodness sake, people have been giving their children eggs for thousands of years.  Do we really need to do an allergy screen on every food type now before we feed our babies?!?
 



Paging "@beer "... a Mister "Beer" to the Burnt Orange Courtesy Phone.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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ROFL BOX

ROFL BOX 6649

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The only other little ray of sunshine on this deal is that my wife complains that whenever she tells me something, I typically look it up online to make sure she isn't completely wrong. I mean, even the simplest shit like the weather forecast. She invariably gets mad at me and says shit like, "What? Don't you believe me. Why are you doubting me? Why can't you just trust what I'm saying? " Now I get to gleefully remind her of this golden fuck up every single gotdam time she gets on my ass about rechecking whatever bullshit fact that she thinks she knows. So I have that going for me. Which is nice. 
I won't get into politics here, but suffice to say my wife consistently deletes any fact checking I do to her bullshit FB posts.

She refuses to acknowledge Snopes, TruthOrFiction, PolitiFact or anything else that contradicts her worldview.

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markstanco

markstanco 12586

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Think I’ll cross post this, but our pack of n95 masks just arrived. 
 
so now our family of 4 has 5 single use masks to get us through the pandemic. 
And what is cool about buying those is that they will help you when you mow your yard and not sneezing, but do nothing for the coronavirus.

Drop money on a replaceable duel cartridge 3M setup and not $2 on 10 ounce cotton/nylon from the cheapest mfg'er with rubber bands behind your ears. It doesnt work.
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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18551

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On 3/1/2020 at 4:25 PM, HenryJames said:

This thread with coronavirus is going to be amazing.

My mother in law ordered the code red on Sunday, "Get Jake to the ranch." The translation being, "We are all going to the ranch near Gonzalez to hole up until this virus thing blows over. You need to get your ass down here asap." Using the family emergency plan secret phrase for sure added to the drama and urgency. As if someone were going to intercept the encrypted message, crash the survivalist party and abscond with all of our precious resources. Good thing she didn't know that my son had been in the mall food court with the covid patient or I don't think we would have made the cut. 

I suppose you could live out there indefinitely on catfish out of the lake but I'd rather die on a ventilator in the hospital than be on the lamb with Typhoon Mary for more than a couple of days. 

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