Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

[tbone_ 14147]

Outstanding

[Dennis Taylor 18853]

20 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I've lived with my wife for almost 6 years now. We have never not had butternut squash in our house. We have also yet to eat butternut squash.

 

It's literally been something I've thrown away every month for 72 straight months only to be replaced again. It's my Sisyphus.

You can give it to @Mo Horn or @Pato del Muerto , apparently they tolerate that shit 

[You don't know me 1161]

17 hours ago, Modessit said:

Cross post from the CV thread:

Without having seen the mask, I still feel confident in saying that she's gonna need a bigger one.

[Pato del Muerto 52571]

51 minutes ago, Jameslaw121 said:

I've lived with my wife for almost 6 years now. We have never not had butternut squash in our house. We have also yet to eat butternut squash.

 

It's literally been something I've thrown away every month for 72 straight months only to be replaced again. It's my Sisyphus.

Hey emeril, cut it half lengthwise, hit it with some pepper and olive oil, and bake for about half an hour. Then eat it. 

[G650 14273]

2 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Hey emeril, cut it half lengthwise, hit it with some pepper and olive oil, and bake for about half an hour. Then eat it. 

Dude. Cut in half, hollow a little out, put in half stick of butter and brown sugar and roast.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

36 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

Without having seen the mask, I still feel confident in saying that she's gonna need a bigger one.

Odds are it's a pie tin with duct tape.

[eljinca 279]

We have a new infant and are staying in as much as possible. I asked my wife to send me a list of groceries she wanted me to order from Whole Foods for delivery to tide us over for the weekend. She said she couldn't do that.

I asked why. She said she needed to browse and couldn't come up with groceries off the top of her head.

I gave her my laptop to "browse" and add groceries to the cart and I would supplement after she was finished.

An hour later it was returned with the following essentials: one box of Fig Newman cookies, one box of fudge strip cookies, one box of chocolate covered graham crackers, one bag of salt and vinegar chips and two mangoes. That's it. That's her list of groceries for the week. 

[hullabelew 3724]

18 minutes ago, eljinca said:

We have a new infant and are staying in as much as possible. I asked my wife to send me a list of groceries she wanted me to order from Whole Foods for delivery to tide us over for the weekend. She said she couldn't do that.

I asked why. She said she needed to browse and couldn't come up with groceries off the top of her head.

I gave her my laptop to "browse" and add groceries to the cart and I would supplement after she was finished.

An hour later it was returned with the following essentials: one box of Fig Newman cookies, one box of fudge strip cookies, one box of chocolate covered graham crackers, one bag of salt and vinegar chips and two mangoes. That's it. That's her list of groceries for the week. 

Welcome young patriot.  Welcome to this thread.  You can find comfort here.  

[lateshow 1305]

Wife and I went grocery shopping on Saturday. The back of the Tahoe was full of groceries. Well, I guess i pulled into the neighborhood a little too fast for her liking. 

Mrs. Lateshow: Whoa, slow down and quit driving like Houdini!

Edited March 19, 2020 by lateshow

[nnm 36568]

Houdini?  Are you driving it handcuffed, while escaping?

[lateshow 1305]

12 minutes ago, nnm said:

Houdini?  Are you driving it handcuffed, while escaping?

I'm very talented. 

[Angry Gorilla 1769]

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Odds are it's a pie tin with duct tape.

With the pie still in it

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

We have a new infant and are staying in as much as possible. I asked my wife to send me a list of groceries she wanted me to order from Whole Foods for delivery to tide us over for the weekend. She said she couldn't do that.
I asked why. She said she needed to browse and couldn't come up with groceries off the top of her head.
I gave her my laptop to "browse" and add groceries to the cart and I would supplement after she was finished.
An hour later it was returned with the following essentials: one box of Fig Newman cookies, one box of fudge strip cookies, one box of chocolate covered graham crackers, one bag of salt and vinegar chips and two mangoes. That's it. That's her list of groceries for the week. 

I hope it’s lays salt and vinegar at least

[SilasCoade 2622]

5 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:

I hope it’s lays salt and vinegar at least

Did you miss the humble brag part about whole foods?

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3868]

On 3/14/2020 at 9:14 PM, Incredulity said:

***resisting temptation to post photo of 4 half-full Heinz ketchup bottles in the refrigerator.***

 

You could really blow her mind by telling her vinegar based condiments don't need refrigeration.

[Mitch Cumsteen 18551]

On 3/18/2020 at 1:58 PM, Llogg said:

I feel so much better about my shit after seeing angry gorilla's post.

I don't.

[ShaggyBevo RIP 3868]

On 3/15/2020 at 11:41 PM, Sam Lin said:

Should leave the empties in there to take up that space on the right. Otherwise she'll have to buy more to fill the space.

