Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[Knoxtnhorn 5976]

4 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

21?  I wouldn't have been anywhere with my family beyond 24 hours at 21.  

Yep.  I had ACL knee surgery in Dallas while in college.  Drove a standard RX7.  "Risked' my life driving back to Austin about 6 days after the surgery.

[TrashMaster G 17557]

13 hours ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

kept reading, wtf are whatburger leftovers? 

Seriously, man.  That's like talking about chocolate pickles or aggy championships.

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

I can tell I'm not going to make it through quarantine.  The wife spent all last week complaining how overblown the virus thing was and how stupid the panicky shoppers were.  Then slowly all the other stupid wives on her best friends text chain started texting about getting groceries, medicine, TP, etc.  Then she turned into overly crazy shopper.  I told her to limit her store visits and just get the necessities.  

She came home with a car full of shit.  I asked where she went and she had gone to Tom Thumb, Target (3X), Wal Mart, Sams, dog food store, "and a few other places."

 

AG:  Why did you go to Target three times?
Mrs. AG:  I forgot to get a butternut squash.
AG:  What other stores did you go to?
Mrs. AG:  I went in to the skateboard shop next door, look I got you a pair of shoes!!!! (I am 40 and have never skateboarded)
AG:  That's a necessity?  What's in the other bags?
Mrs. AG:  I also went to the liquor store (she doesn't drink liquor, and I told her to stop buying me liquor because she buys shit and I'm trying to clear out some space in my bar area, but gave her the benefit of the doubt)
AG:  Ok, liquor sounds good, what did you get?
Mrs. AG:  LOOK!!! (she proudly pulls out a bottle of "moonshine" that is just flavored grain alcohol in a fake mason jar)
AG:  Why would you get that, you'll never drink it?
Mrs. AG:  Oh god no I'm not drinking that.
AG:  Have you ever seen me drink moonshine, or anything other than scotch or whiskey?  Why would you get that?
Mrs. AG:  Look at the flavor!!!  It sounds so gross!!!  Butter toffee moonshine, can you imagine??

At that point I just shook my head and walked out.  I came back later to get a whiskey drink and found 4 bottles of "moonshine" and a bottle of peanut butter flavored whiskey.

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

I can tell I'm not going to make it through quarantine.  The wife spent all last week complaining how overblown the virus thing was and how stupid the panicky shoppers were.  Then slowly all the other stupid wives on her best friends text chain started texting about getting groceries, medicine, TP, etc.  Then she turned into overly crazy shopper.  I told her to limit her store visits and just get the necessities.  
She came home with a car full of shit.  I asked where she went and she had gone to Tom Thumb, Target (3X), Wal Mart, Sams, dog food store, "and a few other places."
 
AG:  Why did you go to Target three times?
Mrs. AG:  I forgot to get a butternut squash.
AG:  What other stores did you go to?
Mrs. AG:  I went in to the skateboard shop next door, look I got you a pair of shoes!!!! (I am 40 and have never skateboarded)
AG:  That's a necessity?  What's in the other bags?
Mrs. AG:  I also went to the liquor store (she doesn't drink liquor, and I told her to stop buying me liquor because she buys shit and I'm trying to clear out some space in my bar area, but gave her the benefit of the doubt)
AG:  Ok, liquor sounds good, what did you get?
Mrs. AG:  LOOK!!! (she proudly pulls out a bottle of "moonshine" that is just flavored grain alcohol in a fake mason jar)
AG:  Why would you get that, you'll never drink it?
Mrs. AG:  Oh god no I'm not drinking that.
AG:  Have you ever seen me drink moonshine, or anything other than scotch or whiskey?  Why would you get that?
Mrs. AG:  Look at the flavor!!!  It sounds so gross!!!  Butter toffee moonshine, can you imagine??
At that point I just shook my head and walked out.  I came back later to get a whiskey drink and found 4 bottles of "moonshine" and a bottle of peanut butter flavored whiskey.

[NAVY 6740]

17 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Peanut butter whiskey... Do not want but please report back

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

Part of me wants to throw all of these away.  Another part of me wants to drink them all and let her deal with what an asshole I will become.

[SilasCoade 2622]

I feel so much better about my shit after seeing angry gorilla's post.

[deadshank 24653]

38 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I can tell I'm not going to make it through quarantine.  The wife spent all last week complaining how overblown the virus thing was and how stupid the panicky shoppers were.  Then slowly all the other stupid wives on her best friends text chain started texting about getting groceries, medicine, TP, etc.  Then she turned into overly crazy shopper.  I told her to limit her store visits and just get the necessities.  

