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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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McCroskey
McCroskey

Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

BearCountry11
BearCountry11

From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

RamjetFDO
RamjetFDO

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ocugolf

ocugolf 1,214

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Wife and I go out to dinner last night. I notice my car had changed the time the wrong direction for daylight savings time. I pull into the garage and she gets out. I turn off the car, shut the garage door and she goes inside. I begin to try and fix the time issue on the car. Get to the proper screen and it tells me that the car needs to be on to make the change. So i turn on the car. Make the change in approximately 30 seconds. Turn the car off and she’s at the door in mild hysteria because she thought I was going to die from carbon monoxide poisoning. In 30 seconds. 
 

I looked it up and the guess is around 4 hours to get the job done. I’ve thus far held back my smartass desire to text her “whew, was only 3 hours, 59 minutes and 30 seconds away from going down”

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Upgrayedd

Upgrayedd 5,811

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23 minutes ago, El Diablo said:

I don't know. I know a buddy of mine tried it a dozen or so years back and he said all he got was a massive headache. So then he tried a shotgun and that did work.

Seems like overkill for a headache 

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Pokoloco

Pokoloco 1,281

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We just got back from my daughter's dance competition in the airport waiting for the flight. she's talking how crowded it was and worrying if someone from the there might have had coronavirus.

Her: I hope we don't have to get clorantined.

Daughter: Are you serious right now?

Her: yes, it's pretty scary

Daughter: CLORantined!!!?

Me: (sending myself a note to add it to the list)

 

 

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Biff Tannen

Biff Tannen 45,683

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5 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

We just got back from my daughter's dance competition in the airport waiting for the flight. she's talking how crowded it was and worrying if someone from the there might have had coronavirus.

Her: I hope we don't have to get clorantined.

Daughter: Are you serious right now?

Her: yes, it's pretty scary

Daughter: CLORantined!!!?

Me: (sending myself a note to add it to the list)

 

 

Oh Trixie!

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smoothlonghorn

smoothlonghorn 83

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Previously my wife became so interested in my interest in Shaggy/Surly, she started reading some threads, including this one. After these gems last night, she told me I was cleared to post:

Me: Gives overview of the Corona thread and general escalation of craziness/outbreak

Her: "I don't know why we're not just giving people the Corona shot?" Me (having not heard anything about this): "What?!? There's a shot for Coronavirus?!?" Her: "Well, yeah, we've been giving it to dogs for years!" (yes, folks, there is a Canine Coronavirus vaccine/shot, and yes, that was the thinking here). And later...

 

Me: Gives overview of the crazy Corey Feldman situation and movie "showing" allegedly detailing the abuse of him and Corey Haim

Her: "Huh. Well, has Corey Haim said what he thinks about all of this?" Me: "I give up"

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NeverMarryAStripper

NeverMarryAStripper 21,907

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2 hours ago, Pokoloco said:

We just got back from my daughter's dance competition in the airport waiting for the flight. she's talking how crowded it was and worrying if someone from the there might have had coronavirus.

Her: I hope we don't have to get clorantined.

Daughter: Are you serious right now?

Her: yes, it's pretty scary

Daughter: CLORantined!!!?

Me: (sending myself a note to add it to the list)

 

 

That's where they quarantine you and douse you with Clorox just to be sure.

1 hour ago, smoothlonghorn said:

Previously my wife became so interested in my interest in Shaggy/Surly, she started reading some threads, including this one. After these gems last night, she told me I was cleared to post:

Me: Gives overview of the Corona thread and general escalation of craziness/outbreak

Her: "I don't know why we're not just giving people the Corona shot?" Me (having not heard anything about this): "What?!? There's a shot for Coronavirus?!?" Her: "Well, yeah, we've been giving it to dogs for years!" (yes, folks, there is a Canine Coronavirus vaccine/shot, and yes, that was the thinking here). And later...