With a quarter inch left in each.

[Pato del Muerto 52571]

2 hours ago, lateshow said:

Wife and I went grocery shopping on Saturday. The back of the Tahoe was full of groceries. Well, I guess i pulled into the neighborhood a little too fast for her liking. 

Mrs. Lateshow: Whoa, slow down and quit driving like Houdini!

So are we thinking Andretti was the attempt here?

[You don't know me 1161]

2 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So are we thinking Andretti was the attempt here?

Watch your tone.

[Shoxthemonkey 1982]

11 minutes ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So are we thinking Andretti was the attempt here?

Zanardi

[Player 4576]

Zamboni

[Incredulity 11682]

56 minutes ago, ShaggyBevo RIP said:

You could really blow her mind by telling her vinegar based condiments don't need refrigeration.

Well that would be logic, and I’m dealing with a woman so...

[thunderlounge 7913]

1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I don't.

Well yeah, but you’re in a completely different circle of hell. 

[Dennis Taylor 18853]

1 hour ago, Llogg said:

Did you miss the humble brag part about whole foods?

Is that what that was? 

[MNLonghornFUKM 8817]

Did you miss the humble brag part about whole foods?

Maybe whole foods makes an exception for lays s&v

[Reagan1k 3024]

Buddy's wife is telling everyone she knows that since interest rates are now 0%, she's looking to borrow $1mil to buy vacation property to VRBO

She "saw it on the news" and can't be persuaded otherwise. 

He's decided to tell her to go for it as long as she can get it at 0% and is going to let her go see their banker.

[You don't know me 1161]

42 minutes ago, Player said:

Zamboni

Probably that pederast Hanrahan.

[Cheeseweasel 26438]

1 minute ago, Reagan1k said:

Buddy's wife is telling everyone she knows that since interest rates are now 0%, she's looking to borrow $1mil to buy vacation property to VRBO

She "saw it on the news" and can't be persuaded otherwise. 

He's decided to tell her to go for it as long as she can get it at 0% and is going to let her go see their banker.

I'm guessing she thinks that 0% means principal and interest. 

[Reagan1k 3024]

Just now, Cheeseweasel said:

I'm guessing she thinks that 0% means principal and interest. 

If she can personally borrow at the Fed funds rate, why would would you think she'd be required to make any principal payment?  

[lateshow 1305]

1 hour ago, Pato del Muerto said:

So are we thinking Andretti was the attempt here?

Buddy, I've long quit trying to decipher the true meaning behind the things she says. 

[ABSR 5321]

On 3/18/2020 at 2:05 PM, luke duke said:

One isn't too bad, but it isn't something that you would drink all night.

 

On 3/18/2020 at 2:20 PM, Angry Gorilla said:

How do I drink it?

Neat?
On the rocks?
Mixed with Yoohoo?
As a shot with a jelly chaser?

With all these options, good thing she got a handle!

[wd40 1976]

5 hours ago, eljinca said:

We have a new infant and are staying in as much as possible. I asked my wife to send me a list of groceries she wanted me to order from Whole Foods for delivery to tide us over for the weekend. She said she couldn't do that.

I asked why. She said she needed to browse and couldn't come up with groceries off the top of her head.

I gave her my laptop to "browse" and add groceries to the cart and I would supplement after she was finished.

An hour later it was returned with the following essentials: one box of Fig Newman cookies, one box of fudge strip cookies, one box of chocolate covered graham crackers, one bag of salt and vinegar chips and two mangoes. That's it. That's her list of groceries for the week. 

triggered by fudge-striped cookies reference

 

 

 

[Angry Gorilla 1769]

Against my better judgement, I broke into the peanut butter whiskey.

Serving #1: Neat



It smells like the rotten peanut you get when you are eating peanuts out the shell and you have to eat another one quickly to get the taste out of your mouth.

The initial taste is the fake sweet peanut butter found in Reese’s, but with a lot more sugar. Following that is a distinct taste of rubber.

[Trey3216 15352]

5 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Against my better judgement, I broke into the peanut butter whiskey.

Serving #1: Neat



It smells like the rotten peanut you get when you are eating peanuts out the shell and you have to eat another one quickly to get the taste out of your mouth.

The initial taste is the fake sweet peanut butter found in Reese’s, but with a lot more sugar. Following that is a distinct taste of rubber.

What a helluva time to be alive.   

[PhillyD 1257]

43 minutes ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Against my better judgement, I broke into the peanut butter whiskey.

Serving #1: Neat



It smells like the rotten peanut you get when you are eating peanuts out the shell and you have to eat another one quickly to get the taste out of your mouth.