She came home with a car full of shit.  I asked where she went and she had gone to Tom Thumb, Target (3X), Wal Mart, Sams, dog food store, "and a few other places."

 

AG:  Why did you go to Target three times?
Mrs. AG:  I forgot to get a butternut squash.
AG:  What other stores did you go to?
Mrs. AG:  I went in to the skateboard shop next door, look I got you a pair of shoes!!!! (I am 40 and have never skateboarded)
AG:  That's a necessity?  What's in the other bags?
Mrs. AG:  I also went to the liquor store (she doesn't drink liquor, and I told her to stop buying me liquor because she buys shit and I'm trying to clear out some space in my bar area, but gave her the benefit of the doubt)
AG:  Ok, liquor sounds good, what did you get?
Mrs. AG:  LOOK!!! (she proudly pulls out a bottle of "moonshine" that is just flavored grain alcohol in a fake mason jar)
AG:  Why would you get that, you'll never drink it?
Mrs. AG:  Oh god no I'm not drinking that.
AG:  Have you ever seen me drink moonshine, or anything other than scotch or whiskey?  Why would you get that?
Mrs. AG:  Look at the flavor!!!  It sounds so gross!!!  Butter toffee moonshine, can you imagine??

At that point I just shook my head and walked out.  I came back later to get a whiskey drink and found 4 bottles of "moonshine" and a bottle of peanut butter flavored whiskey.

So you're going to be an over 40, flavored moonshine-infused radical non-skate boarding dude sporting a new pair of checkered Vans around the house for 14 days?

Finominile.  

I salute you.

[luke duke 6413]

24 minutes ago, NAVY said:

Peanut butter whiskey... Do not want but please report back

 

One isn't too bad, but it isn't something that you would drink all night.

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

13 minutes ago, luke duke said:

One isn't too bad, but it isn't something that you would drink all night.

How do I drink it?

Neat?
On the rocks?
Mixed with Yoohoo?
As a shot with a jelly chaser?

[luke duke 6413]

2 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

How do I drink it?

Neat?
On the rocks?
Mixed with Yoohoo?
As a shot with a jelly chaser?

Yes

Edited March 18, 2020 by luke duke

[Pato del Muerto 52499]

3 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

How do I drink it?

Neat?
On the rocks?
Mixed with Yoohoo?
As a shot with a jelly chaser?

Mix with banana schnapps and shoot it, give it an Elvis name like the TCB or the King. 

[CycleTex87 2970]

1 hour ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I can't imagine the hangover I would have after consuming any of this crap.  Holy smoke.

[NAVY 6740]

I bet the peanut butter whiskey shits are fun 

[Incredulity 11674]

Quote

Mrs. AG:  I went in to the skateboard shop next door, look I got you a pair of shoes!!!! (I am 40 and have never skateboarded)

Beautiful.  My wife to a T.

[DCA_HORN 725]

So pinterest started a liquor brand?

[Incredulity 11674]

11 minutes ago, DCA_HORN said:

1 hour ago, Angry Gorilla said:

So pinterest started a liquor brand?

I would imagine there was a sampler at the liquor store and they hit it off about ship-lap and other pinterest shit.

[markstanco 12577]

pickled moonshine.

[deadshank 24653]

31 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Mix with banana schnapps and shoot it, give it an Elvis name like the TCB or the King. 

Yabba dabba do, the King is gone and so are you.

[davidg 4038]

Buddy made a batch of apple pie and a batch of banana moonshine.  Would try that apple pie but  fuck all things associated with a cucumber.

[AM Wood 335]

38 minutes ago, DCA_HORN said:

1 hour ago, Angry Gorilla said:

So pinterest started a liquor brand?

this. she bought it because it would look pretty in the liquor cabinet.

[lateshow 1304]

Screwball Peanut Butter Whisky is really good. Drink it neat. I agree, though, that you don't want to drink it all night. 

[Jameslaw121 4448]

I have a wife that may not put out and a dog that loves peanut butter. I may just need to test this out

[tbone_ 14123]

I bet the peanut butter whiskey shits are fun 

Best band name of the year.

[Upgrayedd 5812]

1 minute ago, tbone_ said:

Best band name of the year.

Saw them at Yucca Tap Room one night.

[Modessit 5601]

Cross post from the CV thread:

[ztejas 43452]

3 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I've had the moonshine cherries before. They're interesting. 