 

Me: Gives overview of the crazy Corey Feldman situation and movie "showing" allegedly detailing the abuse of him and Corey Haim

Her: "Huh. Well, has Corey Haim said what he thinks about all of this?" Me: "I give up"

I'm calling my vet first thing in the morning 

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NWBuck

NWBuck 8,558

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13 hours ago, El Diablo said:

I don't know. I know a buddy of mine tried it a dozen or so years back and he said all he got was a massive headache.

Huh. When I tried it earlier this year, I didn't notice anything other than my Tesla wouldn't start up. 

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10,087

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Sweater Gawd almost had to throat punch her yesterday. The Summerwood H-E-B is out of shit paper, including her favorite brand. I tell her to just go online, Amazon, Walmart, Target and just find some. Well none of those have her brand and roll size, so she calls me panicked. Even in a time of crazy she doesn’t have sense to just buy whatever is available.

Next she got my mom involved. And her being an old person with a Sams card, just happened to have an extra case that we could have. Damned if I drive 2 hours just for a case of TP.

Besides I got an emergency stash in my bathroom upstairs.

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AM Wood

AM Wood 335

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1 minute ago, Brothahorn said:

Sweater Gawd almost had to throat punch her yesterday. The Summerwood H-E-B is out of shit paper, including her favorite brand. I tell her to just go online, Amazon, Walmart, Target and just find some. Well none of those have her brand and roll size, so she calls me panicked. Even in a time of crazy she doesn’t have sense to just buy whatever is available.

Next she got my mom involved. And her being an old person with a Sams card, just happened to have an extra case that we could have. Damned if I drive 2 hours just for a case of TP.

Besides I got an emergency stash in my bathroom upstairs.

Please enlighten me; why do you need to load up on toilet paper for the ‘rona?

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deadshank

deadshank 24,652

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2 minutes ago, Brothahorn said:

Sweater Gawd almost had to throat punch her yesterday. The Summerwood H-E-B is out of shit paper, including her favorite brand. I tell her to just go online, Amazon, Walmart, Target and just find some. Well none of those have her brand and roll size, so she calls me panicked. Even in a time of crazy she doesn’t have sense to just buy whatever is available.

Next she got my mom involved. And her being an old person with a Sams card, just happened to have an extra case that we could have. Damned if I drive 2 hours just for a case of TP.

Besides I got an emergency stash in my bathroom upstairs.

But you were apart from her for 2 hours.  That was beyond price. 

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Nivek

Nivek 16,928

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Wife is getting on one of the kids about picking up after himself as I exit the shitter. I walk into kitchen and see a pineapple half cut up, knife and cutting board still out, egg residue on the oven cook top, and dishes in the sink.

I made a comment to her about modeling behaviors and she got all defensive because she was folding laundry in another room, it wasn’t as if she was staring at her phone.

I walked into our bedroom there are 4 shirts of hers folded and the bed was made. Of course her shirts were on the bed not put away.

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11,671

Posted
Posted
1 minute ago, BurntEyes said:

I'm a tad OCD and I could not fucking handle it.

But this isn't Nahm and there are rules, or in short, pics or it didn't happen.

Not happening today.(out of concern for my Johnson and its use in the next month or so)

I will get to it when I can.

No way I can pull off photos right now, as she is tacitly aware of this thread and despises being a topic.

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Incredulity

Incredulity 11,671

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1 minute ago, BurntEyes said:

Husbands and the stupid shit they do.

 

I know.  She only knows about it because at some point some fellow sufferer’s post had me in tears as she watched Hallmark movies on some random week night.  

I blanked and couldn’t come up with believable cover story. 

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Js1

Js1 85,327

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2 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

I would have to fix that... Immediately. "Marry" those fuckers.

Of course, questions will be asked, new bottles will be bought, but I couldn't stop myself.

Marry the detergents

Divorce the wife 

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Brothahorn

Brothahorn 10,087

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I would have to fix that... Immediately. "Marry" those fuckers.
Of course, questions will be asked, new bottles will be bought, but I couldn't stop myself.

Same shit different product. There are at least 3 bags of tide pods and something random like arm & hammer always open.
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