The initial taste is the fake sweet peanut butter found in Reese’s, but with a lot more sugar. Following that is a distinct taste of rubber.

repped for bravery. 

 You should keep drinking (and crank up the drunk thread again)until you get the peanut butter farts and report how Mrs. AG feels about those.

Edited March 20, 2020 by PhillyD

[Angry Gorilla 1769]

Serving #2: On the rocks



Not surprisingly it tastes very similar to serving #1, but colder. But somehow the ice and tiny bit of water really bring out the sweetness. It’s like I took a spoonful of peanut butter then dipped it into Fun Dip.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2739]

Wife and I went grocery shopping on Saturday. The back of the Tahoe was full of groceries. Well, I guess i pulled into the neighborhood a little too fast for her liking. 
Mrs. Lateshow: Whoa, slow down and quit driving like Houdini!

She’s thinking of the rapper. Easy mix up there.

[Angry Gorilla 1769]

Serving #3: Mixed with Coke



To be honest this tastes the exact same as on the rocks. I used to use Coke to mix with cheap whiskey when I was poor. It does nothing to cover up the taste. I also feel that I’ve hit my daily suggested caloric intake after these 3 drinks.

[luke duke 6414]

Screwball Peanut Butter Whisky is really good. Drink it neat. I agree, though, that you don't want to drink it all night. 

This is the kind that I had as well. It definitely tastes better than the off brand described above.

[Angry Gorilla 1769]

Serving #4: as a shot with strawberry jelly



I should have used the jelly as a chaser. It was thicker and sunk to bottom so when I took the shot the peanut awfulness came first, which caused me to gag a little before the jelly fell into my mouth. Trying to swallow a thick liquid while trying not to puke is hard (that’s what she said)

[WhatTheBuck 28797]

6 hours ago, eljinca said:

We have a new infant and are staying in as much as possible. I asked my wife to send me a list of groceries she wanted me to order from Whole Foods for delivery to tide us over for the weekend. She said she couldn't do that.

I asked why. She said she needed to browse and couldn't come up with groceries off the top of her head.

I gave her my laptop to "browse" and add groceries to the cart and I would supplement after she was finished.

An hour later it was returned with the following essentials: one box of Fig Newman cookies, one box of fudge strip cookies, one box of chocolate covered graham crackers, one bag of salt and vinegar chips and two mangoes. That's it. That's her list of groceries for the week. 

Those Fig Newmans can be quite filling. 

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2739]

Serving #4: as a shot with strawberry jelly



I should have used the jelly as a chaser. It was thicker and sunk to bottom so when I took the shot the peanut awfulness came first, which caused me to gag a little before the jelly fell into my mouth. Trying to swallow a thick liquid while trying not to puke is hard (that’s what she said)

When I asked a guy at the liquor store about Screwballs he told me girls had mixed it with chambord and frangelica to make PB&J shots.

[Angry Gorilla 1769]

When I asked a guy at the liquor store about Screwballs he told me girls had mixed it with chambord and frangelica to make PB&J shots.

I wish I had those mixers, but I am having to MacGuyver this shit with what I have.

[Angry Gorilla 1769]

Serving #5: As a shot with grape jelly chaser



This has been the best so far. It still feels like getting hit in the face with a sock full of nickels when the whiskey hits my mouth, but the jelly did a decent job of covering it up. I do feel I might be doing irreparable damage to my taste buds.

[Angry Gorilla 1769]

Serving #6: mixed with GNC Lean Shake powder, chocolate flavor.



This is the only chocolate anything I could find, and I’m pretty sure it expired over a year ago. This has been the best so far, but I think a full scoop was too much. I might also be starting to hallucinate.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2739]

Lulz. Let me know how daddy duty is tomorrow morning.

[WhatTheBuck 28797]

31 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

When I asked a guy at the liquor store about Screwballs he told me girls had mixed it with chambord and frangelica to make PB&J shots.

And then they stripped down to their underwear and had a pillow fight. 

[Fudge Nuggets 19211]

Holy shit, these live updates are great.

[Trey3216 15352]

1 hour ago, Angry Gorilla said:

Serving #2: On the rocks



Not surprisingly it tastes very similar to serving #1, but colder. But somehow the ice and tiny bit of water really bring out the sweetness. It’s like I took a spoonful of peanut butter then dipped it into Fun Dip.

You have enough TP for the peanut butter shits?

[Angry Gorilla 1769]

Serving #7: As a shot with a banana shot luge



As expected the banana did little to mask the overwhelming sweet flavor. Eating the banana after did nothing. I’m starting to question my life choices. And why am I still wearing a rain poncho when I haven’t been outside in 3 hours?