[Upgrayedd 5812]

12 minutes ago, Modessit said:

Cross post from the CV thread:

JFC

[AM Wood 335]

It’s people like that slug that will assure the most amount of people will die from this. I hope she dies in an aids related fire. 

[WhatTheBuck 28781]

3 minutes ago, AM Wood said:

It’s people like that slug that will assure the most amount of people will die from this. I hope she dies in an aids related fire. 

Her husband deserves the same. Or worse. 

[HenryJames 66055]

4 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

1 hour ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I have a wife that may not put out and a dog that loves peanut butter. I may just need to test this out

A little peanut butter whiskey on the dong might solve your wife problem

[TrashMaster G 17557]

5 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I can tell I'm not going to make it through quarantine.  The wife spent all last week complaining how overblown the virus thing was and how stupid the panicky shoppers were.  Then slowly all the other stupid wives on her best friends text chain started texting about getting groceries, medicine, TP, etc.  Then she turned into overly crazy shopper.  I told her to limit her store visits and just get the necessities.  

She came home with a car full of shit.  I asked where she went and she had gone to Tom Thumb, Target (3X), Wal Mart, Sams, dog food store, "and a few other places."

 

AG:  Why did you go to Target three times?
Mrs. AG:  I forgot to get a butternut squash.
AG:  What other stores did you go to?
Mrs. AG:  I went in to the skateboard shop next door, look I got you a pair of shoes!!!! (I am 40 and have never skateboarded)
AG:  That's a necessity?  What's in the other bags?
Mrs. AG:  I also went to the liquor store (she doesn't drink liquor, and I told her to stop buying me liquor because she buys shit and I'm trying to clear out some space in my bar area, but gave her the benefit of the doubt)
AG:  Ok, liquor sounds good, what did you get?
Mrs. AG:  LOOK!!! (she proudly pulls out a bottle of "moonshine" that is just flavored grain alcohol in a fake mason jar)
AG:  Why would you get that, you'll never drink it?
Mrs. AG:  Oh god no I'm not drinking that.
AG:  Have you ever seen me drink moonshine, or anything other than scotch or whiskey?  Why would you get that?
Mrs. AG:  Look at the flavor!!!  It sounds so gross!!!  Butter toffee moonshine, can you imagine??

At that point I just shook my head and walked out.  I came back later to get a whiskey drink and found 4 bottles of "moonshine" and a bottle of peanut butter flavored whiskey.

So, your wife is one of those idiots responsible for clearing out the grocery stores?

So sorry, man.

[HOOKEM4 5037]

This doesnt belong here but sometimes you have to applaud your wife on her dumb luck. I quit drinking save for the random drink when we go out to eat here and there. We are self preventative quarantined and I had been quietly thinking a beer or 2 would be nice while I am just sitting around at night. She ordered heb delivery and got me a case of beer without asking me. They delivered 2 cases and only charged us for 1. 

Edited March 19, 2020 by HOOKEM4

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

So, your wife is one of those idiots responsible for clearing out the grocery stores?
So sorry, man.

Not really. She didn’t get anything useful like pasta, rice, toilet paper, hand sanitizer, etc. but if there is a shortage of skateboarding shoes or butternut squashes then I’m in the clear.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Dennis Taylor 18828]

I was introduced to butternut squash a couple months ago. 

I fucking hate butternut squash 

[Mo Horn 8843]

3 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

I was introduced to butternut squash a couple months ago. 

I fucking hate butternut squash 

How can you not like roasted butternut squash? Olive oil, salt, pepper, and roast until caramelized. 

[Pato del Muerto 52499]

I like me some butternut squash. Spaghetti squash too but it’s not worth the effort

[mulletpelini 5211]

7 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I can tell I'm not going to make it through quarantine.  The wife spent all last week complaining how overblown the virus thing was and how stupid the panicky shoppers were.  Then slowly all the other stupid wives on her best friends text chain started texting about getting groceries, medicine, TP, etc.  Then she turned into overly crazy shopper.  I told her to limit her store visits and just get the necessities.  

She came home with a car full of shit.  I asked where she went and she had gone to Tom Thumb, Target (3X), Wal Mart, Sams, dog food store, "and a few other places."

 

AG:  Why did you go to Target three times?
Mrs. AG:  I forgot to get a butternut squash.
AG:  What other stores did you go to?
Mrs. AG:  I went in to the skateboard shop next door, look I got you a pair of shoes!!!! (I am 40 and have never skateboarded)
AG:  That's a necessity?  What's in the other bags?
Mrs. AG:  I also went to the liquor store (she doesn't drink liquor, and I told her to stop buying me liquor because she buys shit and I'm trying to clear out some space in my bar area, but gave her the benefit of the doubt)
AG:  Ok, liquor sounds good, what did you get?
Mrs. AG:  LOOK!!! (she proudly pulls out a bottle of "moonshine" that is just flavored grain alcohol in a fake mason jar)
AG:  Why would you get that, you'll never drink it?
Mrs. AG:  Oh god no I'm not drinking that.
AG:  Have you ever seen me drink moonshine, or anything other than scotch or whiskey?  Why would you get that?
Mrs. AG:  Look at the flavor!!!  It sounds so gross!!!  Butter toffee moonshine, can you imagine??

At that point I just shook my head and walked out.  I came back later to get a whiskey drink and found 4 bottles of "moonshine" and a bottle of peanut butter flavored whiskey.

Thanks for the ex-wife PTSD trigger asshole

[SilasCoade 2622]

1 hour ago, Dennis Taylor said:

I was introduced to butternut squash a couple months ago. 

I fucking hate butternut squash 

my man

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

13 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Her husband deserves the same. Or worse. 

Looking at her face seems like cruel and  unusual punishment.

[After irth 1243]

18 hours ago, Angry Gorilla said:

I can tell I'm not going to make it through quarantine.  The wife spent all last week complaining how overblown the virus thing was and how stupid the panicky shoppers were.  Then slowly all the other stupid wives on her best friends text chain started texting about getting groceries, medicine, TP, etc.  Then she turned into overly crazy shopper.  I told her to limit her store visits and just get the necessities.  

She came home with a car full of shit.  I asked where she went and she had gone to Tom Thumb, Target (3X), Wal Mart, Sams, dog food store, "and a few other places."

 

AG:  Why did you go to Target three times?
Mrs. AG:  I forgot to get a butternut squash.
AG:  What other stores did you go to?
Mrs. AG:  I went in to the skateboard shop next door, look I got you a pair of shoes!!!! (I am 40 and have never skateboarded)
AG:  That's a necessity?  What's in the other bags?
Mrs. AG:  I also went to the liquor store (she doesn't drink liquor, and I told her to stop buying me liquor because she buys shit and I'm trying to clear out some space in my bar area, but gave her the benefit of the doubt)
AG:  Ok, liquor sounds good, what did you get?
Mrs. AG:  LOOK!!! (she proudly pulls out a bottle of "moonshine" that is just flavored grain alcohol in a fake mason jar)
AG:  Why would you get that, you'll never drink it?
Mrs. AG:  Oh god no I'm not drinking that.
AG:  Have you ever seen me drink moonshine, or anything other than scotch or whiskey?  Why would you get that?
Mrs. AG:  Look at the flavor!!!  It sounds so gross!!!  Butter toffee moonshine, can you imagine??

At that point I just shook my head and walked out.  I came back later to get a whiskey drink and found 4 bottles of "moonshine" and a bottle of peanut butter flavored whiskey.

She shops at a dedicated dog food store?

[CycleTex87 2970]

26 minutes ago, After irth said:

She shops at a dedicated dog food store?

Dog health food. 

[TrashMaster G 17557]

1 hour ago, CycleTex87 said:

Dog health food. 

Vegan sustainable fair trade dog health food.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

27 minutes ago, TrashMaster G said:

Vegan sustainable fair trade dog health food.

On sale, though.

[Angry Gorilla 1768]

2 hours ago, After irth said:

She shops at a dedicated dog food store?

Yes.  She can get trash food from Walmart and Target for us to eat, but nothing but the best for the dogs.

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

Well when things get really tough you can always eat the dogs

[Jameslaw121 4448]

I've lived with my wife for almost 6 years now. We have never not had butternut squash in our house. We have also yet to eat butternut squash.

 

It's literally been something I've thrown away every month for 72 straight months only to be replaced again. It's my Sisyphus.

Edited March 19, 2020 by Jameslaw121

[NeverMarryAStripper 21907]

I'm not really sure that qualifies as being Sisyphean.  While throwing away the butternut squash may be futile, it doesn't really seem very laborious.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

6 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

I'm not really sure that qualifies as being Sisyphean.  While throwing away the butternut squash may be futile, it doesn't really seem very laborious.

Reading this post was laborious. 

It counts.